Black Flag (Racing on the Edge) (50 page)

I was holding out for
the happy right now, my checkered flag, and having faith that it would. I had
faith that this tiny miracle would get us through racing on the edge.

“There you are.” Emma
gave me a nudge crawling in bed with me. “Where have you been my little bean
dip?”

This was Emma’s way of
entering my hospital room these days. As if I could actually run away.

I was fucking miserable
without Jameson here. Emma and I spent most of the time making fun of other
patients and nurses that would come through, and when we tired of that, I started
making fun of Emma.

Jameson had left on
Wednesday morning. The worst part was he left me here with Emma and Van.
Everyone else had to be in Dover for the race.

I called Charlie and
explained what happened. I think he was high because he took it remarkably
well. After speaking with Andrea, she confirmed he was high and that his doctor
had prescribed marijuana to calm his nerves. Andrea freaked out about the
accident and wanted to come take care of me. I assured her Emma was about all I
could handle at the moment.

The good thing about
Emma was you felt no self-pity, just annoyance. She had a way about her where
you forgot about all your own shit and focused on how someone could be that
insane.

On Sunday morning, I
wanted to kill her and burn the fucking wedding planner she constantly had in
hand. I was depressed about planning the wedding because I knew I couldn’t go
on a real honeymoon until after the baby was born. The honeymoon was the one
thing I was looking forward to. I still wanted to get married but I was having
my own pity party regarding the honeymoon.

When she began talking
about wedding dresses, I wanted to throw a snow globe at her head.
Unfortunately for me, I didn’t have one handy.

Van spent a good part
of the time in the room or right outside of it. I think he could only handle
Emma in small doses as well. When she brought up
vajazzling
my girly pad prior to the wedding, Van quickly turned his head in order to
avoid eye contact with both of us and then eventually excused
himself
.

I didn’t blame him.

Before Jameson left,
they decided on a plan that Emma, Van, and I would drive back to Elma together
when I was released.

Emma was beyond excited
about this; she claimed a good road trip was exactly what we needed. I wasn’t
sure who “we” was because Van and I sure as shit didn’t feel that way about a
road trip.

“Aren’t you super
excited about this?” She asked.

“Emma, I’d rather
staple my hand to the goddamn wall than travel across the country with you.” I
told her, flipping through channels after Van walked out. I was trying to find
the pre-race ceremonies on the ten channels the hospital provided. I wasn’t
having any luck.

“That’s a bit harsh.”
she voiced glaring at me. She was currently sitting in the bed with me, her
hand on the baby. The moment she felt him move for the first time, she’d been
attached to me like a goddamn orangutan.

“It’s not personal.” I
said and then I realized how low her hand was. It was hovering just above the crankcase
and I was starting to feel uncomfortable. “Actually yes
...
it is personal.” I grabbed her hand.
“Okay
...
I’ve let you grope me
long enough.”

Emma giggled reaching
for my stomach again.

“Emma,” I warned. “You
touch me again, the rest of today and I will bitch slap you, no lie.”

She burst into
maniacal, uncontrollable laughter and touched my stomach anyways.

Van came back in a few
minutes later to see if we needed anything. Emma of course thought he was some
sort of personal assistant and asked that he get us smoothies.

“Hey asshole,” I
whispered to Emma, who was still in bed with me. “This isn’t a Jamba Juice.”

Van laughed. “I don’t
mind Ms. Sway. There’s a smoothie bar downstairs. I’ll be right back.”

“Look what you’ve done;
you’ve made a Navy Seal your bitch.”

She said nothing.
Instead, she reached for the remote as though I said nothing.

We managed to find the
pre-race ceremony. I hoped to see Jameson in an interview but he declined all
interviews with the media, I didn’t blame him.

He was still having a
hard time. Every phone call I could tell his mind was distracted. I finally had
to have a talk with him last night and tell him that I needed him to pull
through this;
we
needed him to pull through this. What better way to
rise above what Darrin did to us and prove to him and the public that together,
we’re strong. Together, we can do this. Jameson could do this.

I wasn’t stupid. I knew
the road ahead would be difficult but together, we could do it.

The media once again
painted the picture of Jameson as the out of control hothead but once the race
began, they were right.

He was all over
everyone. If they were in his way, he was crowding them until they let him
pass. He was aggressive and had the black flag pointed at him nearly every lap.
He started nineteenth and was in third by lap fifteen. He was on a mission to
prove something and I knew he would. He was proving to everyone
and
me,
that he was the man we needed. He was the man that could win the Winston Cup
Championship in his first season and overcome the unspeakable shadowing.

Everything had
amalgamated and pressed into him until he finally couldn’t take it anymore. He
was breaking apart inside trying to fix this with racing.

Van stepped in with our
smoothies as the announcers began talking about Jameson. Emma had disappeared
to the gift shop so at least I had some peace.

“Jameson Riley just
took the lead here.” One announcer said and then the other began speaking. “You
know we tried to speak with Jameson prior to the race but he’s been avoiding all
media since the incident with his fiancée last week in Loudon.”

“I can’t say I blame
him, Rick. Their family has been through a lot since his horrific crash at
Pocono, I say we give them their privacy.”

“I couldn’t agree
more.” Rick replied. “He did issue a statement Monday morning after the
incident that asked that we respect his family’s privacy and I believe we
should so let’s talk about this kid in general. He’s accomplished so much in
his short career. In the Busch Series last year he won fourteen races and nine
of those were from the pole. Then he moves up to the cup series and wins his
second career start at the Rock. I really believe if he can keep it together,
he will win this championship.”

