Betrayed (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 2) (21 page)

‘Baby, please…’

She looks up at me, but there’s still nothing in those eyes and I fucking hate what we’ve been pushed to the edge of here.

‘Where were you?’

Her voice is little more than a whisper, and I want to reach out and touch her but the second I try to do that she flinches and steps back from me, and that kills me. That fucking kills me.

‘I was with my father.’

She drops her gaze, but her body seems to relax slightly. ‘What did you do?’

‘Nothing, baby. I did nothing, he’s still alive, although, God help me I could’ve fucking ended him right there and then…’ She looks up, and her expression stops me from finishing that sentence. ‘I ain’t doing it. I ain’t killing him. Sam don’t fucking own me, he got no right to lay his shit on me, I’m done with that, darlin’, I promise you.’

She don’t need to know of the threats to her life. She’s been through that crap once and I don’t think she deserves to be pushed back into that headspace. I ain’t scared of Kes and his threats ‘cause they’re empty. He ain’t gonna do shit to Izzi.

‘You disappear, for days, and you don’t…’

She drops her gaze again, and I watch as her shoulders sag, and I ain’t sure what’s happening now. ‘There were so many reasons, Izzi…’

She raises her head but she says nothing. She ain’t taking that excuse, she ain’t accepting my words and I feel that numbness start to take over again.

‘I really don’t think I can do this, Zeb.’

I step aside and watch as she takes hold of the door handle, but she hesitates, and pulls her hand away, turning to look at me. ‘What reasons?’

I sit back down on the edge of the bed and pick up the whiskey, downing another mouthful. ‘Sam wants me to kill Kes. Kes wants me to kill Sam.’ I laugh, but there’s no humor there, it’s a cold, emotionless laugh and I drain the bottle of the last of the whiskey. ‘They really fucked me over, those two. Really freakin’ fucked me over…’

Izzi

I don’t know whether to feel horror or pity or – I don’t know. I can’t get my head around what I’m looking at, but to see Zeb cry… I can almost feel a part of me being torn to pieces as I watch the bottle fall from his grasp and crash to the floor; watch as his head drops into his hands and his shoulders shake and I have to close my eyes for a second or two.

I lean back against the door and breathe in deep, and I listen as he sobs – my big, brave, strong man. This isn’t what he does, he doesn’t fall apart or let shit get to him, he doesn’t do that. And again I feel another piece of me being ripped away as I hear him sigh heavily, and I think I’m more terrified of seeing him like this than I am when he’s up in my face threatening to… No. He wouldn’t have done that, not when it came down to it. He wouldn’t have gone there. He said he would never hurt me, and I still believe him.

I open my eyes and look at him. And my heart breaks, I actually feel it shatter. Because my husband seems like a broken man? Or because I know I can’t leave him now. I can’t. I can’t do that to him, I can’t walk away, because I’m not sure I want to. Everything feels different now – again. It all feels different.

He looks over at me, and I sit down beside him, and for a second or two we say nothing. We
do
nothing. And I don’t want to talk, I don’t know what to say, and I don’t think he does either. So when he takes my hand and pulls me over so I straddle him I just pull him against me and I hold him. He lays his head against my chest, his arms around my waist and I thread my fingers in his hair and I just hold him.

He’s my husband.

I love him.

And I have no idea who my future is now. I don’t know. I don’t…

Chapter Sixteen

Mack

I’m pissed. I mean, I am seriously fucking pissed.

‘Mack?’

I swing around to see her standing there, her long legs on show thanks to a short leather skirt and those boots, man, she has no idea what they do to my cock. I need to see her wearing nothing but those boots.

‘I need to talk to you.’

I fucking hate those words ‘cause they very rarely mean anything good. And the look on her face, I ain’t sure I even need to hear her say anything else. I know what’s gonna come outta that pretty mouth of hers. ‘Zeb know you’re here?’

‘Zeb’s at home. He needs to rest.’

I can’t help laughing, and her expression changes in an instant. But I can’t help it. He ain’t some fucking invalid, what the fuck’s he need to rest for?

‘You know what, Mack? Let’s just leave it, OK?’

Shit, no! I didn’t want that to happen…

‘Hang on, Izzi. Come on, darlin’, I’m sorry. All right? It’s just that…’ Just that, what? What the hell is this
just like
? ‘You wanna talk, let’s talk.’

She follows me into the back room behind the bar at
Six
and I close the door behind her.

‘I can’t leave him, Mack. Not now.’

‘Why? ‘Cause he came home and laid on some sympathy show?’

