Blurred Lies (The Blurred Series Book 1) (8 page)

* * *

After Nate came home, we all sat down together and enjoyed one of the best lasagnas I’ve ever made
(go me)
. We talked about our days and had a nice time together, all the while managing to leave any talk of the café out of it. How Nate didn’t notice the conspiratorial glances between Ryan and I, I’ll never know. I thought my brother was super-smart. Well, maybe he is, but observant he is not. Ryan even winked at me when we had a near-miss during a conversation about lunch. Still nothing.

I decided to call it an early night at 9:30pm, knowing that I needed extra time to relax my brain and try for sleep tonight. I have a very early morning tomorrow. Ryan gave me a knowing look, and Nate assumed I felt ill and told me to feel better soon, thanking me for dinner and saying he’d do the dishes. 

Did I mention how awesome my brother is?

I feel bad keeping something from Nate. We’ve never had secrets, but it’s necessary, and only for one day.

He’ll be hurt that you felt the need to keep this from him. 

I chase that thought from my mind. It can only contain so much worry tonight. I’ll deal with Nate’s emotions as and when they happen. I have enough of my own to occupy me for a good while.

Now, at midnight, with sleep still being elusive, I’m willing myself not to text Ryan. I’m not feeling overly emotional; I just have a lot on my mind with the first day at work looming over me. If I’m going to maintain any sort of safe distance from that man, I can’t let him know every time I struggle to fall asleep. If I did that, he’d be sleeping in my bed every night.

That thought both terrifies me and brings a smile to my face. Do I want him in my bed every night?

Yes... No... Shut up!

I begin to think of how sweet he was to me in the kitchen this evening, and how comforting his embrace had been. I can almost hear him speaking softly in my ear, reassuring me. His heart beating rhythmically against my cheek.

And with those vivid memories, my mind falls silent and I drift into a peaceful sleep.

When my alarm sounds at 5:30am, I am so not ready. I’m not ready to wake up and I’m definitely not ready for the day that lies ahead of me. 

With the first stirrings of panic already pulsing through my veins, making my heart feel like there’s ten butterflied trapped within it, I hit the button to stop the repetitive sound and don’t even think of hitting the snooze button.

There’s absolutely no way I’ll be dozing now.

I make quick work of showering, applying light makeup, putting my hair in a styled-yet-messy bun, and dressing in a simple white T-shirt and black skinny jeans. Remembering Calli’s words of wisdom from yesterday, I put on my peach-colored ballet flats, and I’m done. 

I get ready in half the time it usually takes me, and I put that down to my nerves pushing me forward at double-speed this morning. I check the time on my phone and see I still have a half hour before I need to be at the café.

Relieved that I’ll have time for a cup of much needed coffee, I make my way into the living area and the scent of brewed java lingers in the air already. I spot Ryan over by the coffee pot with his back to me, and I smile. I can’t help but wonder if he got up extra early this morning especially to make a pot of coffee, in case I didn’t have time.

Don’t be stupid, Natalie.
I’m sure there are lots of reasons why he would be up at this ungodly hour; none of which involve me.

As I approach the kitchen, Ryan turns at the sound of my footsteps and flashes me a sleepy grin.

“Mornin’, Natty. Here.” He hands me a cup of coffee (just the way I like it) and I take it with a grateful smile. His voice sounds as though he literally just rolled out of bed, and his hair is a tousled mess that makes me want to run my fingers through it. 

Do not slip into hormonal teenager mode; this is not a convenient time!

“Thanks. What are you doing up so early?” I ask, before taking my first sip of sweet caffeine to distract myself from Ryan and his bed-hair.

“Well, I need to intercept Nate if he has plans to go down to the café this morning, per our agreement, but I also wanted to make sure you got your caffeine fix. I didn’t know if you’d have time to brew the pot before work.”

“Well, thank you. That’s really sweet. I guess if I didn’t have time it wouldn’t be too much of a disaster, you know, because I’m going to be working in a café...lots of coffee there.” I laugh a little at my lame joke and take another sip from my cup. Feeling kind of embarrassed at both the fact that Ryan got up early - especially for me - and at my poor attempt at humor, I avert my eyes from him and stare at the fridge.
It’s as good a place as any.

“You hungry? You’ve got another twenty minutes until you need to leave. I can whip something up real quick?” he queries, heading to the fridge that I’m currently staring at.

Should have picked a different focal point!

