Begin Again (Beautiful #2) (6 page)

“I’m happy to do it for you, Dem. I love you like a sister and I’m really glad that you’re going to be the one up there with me.”

She sniffled and I handed her a tissue. “Sorry,” she said, wiping her nose. “I’ve been feeling emotional lately.”

“It’s fine, no one would blame you. You’re allowed to be a total mess this close the wedding. It’s practically a requirement.”

Huntley laughed lightly and bent over the middle console of her Jeep to give me a hug. I squeezed her tight. “I have a favor to ask,” Huntley said as she pulled away. “I was hoping you’d be able to look after Hunter
one night this week before the wedding. I have something special planned for Grayson.”

“Of course, I’d love to keep him for the night. You don’t even have to ask. Just show up.”

“You’re the best,” Huntley sniffled again and I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell was wrong with her. It was more than just pre-wedding emotions but I couldn’t put my finger on it. I said goodbye and made my way inside. When I opened the door Coco started yapping and jumped up against my legs. “Poor baby,” I cooed. “I’m sorry I left you alone today. I missed you.” I bent down and picked the chocolate bundle up, laughing when she licked my face. I kicked off my shoes and walked into the kitchen where I fed Coco and poured myself a glass of Chardonnay. It was perfect for the summer heat. I plugged my phone into my docking station and listened as the sweet sound of my favorite female country singers filled the room. Jana Kramer sang about calling the love of her life ‘Whiskey’ and the Dixie Chicks crooned about cowboys. I was so absorbed in the music that I didn’t even hear my doorbell ring, or the door open. I turned around to refill my glass and found Jeff watching me, his mouth tipped up into that half grin.

“Jeff!” My glass barely made it onto the coffee table next to the sofa before I threw myself into his arms. He caught my body and I felt his broad, muscular chest rumble
beneath me. I inhaled his cologne and savored the scent that had come to represent safety and comfort.

“Hey Red.” The deep, rich timbre of his voice met my ears and I hugged him tighter. I smiled at the men
tion of his term of endearment attributed to my long fiery red hair. He’d been calling me ‘Red’ for a while and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it.

“I’ve missed you,” I whispered against his neck.

“I’ve missed you too.”

I slid out of Jeff’s arms and looked up into his green eyes. They were warm and welcoming and familiar. His dark brown hair was shorter than the last time I’d seen him but it still hung in his eyes. His features reminded me of Grayson, except they were sharper and more defined. He smiled, making his eyes crinkle at the sides, and all my troubled thoughts and feelings vanished.

“When did you get here?” I asked, unable to fight the grin on my face.

“About twenty minutes ago,” he replied. “I wanted to come see you first.”

“I’m glad you did.” I hugged him again, and felt my heart jump into my throat. Something was different about this.
The butterflies taking flight in my belly were a testament to that.

Pushing those thoughts aside, I pulled Jeff further into my living room. “Can I get you a beer?” I offered, knowing he’d probably need a cold one after his flight.

“That sounds great,” he replied, following me into the kitchen. I grabbed a beer and turned around just in time to see Coco fall at Jeff’s feet and roll on to her back.

“When did you get the pup?” Jeff asked, amused. He bent down and started scratching her fuzzy belly and let out a laugh when her leg started twitching.

“Two months ago,” I replied. “She keeps me company.”

Jeff stood and Coco waddled over to her dog bed in the living room. When I passed Jeff his beer, his eyes were watching me carefully. He took my hand and led me outside onto the deck. He knew my house like the back of his hand and he was one of two people who had a spare key. I trusted him that much. He sat down on one of the loungers and pulled me between his legs, settling my back to his front. The position was very intimate but I found myself relaxing into Jeff’s body like I belonged there. It was a gorgeous summer
night and the stars above us created a very romantic backdrop. It wasn’t the first time I wondered what it would be like to be more than just friends with Jeff but I knew it would still be a while before I even considered it. I just wasn’t ready.

“I can hear you thinking from here, Red,” Jeff murmured in my ear. “You want to fill me in on everything I’ve missed since I last saw you?”

“You know everything already,” I replied, smiling. “We talk on the phone all the time.”

Jeff took a sip of his beer, and I turned my head to look up at him. His throat worked as he swallowed and I had a difficult time not biting my lip. “Our last call was three days ago,” he said. “What’s happened since then?”

I laughed and turned my head, resting it on his chest. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. Tell me
everything.
”

I shook my head with a laugh, incredulous. “We had Huntley’s final dress fitting today, and she had a new dress made for me.”

“Remind me to thank her,” he said around the rim of his beer. “Apart from the bride, I’m going to have the most beautiful girl on my arm for sure.”

