Boston Boys [01] - A Life Without You (24 page)

“It’s definitely not you,” I say and let my eyes run over his hot body one last time. His cock is visibly hard in his leather pants.

He’ll probably find a new man in a matter of seconds. Only a crazy guy like me would turn down a hot number like him.

A Life Without You
187

I throw out my apologies one last time and leave – not just the booth, or the bathroom, but the club as well. I text Eric saying I’m heading back to get some sleep.

But sleep isn’t something I get right away. I find Jesse sitting in the darkness in the messy Box when I get back. My head is still reeling and my body is horny with thoughts of Jesse on my way over. He stands up and approaches me slowly, his eyes locked on mine. He inhales my scent as he gets closer and I inhale his.

“New cologne?” he asks, tilting his pretty head a little.

“It’s not mine,” I say, realizing that Jazz’s smell must be all over me.

That’s how Jesse seems to interpret it as well. His eyebrows slant upwards in a pained expression, he swallows hard, and his big eyes well up. I close the short space between us and tilt his head back. As I do the tears trickle from his beautiful eyes and down his cheeks.

“Adam,” he whispers, his voice strung with pain. “Tell me you didn’t…”

He lets me walk him into a corner between the wall and the fridge and press my lips against his neck. It feels so right to kiss him, to taste him, to touch his warm body. My hand slides under his t-shirt while the other yanks down his pants. As usual, he’s not wearing any underwear.

“Adam,” he gasps. He doesn’t even try to struggle, but I still hold him in place while I eat his neck and run my hands over his tight ass. He moans silently and takes in sobs of air as I undo my belt and buttons. My lips travel upwards to find his, but I use all the willpower I have
not
to kiss him on the mouth. I know that if I do all will be lost.

If Jesse doesn’t want me fucking other guys, he’ll just have to let me fuck him instead.

I kiss him hungrily anywhere but on the mouth as I lift him in my arms and pull his leg free of his pants. I hold him up with one arm as I spit all the salvia I can gather, into my palm, before I lather it all over my half-hard cock. As I pump it into full erection
188 Erica Pike

I spread Jesse’s cheeks and then I shove my cock up his ass.

Jesse grunts and sucks air in pain, but he doesn’t stop me. He holds me tightly as I thrust my length up his tunnel with my lips, tongue, and teeth on his neck and collar bone. My jabs are slow at first and I fill him up with each shove until my pelvis is tight against his ass. Then I go faster when my precome makes my cock run a little smoother, but the friction is so rough it’s almost painful.

Jesse moans quietly and sobs into my hair, arms clutched around my neck. Otherwise he keeps quiet as I ram his ass, half carrying him in my arms, panting like a sex-starved beast. The smell of sex and Jesse’s cologne mix with our sweat and hits my senses as the scent slithers up my nostrils and leaves me feeling intoxicated. I let out deep groans when I feel the swirl in my balls tighten. Jesse breathes hard in my ear as he tries to keep his voice back, but his cut-back grunts and choked moans, along with this tense muscles, tell me that he’s close as well.

His hips move with mine in an unsynchronized rhythm. He breathes my name into my ear, his whispers going higher with each thrust. His voice is painted with need and hurt when he tells me that he loves me. He clenches his teeth against my head with forced-back grunts while his whole body tightens. I groan against his neck as I shove the last few times and then I shoot up his ass when he clamps down on me with a high cry.

We stay still like that for a while, both drowning in high, listening and seeing if anyone’s awake. When I hear nothing I let him slide to the floor.

“Sorry,” I say to him, my voice sounding surprisingly monotone. I tuck my softening cock into my pants, still not registering what I just did.

“Don’t,” he pants. “I’m glad you fucked me instead of some other guy. Thank you, Adam.”

I look down at his tear-lined cheeks and consider, only for a moment, to take him up to our old room and fuck him again, only properly with tenderness and love and proper lube. I’d lick A Life Without You
189

away those tears and tell him how much I love him. At the same time I’m irritated with myself for letting loose on Jesse after all the hard work of staying away. I don’t think I’ll tell Eric about this; he’d go ballistic.

“I force myself on you and you thank me?” I rub my face with my palm. I didn’t fuck Jesse as a replacement for Jazz. I fucked Jesse because I was weak for him and when I saw him waiting up for me…

“Adam, come to me anytime you need release. Anytime.