“Oh, no thanks. I don’t think I could eat a thing right now. Thank you for the kind offer, though.” I smile at him, shyly, when he turns back to me.

“Is it because you’re nervous?” He sounds genuinely concerned, and it warms my heart a little, knowing he cares.

“Pretty much. I’ve got a pretty sizable knot in my stomach right now. No room for anything else,” I answer honestly with a halfhearted shrug.

“Well, like I said last night - you have nothing to worry about. I know that probably doesn’t help much, but you’ll be fine. I know it.” He sounds so certain, I almost believe him.

“We’ll see.” It’s all I have to say right now. I have no idea if I’ll be fine or if I’ll crash and burn on my first day. It sounds over-dramatic to speak of a job in a café this way, but there you have it. People who don’t understand anxiety might call me a drama queen. I wish being over-dramatic was my issue.

Ten minutes to go.

* * *

Ryan offered to walk me to work, but I declined on the basis that he might miss Nate and we’d end up with an awkward situation on our hands, involving me coming up with an elaborate story to explain my presence in the café at 6:30am with a ‘Calli’s Café’ apron on.

I’m not awake enough for that mess.

Now, at 6:25am, I’m standing outside Calli’s and taking some deep breaths. The ‘closed’ sign is hanging in the window, but lights are on and I’ve seen shadows moving in the back, which I presume is Calli prepping for the day.

Taking one last steadying breath, I step up to the glass-front door and tap lightly to alert Calli of my presence. I see her taking long strides to the front of the café, a warm smile beaming on her beautiful face, and it instantly makes me feel more relaxed. I don’t know her, yet, but I think she’ll be a good boss, and maybe even a friend.

She unbolts the door and opens it wide, welcoming me inside.

“Good morning, Natalie. Come in, come in. I’m so happy you’re here. My other waitress called in sick today, so it’s just us. I am thanking my lucky stars that you stopped by yesterday!”

Oh, Lord
. As if I wasn’t nervous enough, now I’m Calli’s only waitress? I can only hope I learn fast.

“Oh, no! Well I hope I’m more of a help than a hindrance,” I say as I walk in past Calli, who’s still holding the door open. She shuts it behind me, twisting the lock again.

“I’m sure you will be a great help, my dear! Now we still have a few minutes until opening time, so let me show you the basics.”

Calli makes quick work of showing me how to use the cash register and coffee maker, which is mercifully easier than I’d anticipated, and I’m surprised to realize that Calli’s need for me to focus and learn fast is actually keeping the anxiety at bay.

I concentrate on what Calli is saying, making mental notes as she shows me each important detail of serving the customers. Thankfully, Calli prepped the food we’ll need last night, and since it’s just the two of us, she’ll focus on making and serving the food orders, allowing me to focus on the easier drinks menu.

A feeling of relief begins to settle over me, as I realize I might actually do okay today. That relief subsides a little when Calli moves back to the front, flips the ‘closed’ sign to ‘open’ and unlocks the door.

* * *

The day went by in a blur of smiling faces, pleasantries and pickup lines. That’s right - pickup lines...aimed at
me.
It was completely unexpected and made me uncomfortable, if I’m honest. Especially when one guy got a little handsy and had to be ushered away by Calli, who literally
“shooed”
him from the premises. It was kind of funny and she assured me he was a regular and completely harmless, but I’d prefer him to refrain from grabbing my ass in the future, which I was sure to tell him in the nicest way possible. The customer is always right, after all.
Yeah right.

Ryan must have succeeded in his task of keeping Nate away from the café, because I haven’t seen him all day and now, at 6:30pm, it’s closing time and Calli and I are just finishing up cleaning the tables and countertops.

“I promise you won’t have to work twelve hour shifts every day, Natalie. I’m sorry you had to do that on your first day. You’ve been great; I cannot thank you enough,” Calli says with a warm smile as she moves to cash-out the register.

“Oh, I don’t mind. It went by so fast, I can’t believe it was twelve hours, really,” I reply sincerely. It really didn’t seem that long, and the only thing I really have to complain about is my sore feet. The most comfortable shoes in the world couldn’t save you from standing upright for a dozen hours.

“I am very happy it went well for you. Tara assured me she will definitely be here in the morning, so I will just need you for the afternoon shift. You can have a nice lie-in and soak your sore feet.” She gives me a knowing look with her last statement.

“You were so right about the heels. That would have been a nightmare!” I say with a laugh.