‘You don’t need to know why…’

I walk over to her, my eyes burning into hers. ‘Yeah, Izzi, I do. ‘Cause two days ago you were halfway to packing your bags, all ready to ride away with me. We were making plans, darlin’, remember?’

‘Something’s changed, Mack, and I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, but Zeb…’ She drops her gaze and pushes a hand through her short dark hair. ‘I’m still in love with him, Mack.’ She looks back up at me, and I feel a wave of – shit! I don’t know what that fucking wave is, I just know it makes me feel like there ain’t nothing I can do to change this. ‘I love you, but I’m
in
love with him. And I can’t… I don’t
want
to leave him. I can’t, leave him. Not now.’

‘You staying with him outta some kinda pity?’

‘No. No, it isn’t like that, Mack. It’s nothing like that, I just…’ She shifts her gaze again, her eyes focusing on nothing in particular, she just can’t seem to look at me, and I think there’s something more to this than she’s telling me. But then it’s like something snapped inside of her, like she had some kinda gear change or something, and her eyes are back on mine and there’s a look in them that tells me she means every word she’s saying. ‘You deserve better than me. Because I really can’t love you the way you deserve to be loved, Mack. I can’t. And I don’t want to hurt you again, that’d kill me.’

‘You really do love him, huh?’

‘I just tried to convince myself that he wasn’t what I needed because you…’ She looks away again, and I’m feeling everything from anger to pain to a sense of loss so great I ain’t sure I can get the next breath out. ‘When you’re around I still feel something, Mack. And you being here – it’s hard. Because you and me we… I can’t do it. I won’t hurt you again, I’m not gonna do that.’

‘You want me to go?’

‘I can’t force you to.’

‘Do you
want
me to go?’

She drops her gaze and takes a breath that seems to rock her entire body. ‘I want me and Zeb to at least have a chance of making it work, Mack.’

‘And you don’t think that can happen if I’m around, huh?’

She looks back up and shrugs. ‘I don’t know. I don’t. I just don’t think it’s fair, on either of us, for you to stay here.’

‘I love you, Izzi.’

‘Don’t, Mack, please…’

‘But if you want me to go…’

Maybe she’s right, y’know? Maybe I do deserve better, ‘cause it sure seems obvious that my cousin got some kinda hold over her that ain’t going anywhere any time soon. And I just can’t fucking break it, I mean, I tried. I fucking tried, and I almost got through, I almost had my hands on the fucking prize… But something’s changed, and I don’t know what that is but I ain’t sure I can fix this now.

‘OK. OK, you want me to go, I’ll go. But I got shit to sort out before I go anywhere, darlin’. I got scores to settle first.’

She looks down, and I know there’s a part of her that could’ve walked away from this, I can see it. Every time she looks at me, I see it. I just can’t fucking fight it no more. I’m done…

Zeb

I close my eyes and drop my hand and I let the memory of Izzi, all wet and naked as she rode me to freakin’ heaven and back make my cock hard all over again. My head was all over the place, but she got me back to where I need to be just by being here. By being my beautiful girl.

My hand works that little bit harder as I remember her kneeling up over me, then lowering herself down so my face was up in her pussy and, man – she was all hot and sweet and when she leaned right back and grabbed my legs and put herself in the kinda position I ain’t seen no woman put themselves into while they been with me… I kick the covers off and sit up, crying out loud as I come so fast I’m fucking breathless. I need her here, I need to do this shit inside of her, but sometimes I just want the release.

I throw myself back down onto the bed and close my eyes again, waiting ‘til my breathing slows down before I go clean myself up. And I’m just seconds out of the shower when I hear a knock at the door, but I ain’t in a rush to answer it. Izzi’s got her key so it ain’t her, which means I don’t really care who’s there. But then the knock gets louder; they’re hammering on my door and I ain’t taking that, so I pull on my jeans and head down the hall, flinging the door open.

‘Jesus, Mack, what the fuck you doing?’

He pushes past me and I ain’t taking that, either. I kick the door shut and grab his arm, flinging him back against the wall.

‘You gotta fucking problem?’

‘You. Asshole.’

I laugh in his face ‘cause, y’know, he’s quite funny, my cousin. ‘She turn you down, huh? Izzi? She turn your pretty ass down?’

He grabs my wrist and yanks my hand off of him, and I’m OK with that. He ain’t gonna do shit in my house, I’ll make sure of that. ‘Ain’t my fault she can’t see sense. But she’ll come to them, one day, when she finally sees you for what you are.’

