Branded (19 page)

“No,” she said firmly. “Jessica, it’s not worth it. I can’t let you do that to yourself. You’re too good. You’re such a good person.” With that she suddenly stopped talking, as if she felt she had said more than she should have already. I hadn’t gotten anything out of that, whatever it was she felt she divulged.

Frustration flowed through me, giving my stomach an uncomfortable lurch. I could feel that exhaustion was not far off from completely consuming me. “Okay then,” I sighed, taking a step closer toward Alex, closing the gap between us and resting lightly against him for support. “Call me if you think of anything.”

Turmoil churned in Emily’s eyes but she simply nodded her head. She was going to give away no secrets today. “I will, I promise. And call me if anything else happens or changes.”

We said quick good-byes as the group of Pilates women who followed us started coming in. I felt embarrassed and weak that I had to lean on Alex for so much support just to make it back out to the truck.

“Well that was frustrating,” I huffed as he closed his door and started the engine.

“I’m not exactly surprised,” he said as he looked over his shoulder and backed out of the parking space. “This isn’t exactly a normal thing. You can’t really blame her for not knowing what to tell you.”

“I can blame her though for not telling me how to make the nightmares stop,” I hissed. I could feel the frustration boiling just under my skin.

“It sounds like she has a good reason for not telling you,” he said quietly, keeping his eyes on the road.

For a brief moment I wanted to be angry with Alex for siding with Emily but the emotion was gone as quickly as it surfaced. “I’m sorry,” I quickly apologized. “I shouldn’t judge her like that.” I still felt frustrated though.

Alex only glanced in my direction with a sad smile and reached for my hand, wrapping my rather frail looking fingers in his giant ones.

I tried insisting that I help Alex unload everything when we got home but part of me was relieved when he demanded that I go lay down. I was pathetically exhausted and my head was starting to spin again. I suspected that had something to do with how everything was so shockingly clear, the effect was beyond disorienting.

A hot bath was calling to my aching body and even though I knew it probably wouldn’t help my spinning head, I filled the tub with hot water and poured a good helping of bubble bath in. With how the light had been bothering my eyes lately, sending throbbing shots of pain through my brain, I lit a few small candles and set them on the counter and turned the light out. I quickly stripped down and dropped carefully into the steaming water. Only moments later I heard a faint knocking on the door to the bathroom.

“Jessica?” Alex’s voice called quietly.

“Ya,” I answered, though it came out almost as a pained moan.

“You’ve got a letter here. The return address is from Idaho.”

I gave a frustrated sigh and rolled my eyes. Great, just what I needed. A letter from my dad.

“Come in, it’s not locked,” I called when I realized it wasn’t.

He poked his head in, not looking directly at me. I appreciated his respect for my privacy. He looked just a little more comfortable when he realized there was nothing he could see through the frothy bubbles.

I pulled a hand out of the water and shook the bubbles and water off it, reaching for the towel right next to the tub to dry it off.

“You want me to open it for you?”

“Please,” I said as I tried to sit up a little better without showing anything embarrassing.

He tore the envelope open and unfolded the letter.

“Would you like anything for lunch?” he asked hopefully as he handed me the single sheet of paper.

At his words my stomach gave a gurgling flop. My face must have reflected what my stomach felt.

“Guess that’s a no?” he asked, his voice sounding down-fallen.

His expression was so defeated it made my heart do a slight squeeze. “I’ll try some toast. That should be safe enough for me to handle.”

This seemed to brighten his mood a little and a small smile cracked on his face. “Okay,” he whispered as he bent to press a kiss to my forehead and went out, closing the door behind him.

As his form retreated through the door, I couldn’t help but smile just a little. I could not have found a more perfect person for me.

The smile quickly faded as I turned my attention back to the letter in my hand. It was quickly becoming limp and damp from the steam still rising off the surface of the water.

The letter was filled with a bunch of the usual. His business was going good, Amber had just broken up with her new boyfriend, and grandma was still hanging in there.

He did, however, close the letter by saying he was going to be coming to Seattle in just a few days for my mother’s birthday. She had always wanted to visit the huge city, well, huge to an Idahoan, and he was finally taking her for her forty-fifth birthday. He said he hoped and prayed I might tell them where I was or at least come to see them there. He said he missed me. He made no mention of what my mother thought about that scenario.

