Authors: Lea J.
“
No, he doesn’t have anything to do with this, this is about me and you.” Ryder is already standing beside our table, giving Noah an angry look, then dropping his gaze to our entwined hands. I quickly let go of Noah’s hand and put mine in my lap. Noah stares at Ryder, anger enveloping him.
“
You just can’t stand me having a girlfriend, huh? I can’t believe this is happening again.” They start arguing loudly. Noah gets up, and now they’re angrily facing each other. They call each other names, pushing and shoving. I beg them to stop and calm down, but my pleas fall on deaf ears.
“
Okay, carry on if you want to, I don’t want to have anything to do with this. I’m leaving.” I turn around and leave the café. “Shit, what have I done?” I say to myself as I’m walking toward the entrance of my building.
Ryder
The other customers in the café are giving us ugly looks for being very loud, and we just knocked the sugar off the table when Noah shoved me. Aaliyah is begging us to stop, but we’re stubborn and both want to show we’re better than the other. A couple of moments later, I hear her leaving. I turn after her to stop her when I feel a nasty punch to my cheek, and I drop to the floor. Running my hand over the hurt spot, I angrily look up at Noah, who is shaking his head. I quickly get up and run after Aaliyah with Noah right at my heels. We both call after her at the same time, and Aaliyah stops. She’s still with her back to us as we approach, but slowly turns around, tears running down her delicate cheeks.
Why is she crying?
I extend my arm to wipe her tears, but she raises her hand to stop me. She shakes her head.
“
I’m sorry,” she
begins,
but I interrupt her.
“
Hey, don’t cry…”
“
Let me finish,” she says, sniffing. A car drives past us, honking because we’re practically standing in the middle of the road, and parks in the parking lot near us. “I didn’t want for any of this to happen,” she points at our faces, a few fresh cuts on them. “To come between two friends and cause conflicts. Please, don’t do this, I’m not worth it. I’m really sorry. Don’t fight because of me.” She turns around again and leaves.
“
Aaliyah,” I say in a low voice, Noah also calls after her. Without turning around she waves her hand at us.
“
Leave me alone
, get
away from me,” she responds before stepping through the large university door.
Chapter 9
Aaliyah
I stand in front of the mirror, grab a towel and wipe my face that I just freshened with water. After the fight with Ryder and Noah, I went to classes, but I couldn’t focus, so I left the classroom. Now, I’m here in the bathroom, feeling sorry for myself. Everyone is still in class at this time so I’m alone, which suits me, because I need some peace and quiet to clear my thoughts. Ugh, why didn’t I tell Noah the truth in the beginning—now he’s angry at me, and his friendship with Ryder is in jeopardy. I don’t know why Noah thinks Ryder has anything to do with me not wanting to be with him. It’s true there’s something about Ryder I find intriguing. Some strange force is pulling me to him, I’m attracted to him like a magnet, and I have difficulties resisting its pull, but that’s not Ryder’s fault—it’s mine. The bell rings, and students’ voices fill the hallway. The bathroom door opens and a few girls come in. Paris, Scarlett and Britney are among them. They come closer to me, throwing nasty looks my way. Paris circles me and stares at me silently for some time. “Hey, girls,” I greet them, even though I can’t imagine what they want from me.
“Huh, I have no idea what Noah and Ryder see in you. The whole campus is talking about your little incident.” What? How? … Oh, the coffee shop… I knew we’d attract too much attention. “Leave Ryder alone. He’s mine.” She says and I raise an eyebrow.
“
Last I heard you two broke up, so he’s not yours. Besides, he’s not anybody’s property, and if you want to know, there’s nothing going on between us.”
“
He’ll change his mind soon, he can’t stay away from me long. It’s just how we are. He can’t resist me. Huh, who could? Look at me, and then look at you.” She puts a hand on her hip, watching me. Britney and Scarlett are still silent. “Truth be told, you wouldn’t be anything more to him than a quick lay, and I’m a keeper. You’ll see how sorry he’ll be he left me, and he’ll come crawling back in no time. It’s just a matter of time.” She replies and laughs out loud. I shake my head, waving my hand.
