Authors: Josephine Cox
The doctor smiled warmly. ‘It’s what we do, Alice.’
For more pertinent reasons, he felt the need to reassure her. ‘After a long stay in hospital, it’s only natural to feel suddenly alone and abandoned, so I’m here to reassure you that if you’re worried about anything, anything at all, there are people here who can help.’
He could not help but wonder if her return home would be as straightforward as she might expect.
Alice also had her doubts, but for very different reasons. ‘I’m sure I’ll manage.’ She had no choice.
The doctor turned to the nurse. ‘Draw the curtains please, and go about your other duties. Sister and I will tie everything up here, thank you.’
With a discreet little wink at Alice, the nurse closed the curtains and left the room.
It took a while for him to check the many wounds, sustained by the vicious assault on her body.
On the whole the doctor was delighted that they were healing well. Most of the scars were faded now, although some were more distinct than others.
A few minutes later, having checked her blood pressure, lungs and heart, he assured Alice, ‘The wounds have healed well, and most of the scars are all but gone. As for the injuries to your scalp, I’m delighted to say that at long last, the hair is beginning to grow on those deeper-wounded areas. Given time, I’m confident that you really will get back your full head of hair.’
When the doctor then glanced up at Sister Maitland, and she gave a curt little nod, Alice started to panic. ‘There’s something else, isn’t there?’ She looked nervously from one to the other, ‘What is it, doctor…what’s wrong?’
The doctor addressed her in quieter tones. ‘As you know, we did a series of tests when you first arrived here…all very usual, all necessary in order to carry out our work.’
He again exchanged a discreet glance with Sister Maitland, before going on in a gentle tone, ‘Alice, you should know that during the more recent routine tests I have discovered something else.’
‘What is it? What’s wrong with me?’
‘Well…having carried out the usual tests prior to you leaving us, I decided on an extra test, and…’ he hesitated. Acutely aware of Alice’s background and unsure as to how she would take it, he simply and quietly announced, ‘It appears you’re pregnant, Alice.’
Alice felt the blood drain from her face. Staring from him to the Sister, she realised what he was saying, and yet she could not take it in. Pregnant! No! It wasn’t true. How could it be? Raising her head, she looked again at the doctor, then at Sister Maitland, and now she was crying, not loudly, not intently, but silently, the tears rolling down her face.
Sister Maitland was quickly beside her. ‘Alice, it’s all right,’ she kept saying, ‘It’s all right!’ She suspected that Alice was thinking how could she keep a child whose father had tortured her within an inch of her life and left her for dead?
Alice heard the Sister’s voice, but it wasn’t all right. It was unthinkable! ‘Are you sure?’ she heard herself whispering the question. ‘How can you be so sure? You might be wrong, doctor. Please…tell me you’re wrong.’
She heard his answer and it struck her to the heart. ‘The tests don’t lie, Alice. You’re two months’ pregnant…give or take a few days.’
Leaning forward he placed his hand over hers in a gesture of sympathy. ‘There is something else you need to know,’ he told her.
Alice had hardly taken in the news of her being pregnant, and now she was fearful of the news he was about to impart. In her dazed frame of mind, she truly believed it could not be worse than the news he had already given her.
Silently, she waited, until he began quietly, ‘As far as we can tell, you appear to be carrying twins.’
All Alice could hear in her head, was the devastating news that she had
two
babies growing inside her. Two babies, and she had no idea whether Joe or Frank was the father.
It was too much to take in all at once, and so she closed her mind to anything else he had to say. Feeling as though she might pass out, she took deep breaths to steady herself.
The doctor gently explained how the pregnancy appeared to be moving along as well as expected, but that they would need to monitor her regularly, and she must take care of herself.
‘I must leave you now,’ he apologised. ‘Sister Maitland will bring you some leaflets and other necessities to take away with you.’
As he stepped away, Alice called him back. ‘Please, doctor, don’t tell anyone else about this,’ she pleaded. ‘Especially not my family.’ She thought of Tom and was grateful that he too, was recovering well.
