Between a Rock and a Hard Place (30 page)

“I take it you’ve made progress.” He didn’t wait for an answer.  “Hurry up.  Let’s hear it.”

Angus listened, with his judgmental ear, as the band played the half-finished song.

“Well done.  That sounds splendid.”  He waved his hand.  “Have at it.  Pretend I’m not here.  Carry on.”

Tommy hated when Angus dropped by the studio.  He put a damper on their spirits with his air of importance and pressure to get the album finished.  Apparently, getting the album finished on time wasn’t good enough for Mr. High-and-Mighty.  He was trying to get it done early, probably as a sacrificial offering to Mr. Abelman in exchange for a promotion.

It took another few hours before they completed the chorus and the second verse but it was edgy and fresh.  Even though the lyrics still needed some polishing and a third verse, they were happy with the evolution of the song.  Now all it needed was a kick-ass guitar solo to push it one step further.

Tommy thought of Jessi.  She was always his inspiration, but thoughts of Jessi made his heart heavy and clouded his head.  He wondered what she was doing and if she was checking the clock waiting for his return.

He wielded a quick, uncomplicated guitar solo.  It was short and it wasn’t elaborate, but the real setback was that his heart wasn’t in it.  He knew his solo was less than stellar, but it was all he could muster.

The rest of the band stared at him, waiting for him to deliver his usual mind-numbing signature guitar solo.  He shrugged.  “That’s all I got right now.  Let’s get through the song and I’ll refine it later.”  He never had to think about playing the guitar before.  His fingers seemed to instinctively know what to do.  He always picked up the guitar and a fresh arrangement magically flew from his fingertips.  Something wasn’t right.  He was off, and they all knew it.

Angel squinted at him and tilted his head, questioning if something was wrong.

“I’m just tired,” Tommy said.  He nodded at Jimmy.  “Let’s start again, from the top.  Maybe something’ll hit me when I take another stab at the solo.”

Angus popped up from his chair.  “For fuck’s sake, Tommy, we don’t have all day!”

Angel leered at him.  “Don’t snap at Tommy.  And stop pressuring us.  I think we’re doing a damn good job and making a best-selling album, so just take it down a notch.”

Surprisingly, Angus didn’t offer a rebuttal and Angel’s protective eye never left Tommy.  As the song progressed and Angel added a third verse, and the bridge, sadly, inspiration to deliver a complex, riveting guitar solo never materialized.

They spent eight hours in the studio.  At least the song was complete, but without Tommy’s unique signature, the song didn’t live up to their other material and the label wanted this album to far surpass their first one.

Angel placed a comforting arm around Tommy’s shoulder as they left the studio.  “Don’t look so upset.  We wrote a great song today.”

The song was memorable, the beat was fresh, the lyrics were radical and the melody still echoed in Tommy’s head, but without his signature fundamental over-the-top guitar solo, the song fell short of the fans’ expectations and would never be a hit.

Chapter Twenty-Six

It was a long bus ride to Amsterdam and although Angel knew it was less than the ideal platform to finish his argument with Jessi, it was weighing heavy on his shoulders. He tried to concentrate on the change in the set list that Jimmy proposed, but he kept feeling Jessi’s stare from across the table.  She could have sat anywhere – at the other small booth with Damien, on the couch in the lounge area with Alyssa or in the back bedroom, but she chose to sit at the table with him and Tommy and Jimmy.

When Angel didn’t comment on the additional songs, Jimmy passed the sheet of paper to Tommy.  “What do you think, man?  Which two songs do you want to pull out of the set to make room for the new ones?”

Tommy slipped out of the booth.  “I’m fine with whatever changes you want to make with the set list, as long as
Without You
and
Cyanide Sensation
are still on there.  Just run it by me when you’re done.  I’ve got a guitar solo to work on,” he pointed toward the back bedroom, “and I’m staying holed up in there until I play something that’ll knock Angus on his fucking ass.”

Angel scanned the paper again and forced himself to concentrate on the suggested new lineup.  It included some of their older unreleased tracks that the band wrote before they were signed with Falcon.  “I’d love to do
Punk Rock Revolution
and
Infectious
.  They were big hits in Brooklyn, but I don’t know how the label would feel about us introducing new music without their consent.” He felt Jessi’s eyes on him like a heat-seeking missile, but he ignored her and continued.  “I’d like to put these songs on the new album.”

Damien threw his feet up on the bench seat facing him and crossed his booted ankles.  “Don’t give that asshole, Angus, any reason to throw us under the bus.  I don’t trust him.  How’d we end up with such a dick for a manager anyway?”

Jimmy took the list back from Angel.  “I thought it was just temporary, while we were in Europe.  He’s not coming back home with us, is he?  He’s going back to London, right?”  When no one answered, he looked at Jessi.

Her gaze was still glued to Angel, but he couldn’t acknowledge her and purposely avoided eye contact.  She had no idea that his heart was injured, fractured by her words and accusations.  How could she think that he would ever do anything to jeopardize her marriage or make her feel threatened? The more he thought about it, the more it cut into him.  He fell so hard for her when they were separated.  She was always more than Tommy’s wife, more than just his “wifey”.  She was part of his life.

