Authors: Keary Taylor
The clatter of dishes being washed in my kitchen drew me from my thoughts. I quickly washed my hair, still not noticing the way the ice cold water was all too soothing to my scorching skin.
I dressed slowly, unsure of how I was going to do what I knew I had to do. I wasn’t a good actress but I knew I had to protect Alex from this. I had already put too much on him. I wouldn’t let him bear the possibility this whole nightmare was real. I cared for him enough to keep that away from him.
The face that stared back at me in the mirror looked calm and composed. I sat before it for a good full minute practicing before I felt I had really gotten it down. It may not have been my true and natural expression but the lie would hopefully be good enough.
I was going to have to pretend everything was perfectly fine.
Alex was indeed at the sink, just setting the last of the dishes on a towel to dry. When he heard my approach he turned, that dazzling smile that, to me, was more warming than the sun itself, spread on his face. I could see the concern in his eyes though, almost a permanent thing these days. A small crack broke across my heart, knowing I was the cause of so much worry and distress in his life. I was going to try my best to change that.
“Good morning,” I said softly, making sure my voice sounded natural. I took the few steps to close the gap between us, wrapping my arms around his waist and resting my head on his chest.
“Morning,” he breathed as he pressed a soft kiss into my still wet hair. “Sorry I slept so long.”
“Don’t worry about it. You were really restless in your sleep last night, I’m sure you needed it. Were you having nightmares?”
“Ya,” was all he said as took a step away and held me at arm’s length, looking intently into my face. His expression was serious and deep but I couldn’t discern the thoughts behind it. I didn’t get a chance to question him about it though as he pressed a quick kiss to my lips then, taking my hand in his, started toward the door that led to the rest of the house.
“I’m making some breakfast, or maybe brunch I suppose,” he said as he started up the stairs. “Is there any chance you will eat with me?”
My stomach gave the usual lurch at the thought of food but my will would have to be stronger than that today.
I was pretending everything was normal after all. “I think I could use something to eat,” I lied, hoping it sounded natural.
I took a seat at the bar and watched Alex as he went to work. He started some bacon and eggs before beginning work on French toast and what I could only guess was to become homemade syrup. It would have been enough food to feed four very hungry people. I hoped he was starving.
I was glad Alex seemed so focused on the work he was doing and didn’t seem to feel the need for constant chatter.
My mind reeled as I tried to come up with the next part of my well, not plan, but whatever I was going to do.
Alex set everything on the bar before me, apparently to be served buffet style. The smell was delicious despite how I had been feeling the last few weeks. But my strangely increased vision caught every little detail of the food, every speck of grease, every vein of fat that ran through the bacon, every tiny grain of sugar that hadn’t been dissolved. But despite the strange details I couldn’t help but see, I knew it would be delicious, of that I had no doubt. Alex had cooked it after all. If only my stomach would cooperate.
Trying to make sure Alex would be satisfied, I set two pieces of French toast on my plate and a small helping of the eggs. I didn’t think I could trust myself to keep down the bacon. Alex quickly piled on large amounts of everything and dug in without a word. I couldn’t help but smile. He may have been the most amazing and perfect man I had ever met but he was still a man. Men loved food.
We ate in silence for a few minutes and I was quite proud of myself for how well I was doing. Everything of course tasted wonderful and the homemade syrup was absolutely divine. Considering how my stomach tried to do small rolls the entire time and how my nerves were still so strung out, I thought I was doing amazingly well.
“I was wondering,” I finally started, hoping I would be able to make this sound right without making myself sound just plain stupid. “It’s been warming up the last little bit and it’s getting close to spring. I would really like to get started on the gardens and hoped you could run into town and pick up some stuff I need.”
“Sure,” he replied through a mouthful of eggs, nodding his head. “Though I think maybe you should wait to start any work till you are feeling better. You shouldn’t over do it.”
I gave a little half smile, hoping my face looked almost back to its normal state. “I actually feel good today.
No chills and look, I’m keeping everything down,” I said as I indicated the small portion of food before me.
He considered this as he looked at my face, almost as if he was looking for the lie that truly was there. He finally gave a nod. “You do seem better today. I still think you should wait a few days though, just to make sure this isn’t just some fluke this morning.”
I gave an eager nod. I wasn’t going to fight him about this. It didn’t matter if he thought I should wait to do what I was pretending to be so suddenly interested in. I just needed him out of the house for a few hours.
