Betrayed (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 2) (22 page)

‘Izzi?’

Sam’s voice almost causes me to drop my groceries as it yanks me back to reality, and I swing around to see him standing there. ‘What’re you doing here?’ I’m not really in the mood for him. I haven’t spoken to him since I overheard him and Mack talking, and what he’s asked of Zeb…

‘We need to talk, Izzi.’

I glance over and see his car parked across the street. ‘You following me?’

‘Well, you seem to be avoiding me, and I hate that we appear to be growing apart…’

‘There’s a reason for that.’ I walk over to him, keeping my eyes fixed on his. ‘You’re getting way too involved in my life, Sam. And I need that to end. Now.’

‘If you want to be with him, Izzi, I can still help you both…’

I shake my head and drop my gaze, my fingers clinging onto my bag of groceries. ‘That was just a stupid, rash rush of blood to the head, Sam.’ I look up, my eyes back on his. ‘A blip. Zeb was God knows where, and I was confused and… Me and Mack are done. For good, this time. It’s over.’

He says nothing, he just stares at me and I start to back away. I’m really not in the mood for this. ‘I can help, Izzi.’

Something suddenly snaps inside of me and I stride back over to him, not stopping until I’m right in front of him. ‘I thought you cared about me. I thought you cared about Zeb…’

‘I do, Izzi, I…’

‘No. You can’t care about us, Sam. You were willing to force him to kill his own father just to keep your respect while at the same time telling your son that it’s fine to take his cousin’s wife away from him…’

‘And you were willing to go.’

‘And I hate myself for being that fucking weak. For letting myself feel those things again when all I was really feeling was confusion and anger and shit that wasn’t real. Zeb didn’t deserve any of it, Jesus, he’s looked up to you for so fucking long and you do
this
to him?’

‘You still don’t understand our world, do you, Izzi?’

‘I’m not sure I want to.’

‘But you’re staying now. Is that it? You’re staying in this world because of Zeb. You’re not taking that escape I offered you…’

‘Only if Mack did the job Zeb isn’t willing to do anymore. You were only going to help me and Mack if he carried out
your
decades-old revenge, and I’m supposed to feel grateful? It doesn’t make sense, Sam. I mean, I knew things were twisted before, God help me I was part of so much sick shit I still can’t believe…’ I drop my gaze and take a deep breath because I don’t even want to be here. I don’t want to be standing on the street, discussing this crap with a man I thought I cared about. A man I thought cared about
me
. ‘But I woke up, Sam. I woke up, and I can see that all of this is so fucking wrong. And yeah, OK, I’m not leaving now. I’m willing to stay in this world I don’t think I’ll ever truly be a part of, but I’m doing that because I love Zeb.’

His eyes burn into mine, and I know what he’s doing. He’s trying to see beneath the surface, read between the lines, see if there’s something I’m hiding from him. He’s trying to find out how much truth I’m telling him. Because I’m not telling him everything. I haven’t told anyone everything.

‘You love him?’

I don’t say anything to that. I just turn and walk up the driveway, let myself into the house and close the door behind me. I’m shutting him out. I’m shutting everything out, every
one
out, until I work out what to do next.

‘That you, Izzi?’

I close my eyes for a second and take a deep breath before I head into the kitchen. He’s standing by the window, smoking a cigarette and I smile at him as I lay the bag of groceries on the table and start unpacking them. ‘I thought you might’ve gone to the clubhouse this morning.’

He takes one last drag on his cigarette before he throws it out of the window. ‘I called Hal. Everything’s under control over there.’ He comes over to me and lays a hand on my hip, leaning in to kiss the side of my neck and the touch of his lips on my skin sends a small shiver trickling up my spine. ‘I did have a visitor, though. Mack called round.’

I feel myself tense up, and then I try to relax because Zeb’s still right behind me, still touching me. But I can’t stop a wave of fear washing over me. ‘What did he want?’

He says nothing for a second, but I can feel his breath hot and heavy on my neck, and his fingers are sliding up my dress, playing with the sides of my panties and that wave of fear washes over me again, my stomach knotting up into a ball of nerves.

