Authors: Josephine Cox
When he now reached out for Alice, she went to him, her head buried in his chest as they held each other. ‘I’m sorry, child.’ His voice was heavy with emotion. ‘I haven’t protected you very well, have I?’
Alice looked up. ‘It’s not your fault,’ she whispered. ‘None of this was ever your fault.’
‘Do you really want to go with your grandmother?’
Alice nodded.
‘All right then. Maybe in the circumstances, it might be for the best.’ He addressed his mother, ‘What about Father? Will he be all right with this?’
Having ambled across the drive, Joshua had heard enough of the conversation to understand at least some of the situation. ‘From what I understand, it seems Maureen lost her temper over some silly nonsense…
whatever that may be.
’
‘All I can say is, judging by what I’ve seen and heard, your daughter coming home with me and your mother would probably be the best thing for everyone.’ He looked Ronald in the eye. ‘Would you agree with that, son?’
‘I think so, yes. For the moment it will be best for Alice, and I know she’ll be safe enough with you and mother.’
Placing his two hands on Alice’s shoulders, he moved her back a step, so he could look into her face. ‘You know I don’t want you to go, don’t you, Alice?’
Alice looked up, her heart breaking, not for herself, but for him. ‘Yes, Father, I know that.’
‘But can you see that it’s for the best…at least for now?’
‘Yes. Thank you, Father.’
Concerned that Alice appeared frail and ill, Josh intervened. ‘We’d best not come in, son. Give our excuses to Maureen,’ he said. ‘It’s more important for us to get Alice settled. After all, the poor girl has only just come out of hospital. We don’t want her heading back that way again, do we now, eh?’
‘No, of course not!’
Asking for a moment alone with Alice, Ronald watched his parents walk to the car. ‘I truly am sorry, Alice.
Reaching down, he kissed her on the forehead. ‘You’ve been through so much,’ he whispered. ‘And now even your homecoming is ruined. I failed you, child.’ He had got over the initial shock of hearing her news. ‘You’re barely a woman, and here you are, after everything you’ve gone through…and now, you’re left carrying a child.’
He had witnessed such strength and determination in this young woman, his daughter. He felt both proud and ashamed. ‘You don’t deserve all this pain.’
‘I’ll be all right, Father,’ Alice assured him. ‘Really I will.’
Collecting her canvas bag and keeping a tight hold of her, he walked Alice to the waiting car. ‘Will you tell your grandparents about the pregnancy?’ he asked.
Alice answered with conviction, ‘No. At least not yet.’ A worrying thought occurred to her. ‘You won’t let Pauline or Mother tell anyone, will you?’
Ronald’s face was set like stone as he answered quietly. ‘You’ve no need to concern yourself with that. They know which side their bread is buttered! They won’t say anything.’
Only now did it occur to him to ask, ‘What will you do about your situation?’
‘I’m not sure, Father. I need to think.’ Alice knew exactly what he meant.
Ronald took a deep breath before offering her a way out. ‘Don’t be angry with me for saying this, Alice, but it isn’t just the child you have to think about. It’s yourself too. You must do what’s right, for
both
your sakes.’
It was comforting to know that if she took the route she was loathe to take, then she would at least have her father’s support. ‘You mean, if I decided not to have…’
‘Ssh!’ He placed a finger on her lips. ‘Don’t explain to me,’ he said gently. ‘Whatever you decide, I’ll be there for you, I promise. But only
you
can make that decision.
She thanked him. ‘I understand.’ She wondered what he would say if he knew she was carrying twins. That they were not talking about taking the life of
one
child, but two.
‘Don’t fret over it just yet,’ his voice broke into her thoughts. ‘There’s time enough, and when the decision has to be made, it will be the right one, I’m sure, for the both of you.’
A few moments later he helped her into the car. Then he waved her off, deeply regretting the manner in which her homecoming had ended.
From behind the curtains, Maureen watched the car turn out of the drive.
‘Good riddance!’ she muttered.
I
N THE WEEK
that Alice had been with her grandparents, July had tripped into August without anyone barely noticing.
Alice had gained strength both in mind and body, and she was sitting on the swing in the garden, quietly contemplating her future, when a familiar face peered round the corner. ‘So, here you are, Alice! I knocked on the door, rang the bell and shouted out, but nobody came, so I thought I’d best come and find you.’