‘If that’s what you want, then I shall respect your wishes,’
he answered. ‘Although I hope you might be sensible enough to confide in them.’
Alice looked away.
The doctor called Sister Maitland aside. ‘She’s taken the news badly,’ he whispered. ‘Moreover, she’s asked me not to divulge the news to anyone, but of course I never would.’
Sister Maitland understood. ‘I think if I was in her shoes, I might feel exactly the same.’ She glanced back at Alice, who was listlessly staring out the window.
‘Poor thing,’ Sister Maitland murmured. ‘No one should ever have to go through what she’s been through. Yes we all know she made a mistake, but she’s paying dearly for it. She’s been defiled in all the papers; tortured and left for dead by her husband, who’s still on the run from the police. As for the brother…Joe isn’t it? From what we know, he could still die. If he does, then there’s no doubt she’ll be pilloried for that as well.’
Shaking her head forlornly, Sister Maitland lowered her voice even further. ‘On top of all that, she now finds herself two months’ pregnant!’
‘She’s proven herself to be a strong young woman,’ the doctor reminded her. ‘There are many women out there who would love to be told they’re pregnant…even carrying twins. Alice will cope.’ He was sure of it. ‘From where I stand, that young woman is a true survivor.’
Sister Maitland was not so certain. She looked at Alice, noting the wide, frightened eyes and the frantic manner in which she was twisting her hands together, and all she saw was a lost soul.
It was all too much to deal with; especially for one so young. The last thing Alice needed was to lay herself open to more
punishment; from the press, the public, and possibly more so, from the women in her own family.
Sister Maitland had been trained not to get emotionally involved, and that was how it should be. A true survivor, the doctor had said.
‘Very well, doctor.’ Sister Maitland sealed her approval with tight lips and a curt nod of the head. ‘You’re right of course. Alice has already proven herself to be a survivor, and I’m hopeful that she will learn to cope with the news she’s been given.’
Secretly, the doctor was also a little worried. ‘Maybe you could have a word with her?’ he asked discreetly. ‘Try and put her mind at rest?’
Sister Maitland explained, ‘First, I have an urgent call to make. But after that, I have every intention of popping back to have another chat with her.’
‘Good!’ Satisfied, the doctor turned on his heel and went smartly away.
With Alice strong in her mind, Sister Maitland went away in the opposite direction to tend to her duties.
The moment the two of them were out of sight, Alice picked up her bag and crept carefully through the ward. Her body was still very weak but she had to get out of the hospital. Afraid now to go to her parents’ house, she needed to get away before her father arrived! How could she tell him that she was carrying twins…that she didn’t even know who the father was? And if they were to find out, her mother and sister would taunt her mercilessly.
Her mind was playing tricks on her. Who was the father? One night she was with Joe, and another she was with Frank. As far as she knew, she could have been made pregnant by either brother.
After all that had happened, it was a devastating situation to be in.
She couldn’t stop thinking about the babies, already growing inside her. It was a lonely, cruel world they would be coming into. When they were old enough to ask questions, what would she tell them?
Should she confess how she had slept with two brothers; one her new husband, the other his brother, and all in the space of a few days? The shame was hers, not theirs, yet one day they would learn the truth and pay the price.
Unless she got right away from this part of the world, they would always suffer hostility from those around them. They would be derided and scorned; pointed out in the street as though they were lepers. There would be no peace for them anywhere. Children at school would taunt them mercilessly.
No! However much she tried to protect the children, she would not be able to, because everyone would be asking the same questions that she was asking herself now. Who did they belong to? Who was their father?
Parents would tell their children that Alice Jacobs was a tramp, and the slander could penetrate the minds of her own children. Because of that, they could end up hating her, and rightly so.
Could she bring the children into a world of pain like that? What was she going to do?
Somehow, when she had got her thoughts together and before the pregnancy went on much longer, she must find a place where she could hide away, somewhere she could think clearly.
But where would she go? She had nothing but the handful of belongings in that canvas bag, and because of the heartache she had caused them, she would rather die than ask her family or the Arnolds for anything.