She accused him of seeking some kind of enjoyment out of the situation because it pushed him and Tommy together, without her. She was never more wrong. He brooded over her indifference and lack of reciprocation. His new found affection was deeper, more consuming and he expected her to return it, not push him away with hostile indifference.

He thought their reunion would bring them closer together and make her realize how much they meant to each other.  He wasn’t quite sure what gave her the idea that he was trying to take Tommy away from her.  He would never ostracize Jessi from the relationship. He had genuine love for her. Now he wondered if she still loved him back. She had proclaimed to be in love with him once, and he wondered if this was how she felt, because he couldn’t return the same kind of love.  He did love her, though, as much as a gay man could love a woman.

Her accusations were unkind and they stung.  He was hurt, and he was angry.

“Well, is he?”  Jimmy repeated.

Angel wasn’t paying attention.  “I’m sorry.  What?”

“Angus.  I don’t want this guy as our full-time manager.”

“I don’t know.”  Angel automatically turned toward Jessi, expecting her to address Jimmy’s question, but her eyes were transfixed on him. They bore through him with their intensity.  They were the color of steel and flared at him.  They said a thousand different things, none of which he wanted to hear.  He held her stare while silence fell over the table.  They both waited for the other to break the mental hold, but neither backed down.  Everyone was staring, their eyes volleying between Jessi and Angel, waiting for one of them to explode.  Angel took a deep, calming breath and surrendered to the competition.  “Is there something you want to say to me?”

She spoke evenly, with calmness that didn’t match the fire in her eyes.  “Were you glad that I didn’t go to Asia with you and Tommy?”

Her words were probably received with more abrasion than she intended, but it grated against his already wounded heart.  He pursed his lips, narrowed his eyes and shook his head slowly.  “How could you say that? Did I ever once insinuate that I didn’t want you around?  Do you have any idea how I feel about you?”

Damien and Jimmy scattered, leaving them alone at the table.  Jessi waited until they were fully out of sight before she leaned forward.  Her voice was a raspy whisper, full of emotion.  “I’m not sure of anything anymore.”

He also leaned forward and countered her stance.  “You have no idea how much I care about you, do you?”

“It still doesn’t compare to how you feel about Tommy, which means given the chance, I think you’d relish the opportunity to have him all to yourself.”

It infuriated him that after all this time together she thought he viewed her as a byproduct of the relationship, that she was simply part of a packaged deal, mere baggage that came with having Tommy in his life.  He pulled at his hair and growled.  “¡Me vuelves loco!”

Jessi scowled at him and crossed her arms.  “English.”

“I said, you drive me crazy.”  He stood up a little too quickly and bumped his thigh against the table.  It gently rocked on a loose bolt that fastened it to the floor.

Jessi stood tall and challenged him.

He reached across the table, grabbed her by the back of the neck with one hand and held her chin in the other.  She winced and hunched down, but he pulled her toward him and placed an unbreakable kiss on her mouth.  She struggled, tried to turn away and wouldn’t open her mouth, but he held her face steady between his hands and kept his lips on hers.  He wasn’t going to force her to kiss him back.  He wanted her to be the one to deepen the kiss.

They stood with the table bridged between them.  Her hands gripped his wrists, weakly, as she attempted to remove them from her cheeks with feeble effort.  She slowly stopped struggling and her body relaxed.  She parted her lips and her tongue found its way into his mouth before he pursued the rough, passionate kiss.

He pressed his lips against hers so hard it hurt.  His tongue tasted every bit of her mouth, swirling and lapping up the flavors she had to offer.  She melted into him and let out a small sigh.  The emotion behind his kiss wasn’t fabricated or manufactured.  It was pure and unadulterated, borne from the heart, and he knew she felt it.  Her hands left his wrists and her fingers found their way through his hair.  He wondered how far the kiss would have gone if the table wasn’t between them, but now wasn’t the time to experiment with the newfound passion spurred on by the heat of an argument.  He broke the kiss with the same intensity in which it started, and roughly pulled away from her.

Jessi was flustered. Her cheeks were deep pink, almost the same color as her hair.  She started at him with her mouth partly open, either from surprise or because she was inviting him back inside.

“Now do you know where you stand in my life?”  Angel asked.

She closed her eyes for a second, took a deep breath and regained her composure.  “That kiss doesn’t change anything.  I still don’t spend any time with my husband anymore . . . and you do. It isn’t fair.”

The conversation with Jessi stalled.  Angel didn’t really know if she was convinced that he never had any ulterior motives, but she seemed satiated and at least he knew that she still loved him.

He went to comfort her with a hug, and to be sure that she wasn’t still upset with him, but she braced her hand on his chest and kept him at arm’s length.

“Please, Angel, not now.  I don’t think we’re entirely done and I don’t need my head screwed up any more than it already is with physical contact.”

It wasn’t exactly the response he hoped for, but it was a step forward from where they started.

He left Jessi at the table and went to sit on the couch in front of the TV with Alyssa.  Damien, Jimmy and the dancers were still hiding in their bunks waiting out the storm, but nothing ever fazed Alyssa.  She was unflappable.  She never averted her eyes from the TV as Angel sat down next to her.