‘Mandy!’ Alice was always delighted to see her friend. ‘My grandparents are out, and I was so deep in thought, I didn’t hear you.’
To Alice, the sight of that stocky little figure, with the round cheery face and mop of dark curly hair, was always a welcome sight.
‘So, how are you feeling today?’ Throwing herself beside Alice she set the swing in motion. ‘You look good!’ she declared with a grin. ‘In fact, I reckon you’ve actually blossomed since I last saw you.’
Alice laughed. ‘You only saw me three days ago.’
‘Well, three days, three weeks, makes no difference. You’re looking better every time I see you; stronger in yourself, if you know what I mean?’
Alice knew exactly what she meant. ‘At long last I’m beginning to come to terms with everything,’ she admitted. ‘My
wounds are healed and I feel more at peace inside.’ She tapped her chest, ‘Thankfully, the nightmares have gone away, and I’m sleeping much better.’
As was her way, Mandy gave her an embracing hug. ‘After all this time, you’re beginning to seem more like the Alice I know.’ She held Alice at arm’s length. ‘Look at you! Your hair is growing again; no sign of any scars that I can see. And your pretty eyes are shining more brightly than ever.’ She was so pleased to see how Alice was recovering that she felt the need to wipe away a tear. ‘Look what you’ve done now!’ she accused Alice jokingly. ‘You’ve got me blubbering!’
Alice laughed. ‘That’s not
my
fault,’ she said. ‘You blubber at anything! You always have.’
They now laughed at the truth of it until Mandy brought the conversation to a more serious level. ‘You will never know how worried I’ve been,’ she told Alice. ‘Worried that you might be scarred forever. Worried that you might not make it.’
Alice intervened. ‘I
do
know how worried you all were,’ she assured her, ‘and I love you all the more for it.’
For a while they sat in the bright August sunshine, chatting and laughing, and putting the world to rights. ‘I’ve shut up the shop!’ Mandy confessed. ‘Old Patsy has gone off to her sister’s for a few days and left me in charge, so now I can choose which hour I close for lunch.’
Alice knew all about Mandy’s old tricks. ‘Don’t you mean which
two
hours you can shut for lunch?’
‘Ah, yes, but if I take a longer lunch, I always stay on later in the afternoon,’ she reasoned. ‘Besides, that’s when I sell the most flowers.’
Alice was intrigued. ‘How come?’
‘Because all the blokes have finished work, then they start to think of the girl they’re taking out that night, and they spend money like there’s no tomorrow: red roses; pretty wrapping paper, and even a big bow to finish.’ She winked cheekily. ‘Suits
me, because then Patsy thinks I’m the best flower seller ever. One of these days she’ll be duty bound to give me a raise.’
‘You’re a devil!’ Alice loved her like a sister; at least more than she had ever loved her true flesh and blood sister.
‘You know what, Alice?’
‘What?’
‘I reckon you’ve even put weight on.’
‘You’re imagining things.’ Alice felt a surge of panic. But then, she was still only nine weeks’ gone, and hardly showing.
Mandy persisted. ‘I’m telling you! Honestly, I can see it in your face. You’ve got little rosy cheeks, where before you were all thin and pale. Oh, and look here…’ taking hold of Alice’s arm, she gently pinched the flesh. ‘I couldn’t have done that a few weeks back. You were like a stick insect!’
Alice gave an inward sigh of relief. ‘It’s Grandma’s good food, and this lovely sunshine.’ Her thoughts turned to Joe. ‘Mandy?’
‘What?’
‘Do you
really
not know where Joe is?’
‘I’ve already told you. No, I don’t!’
She had heard the gossip though. ‘I think his whereabouts are being kept secret, because of Frank. If he knew where Joe was, who’s to say he wouldn’t risk being captured, just as long as he was able to finish his brother off.’
Alice had thought of that too. ‘I’m worried, but I can’t even imagine how Tom and Nancy must feel.’
Mandy nodded in agreement. ‘Wherever Joe is, Frank won’t rest until he finds him.’
Alice detected something in Mandy’s voice that made her suspicious. ‘You know where Joe is, don’t you?’
‘No, Alice, I do not! And I haven’t come across anyone else who knows either.’
