He took one last look down the hallway toward the room where his son had finally quieted, then gestured for Brianna to lead the way downstairs, since this was her house, and he didn’t like having her eyes on his back. He already felt watched in this house.
At the bottom of the stairs, Brianna turned left and went into the room he supposed was a den, since this was the room with the comfortable furniture, the big TV, and the family photos hanging on the walls. Several large boxes occupied the open spaces. He wondered if they’d sold the house, but was too distracted to ask.
“
Listen,” he said as soon as she turned around and sat on the arm of the sofa, “I was wondering if you’d mind keeping Ethan tonight.” When she frowned, he hurried to explain himself. “I know it’s spur of the moment, but this is important. I think Jenna and I need to spend a little time alone.”
Brianna crossed her arms, a thoughtful expression on her face. “Why? Do you have something planned?” She raised an eyebrow, shrewdly. “Do you have
big
plans?”
Not big plans, huge plans. But he wasn’t going to discuss them with a teenager, Jenna’s sister, and someone he barely knew. “We just have a lot of things to talk about.”
She continued to eye him, now squinting. “Are you gonna pay child support?”
He jerked his head back in surprise, not expecting to be confronted about money by a teenager. “Yeah. Of course. That’s not a problem.”
“
Good.” The girl continued to squint at him. “If you hurt her, or Ethan, I’ll find you and gouge your eyes out and then set you on fire.”
Fair enough. “But will you watch Ethan tonight?”
She shrugged. “Sure. If you pay for pizza. I’m not gonna sit here all bored by myself. I’ve been at home for two whole days and I’m going crazy. I was supposed to meet some people, but I’ll see if they’ll come over here.”
The sound of Jenna jogging down the stairs ended the conversation and he quickly dug a few twenties out of his wallet, glad he’d thought to stop by an ATM, and handed them to Brianna. She snatched the bills and stuffed them in her jeans pocket. He turned around, trying to appear casual.
Jenna looked into the living room, then spotted bodies in the den and came to stand in the doorway. She kept that ever-so-cool façade on her beautiful face, but he could see in her eyes she was wondering….
“
Sam was just twisting my arm,” Brianna said brightly as she moved past him. “I said I’d keep Ethan so you two can go out alone. I was planning on staying in, anyway. So have fun.”
Jenna caught her arm as Brianna attempted to slip past. But she spoke to Sam. “What’s going on?”
“
Nothing,” Brianna answered instead. “Just go out and have fun for a change. Your life is depressing.”
“
Let’s go out for a bit,” Sam said, trying to keep his tone light. “No big deal.”
“
Don’t worry, I’ll feed him and do everything right and put him to bed on time,” Brianna announced and made her escape.
“
Then I guess we’re off. We’ll take my truck,” Sam said, hurrying forward to usher Jenna toward the door before she could object. And before he could chicken out.
But at the door, Jenna stepped away from him and glanced up the stairs, slowly turning her gaze back to him. “Where exactly are we going on a Sunday? And why are you both acting weird?”
“
Just out. Not weird. Dinner.” He raked his hair out of his face and tried to stay calm. He didn’t need any additional hassles on a night like this, he was nervous enough. “I just asked your sister if she’d keep Ethan so we could go out for a while.”
She stared at him, and then looked down at herself as if worried about her outfit. She looked beautiful to him in the green gauzy shirt and jeans, green sandals with sparkles on them. “Go where?”
“
Nowhere fancy. You look great. We haven’t had any private time together. That’s all. Your sister’s here to watch him. When was the last time you got out on your own?”
“
About three years ago,” she said, and almost smiled. Not quite, but he’d caught sight of it, that hint of the young woman he used to know, the one who used to fill him with joy and made him want to howl when she’d give him her wicked little smile and lean against him.
He took a chance and touched that skin and jaw with the back of his fingers, encouraged when she didn’t step away. “Then how about it? This is just what you need. Let me take you out tonight.”
She hesitated, pretending to study her shoes. “I can’t stay out late. I have work tomorrow.”
“
No problem. It’s still early.”
She hesitated another moment, then seemed to make up her mind. “I’ll just go tell him I’m leaving.”
“
I’ll come along,” Sam said, moving to catch up.
She stopped on the bottom step and looked at him as if he were pushy enough, or dense enough, to intrude on a private moment between mother and child. Then he saw the realization, the change in her eyes when she remembered that her child was also, amazingly, his child.
She lowered her gaze and started up the stairs at a brisk pace. “Okay. I guess.”
He followed more slowly, all encouragement lost as a dark sense of foreboding settled over him.
***
Jenna climbed into the passenger seat of Sam’s dusty truck, feeling as if she were in the cockpit of an airplane. The world looked different from this height, and so did Sam. He shut her door then walked around and settled in behind the wheel, chuckling to himself.
“
That kid is something else,” he said. “It doesn’t scare you when he screams like that? I’ve witnessed a few temper tantrums over the years, but always from someone else’s kid. Seeing Ethan like that….” He chuckled awkwardly. “I think I was actually paralyzed for a minute.”
She’d felt that way in the beginning, in the early days. But now it didn’t even faze her. “He’s at that age.”
“
He took it well when we left, though.”
“
Because Bri’s here. You should have seen what used to happen sometimes when I left him at daycare.”
Sam chuckled but didn’t ask for details.
They rode in silence until Sam turned onto the highway, and the silence was so thick Jenna could barely breathe.
“
Did you drive here all the way from Texas?”
“
Yeah. I like seeing the scenery along the way and I was planning on being here for two or three weeks, so I’d rather have my truck.”
“
Where do you live there? Exactly.”