Of course she could always turn to her friend, Mandy. Even then, it would be a selfish thing to throw herself on the mercy of her one and only true friend.
During the many times Mandy had been to see her, not once had she mentioned the reports in the newspapers, or
questioned Alice about the truth of it all. Instead she had sat and comforted her, and wisely talked of mundane things, always reminding Alice that she was there for her, if needed.
But deep down, Alice felt unable to turn to even her closest friend.
Should she get rid of the pregnancy as soon as possible? Oh, but what a wicked sin that would be. Dear God, who could she confide in? Who could she trust? Who would help her decide what to do?
She thought of Joe and suddenly felt a burning desire to find him, to be close to him but, blinking back tears she knew bitterly that she couldn’t. Not now.
Hurrying away from the building, she was deeply conscious that many people were looking at her as she stumbled across the car park, blinded by tears and oblivious to the fact that she was weaving dangerously in and out of oncoming vehicles.
Ronald Jacobs was turning into the car park when he almost mowed her down as she ran across his path. ‘For God’s sake…
Alice
!’ Safely bringing the Jaguar to a halt, he leapt out and went after her.
After a few minutes of frantically searching, he found her huddled on a bench, rocking herself back and forth. ‘Alice! Whatever’s wrong? What are you doing out here?’
When he sat down beside her, she fell, exhausted, into his arms. ‘I’m sorry, father, I just had to get out.’
‘What’s wrong, child?’ He held her tight. ‘Has someone said something to upset you?’ He knew from recent experience how cruel people could be; even those who should know better.
Alice looked up at him, her face swollen from crying. ‘I can’t go with you, Father,’ she said. ‘Please…leave me alone. Just go!’
‘I shall do no such thing!’ He was amazed. ‘I don’t understand. Does the doctor know you’re out here like this? Weren’t you supposed to undergo a final examination before being discharged?’ When she gave no answer, he gently shook her.
Alice discreetly brushed away her tears, ‘It’s all right. The doctor saw me.’
‘And?’ Sometimes he felt out of his depth.
‘He said everything was fine.’
‘In that case, why are you so upset?’
‘I don’t know. I suppose I’m just so relieved to be out of there.’ She could not tell him the real reason.
Having seen the state she was in when he found her, Ronald said adamantly, ‘As for leaving you here, you know I would never do that, Alice. I want you home with me, and besides…where would you go? You need plenty of rest and good food, and a place where you can feel safe, where someone will make sure you’re taking care of yourself.’ He drew his arms around her carefully. ‘You’re coming home with me, and that’s an end to it.’
Mentally and physically drained, Alice did not have the strength to argue. Maybe for now the best thing might well be to go home with her father. If she could bear the company of her mother and sister for as long as it took to arrange more satisfactory lodgings, then she would take up her father’s offer and be grateful.
With two months already gone, time was of the essence. Alice knew she would need to make a decision, sooner rather than later, on the matter of her pregnancy. Her heart told her she could never have the pregnancy terminated. Her head said she must.
For now, her mind was all over the place.
The night before she had finally dropped into a fitful slumber where Frank filled her dreams with horror. This morning, she had woken in a sweat, fearful that she was about to leave her safe haven. She was filled with dread at the thought of returning home, where no doubt her sister and mother would make her life difficult.
And now, the daunting news that she was pregnant with twins was like a bombshell. All she could think of was to keep
running and it would all go away. But it didn’t and it never would; not unless she made some painful and harsh decisions.
The day had started off badly, and now, feeling unbelievably weary, she was on her way home with a dark feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach.
One thing she remained strong about however, was that
no one
must know she was pregnant. Not her father, and not her mother, and especially not her sister Pauline.
She reminded herself that it would not be too long before she began to show. Once that happened, the outside world would know. And the vicious gossip would start all over again.
Accepting that she had little choice, she reluctantly conceded. ‘All right, Father,’ she smiled up at him; a tired little smile that touched his heart. ‘Let’s go home, eh?’