“Deal,” I agreed with a smile. “I’m going to try and get caught up on some of the laundry while you’re out. I’ve got next to no clothes left to wear now.”
He gave a little chuckle at this. “I may be able to do the cooking and the dishes while you’re sick but I’m not going to touch your laundry. Believe me, that would be a huge mistake.”
I couldn’t help but laugh with him at this. I couldn’t expect him to be perfect at everything.
While Alex worked on cleaning up after breakfast, I went downstairs and worked on sorting all the laundry that had been building up for the last two weeks. It was too bad I wasn’t actually planning on doing it; it would take me at least a full day to get caught back up.
When Alex finished upstairs he came back downstairs and waited on my tiny couch while I scrambled to come up with a list of things he could get. I hoped he wouldn’t see through the lie. I had written down several things I knew I absolutely did not need. The weather also wouldn’t be good enough to do anything for several more weeks, I knew that but hoped Alex didn’t.
“I’ll be back soon,” he said as he put the list into his pocket and stood. He wrapped his arms around me briefly and pressed a kiss to my lips. They tingled where his skin met mine.
“No need to hurry,” I tried to say casually. “Laundry days are never exciting.”
He gave only a smile before he turned and walked out.
A huge sigh of relief escaped my lips when he closed the door upstairs and I heard the garage door open. I had done it. He didn’t seem to suspect that anything was wrong, that anything had changed.
But everything had changed.
I knew that if Alex were to know the truth I had discovered this morning he would be incredibly upset I had not shared this information with him. He was far too supportive and was so eager to help me. He would have wanted to take some of the burden and help me find the answer. But I couldn’t let him do this. I wouldn’t let the angel’s get to him. I had to protect those that mattered most.
Alex mattered more than anyone else to me.
I waited ten or so minutes before I made my way to my bedroom, just to be sure that Alex wouldn’t come back, forgetting something. It wasn’t going to be hard to fall asleep. I was already exhausted. I just hoped I wouldn’t sleep for hours again like I had been lately.
I knew it was a long shot and that this was likely to yield no answers but I didn’t know what else to do. I had to return to sleep and see if anything was different, if anything had changed. I had nothing to gauge by and no exact time frame. I may have discovered the feather under my window this morning but how long had it been lodged there? And I had found the one in Sal’s room two weeks ago now. I wasn’t sure what I was searching for but I couldn’t do nothing. This was the only place I could think to start.
Mercifully, I was not branded at the end of this trial.
Despite the strangely enhanced vision, I did not notice anything different. Everything seemed the same as normal, the same they had all been the last few weeks. No indicator that anyone had escaped. Not that I would have really been able to tell. There were hundreds, maybe even thousands of angels at the trials. But everything seemed the same.
The one difference, however, the enhanced, more raised parts of my wings grew while I was asleep. All the details that covered my shoulder blades had become more raised, more defined.
Alex returned that evening with the things I asked for, as well as a few groceries we were in need of and some exciting news. He had gotten a call from his best friend from when he was in southern California, saying he was in Washington for a few days. Alex said he was coming over for dinner later and that they would be going out all the next day. It seemed almost ridiculous how guilty Alex looked when he told me he would not be around the next day. I tried to reassure him that it was just fine if he went out.
Rod Gepper could have been Alex’s more energetic twin if it weren’t for the midnight dark color of his skin. He had Alex’s laid back personality, mixed with a nonstop sense of humor. We both sat at the bar and watched Alex as he prepared dinner. While Rod was not rude at all to exclude me from conversation, I did not have to provide much of it.
The two of them spent much of the night recalling old high school memories and telling stories of all the trouble they got into and all the detentions and suspensions they narrowly avoided.
It was nice to see Alex so light hearted again and enjoying himself so much but I wore out long before they seemed they were going to be done. I politely excused myself, nearly giving Alex a heart attack which he did not outwardly show but I did not miss it in his eyes. I tried to silently reassure him as best I could without saying anything that might draw questions from Rod.
I sat on my bed, absentmindedly strumming at my guitar for the rest of the night. When three o’clock rolled around I realized it had been silent for a good half hour. I wandered quietly up the stairs. I found the two of them passed out on the leather couches. I couldn’t help but smile as I pulled a blanket up around each of them. It was so nice to see Alex so relaxed again. This was the way things were supposed to be. He shouldn’t have to worry so much about the supernatural. About things that shouldn’t be real.