‘
Someone
must know.’ Alice had grown increasingly desperate. ‘He can’t have just vanished from the face of the earth. It’s like there’s a conspiracy to keep me from seeing him.’ Alice
told Mandy how she had thought about going to see Tom and Nancy, and asking them as to Joe’s whereabouts.
Mandy had her own thoughts about that. ‘I’m sorry, Alice, and you might hate me for saying it, but they might not welcome you and besides, don’t you think it would be best if you never saw Joe again?’
‘Best for who?’ Alice had heard it all before; from her father, and her grandparents, and even people who had no business telling her what to do.
‘Well, best for
you
, of course!’ Mandy feared for her friend. ‘When you were in hospital, all you could talk about was Joe. Joe this and Joe that, and now that you’re out, you’re still talking about him.’
‘That’s because I love him, Mandy. Even when he went away for all that time, I thought about him a lot, and when he came back to be best man, I knew I’d made a big mistake in promising to marry Frank.’
‘So, why did you go through with it?’
‘I’m not really sure.’ Time and again, while she was recovering in hospital, Alice had asked herself that same question. ‘I suppose it was because I’d already promised myself to Frank.’
‘But…’ Mandy hated herself for asking the question, but she had to ask, ‘…you were with Joe before the wedding, so why didn’t you tell Frank you couldn’t marry him?’
Reliving it all in her mind, Alice took a moment to answer, ‘The truth is, I felt ashamed. I knew what I’d done was wrong. I felt that I’d committed a terrible crime, letting Frank down…and his family and everything. I imagined those fleeting moments with Joe could never be repeated. I was so sure he would go away, and I would never see him again.’
In her mind’s eye she could see herself in Joe’s arms, and it was magic like she had never known before, and would probably never know again.
‘Being with Joe was so beautiful,’ she murmured.
That was her strongest memory of her time with Joe; the sheer beauty of their love, of being together in that way. Then afterwards, when it was over, the fear and the guilt was crippling.
Listening to Alice, and seeing that look in her eyes, Mandy only now realised that Alice truly loved Joe in a way she could never love Frank.
As always, Mandy was straight with her. ‘None of that really matters now,’ she said. ‘You need to remember, Alice, it’s partly Joe’s fault you almost died, and even now, his brother is still out there. Hopefully he’s a million miles away from here, but the fact is, he wanted you dead on account of what Joe did!’
Mandy fell silent for a moment, thinking about how Alice and Joe had each paid a terrible price for what happened that night, and having heard the furtive whispers, she also knew how Joe’s parents feared that Frank might return to finish what he started.
‘Mandy?’
‘Mmm?’
‘If you
did
know where Joe was you would tell me, wouldn’t you?’
‘D’you want the truth?’ Mandy took a deep breath.
‘You know I do,’ Alice said pleadingly.
‘Then, no. I would
never
tell you.’
For what seemed an age, the chasm of silence between them deepened, until Alice spoke, her voice quivering, ‘So, you would never tell me where he was, not even if I was desperate to see him?’
‘No!’
‘Not if I had something very special to tell him?’
‘Nothing could be so special that you would risk your life. So, no,’ Mandy was adamant.
‘Not even if you knew that I might be carrying his child?’
Mandy reeled back, as though physically struck.
Abruptly bringing the swing to a halt, she turned about and
stared at Alice, her face opening in disbelief. Then she looked away, her voice harsh as she asked Alice, ‘Is that why you want to see Joe so much? So that you can tell him you’re pregnant with his child?’ There was the merest hint of disgust in her voice.
‘No, Mandy. It’s not just that. Don’t look away, Mandy…please?’ Alice fully realised how afraid Mandy was. Afraid for her; and now, afraid for the unborn child. ‘Please, Mandy…look at me.’
When Mandy turned round, it was obvious that she was desperately shocked and concerned at what Alice had told her. ‘You know what this means, Alice?’ she said shakily. ‘What if Frank ever finds out that you’re carrying Joe’s child? It doesn’t bear thinking about!’
Alice knew she had to tell it all, in order for Mandy to understand. ‘The thing is, I don’t really know if Joe
is
the father.’ She added quietly, ‘
Frank
might be the father for all I know.’
Mandy was taken aback. ‘I didn’t realise you actually slept with Frank on your wedding night. For some reason, I imagined the trouble started earlier on?’