I swallowed hard and my face warmed from his compliment. It wasn’t the first time he’d said I’m beautiful but like the atmosphere between us, something about it felt different. The butterflies in my belly flapped gently and excitement settled in my bones. I realized that what I was feeling for the first time in months was
alive
.

I shifted and turned my body to face Jeff. His eyes met mine and the silence stretched out between us. We weren’t talking but our eyes communicated everything we were too afraid to say.

“I’m really glad I’m going to have you there with me,” I said quietly, looking down at my lap. My admission came without thought and it made me more vulnerable in front of Jeff than I had ever been. But I wasn’t scared. I wanted him to know that he meant something to me, even if I wasn’t entirely sure about what that was exactly. He tipped my face up with his index finger and gave me the trademark Carter lopsided grin.

“Me too.” His voice was deceptively soft and I fought the urge to shiver. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“That’s not true. You’ll be back in Chicago soon.”

Was I disappointed that he’d be leaving in a few days? Did I want him to stay? Or did I want him to stay with
me
?

Jeff cleared his throat. “Actually…” he paused, “I was thinking of moving back home in a few months.”

“What? Why? You love your job and you love Chicago! Why would you come back?” As much as I wanted him to say I was his reason for coming home, because I was that selfish, it scared me. I took a deep breath and quieted the voices screaming in my head while Jeff struggled with the ones screaming in his.

“I loved it,” he said. “But something’s missing and I think it’s time to come home.”

I heard the loneliness in every word that left his mouth and more importantly, I understood it. I felt it too, lived with it every day. I’d even learned to accept it because really, what other option did I have?

“I know what you mean.” I looked down, unable to keep looking into Jeff’s green eyes. There was a long pause

“Have you seen him yet?”

Jeff’s question caught me off guard and I frowned, not liking the way I knew this conversation was headed. “No but I have a feeling it won’t be much longer. I know he’s here.”

“When was the last time you saw him?”

I bristled. This conversation was getting really old and I was getting tired of trying to convince everyone that I was going to be just fine. The problem was I couldn’t tell if I was trying to convince them or myself. “The last time was when I flew to Chicago to tell him about…” I trailed off, unable to get the words out of my clogged throat. Jeff cupped my cheek and like so many other times before, his touch comforted me, brought my troubled heart some form of peace and assurance that everything would be okay.

“You’re the strongest person I know,” he murmured. “Brody has no idea what he lost when he left you here.”

“You think too much of me, Jeff.” I was unworthy of this man and he didn’t even know it. His body moved closer and when I looked up, our faces were merely inches apart. I waited for my heart to race and thump wildly in my chest. It never happened and I tried to reason that it didn’t matter. But I was lying. I wanted someone who could get my pulse running wild like…

“I think you’re beautiful and kind, and stronger than you give yourself credit for,” he inched closer and my breath hitched, “and I think I want to kiss you.”

My heart stopped and my brain switched off. It had been so long since I experienced the feel of a mans lips on mine.

“Okay,” I breathed. I closed my eyes and held my breath, waiting to feel Jeff’s lips against my own.

Just then, the shrill sound of Jeff’s phone ringing pierced the air and we froze. I opened my eyes.

“Dammit,” Jeff muttered, making me smile.

“You’d better get that,” I replied quietly. “Your brother probably thinks I kidnapped you.”

“I’d be a willing captive, Red.”

My heart stuttered back into a steady rhythm and Jeff kissed my forehead before pulling out his phone to answer it. I hopped off the lounger and took the empty wine glass and beer bottle inside. I stood at the basin, rinsing my wine glass when I saw a shadow standing on the sidewalk. I squinted into the darkness, feeling a familiar chill settle over my skin. A car drove past, illuminating the lone figure. Brody. I stilled, locking eyes with the man who put my life back together only to rip it all up. My heart raced, making my body thrum. I hadn’t felt that when Jeff touched me, or even when he kissed me. No. This feeling my body reserved for only one
person. I dropped the wine glass, shattering it as I walked to the front door. I ran down the steps, but when I searched for Brody he was gone. Had he been watching me all this time? Did he see Jeff here? I rubbed my arms even though it was hot and walked back inside.

“Everything okay?”

I jumped and turned to find Jeff standing behind me.

“Yeah,” I replied. “Thought I saw something outside. You take care of your phone call?”

“It was Grayson. He wanted to know when I was going to arrive. Sounded a little pissed when I told him I came here first but he wasn’t surprised. I think I’d better go before he comes here to get me himself. My taxi will be here soon.”

“That sounds like Grayson,” I giggled.

The sound of Jeff’s shoes echoed on the floors as he stepped closer.

“There’s one last thing I have to do before I go,” he murmured.