‘I think he still wants
you
, darlin’.’

My fingers tighten around a jar of jelly and I slowly lower it down and place it on the table before I drop it.

‘You gonna tell me what you got up to, when I was away, huh? You gonna do that, Izzi?’

I can’t lie to him. He’ll know, and it’ll make things worse, if I lie to him.

His hand slides around my thigh, his fingers grazing my hip bone and I take a deep breath as his mouth brushes the back of my neck.

‘On second thoughts, darlin’, I ain’t sure I wanna know. We all got secrets, it’s just that…’ He laughs quietly, and his mouth moves that little bit closer to my ear and my stomach dips so low I flinch, ‘some secrets are way more dangerous than others.’

I close my eyes as his hand slips inside my panties, his fingers touching me gently, and despite that knot of fear in my gut he’s making me wet, but I’m scared. I don’t know what he knows, what he’s going to do, I don’t know what’s happening. What the hell was Mack doing coming here?

‘I think we need to make something very clear now, Izzi, don’t you?’

His breathing’s getting heavier, and his fingers are becoming that little bit more insistent as he continues to touch me, and I feel sick to my stomach.

‘I think you need a little reminder of just who you belong to here.’

I want to say something, I want to tell him I don’t like this, I don’t want this, but there’s a small, twisted part of me that does. If this is what has to happen for him to overlook what he thinks went on between me and Mack then I’ll take it, because the other option isn’t something I even want to think about.

He pushes me forward slightly and I steady myself, pressing my palms down onto the table as he roughly pushes my dress up over my thighs and yanks at my panties, nudging them down to my ankles with his boot. He raises a knee and forces my legs apart, as far as they’ll go with my panties round my ankles and I take another deep breath as I wait for the inevitable. But it doesn’t happen straightaway, instead he leans forward, his hand on my ass, his mouth once more brushing my neck.

‘You’re my old lady, Izzi. You’re mine, you got that? As long as I’ve got breath in my fucking body you belong to me, and I’m getting tired of cutting you and Slayer slack. So this is the last time, baby. This is the last fucking time.’

I breathe in deep and close my eyes, and a shiver tears through me as his hand lightly strokes my ass.

‘Step outta the panties, darlin’.’

I do as he says, kicking my panties away. And then he turns me around, his hand on the side of my neck pushing my head back slightly as his lips gently brush the base of my throat, and I can’t stop the small sigh from escaping.

‘I love you, Izzi. Y’hear me, princess?’

‘I…’

He pulls my head back up and presses his fingers to my lips, shaking his head. ‘No, sweetheart, you don’t get to talk. You get to listen.’

His eyes meet mine and I don’t know what I’m seeing here. But I don’t feel scared anymore, I just feel – I feel strangely calm.

‘My beautiful baby girl,’ he whispers, and I close my eyes as his hand continues to press against my neck, and his mouth closes in on mine, and the kiss – it’s confusing. It’s soft and light and so at odds with his behaviour; his words. His thumb strokes my cheek and his mouth presses a little harder against mine but the kiss is so warm and deep that I fall into his arms, it’s like a refex action I can’t control. And I want him so bad now, I’m aching for him, it’s all I can think about. How we got here; what this is really about, I don’t care, not right now. I just want him, inside me, and he pushes me up onto the table and spreads my legs and I can’t breathe properly, my chest is so tight.

‘You belong to
me
,’ he murmurs as he unzips himself and his cock springs free and I open my legs wider, I need him that bad.

I lean back a touch, our eyes locked, and his mouth twists up into a slight smirk as he enters me, pulling me onto him with such force it almost knocks the breath right out of me, but I wrap my legs around him and pull him in deeper. I want him to fuck me hard, I need that. I deserve it? Maybe. I still have no idea what he really knows, and that thought will come back to scare me, I know it will, but right now I just want him to fuck me and fill me with his beautiful poison. I need him to do that. Because I need to be here.

Everything’s already changed.

And it’s about to change all over again…

Chapter Seventeen

Mack

‘You seem to be spending an awful lot of time here.’