“From the looks of this
Rowdy Riley today, he’s out to prove something. If he doesn’t wreck trying,
he’ll win because he’s on fire today!”

And as they predicted,
Jameson did just that, he won.

I watched with
admiration that my dirty heathen pulled himself together for me, for us. This
man, the father of our child was a champion. It didn’t matter what anyone else
thought, he was a champion in my mind.

He skipped his usual
burn out and went straight to victory lane. I watched closely as he removed
himself from the car but he didn’t stand on the roof as he usually did. He sat
on the edge with his head bent forward resting against the roof as if he was
praying. His team gathered around, cheering him on and soon he snapped out of
it and smiled toward the camera.

Once the media made it
over, he whispered in the reporter’s ear, who nodded, and then they asked how
the car was and all the standard race car talk. What surprised me was his last
statement.

Jameson smirked toward
the camera, sweat covered his flushed face, and his eyes glistened with tears,
his hair a wild mess as he reached for the microphone to pull it closer.

“I just have to thank
everyone who has stood behind me through everything this year. My sponsor
Simplex, I have to thank them because without them this wouldn’t be possible.
And most of all, my family
...
Sway,
honey, I couldn’t do anything without you by my side. You helped me see past
what wasn’t important.” His voice cracked and he gave a tight nod. Struggling
to keep his emotions in check, he added. “I’m the luckiest man around and this
wins for you. I’ll be home soon and I love you.” He then blew a kiss at the
camera before he was tackled by Spencer and Kyle.

I knew the win meant I
wouldn’t see him until the early hours of the morning but at least he won. A
win to him was a start in the right direction.

I believe in karma. I
do.

Why?

To me, it was righting
something that was wrong in the first place and leaving us to face the past
whether it was right or wrong. It was evening the score.

Van was sitting with me
as we watched the SPEED channel. They were currently talking about Jameson’s
actions on the track earlier. Apparently, though we didn’t see it, he threw his
helmet at an official at one point this weekend. I wasn’t surprised by that.

Van seemed to sense my
frustration with Jameson and his recent temper tantrums.

“Ms. Sway, I think it’s
time I told you about
my
past.” He took a seat closer to my bed, pushing
his dark hair from his eyes. His elbows rested on his knees as he leaned
forward.

I shifted as much as I
could to listen. Carefully, I examined his face. Not that I really looked at
Van but it was easy to see when you looked at him that he kept his feelings
hidden from the rest of the world. He and Jameson had a lot in common.

“You see,” Van began.
“I know exactly how Jameson is feeling right now. I know what it’s like to feel
completely out of control and reckless.” Van’s eyes fell to his hands. “Three
months before my term ended I was in Beijing on a mission. When I returned
home, it was late, maybe around one in the morning. My family and I were living
in Huntsville North Carolina at the time.” Van stopped drawing in a deep
breathe. His warm hazel eyes held mine as he spoke slowly. “I remember
unlocking the door, walking through the living room
...
down the hall
...
to find my wife and daughter. I heard
noises coming from the back bedroom so I made my way into that room. I’m not
sure why, but as I walked in, my subconscious told me something was wrong.”

Van paused again, tears
streamed down my cheeks now as I realized where this was going. “The man made
it out the window before I could get to him. I saw his face. I was too caught
up in trying to save my family to go after him.”

He was quiet, eyes
distant for a good two minutes before I finally asked, “Did they
...
?” my voice faded at the very thought he
lost his family so brutally.

Van shook his head with
a light shrug.

“No
...
they
didn’t survive.” his
eyes narrowed and I understood completely why people found him scary. “Do you
have any idea what it’s like to watch your wife beg you to save your little
girl, while they died in your arms?”

I shook my head
completely losing it.

“So you see; I know
what Jameson is going through. I know what it’s like to want to kill someone
who puts your family in danger. Jameson has
every
right to feel
every
emotion he’s feeling. He may seem out of control and reckless as they say, but
he was every right to feel that way.”

“Did they ever find the
man?”

“No
...
but
I did.” A slow wicked
formed. “Ms. Sway, there’s a reason why Phillip chose me as your bodyguard.” He
let out a deep menacing chuckle leaning back in the chair. His arms crossed
over his chest.

Given my breakdown, it
took me some time to comprehend but the realization finally hit me with the way
he said, “
I did
”.

“Van,” my eyes widened.
“Holy shit, was that man Darrin?”

He didn’t answer right
away but eventually he found his voice. “It took me a while to figure out who
he was, as I only got a glimpse of him. But when I hired a private investigator
we did some research and it led back to Darrin Torres.” he looked up at me
again. “Did you know who Kasey O’Neil was?”

“Yeah, he was that kid
that was killed racing when the roll cage collapsed on him at a sprint car
race.”

“There’s a little more
to it than that. Darrin was racing in the USAC Silver Crown series about seven
years ago with a driver named Kasey O’Neil, his father is Langley O’Neil, but
more importantly, Langley is my father in law. Kasey was my wife’s younger
brother.” My eyes widened again. Shocked, alarmed,
dumbfounded
,
all emotions I was having. “Anyways, Darrin had it out for Kasey and ended up
wrecking him that night. Kasey died on the way to the hospital as you know.
After that night, Langley threatened to sue Darrin for what he did. He believed
that Darrin wrecked him on purpose and tampered with the roll cage but no one
had any proof as the video really couldn’t prove anything. Darrin went after my
wife when Langley threatened him.”