Alice took her time in replying, because even now she could hardly bring herself to talk about it. ‘No. It didn’t happen like that.’
‘So? Everything was all right, until you told him about Joe. Is that what you’re saying, Alice? You slept with Frank, and
then
you told him about Joe?
Reluctantly, Alice nodded her answer.
‘But why would you do that? Why tell him? Was it because you had a guilty conscience?’
‘No.’
Alice recalled everything. ‘Frank was in a drunken stupor and I was glad, because I thought he wouldn’t bother me. I though I’d have time to think about what to do.’
It all came back, like a moving picture in her mind. ‘I couldn’t bear the thought of him touching me. I knew I had made a terrible mistake in marrying him, but it was too late.’
Her voice fell to a whisper as she relived that night. ‘He woke up. He just…took me. It wasn’t love. It was nothing like love?’
‘How do you mean?’ Mandy could see the torment in her eyes. ‘He forced himself on you, is that what you’re saying, Alice?’
Alice hesitated. ‘Frank was like a crazy man. I couldn’t stop him. He was like a wild animal. He was rough, and hurtful. He tore at my clothes and when I wanted him to stop, he got angry. Afterwards, he seemed to know somehow…about me, that I’d been with another man. He started asking questions…demanding to know who I’d been with. He forced me to tell him, about me and Joe. He was out of his mind, and oh, he hurt me so bad. He cut my hair, tied me up. He kept saying all these terrible things, about what he would do. He wouldn’t stop hurting me. I thought it would never end.’
When the memory began to swamp her, she paused, her two hands clasped to her face.
Mandy pulled Alice towards her. ‘It’s all right,’ she whispered. ‘I understand. And it was wrong of me to question you like that.’
Realisation dawned on her. ‘So either of the brothers could be the father?’
Alice broke away. ‘How can I know?’ she asked. ‘I was a virgin before Joe. How can I ever be sure who the father is?’
Mandy understood. ‘So what will you, do, Alice? Will you have this baby? Did the doctor advise you at all?’
‘He told me I had to make up my mind quickly. I’ve already got my next appointment, and because of everything that’s happened, I’m to see a hospital counsellor at the same time.’
‘Good!’ Mandy approved. ‘I can understand that,’ she told Alice. ‘It’s a difficult situation…and you will have to make a
difficult decision.’ A thought occurred to her. ‘When is your appointment?’
‘Friday.’
‘That’s tomorrow!’
‘I’m to be there at 12:30 p.m.’
‘Do you want me to come with you?’
Alice shook her head. ‘Thank you, Mandy, I appreciate that, but Grandma said she wanted to take me.’
Mandy was pleased. ‘Your Grandmother is a kind and wise person…she’ll help you decide.’
‘Mandy?’
‘What?’
‘The doctor told me something else, and Grandma doesn’t know yet.’
‘It’s nothing bad I hope…I mean, you are on the road to a full recovery, aren’t you?’
‘So they tell me.’
‘So, what else did the doctor say then?’
‘The thing is, I’m carrying
twins.
’
For the second time in the space of minutes, Mandy was visibly shocked. ‘You’re…
what
!’
Scrambling off the swing, she began pacing the ground. ‘Look, Alice, nothing has changed, not really. You still have to think carefully, about the consequences. Not just for their sakes, but for yours too. Bloody hell, Alice! You were lucky to get away with your life, never mind all of this on top! If it was me, I wouldn’t think twice! I would
know
what to do.’
‘Would you?’ Alice already suspected what Mandy was thinking.
Mandy stopped pacing and came to sit on the swing again. Looking Alice in the eyes, she told her quietly, ‘I would end it.’
‘Why?’
‘Well, because!’
Mandy knew how difficult it would be for a girl like Alice, to do, what in Mandy’s opinion, was a necessary evil.
So, she drew her thoughts together, and tried to present her many reasons in a valid way. ‘It’s the only thing to do, Alice.’
Though she partly understood Mandy’s thinking, Alice needed cast-iron reasons. ‘In what way?’
‘Well, firstly, unless you can somehow find out who the real father is, you’ll be denying the children their right to know the truth. I mean…what will you do when they get old enough to ask questions? What will you tell them…that you’re not sure who their father is; that you slept with both brothers in the space of a few days, and that one of the brothers is their father, and the other is their uncle?