Despite my anger towards my parents, I did feel guilty for totally abandoning my father like I had. He had always been kind and, well, not exactly understanding, because how could one possibly understand what I was going through, but at least open and non-judgmental. He had always been there for me and made sure I had someone to talk to if I needed.

Not that I had ever really taken him up on that. And I could always tell he had been ashamed of the way my mother constantly reacted to me. I knew it had been a source of strain on their marriage. I had heard the fights.

My mom seemed convinced that I was making everything up and that I was simply asking for attention.

When she realized this wasn’t just a faze, she got worried, becoming terrified about everything I said and did. When things still did not stop, she turned to anger and resentment.

And then with the final step, she decided I needed to be committed. That was the end of my relationship with my mother. I doubted there was anything she could say or do to bridge that canyon she had blown between us.

I dropped the letter on the floor next to the tub and sank as deep as I could manage. It was a strange thought, that my family would only be two hours away in just a few days. I knew there was no possibility of me actually telling them where to find me or of me going down to meet them, but it was still strange to know they would be so close. I had been so disconnected from them for so long, the thought of family seemed foreign almost.

It didn’t take long for my head to start spinning and throbbing, forcing me to get out of the comforting water.

With pleasant surprise, I found my pajamas folded on my bed, feeling delightfully warm as if they had just been pulled out of the dryer.

The days had been torturously slow since I had become sick but finally the day came to a close. This was neither a sad nor a happy thing, there were mixed feelings.

The end of a day brought the dim hope that the following day would bring an end to my mysterious sickness but at the same time it meant the never ending fight of sleep.

Alex didn’t ever pressure me to sleep but the last few nights he had asked me to stay with him as he slept. I was sure it had something to do with the fact that he felt he had to continually watch over me but I did not protest. I could think of no better heaven than being able to lie in his arms all night and stare into his beautiful face.

Tonight was different than other nights. Alex was normally perfectly peaceful as he slept but that night he tossed and turned. He muttered the same two words for hours. “No…stay.” I debated waking him but could not bring myself to do so. It did eventually cease and he settled down, dropping off into a deep slumber. He even snored softly.

I had been ignoring it all night but I could feel the fever building back up. My hands were getting clammy and beads of sweat formed along my brow and along my upper lip. It felt as if there was a fire coursing just under my skin, threatening to scorch me to a crisp at any moment.

As reluctant as I was to leave Alex’s side, I did not want to wake him. I was sure if he happened to touch my skin, the dangerous temperature would wake him instantly.

With a stifled moan, I rolled out of the bed and wandered into my apartment. I retrieved a small, light blanket from my bedroom, then as quietly as I could, opened the door that led out onto the deck.

The air was crisp and cold. It felt refreshing on my burning skin. As I closed the door silently behind me, I took a deep breath, feeling the cleansing effect of Mother Nature.

If only she could take away all the torment in my life. I was so tired of it all.

The deck was large, expanding along the entire backside of the house that overlooked the lake and on the bottom level it wrapped around the south side as well. I wandered to this side to my favorite seat. It seemed out of place, being on the side of the house that almost looked at the neighbor’s house, the ones I had never met, but there was a slight nook that went into the side of the house. Right next to the built in seat was the window that looked into my bedroom.

I settled myself into the seat, resting my back against the wall, pulling my knees up under my chin. Dawn was not far off, I thought as I assessed the slight glow that hung in the perfectly clear sky. The clear sky also meant it was much colder than if it had stayed overcast. I wasn’t about to complain though. This was exactly what I needed to help cool off the fever. None of the medications we had tried had any effect. The majority of the time they had made reappearances soon after ingestion.

A slight breeze picked up off the water, ruffling my wild curls. A faint movement caught my eye and I turned to investigate.

It took me a moment to realize what the movement was but as the breeze blew by again, I saw something wiggle in between the siding just under my window. The siding was coming loose and needed some attention that wasn’t exactly my forte and I could see how it would be easy for something to get in it. I gingerly got to my feet and took the step toward it, wedging my fingers under it to pull the object out.

It was a feather. My fingers traced over its silky surface over and over again as I sat back in my seat. It was perfectly shaped, without a single flaw to its blindingly white surface, despite being wedged into the siding. It looked familiar for some reason but this made little sense to me. Why would a feather seem familiar? I quickly realized the reasoning. This feather was unmistakably just like the feather I had found in Sal’s room at the hospital. The one that was still in my purse. I wondered for a brief moment if this was the same one but quickly dismissed that thought.