“
Whatever you say,” I respond and go past them. It’s like being in high school again. A bunch of brats, really. Sighing, I head home—I wouldn’t be able to concentrate enough in classes anyway, my mind is
a
million miles away.
I’m sorting through my clothes in the middle of the room. It’s about time I go to the laundromat. I stuff some underwear, three T-shirts, two pairs of pants and jogging clothes in a bag. As I pick up a pair of jeans to put in, the memory card falls out of the pocket. I bend to pick it up. I totally forgot about it when I put it in the pocket. I said I was going to check if there’s anything on it, but I didn’t have time yet. I put it on my nightstand and find the laptop Addison said I can borrow anytime I need it. Carefully turning it on, I put it on my bed while I stuff some more clothes in the bag. Once everything is ready, I take the memory card, sit on the bed with my back to the wall, put the laptop on my thighs and insert the card. It takes a while for the footage to load. Once it opens, the first thing I see is Hope, smiling at the camera and grabbing a microphone. This footage is about six months old—I remember singing this song very well. First notes of the song
Someone Like You
by
Adele
start playing on the speakers. Hope was Adele’s biggest fan and sang her songs the most. I am overwhelmed by emotions – the memory of Hope is still fresh in my mind. A tear rolls down my face. A tear which holds a lot of emotions, sadness and happy moments I spent with her. She was my anchor, my support when times were difficult and I didn’t know what to do. Now all of this is gone—the security, the trust we shared. I wipe the tears that now stream uncontrollably down my cheeks. Hope is joyfully singing Adele’s lyrics about time passing quickly, reminiscing about a failed relationship, hoping to find happiness and wishing him the best.
With my eyes closed, I
listen to Hope singing, accompanied by me as a back-up vocal. The song comes to an end, and Hope turns to the camera.
“
Aaliyah, that was awesome. We’re getting better and better.” Opening my eyes, I simply watch her, her smile, and in her blue eyes I see myself and her desire for life. Desire that was cruelly taken away from her.
“
Hope, I miss you so much. I’m sorry this happened to you. I swear I tried to do everything I could to get him locked up, but you know his influence is so
strong
no one would believe me. I’m nobody to them. They just laughed in my face at the police station when I told them what happened. They said it was the shock speaking, that I’m not thinking clearly. When Caden appeared at the station, I ran—I didn’t have any other choice. I’m sorry, I should’ve stayed, should have fought so you’d get justice. But I was so afraid. Afraid, of what he was going to do to me when we were alone, so I ran. How very brave of me, huh?” I mutter sarcastically to myself. The footage has ended and just as I am about to turn off the player I played the footage on, the image shakes. There is no more blackness, I see Hope setting the camera, looking into the lens and sitting on the bed.
Huh, I don’t remember filming this with her.
I watch with interest what she’s going to say.