Despite the late night, the boys took off just before seven in the morning. Alex came down to say good-bye before they left, his face looking all too guilty. He tried to offer to stay home with me but I didn’t even let that conversation begin and insisted that he needed to go.
Even though I missed having Alex at home, it was nice to have the quiet slowness of being at home alone. Having a break from pretending things were fine and hiding just how horrible I constantly felt was nice. I needed some time to think and I desperately needed to get caught up on that laundry I was supposed to do the day before.
As I stuffed the first loads into the washer I tried desperately to come up with a plan of action. I wasn’t coming up with much. How was one supposed to handle something like this? I didn’t know what to look for nor did I know exactly what this angel was after. It was terrifying to think tough that the feather had been just under my bedroom window. I felt violated and horrified that I had been being watched without knowing it.
After several hours the only solution I had come up with was to be on the lookout and had the silly temptation to install a security camera pointed at my window. This seemed like a ridiculous idea but it was all I had for now.
I had just switched my second to last load into the dryer when the phone rang. I dashed down the hall and picked it up on the fourth ring.
The woman announced herself as the case worker for Sal at the institution.
“We were wondering if you would be able to come in this afternoon and discuss the options for Miss Thomas?
Maybe in about two hours?”
I couldn’t see any reason I could not come up. I had been feeling pretty good that morning, almost back to normal except for the throbbing in my head that never seemed to fully go away. “Sure, that would be fine.” The woman gave me the address of the facility and the phone number in case I had any problems finding it.
As I gauged what time I needed to leave, I decided that perhaps I would head out early and pick up a few things I had been too embarrassed to ask Alex to grab for me. It would probably do me good to get out and about. I had practically become a hermit the last few weeks, despite the commitment I had made to do exactly the opposite and go back to normal social activities.
I dressed comfortably; wanting to make this as easy on myself as possible should I start to feel under the weather again. After checking that I had everything I needed, I headed out to the garage. I had to stop and admire my car again as the light hit it when the garage door creaked noisily up. It really was a nice looking car now.
Of course the time when I really needed to get out and Alex was not around for a backup, my GTO would decide not to start for me. It refused to turn over and immediately I realized the battery was dead.
With a frustrated sigh, I went back inside the deserted house and called Alex. It went straight to his voicemail.
Tears threatened to spill over as I dropped to the floor.
I was so overwhelmed. There was just too much to deal with. An angel had escaped, I needed to take care of Sal, I was sick, and now my car was dead and Alex was gone.
I closed my eyes and counted backward from ten, feeling as if I were fighting off a panic attack. Perhaps I really was, I’d never had one before. It wasn’t a fun emotion.
When I felt I had calmed down enough to think straight, I considered my options. I could call the institute and tell them that I couldn’t make it today but that was about my last resort. I really needed to go see Sal. It had been a while.
If it had been summer, there might have been the option of catching a bus, but as it was just the beginning of March they wouldn’t be running for at least another month.
My stomach gave another one of those sickening turns when I realized what my only other option was. Cole.
Sometimes life was just plain spiteful. In both times of immense desperation he had been my only option.
I considered just calling and asking if he could jump my car but I realized it would be just as fast to walk over to his house and ask him in person. And it actually was a nice day outside.
Something I hadn’t considered when I decided to walk was that outside was so open and exposed. I found myself constantly looking over my shoulder as I walked the short distance. For all I knew the angel could be lurking behind anything, just waiting to jump me and shove a red hot iron into the back of my neck.
Okay, my imagination was getting away with me.
Maybe I really was going crazy.
Still, I couldn’t help but breathe a slight sigh of relief when I got to Cole’s doorstep.
I was surprised to see that there was no doorbell, considering the fact that the house was so new. There was only an antique looking door knocker. It was kind of charming. I found myself warming to the idea.
I soundly knocked on the door four times and waited, my palms sweating as they twisted around each other. This was about the last thing I wanted to do right now but I wasn’t going to be a wuss and I wasn’t going to hide from Cole when I shouldn’t have to. He had to know how things were. We could still be friends though. He had no other choice.
As I waited, I could hear sounds coming from inside and after listening hard I realized what it was. Screamer rock music. I chuckled slightly at this. I wouldn’t have pegged Cole as the type to listen to that kind of stuff.
I gave another five hard knocks on the door and waited for longer than it should have taken him to get to the door.
