Before Time (The Time Trilogy Book 1) (23 page)

ME:
Of course you can’t. Do you really want to know how twenty-year-old girls behave?

Impassioned:
But I really feel like an idiot. I was blinded by my emotions and neglected the age difference. What you’ve experienced in life will not teach you about life; only “TIME” will.

Fine, maybe you are better than most twenty-year-olds, but you can’t be equivalent to a twenty-six-year-old. You must’ve heard the commonly stated theory that “Great people don’t actually say they are great” right?

ME:
Yeah, right.

Impassioned:
Let me tell you another theory that “time” taught me. “True losers will never say that they are losers.”

ME:
I don’t agree with that.

Impassioned:
We show people that we don’t trust others, we don’t believe in love, we don’t trust, and we don’t trust friendship? What all these things show about you?

ME:
Lifeless fool.

Impassioned:
We show people that we are “lifeless fools”, and then we want these same people to respect us?

ME:
You’ve got a point there.

Impassioned:
Do you think all people were betrayed by their lovers, and all the people were left alone by their friends? Maybe 2% will agree, while the rest, 98%, will think of us as losers.

Being modern and educated, we always forget a simple fact, that it doesn’t matter how much we try. The only will which is bound to happen is Allah’s will. It doesn’t matter if we try or not; we will get what we deserve, regardless of being fat, ugly, or a sinner.

ME:
I agree with that, but we can’t just sit back and believe that what happens will be Allah’s will. We need to work hard and strive so that we deserve it.

Impassioned:
If I know that in athletics, only the athletes can take part and I don’t have a capability of being an athlete, then why would I wish to be among them and disappoint myself? Why can’t we always stay in our own league, where we can always jump higher?

ME:
Now I understand what you were trying to explain.

Impassioned:
Referring to mIRC, you complained that people saw your picture and then tried to make fun of you because of you being a plus-sized girl. I ask you, WHY WOULD THEY NOT? When the first impression that you wanted to create on them was that you were some kind of hot shot, why couldn’t you stay simple?

ME:
Well, I never wanted to create such an impression. You should read between the lines to understand what I couldn’t tell you.

Impassioned:
I’m not in the state of believing you at all right now.

ME:
Well, don’t believe me, then. Suit yourself.

Impassioned:
Remember, in life those who fly higher, fall harder.

ME:
And you think I was?

Impassioned:
Only you know that.

ME:
Right.

Impassioned:
I’m not making a judgment here. You are the only one who can review and correct your errors, not me.

ME:
You have already judged me.

Impassioned:
“YOU” have to realize your importance first, in order to make people realize “YOU” come first and then others. “YOU” have to respect your own self, because “YOU” have to not think at any point of life that you have learned everything. Life will teach you every day.

YOU, YOU, YOU, not me. :)

ME:
Well, since childhood, it’s been taught to us that we should understand other people and we should put their problems before us. We should understand them, be unselfish. And well, I can’t close my eyes to other people’s pain.

Impassioned:
Whoever taught you that might have taught you in a normal life, but I ask you, are we normal? Do you even consider yourself normal? Then how the hell do normal rules apply to us? Becoming Mother Teresa is a fantastic idea, but the patience it requires that what we lack.

ME:
Well, it’s not in my nature to fight for anything. From a young age, if I thought anyone wanted something I had, I would always give them that. As I grew up, I just moved aside if I knew someone wanted something I had. I never fought for something I wanted.

Impassioned:
I won’t ask to follow anything that I said, but my first and last belief is that I didn’t need anyone to share my pain and secrets, because keeping my burden on my heart made me SO STRONG. If I die with a heavy heart, then I would still be happy that I died at least without being manipulated by the others.

ME:
Good for you, then, and bad for me. I accepted my deepest and darkest secrets in front of you, those things that I didn’t want to accept in front of you.

Impassioned:
It’s lucky for you that I’m a person of quality, and also that I understand your pain. What you did was nothing to be ashamed of, but you are simply lucky.

ME:
Lucky? Do you really think this is luck?