“
About a hundred miles from Lubbock. I’d tell you the name of the town but you’ve never heard of it.”
She nodded, but had no idea where Lubbock was, either. She made a mental note to look it up on a map later.
He swept dust off the seat, chucking by way of an apology. “This is west Texas dust. I should have thought to get the truck washed.”
“
It’s fine,” she said, even as her nose tickled. “It’s not that bad.”
He stretched his arm along the back of her seat and began lazily stroking her hair, shocking her still.
Her scalp tingled under his touch and she knew she should make him stop petting her. But his touch felt so good she couldn’t make herself.
“
Where are we going?” she asked. She could barely hear her own voice.
He sent her a sly glance. “I’ve got somewhere special in mind. I think you’ll like it.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
This was not a good idea, Jenna thought as she stared up at the old farmhouse. She hadn’t thought much about the house over the past three years, but seeing it now, she realized it had never really left her. Nausea settled in her stomach and she wasn’t certain she could do this. Too many memories lived here.
“
What are we doing here?” she asked Sam, who was sitting in the driver’s seat like a parent who’d just surprised his child with a trip to Disneyland.
“
Do you remember this place?”
The place where Ethan was conceived? “Of course I do. This is the house with the pond.
The
pond. You brought me here a dozen times. This is where…. I don’t think this is a good idea.”
He frowned at her, as if surprised by her reaction, then leaned toward her and began stroking her hair, sending fresh chills down her arms and spine. “We had good times out here. And one especially good night. A great night. Don’t confuse it with the bad feelings that came after. I don’t want to lose what we shared out here.”
“
It wasn’t the same for me,” she answered.
“
All right,” he said, his tone falling sober. “Then maybe it’ll do us some good to come back here. Face up to the past and all of that. Put it behind us so we can move on.”
She stared at the gentle white country home with blue shutters. “Who lives here? Your uncle or cousin? I can’t remember now.”
“
My brother Jack. You met him. People sometimes think he’s my uncle because he’s fifteen years older than me. Actually, Jack’s a lot older than all the rest of us. About ten years between him and Boone. Mom had a couple of miscarriages during that time. Then there’s Mike, then Frankie, and then, finally, me. But don’t worry. Jack’s not here right now. He’s at Boone’s house for a few hours. I asked him to give us some space.”
“
So, what is this place?” she asked, realizing she’d never thought to ask. Or, if she had, she’d forgotten. “Some kind of old family home or something?”
“
It was my grandparents’ place. Jack bought it from the aunts and uncles after my grandmother passed away. But it didn’t look like this then. Jack cleared the land and completely renovated the house. It used to be this rundown house in the middle of the woods. The pond was maybe half an acre and all murky. He made it what it is now. He’s the industrious one. He has a landscaping company and a construction company, and he’s also an electrician. He’s in the works to buy an HVAC company.”
She knew she was stalling, and knew Sam knew she was stalling, but thankfully, he was patient enough to give her time.
“
But he’s moping around right now,” Sam continued when she kept staring at the house. “Just broke up with his girlfriend. We’re all tiptoeing around him and I thought it’d be good for him to get out of the house for an evening.”
She watched him, realizing how kind he could be, rambling on so she wouldn’t feel nervous. “I’m sorry about that.” She could barely hear her own voice. “About your brother.”
He gave her an encouraging little shake and said in a slightly humorous voice, “Ready to face your demons, honey?”
“
No.” And she wasn’t ready, but she knew that Sam might be right. If she could make herself step out of this vehicle, she could stare the past in the face and force it to evacuate her heart and mind. Suddenly feeling sharp and sober, she forced up her resolve. “Let’s do it, anyway.”
She opened her door, stepped out into the warm, humid evening, and shut the door. Behind this house was the pond where Ethan was conceived. Although it was impossible, it seemed she could hear the water lapping against the bank and smell fish in the air. Suddenly it seemed as if she were a thousand miles from home.
She missed her son, and missed the wonderful numb feeling that kept her grounded most of the time.
Sam stepped up beside her and began stroking her hair again, offering more comfort than he probably realized.
“
You lead the way,” she told him.
He rested his arm around her shoulders and tilted forward to meet her gaze. “Remember, it’s just a house.”
Actually, the house didn’t bother her. She’d never been inside the house. Their time had always been spent out at the pond behind the house. With vivid clarity, she remembered the last time she’d been there. Over the years she’d looked back on that night and thought of this place as Sam’s secret weapon - a beautiful sunset on a warm summer’s night, a picnic on a soft blanket, floating on a big raft, watching the ducks and lightning bugs and reflections on the gentle water. And then, the final ingredient: moonlight and stars. Lying on their backs gazing up at the shining stars in the night sky. All he’d had to do then was roll over and begin.
“
Are you okay?” he asked. “You look on the verge of being sick. Maybe this was a bad idea.”
“
I’m fine.” In fact, she was beginning to go numb inside again, gaining strength. “Really. You’re right. I need to see it again.”
Sam draped his arm around her shoulder, propelling them along a brick walkway that led to the back of the house. “My dad has a saying. If a memory's not a good one, you're not remembering it right.”
“
Actually,” she said, “I like that. I like that a lot.”
***
Sam shut the screen door and stood watching Jenna, trying to gauge her mood, her thoughts, her feelings about this entire situation. She stood at the top of the steps with her arms crossed behind her back, staring in the direction of the pond.
He’d seen her take this backward protective stance a few times now, and was beginning to really notice. He had to appreciate how the pose forced her chest forward, accentuating what was definitely worth accentuating. But he wondered what the body language meant. It almost seemed as if a part of her were trying to break free and run in the opposite direction.