“Indeed! Now, before you leave, here are your tips from today and if you write your bank account details on this pad, I will have your wages deposited every two weeks, okay?”

“Okay, yeah, but I already have the tips I collected from tables today.”

“Ah yes, but these are from the tip jar on the counter from the ‘to-go’ customers. Take them,” she insists, handing the wad of cash to me.

“Oh, wow, thanks. I totally didn’t expect to earn so much in one day... Wow.” I’ll be able to give the guys some rent money tonight. Now I’ve just got to figure out how to make them accept it. I’m pretty sure it won’t go well.

“We have generous regulars in here, Natalie. A little advice - if you flirt, you get bigger tips, but
shh
, it’s a secret between just us girls,” she says with a conspiratorial wink.

I laugh again, writing my bank information down and stuffing the extra tips in my purse. Depositing my apron behind the counter, I say goodbye to Calli and she tells me to be in at noon tomorrow. I can’t say I’m unhappy about not waking up at the crack of dawn again. My body isn’t used to that time of day, and I’d prefer not to see it too often, no matter how pretty the sunrise might be.

Feeling giddy at how well today has gone, I decide to go to the store and pick up a little celebratory alcohol. I don’t drink often, but my mom and I liked to share a refreshing bottle of white wine on special occasions. It sends a pang to my heart, knowing she isn’t here to help celebrate this achievement, no matter how small it is. Somehow, I feel like sipping on a glass of our favorite beverage tonight will almost allow me to imagine she’s still here with me.

I pick up a bottle of Pinot Grigio and a case of my dad’s favorite beer, as I don’t really know what Nate and Ryan like drinking. Once I’ve paid for my wine, beer, tortilla chips, dips, cheese, crackers and chocolate (never go shopping on an empty stomach), I head back to the apartment with a pep in my step.

When I walk in the front door, Nate is already home, sitting at the breakfast bar on his phone, a somber look on his face. When he notices me, he says his goodbyes and hangs up on the unknown caller. His expression has me a little worried.

“Hey, is everything all right?” I ask tentatively, wondering if I really want to know the answer.

“Hey, Natty. Yeah, that was just Mom and Dad’s lawyer. The house sale’s gone through, and all the belongings from the house have been moved to storage, like we asked.”

It’s like a punch to the stomach. Our house is gone, sold to the highest bidder, and all our family’s possessions are in some dark garage somewhere. The place I called home my whole life is gone, along with my good mood.

I walk over to the kitchen and set the groceries on the counter, staring at them in a state of shock. Letting it sink in, I feel tears forming in my eyes and Nate notices as soon as they do.

“Natty, come here,” he says as he grabs my shoulders and pulls me into a tight hug. 

I don’t know how long we stand there, me sobbing into my brother’s shoulder, soaking his shirt and him sniffling next to my ear, trying to hold in his own emotions so he can ease mine. Occasionally, he whispers, “It’s going to be okay.”
I wish I could believe him.

Eventually, he moves back slightly and looks into my eyes. Brushing my tears from my cheeks, he glances at the groceries along with the case of beer I bought.

“So what’s all that for?”

“Um, it doesn’t matter now,” I say, feeling deflated and no longer in the mood to celebrate anything.

“You got Dad’s beer,” he states, his voice still thick with emotion.

“Yeah, well I didn’t know what you and Ryan like to drink, so...”

“Thank you. You didn’t have to get beer for us, you just bought groceries yesterday,” he says with a sad smile.

“It’s fine. I’m just going to go to my room and lie down for a while, okay?” I say, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

“I don’t think you should be alone right now, Natalie. You’re really upset. Let me take care of you,” Nate says with concern lacing every word.

“Please, Nate. I really just want to be alone for a while.”

“Okay, just let me know if you need me.”

“I will. I love you, Nate.”

“I love you, too, Little N...so much.”

He gives me another tight hug, then I head to my room and close the door.

I lie on the bed, just thinking about everything and nothing, occasionally shedding more silent tears, and then I feel an intense need to talk to Land. He’ll make me feel better; make me forget everything for a while. I can only hope that he’s online right now. I don’t know if I can take the disappointment of him not being there, again.

OffLand18 is online.

Oh, thank God!

OffLand18 says: Hey, baby! How was your first day?

BabyDove94 says: It was good.

OffLand18 says: You don’t seem too sure?

BabyDove94 says: No, it really was. My new boss is great, she was pleased with me. I picked up everything really quickly and didn’t have a panic attack, so it went way better than expected.