Impassioned:
Oh really? So you think everybody would understand like me?

ME:
Ugh! I meant to say that if I had understanding people around me, I wouldn’t be psychotic, like I am today.

Impassioned:
I would never become psycho until or unless I wanted to, of my own free will.

ME:
Whenever I needed my close relations to be with me, I never had any, because they failed to understand.

Impassioned:
So, you had a bad time. Fine But at least don’t show it.

ME:
It makes me who I am; I can’t get rid of that.

Impassioned:
Nobody can make you realize your own importance. Depending on someone to choose or tell you the course of action of your life is the greatest mistake. I tried my best, but I couldn’t beat six years. Even when you will be twenty-six, I will be thirty-two and this difference will never end.

ME:
Age doesn’t matter.

Impassioned:
There can be no friendship between a girl who believes that she has enough experiences of life and that age doesn’t matter and a guy who believes that life teaches new lessons every day. It’s a huge difference of perspective. I don’t think I did anything bad to you. If you believe that I hurt you, then I had no intention of that, but I was not responsible for all that happened in your life. Don’t consider me among others.

ME:
I am not blaming you.

Impassioned:
Even if you do, I would ignore it, as I’m not responsible for anything. We may part our ways.

ME:
Go ahead, but there is one thing I want to say. You should’ve considered this difference of perspective when you were talking to me.

Impassioned:
It takes time to learn things.

ME:
Oh! I’m so sorry for wasting your time in chatting and during the three hours phone call.

Impassioned:
I’m sorry for myself that I wasted all that, and achieved only bad will and zero outcome.

ME:
What outcome you’ve achieved and what I understood, you’ll see in the next few days. I hope it teaches you something as well.

Impassioned:
No, I won’t see that, because the moment you wanted to make me see something, you will never see me around again. MIND THAT. I mean it. You come on mIRC to kill time, have fun; I never stopped you, and never will. I am no one to judge you; you are the one who has to judge yourself.

ME:
I’m not showing you anything. You are so dense.

Impassioned:
Then I don’t need to see what outcome I’ve achieved, because if you can feel the change, then I’m more than happy. Life is already full of drama, just don’t create any more.

ME:
I don’t want to create any drama, and I don’t have nothing to say that would change your perception.

Impassioned:
Same here, but I will…no matter what…wait for you in the park EVERY DAY in March.

ME:
YOU DON’T NEED TO.

Impassioned:
I want to.

ME:
BY THE WAY, I’M GOING AWAY FROM HERE. IF YOU EVER NEED TO TALK TO ME, YOU HAVE MY SKYPE AND REAL NUMBER. YOU CAN CONTACT ME THERE.

Impassioned:
I’m not asking you to come, it’s your wish.

ME:
TAKE CARE :)

Impassioned:
As I said, the outcome is zero. I will never stop you from anything now; do as you please.

ME:
You never stopped me before.

Impassioned:
I’m not just one of those guys. There are so many things that I wanted to ask and to say, but I never did, because I never could. I deserve to be alone.

ME:
You don’t deserve this, and even if I’m not here, you will find someone with their perspective similar to yours; believe me on this.

Impassioned:
I don’t know or even want you to leave, but as I said, the MOMENT you will try to show me the outcome, it will be THE END.

ME:
The end? I don’t even know why you talked to me.

Impassioned:
Same here. Never mix friendship with love and love with sex. Something went wrong in here, and we must stop that.

ME:
From my side, nothing changed and never will. I still consider you my friend, and always will.

Impassioned:
Maybe from my side, then; my heart started beating for you, therefore I killed it.

ME:
Maybe you just needed a reason to break off this fragile connection that we had built. Whatever the reason; I somehow understand.

Impassioned:
Thank you.

ME:
No problem. Take care :)

Impassioned:
*kisses in the middle of your forehead, always have fun when you are around.*

ME:
Have fun?

Impassioned:
No comments.

ME:
Sure, anything else?

Impassioned:
Have a restless sleep.

ME:
I already did. Okay, I’m leaving. I hope you have a happy life, take care. Bye.