The one I had found in Sal’s room was much longer; this one was only about three inches long.

I couldn’t help staring at the beautiful thing as I clasped it tightly between my fingers. I must have stared at it, memorizing its surface, for a good half hour as the sun finally managed to break over the tops of the trees before me.

My stomach gave a violent lurch and I just managed to spring to my feet in time to empty it over the side of the deck when I was blinded by the light that reflected in my eyes. A sharp metallic sheen had danced off the surface of the small feather I held in my hands. As I straightened back up, I held it as far from my body as possible, my hands shaking so violently I was afraid I would drop it.

It was undeniable and unexplainable as I stared at the glint that came off the feather. I had seen this before, hundreds of times, though never on just a single feather and never during waking hours. Where could this have possibly come from but the wing of an angel? It was obviously not from a bird and it in no way fit into the world of nature.

The world began to spin madly and everything tipped just slightly as the fear of what this actually meant sank in. I may have felt the physical effects of my nightmares and had the impossible scars on my neck and back but the angels stayed in the nightmares. I left them behind as I woke. But as I stared at this feather I realized I was never going to be free of this never ending nightmare. They were somehow following me into the real world now.

Another horrifying realization hit me. I
had
seen this feather somewhere else, even if I hadn’t realized what it actually was. I had found one in Sal’s hospital room.

Hoping and praying that Alex was still asleep, I dashed into my tiny living room and rummaged through my purse.

It had gotten a little buried but despite the abuse it had gone through, it still looked absolutely perfect and flawless. My hands continued to shake violently as I walked back to the window and held it up to the sunlight breaching over the tops of the trees.

The sharp glint that blinded me was undeniable.

I collapsed onto my couch, my knees no longer able to support my weight. I sat there numb with the two feathers clutched in my hands, unable to make my mind think.

I didn’t know what to do or how to react to this. This wasn’t anything I had dealt with before nor was it anything I had prepared myself to face. The possibility that the angels could follow me into waking hours never crossed my mind.

It was too terrifying to consider.

But an angel had been outside my bedroom window.

It had been watching me.

The sun had finally risen completely in the sky before I could pull myself slightly out of my numb state and with shock, I realized it was almost eight-thirty. I was amazed Alex had not woken up yet. Realizing I had only one hope, one lifeline to turn to for any chance of help, I grabbed the phone next to my bed and went back outside.

“Hello?” a cheerful voice answered.

“Emily?” I replied, my voice sounding frantic.

“Jessica, what’s wrong?” she immediately questioned.

My nerves were too shot to beat around the bush or lead up to my question. I nearly vomited just asking it.

“Can an angel escape?”

“Escape? What are you talking about?”

“Can they follow you into the real world? After you’ve woken up?” my voice trembled so horribly I was amazed she could even understand me.

“Follow you? I don’t understand. They’re dead, Jessica. How could they come into the real world?” My breath holding painfully in my throat, I nodded my head. That was enough of an answer for me. Emily didn’t know anything. She had never heard of them escaping.

“Never mind,” I said quietly into the phone, keeping my voice carefully controlled. “Forget I said anything. I’ll talk to you later.”

I didn’t wait for her to respond to hang up the phone.

I returned the phone to its dock and climbed absentmindedly into the shower. I didn’t even notice how the water was ice cold as it hit my skin, sending waves of goose bumps across my arms and legs.

A new fear spread through me as everything turned over and over in my head. A fear for those around me, those I cared deeply about. It was bad enough I had to deal with the angels but those around me did not know the true nature of them. They wouldn’t be prepared for what they really were. Considering the things the condemned had done to earn their branding, they had their black eye color for a reason.

The faces flashed through my head, those that mattered most. Alex, Sal, my dad and my sister who would be coming this way soon. I quivered at the realization that they would be coming to the place where an angel had escaped into.

As I closed my eyes and rested my forehead against the wall of the shower I heard the twisted laughter resounding in the back of my head. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was just a crazy thing I subconsciously brought on myself or if it were a little more real than I had ever dared to consider. I couldn’t bring myself to believe the latter was true. No, it had to just be something I was bringing on myself. It had to be.