“What’s that?” I asked, my voice equally soft.

“This.” Jeff’s hand came around my neck and he brushed his lips across mine before capturing my mouth. He traced my bottom lip with his tongue and before I could worry
about the consequences of this moment I allowed him in. My body relaxed into his embrace and savored the feel of his hands on my body, the way he caressed me gently and coaxed my mouth into following the slow pace he set. Our tongues danced and he licked every part of my mouth, learning it, enjoying it. He pulled away before I was ready and I whimpered at the loss of heat. His forehead came to rest on mine and when my eyes opened again I found him looking at me.

“Hmmm,” he sighed, “that was good as I’d imagined it.”

“You’ve imagined kissing me?” I squeaked.

“I sure have.”

I stretched onto the balls of my feet and placed a sweet kiss on Jeff’s cheek. He was an amazing guy, but now that he’d kissed me I recognized the absence of…
fire
. He didn’t make me feel like I was ready to explode from a kiss alone. He didn’t make my nipples bead beneath my bra or heat pool between my legs. I didn’t feel the need to rip his clothes off and touch every inch of flesh that covered what I knew to be an amazing body. The excitement I’d felt earlier was misplaced, probably mistaken for the longing to feel a man’s touch. It was my heart that dropped, leaving me wondering if I would ever have that again or if I was meant to live without it.

“Goodnight, Jeff.”

Jeff brushed my cheek and gave me a peck on the mouth. “Night, Red.”

The door clicked behind him and as always, I was left alone with nothing but my own guilt for company.

SLEEP DIDN’T COME easy that night. I tossed and turned, fighting with the villains in my head. It wasn’t kissing Jeff that had kept me awake though. It was the guilt that I’d felt as soon as he’d left, the feeling that I’d betrayed Brody in some way. It was idiotic. Brody had moved on so why couldn’t I?

You know why,
the voice in my head said, reminding me that I knew exactly why moving on, even a year later, had been almost impossible. Sure, I liked how Jeff made me feel, but it just wasn’t the same. I’d only compare him to Brody. In fact, I’d compare
every
man to Brody and then be disappointed when they come up short. I sighed. I was exhausted and my mind had been running a mile a minute all night. Having had enough, I threw my comforter off my body and climbed out of bed. It was already eight in the morning so I decided to throw on my running gear and hit the road. Coco wasn’t too pleased, but I gave her a treat and snuck out the front door. I needed something to get my feet moving and when Miley Cyrus’ ‘Wrecking Ball’ started playing, I almost tripped over my feet.
How appropriate,
I thought. I turned up the volume and picked up my pace, hitting the back roads that wound around town. It was hot and I was sweating like a hooker in Church but it felt
so good
. The burn in my muscles surged me forward until I thought my lungs were going explode and by the time I made it into town I was ready to collapse. I walked past the stores, greeting the townies as I passed, and stepped into Emma Morgan’s bakery. The cool air blasted my skin and I sighed in relief and appreciation for the reprieve. I’d only been out for an hour but it was long enough. Huntley’s aunt saw me and smiled while motioning me over to the counter.

“Morning, sweetheart. What can I get you?”

“Hi Mrs. Coach. Coffee and a water please.”

She started getting my coffee ready and I watched the other patrons come and go in a steady stream of bodies. The
bell chimed above the door, only this time it made me freeze. I had my back to the door but I didn’t need to look to know who had just walked in. The air became thinner and I found it difficult to breathe. The hairs on the nape of my neck were standing at attention and I had to force my body not to run into those familiar arms. Emma looked at me with sympathy in her eyes and that was all it took to confirm that I was right. I turned around slowly and even then, there was no way to prepare myself for what was in front of me. Brody was smiling down at a gorgeous blonde woman, giving her his rapt attention. Hell,
I
couldn’t even help staring at her. She had a red dress on, synched at the waist, which showed off her long, bottle-tanned legs and delicate waist. Her platinum blonde hair was tied up in a high ponytail on top of her head, showing off her high cheekbones, pouty pink lips and perfect nose. She was gazing at Brody with bright eyes the same way I had done before. With love and adoration. It wasn’t her expression that caught me though. It was his. His smile, the way he looked at her, seemed real, like he meant it.
Oh God, this can’t be happening.
I took a moment to take him in before this all went to hell. His hair was a little shorter and he still wore it in that
just fucked
way. I swallowed, wondering if it looked that way because of
her,
because she’d run her slender fingers through it while he made her scream out in pleasure. The voice in my head shouted ‘
GET OUT!”
and at that moment Brody decided to look up. Our eyes locked and small amount of air I’d managed to get into my tired lungs was knocked out.