I look up as Sam approaches the bar. ‘I like it here.’ And I do. I like it here, at
Six
. Besides, I’m trying to distance myself from the clubhouse that little bit more as each day passes. I’m trying to do what Izzi wants me to do – stay away from her. And she’s at the clubhouse way more than she’s here these days. ‘Do you want a drink?’

He sits down on the stool next to mine and indicates to Tex behind the bar to fetch him a whiskey. ‘Why’d you go to Zeb’s, Mack? Do you
want
him to find out what happened with you and Izzi?’

‘I don’t care either way, Sam. None of this matters to me anymore.’

He looks at me as he takes a sip of his whiskey. He don’t believe me, and I don’t blame him. It ain’t the truth, of course this club matters to me. But I was willing to throw it all away for her, and I still am, if truth be told. If she changed her mind and told me she wanted to leave this place, with me… Hell, what am I saying? It don’t matter now, does it? I’m leaving anyway. Without her.

‘I got nothing to lose, Sam.’

His expression changes slightly as I say those words, but he knows what I’m talking about. ‘I take it that means you’re still willing to do what I asked of you. Even though there’s no prize at the end?’

‘Izzi wasn’t a “prize”, Sam.’

He drops his head for a beat or two before looking back up. ‘I know. I’m sorry.’ He shakes his head and takes another drink. ‘We’re all still making so many mistakes.’

He got that right. Everything here is one huge, unholy mess and maybe I’m right to step back from it. Maybe I done all I can here with the Soldiers. Maybe I really do need that new start, whether Izzi’s with me or not.

‘Zeb wouldn’t tell me where Kes is, Sam. And that’s why I went to see him. To find out where Kes is.’

He raises that eyebrow again, which is starting to irritate me slightly now. ‘That the only reason?’

I finish my own drink and slam the empty glass down on the counter. ‘You told me to fight for her, right? You told me to fight fucking hard, and I tried…’

‘By telling him you and Izzi slept together? That’s like signing your own death warrant, Mack. That isn’t fighting.’

‘Maybe I’m tired of fighting. It’s all bullshit anyway. There ain’t no such thing as happy-ever-afters, and I’ve just been wasting my time believing there could actually be one for me and her.’

‘Giving up so easily. Again.’

‘You come here to aggravate me? ‘Cause I don’t need that shit.’

He takes another drink and looks around the bar. It’s full again, packed to the rafters with bikers and their women, and the girls who want to
be
their women. The music’s loud, the girls on stage are practically naked and this place, man, it’s making the club a hell of a lot of money. And, yeah – I’m gonna miss it. All of it.

‘He’s in a motel about ten miles outside of Albuquerque.’

I look up. ‘You know where he is?’

‘I had a couple of people I know put out some feelers. He’s been moving around a lot these past few days, ever since Zeb returned home. He may be coming for me, he might have other plans altogether, I have no idea. But I want him gone, Mack. Once and for all. I’ve waited too long to do this, to make him pay, and I think it’s time we ended this now. But if you don’t want…’

‘I said I’d do it, didn’t I?’

Like I told Izzi, I got nothing to lose now. I do this, I don’t do this – either way, I’m leaving this place and she ain’t coming with me.

‘He took your mother from you, Mack.’

‘I don’t need no sob story reminders, Sam. I get the background shit.’

He finishes his drink and gets up, sliding a piece of folded-up paper towards me. ‘The address of the motel. He’s still there, but we can’t guarantee how long he’ll stay in one place. Kes isn’t a stupid man, he’ll sense something’s up. Eventually.’

‘Sooner rather than later, huh?’

He just throws me a small smile and walks off. I pocket the piece of paper and order another drink. Tomorrow I got work to do. Tonight I’m just gonna get wasted.

Izzi

Cora and I both look down at the white stick nestling in my palm, and I close my eyes as she gently rubs my back. ‘You OK, honey?’

I nod and lay the pregnancy test back down on the edge of the wash basin. ‘It’s Zeb’s.’