“
Aaliyah,” she says on the tape, catching my attention. “First let me tell you how much I love you, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you – that’s why I’m making this tape. You are probably wondering what the hell I’m going to tell you that I couldn’t say in person. I didn’t want to put you in danger, so I kept quiet and tried to protect you from everything you’re about to hear. This memory card is your proof, your freedom, so make sure it doesn’t end up in the wrong hands if anything should happen to me. Everything started with our mother. As you know, she’s been addicted to drugs for ages and kept looking for ways to get another fix. Caden knew tha
t
and he used it to his benefit. When he lost his apartment because of his gambling debts and our mother took him in, everything started going downhill. You know how powerful Caden’s influence is, and he made sure she got her fix daily in exchange for him living under our roof for free. We both felt his fury when he was mad. But there was something else I managed to protect you from, hopefully.” I notice Hope is barely able to speak anymore, it’s difficult for her to talk about these things, and her eyes are pooling with tears. “Oh, Aaliyah, I really hope he wasn’t abusing you, too. I did everything in my power to stop him, and thankfully, I didn’t see any alarming signs that he had abused you, but I was afraid to ask for fear you would start asking questions about me. At least twice a week, while you were at school, he came to my room and locked the door. Mom was always high as a kite and had no idea. He said if I told anyone, he’d report mom for using drugs and send you to foster care. I couldn’t afford that because I didn’t want to lose you. When you turned eighteen, I didn’t want anything to jeopardize your schooling. I wanted you to finish
school and make your dreams come true. You are the only important thing in my life and I’ll do anything, ANYTHING, to protect you. As I was saying, he came to my room, locked the door and did whatever he wanted. Yes, he even raped me a few times.” I gasp, covering my mouth with my hand. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. How come I knew nothing of this? Okay, I knew Caden was violent—I had experienced that on my own skin and often had to hide the bruises so no one in school would notice—but this is a completely different story. Rapist? Drug dealer? How could I be so blind? “Anyway, I resisted one day and hit him. That was the time you came to visit me in the hospital when I said I was attacked on the street by some strangers. In fact, Caden was the one who beat me. He hit me in the head a couple of times so I fell down, then he started kicking me in the stomach brutally. For a few moments, I lost consciousness, and when I came to, he was gone. I gathered enough strength to crawl to the next street where the neighbors called the ambulance, and I was taken to the hospital. I told them I was attacked by three men and they beat me because I had nothing valuable on me. They believed me, and that was it. I was bleeding heavily as they were examining my injuries. In the end, they told me there was so much blood because I was pregnant and lost the baby when I received kicks to the stomach.” Oh my God. I feel my flesh creep, and my heart squeezes. I am so sick to my stomach I can barely hold it in and not throw up all over the laptop.
“
Why didn’t you tell me that?” I scream at the screen. “Perhaps we could’ve found the solution together!”
“
Yes, it was Caden’s baby. I didn’t even know I was pregnant until the moment they told me I had a miscarriage. I felt robbed, but at the same time relieved, because I’m not sure I could have loved the child. You know I would never consider abortion. So, after I returned from the hospital, it took me some time to put myself together. Physically I recovered quickly, but mentally, I’m still in a deep black hole. Every day I wake up in fear that I’ll find Caden in your room, lying on top of you and… I can’t even say it.” She wipes at the tears that are running uncontrollably down her cheeks. “But that’s not all, one day…”
“
Hey, Aaliyah,” Addison says as she enters the room, slams the door shut and goes to the fridge. I quickly turn off the computer, hoping she didn’t hear anything. I take the memory card out and look at Addison with a smile on my face. I hope she doesn’t notice I was crying.
“
Hi,” I respond, “I borrowed your computer, I have to write a paper. I hope you’re not mad.” She waves her hand.
“
Oh, of course not, I told you, you can take it anytime you want.” I exhale deeply, she didn’t hear anything.
“
How did it go with Noah? Did he take the truth badly?” Addison is curious, and I put my hands to my head.
“
I made a complete mess of things.”
“
Why? What happened?” We both sit down at our desks. I shift in my chair, crossing my legs Indian style.
“
Yes, I told him how I feel and that I want us to remain friends. Then Ryder showed up and now Noah thinks Ryder’s the reason I broke up with him.” She widens her eyes in surprise.
“
What? What does Ryder have to do with this? The last time I saw you two, you were fighting like cats and dogs. How is it possible that you’d break up with Noah because of Ryder?” She shakes her head, trying to imagine the situation.
“
That’s exactly what I told Noah, but he’s not listening to me. Ryder has nothing to do with that.” I tell her, dropping my gaze to the floor.
“
Wait a minute, are you hiding something from me? You and Ryder? When did that happen?” I shake my head frantically.
“
No, no, nothing is going on between us. I won’t deny that I like him—what girl wouldn’t, just look at him—but no, he’s not the reason I only see Noah as a friend.”