‘And what would that be, exactly?’ I walk over to him, and he ain’t scared of me, I can see that. But that’s good. I ain’t into fighting the weak, that’s no fun. ‘The man who loves her? The man who
married
her…’

‘That means shit, and you know it.’

I laugh again, ‘cause I ain’t really sure what he’s come here for. I just know that he’s pissed, I can see that. ‘You wanted her, Mack, I knew that. You try to take her, while I was away, hmm? Is that it? You try to win that fight, huh?’

He says nothing, and I feel a slight wave of something I ain’t even gonna think about wash over me, ‘cause I ain’t playing this shit no more with him. Izzi’s mine, and he’s just gonna have to deal with that.

‘You had your chance, Mack. And you blew it.’

‘Yeah… weren’t my only one, though.’ He smirks, and I feel another wave of anger rise up in me, this prick ain’t doing this, not in my house. ‘I had another one. Another chance…’

Yeah, I’m fucking angry now, he’s pushing me. And I grab him by his T-shirt and throw him back against the wall and the fact he laughs just fuels me with even more anger. ‘You shut your fucking mouth, y’hear me? You say nothing, you don’t speak another word or I’ll kill you. I’ll put a fucking bullet in your head and you’ll feel no fucking pain, it’ll be that quick. So you keep that mouth shut and walk outta here before I change my mind. I only play nice for a very short space of time, you got that?’

I let go of him and step back, and I try to calm down, but he doesn’t move.

‘You need to be somewhere else, Mack. You not listening to me?’

‘Where’s Kes?’

I narrow my eyes and stare at him. ‘Why’d you need to know where he is?’

‘Where is he, Zeb? ‘Cause I ain’t leaving ‘til you tell me.’

A slow smile starts to spread across my face and I laugh quietly, dropping my gaze and folding my arms. ‘Yeah. He got
you
doing his jobs for him now, huh? Your daddy finally got through to you…’

‘Fuck you!’

My expression changes, but it don’t seem to faze him one bit. ‘Mack Slayer finally gets his balls back, is that it?’

‘Where’s your fucking father, Zeb, I ain’t got time to fuck around.’

‘He set a time limit, has he?’ I step forward, moving that little but cloer to him. ‘What’s he promising you, Mack? In return for you doing the job I refuse to do? What’s my uncle promising you?’

‘Where is he?’

‘You ain’t gonna wear me down, Slayer. Oh, you can try, you’re more than welcome to waste your time but you ain’t wasting mine, you got that? Now, I don’t know what the fuck’s going on with you and Sam and I don’t fucking care. But this has anything to do with Izzi… if I find out this involves her in any way I
will
fucking end you. And that’s a promise. You might be my blood, brother, but you mean shit to me. So you turn around and you walk outta here and you go back to Sam and tell him I ain’t doing this. OK? You wannna know where Kes is? You find him yourself, ‘cause I’m done with the fucking games.’

I hold his gaze ‘cause he needs to know I ain’t playing here. And he gets it, but he ain’t one to go down easily.

‘I’ll find out where he is, Zeb.’

‘Ain’t no threat to me, brother. You put him down that only makes my life easier, believe me. I just ain’t in the mood to make yours that way.’

Izzi

‘Are you doing the right thing, Izzi?’

‘I’m not sure I even know what the right thing is anymore, Cora.’

‘All you have to do is walk away, honey. He held out a hand and all you had to do was take it…’

‘No, Cora, that wasn’t all I had to do. It’s complicated, this… it’s complicated.’

Maybe she’s right. A few days ago I believed that Mack and I could’ve pulled this off – our great escape. Somehow. And it was complicated then, it still wasn’t as simple as Cora’s making it out to be because I think there’s a little bit of her that’s wearing some kind of rose-tinted spectacles. But now – yeah. Now it’s really fucking complicated.

She pulls up outside mine and Zeb’s ridiculously suburban house, and I notice his Harley parked next to mine on the driveway. He’s still home. And I don’t know whether I’m glad about that or not.

‘You’re not telling me everything, are you, Izzi?’

‘Believe me, Cora, you’re better off not knowing.’ I reach behind for my bag of groceries and step out of the car. Cora gets out too, resting her arms on the roof as she looks at me.

‘Remember what I said, honey. It ain’t too late…’

‘It is, Cora. This time, it really is.’

She throws me a look and gets back in her car. I watch her drive off, and for a second or two I just stand there, as though I’ve lost track of just what it is I’m supposed to be doing.