She leans back against the wall and folds her arms. ‘You know that for sure? I mean, I know you only slept with Mack a few days ago but those things can predict a pregnancy just days after conception now, can’t they?’

I pick up the test and tuck it into my purse. ‘It’s Zeb’s.’

She looks at me and frowns. ‘You’re one hundred per cent sure?’

‘When you picked me up from the grocery store the other day, I hadn’t just been shopping. I’d been to see a doctor. I’ve been feeling a little run down for a while, but I just put it down to stress and being over-tired, but… something felt different. So I saw a doctor.’ I look down into the basin, staring into the pure white porcelain, just for a few seconds, and then I look back up at Cora. ‘I’m almost eight weeks gone. So, yes, it’s definitely Zeb’s.’

‘Why the test then, Izzi? If you already knew…?’

‘I needed to be sure. And I know that sounds weird but the doctor’s words… that’s all they were. Words. I had no actual, physical evidence that I was pregnant, but now… now I do.’

‘You sure you’re OK?’

‘It’s a shock, that’s all. We hadn’t planned this, hadn’t even talked about having kids… It’s a shock.’

Her eyes stay fixed on me, and then her expression suddenly changes, and she gets it. She understands now, why things are complicated.

‘That’s why you can’t leave. This is what’s changed your mind.’

She doesn’t phrase that as a question, because she doesn’t need to. ‘I’m pregnant, with the President of this club’s baby and I can’t leave, not now. And I do love him, Cora. Zeb. I love him, I really do…’ I place a hand over my still-flat stomach and look down. ‘And this changes everything. This makes the whole situation real and anything else I thought I could do before I… I can’t do that, not anymore. Because
this
is real.’ I slowly look back up and there’s a small smile playing at the corners of my mouth now. ‘And I’m happy, y’know?’

‘Are you? Really? Because this doesn’t have to mean…’

‘Don’t, Cora. Please. Don’t say what I think you’re going to say because I don’t want to hear it. I’m having Zeb’s baby, and I’m happy. And I think he will be, too.’

‘Because he’ll have an even bigger hold over you, Izzi. Don’t you see that?’

‘He’s my husband.’

‘He ain’t your keeper, honey. If you still want…’

‘Don’t, Cora.’ My voice has a slightly harsher edge to it now because I really don’t want her to be doing this. ‘Don’t.’

She holds her hands up in surrender, and I feel my shoulders sag with relief.

‘Be happy for me. Please. You’re my friend, and I’m really going to need you around so, please. Just be happy for me.’

She pulls me in for a hug and I hold onto her, relief that I’ve finally told someone swamping me. Because I’m scared. I’m terrified. I’m having a baby, and I’m bringing that child into a world I don’t think I’ll ever understand, but I don’t have a choice. And I’m scared.

‘I
am
happy for you, honey.’ She pulls back slightly and smiles at me, stroking my hair back off my face. ‘You’ll be a great mom. I told you that before, remember?’

I raise an eyebrow and we both burst out laughing, the mood, thankfully, lightening.

‘So, when are you gonna tell Zeb?’

‘Soon. I mean, he’s gonna know something’s up when I suddenly stop drinking. So I’ll have to tell him, soon.’ I just don’t know how soon that’s going to be. I kind of want to get my own head around it first, before I tell him. And I hope, I really hope that this news will help him to settle down, stop being so erratic because, sometimes, he still makes me so nervous. And I don’t want to be feeling that way with a baby around. I want my child to grow up loved and secure, even if they do have to live within this fucked-up world. We can still make it work. We
have
to make it work.

‘And what about everyone else? When you telling them?’

‘I don’t know, Cora.’ I look in the mirror, and I frown slightly because I look tired. But then, I haven’t been sleeping all that well lately. ‘Let me tell Zeb first, then we’ll think about making it all public.’

She pulls me in for another hug, and again I cling onto her tightly and I wonder how different things might’ve been if this baby didn’t exist. I wonder, and then I push those thoughts aside and I resolve never to let myself go there again because it’s over.

Now more than ever I realize that Mack Slayer was never meant to be my future.

This
is my future.

And I’ve got to start getting used to that.