Just…just don’t do it with other guys,
please
.” As he whispers that last word in a pleading voice, more tears spill over.

I close my eyes when I can’t watch him cry anymore. I hate that I’m hurting him. I’m not supposed to hurt him because I love him. But there’s a simple solution to this, only he can’t see it and it frustrates me to hell. All he has to do is break up with Anne.

“Sorry that I hurt you. I hope I didn’t tear anything,” I say in a low voice. “This won’t happen again. I’ll find another outlet.” He calls my name as I leave. I hear him fumbling with his pants before I shut the door to Eric’s room. I don’t answer when he knocks for half an hour, begging me to talk to him. I curl myself under my sheet and clamp my hands over my ears. I shut my eyes as if that should help. My whole body trembles and tears spill over as I stand my ground and refuse to open the door for the man I love.

“We should just go to the library,” I mutter. The yellow painted walls in the living room are making me sleepy. The darkness outside isn’t helping and the light from the lamp and chandelier is too faint. The whole lot makes my eyelids feel heavy and my head cloudy.

A few drops of rain tap against the window while Eric rustles through some pink sheets of notes.

“I told you already, it’s full. We could always go back to our room, but you kept whining about being cooped up there all day.” We spend every waking minute studying. It’s the same as usual; he’s nervous about the exams and takes it out on me. The first exam is tomorrow morning and he always insists upon eight hours of sleep before an exam, so we should be finishing up soon. But honestly? Everything I read past this point is a waste of time, because I’m too damned tired.

“And we can’t sit on the sofa because…?”

“Because you look like you’re ready to pass out,” he replies.

“The hard carpet will keep you uncomfortable enough to stay awake.”

I haven’t seen Jesse in almost a week. I don’t know if he’s avoiding me or if he’s been busy. What I did to him that night was horrible. I swear, I had burn marks on my cock after that barbaric treatment, so I can only imagine how painful it must have been for Jesse. But I can’t shake this sick feeling in my stomach that he’s decided to give up on me, and I wouldn’t blame him.

“Ah, here it is.” Eric pulls out a piece of paper and flattens it on the brown carpet. Eric’s notes are always very thorough, but almost every corner of every paper is decorated with tiny stick figures having sex. It amazes me that he’s able to doodle and take excessive notes at the same time. “Why are you being so gloomy today?”

192 Erica Pike

Seriously. Nothing ever escapes him – except for my very brief hook-up with Jesse a week ago. Eric wasn’t even looking at my face. Does that mean I really am oozing some gloomy emoaura?

“It’s nothing,” I mumble.

“Dude, seriously, lighten up will you? You may be gorgeous, but your personality sucks. If I wanted to bask in broody emoness I’d watch reruns of Twilight.”

I raise my eyebrow. “You watch Twilight?”

“No, I didn’t say that. Well, maybe if there is nothing else on TV.”

“Do they do reruns of Twilight on TV?”

“Fine, I have the collection – but it was a gift from Benji.” I keep my eyes steady on Eric who keeps his locked on the paper on the floor.

“Oh come on!” His eyes snap up to meet my stare. “Robert Pattinson is seriously hot as Edward Cullen. You have to think so too since he’s your type.”

My body shakes with laughter. “Seriously, dude, your taste in men is lacking. That guy is
not
my type. Are you sure you’re gay?”

“You know I am!”

His white eyebrows meet in the middle which makes me laugh even harder. I laugh so hard my stomach cramps up.

“You know what? Switch back to emo-mode. I like you better that way.”

“Oh come on,” I say through honest attempts to tame my laughter. Annoyed Eric is cute, but angry Eric is scary, which is why I need to put a plug in it, and soon. I put my hand on his shoulder and snigger. “I’m just a little sleep-deprived. It’s all your fault, you know? What time did you finally let me go to sleep last night?”

“Are you saying I’m wearing you out? You’re such a wimp.

You have no endurance at all. Just suck it up and take it like a A Life Without You
193

man, will you?”

“Yes, daddy,” I reply in giggles.