Feeling anxious to get out of the exposed outdoors but not anxious to walk back home and call Cole, I wandered to the window to the right of the door, standing on my tip-toes to look in. This window looked into the well decorated living room but it seemed completely deserted. The windows practically shook from the vibrations of the music.
I crossed back in front of the door to the window to the left. This window was higher than the other just slightly because it was a little smaller and I had to climb up on a decorative rock that was placed just right to see into the window. This window shook even more dangerously than the other did and I saw the large and rather expensive looking stereo sitting on a stand next to it.
I had to cup my hands around my eyes to see through the glare and it took me a second to realize what the room was that I was looking into. It was not a large room and I figured it was an office. A large bookcase that was mostly empty spanned one wall and the wall opposite of the window had a large desk pushed up against it. Seated at it was Cole.
He was crouched over something and after a moment I realized it was a very old looking leather bound book. He seemed to be researching something, checking it against the computer that was set directly in front of him.
I paused in knocking on the window, not wanting to disturb him as he seemed to be working so intently on whatever it was that was in that book. I had to wonder how he could concentrate on anything when the music was blaring so loud. And beside the noise level, it all just sounded like angry screaming to me.
After a few moments, he sat up straight in his chair, lifting his arms high above his head to stretch. He then dropped his hands behind his head and leaned back as far as he could without tipping it. He stared at the computer screen for a moment then ruffled his hair as if to scratch an itch, or perhaps how a man might do when he is frustrated with the task at hand.
His hair was rather long and at the moment looked slightly shaggy. It was nearly as dark as if ink had been spilled on it and contrasted sharply with the white lines on the back of his neck.
My body froze as this last thought registered. If my vision hadn’t been so bizarrely enhanced I probably would have missed the lines on the back of Cole’s neck. I pressed my face against the glass and stared wide eyed as he brought his hair completely off his neck, pinning it with his hands against his head as if trying to cool it.
Cole’s scar was the same design as my own but it was different in two ways. Mine was almost always an angry red but that was probably due to the constant re-branding I experienced. Cole’s was a nearly white color as if the brand had been pressed into his skin long ago and had been given a long time to heal. The second difference was that it seemed to be almost shadowed. As if the iron had been pressed just briefly into his neck and he had pulled away before it had been pressed into it again, that time making its mark deep and sure.
I inched my face away from the glass slowly, my breath coming in shallow, short gasps. I knew had seen this specific, unique mark before. A faint echo sounded in the back of my memory but I couldn’t clearly recall where I had seen it.
One thing was for sure though. I knew Cole’s brand was not the same as mine and Emily’s for a reason. He had not come about his the same way we had.
Before I realized what I was doing, my feet were back on the ground, springing across the Earth as fast as my legs would allow me. Tears sprang from my eyes and leaked onto my cheeks but I didn’t even notice. The panic that was rising in my system clouded my mind and the only thing I could think to do was to run and picture in my mind the spot I was running to.
I nearly tripped and rolled down the hill as I went directly to the door that led into my apartment. It took me longer than it should have to finally yank the door open. I made double sure to lock it when I was safely inside.
It took me maybe ten bounding steps to get from the back door and into my bedroom. I stood with my hand on the door knob to my closet for several long moments before I could work up the courage to open it.
The folder was buried in the back of my closet, along with several boxes of old memories I would have almost rather forgotten. I pulled it out and flipped on the light in the closet. The space was big enough I sat on the floor and set the folder in front of me.
My heart was racing in a scary way and my head throbbed with a greater speed than it had yet as I opened the folder and stared at the drawings that gazed back up at me.
When I was younger I remembered the nightmares in much sharper detail. Nothing escaped the eyes of a child, though no child’s eyes should ever have to see the things I saw. I had been a skilled drawer from a very young age and to help me cope with the fear it seemed to help if I drew the things I saw. I had hoped this would help my parents to understand the things I was going through, to make them believe. They had terrified my mother, these images of beautiful men and women with the powerful wings. She made me stop drawing them. And as I stopped drawing them my recollection of the details faded. They all became just a fuzzy recollection up until the last few trials.
I shuffled through the sheets of beautiful faces until I came to the one I was looking for. My body froze into stone and my ears started ringing till I could hear nothing else but the pulsing of the blood rushing all too fast through them.
On one side of the sheet was a perfect duplicate of the shadowed scar I had just seen. On the other side was an exact likeness of Cole’s devastatingly beautiful face.
I knew that face well. It was the same face that had branded me hundreds, perhaps thousands of times. The missing leader of the condemned.