“You want daddy? I’ll give you daddy,” Eric says, fighting back his own smiles. “Pull down your pants and let me spank that ass of yours. I’ll smack it so hard you won’t be able to sit for a week.” I’m still battling my giggles when I feel like I’m being watched.

The faint light casts shadows on Jesse’s face where he stands in the doorway. His hand covers his mouth and he looks away, but not quickly enough. I saw the tears well up in his eyes. Before I can say anything he’s running up the stairs.

“Wh…?” The smile on my face has dissolved.

“My bad,” Eric mumbles.

I turn my gaze from the door over to Eric. He’s looking right back at me.

“Just… if you think about what we were saying, it may have sounded like I was keeping you up all night with something other than studying…and the spanking thing. I’m willing to bet Jesse thinks we’re having some crazy wild sex.” I close my eyes and let loose a deep sigh. That’s definitely what Jesse’s thinking and that’s definitely why he’s crying. He asked me to come to him if I wanted sex and now he thinks I’m having sex with Eric because I told him I’d find another way to relieve myself next time.

“I guess we should stop for the night. Get some sleep. Okay?” says Eric.

“Yeah,” I mutter and help him gather the books and notes.

Does Jesse really think I could move on to the next person so easily? Does he think I’m unaffected by us being apart? My own pain has to be etched on my face every day.

Or maybe it isn’t. Eric told me once that my face is sometimes completely unreadable, like a mask. He even tried to convince me to go to Vegas with him because he says I have a perfect poker face.

194 Erica Pike

Maybe Jesse thinks I’m over him.

§ § § §

I couldn’t sleep half the night. I wanted to run upstairs and set things straight with Jesse.

Eric advised against it right before he passed out on his bed.

He’d mumbled that not only would I buckle and give in if I went up there, but it would also be good for Jesse to think about his options. He knows what my terms are and last night he must have realized what’ll happen if he chooses Chirpy; he’ll lose me to some other guy.

I kept wondering if Jesse was curled up in his bed crying because of this. Imagining him crying felt like I was trying to swallow down a handful of broken glass. I ended up on the bathroom floor after emptying my stomach before shedding a few quiet tears on the white porcelain. I don’t think I’ve cried more in my life than I’ve cried since meeting Jesse. Not even as an infant. My grandma always told me that I was born with a serious frown on my face.

I was far from refreshed when I took the exam, but I somehow squeezed through. The only good thing about today is that I got my STD test results back and there were no nasty surprises. The downside is that I fucked Jesse in the kitchen without a condom and I might have syphilis now.

I don’t get any time to show Jesse the results because Eric whisks me away to the library. We have two exams tomorrow.

He keeps asking me about what answers I gave to the questions in today’s test and he’s not particularly happy with my lack of enthusiasm. Studying with Eric is hard when he’s in a good mood, but it’s absolute hell when he’s in a bad mood.

It doesn’t help that Jesse’s studying in the library too. I have the STD results in my pocket, but he looks so focused on his book that I don’t want to disturb him. His hair brushes against his cheek as he bends over the thick volume. He taps his pencil against his thigh. It’s hard to see his eyes from where I sit so I can’t tell if they’re red and puffy. When he does notice me, about A Life Without You
195

an hour after Eric and I sat down, he packs his stuff and leaves.

It breaks my heart to see him hurt. I hate that he avoids me.

It’s not like I can concentrate on studying anyhow. Wouldn’t it be better if I went after him and explained so I can stop worrying?

‘
Going out for coffee. Need anything?
’ I write and show to Eric who shakes his head and mouths ‘
Hurry back.
’

I do hurry, but I can’t see Jesse when I reach the grounds.

Our dorm is right outside the library so I dart over and look for Jesse in the Box and the living room. I swallow hard when I stand outside his door with my hand raised. I’m finally here. I don’t know what’s gonna happen between us, but I do know that I want to set his mind at ease. Those tears of his are like drops of acid in my throat.

No one answers when I knock. Maybe he’s in the bathroom.

My voice is unsteady when I say his name with another knock.

Maybe he’s just not answering like I ignored his banging on the door a week ago.

I wait for a minute before fishing out my key. I still have it. I always keep it in my pocket. I don’t know why Eric never made me get rid of it. I kind of feel like I’m betraying Eric when I slip the key into the hole and twist it.