Authors: Keary Taylor
We each took a seat next to her bed and watched her as she breathed quietly.
The door was perfectly silent as it swung open and a face that looked much too young to fit the title of doctor that was displayed on her badge appeared. Her face was narrow and as fragile looking as a porcelain dolls and her hair hung in soft brown waves. Her frame looked as breakable as her face.
“I’m Dr. Stanton,” she said quietly as we each rose to shake the hand she extended. “I was about to call you when the nurses told me you came in.”
She asked us to sit and joined us on a small rolling stool as she produced a very professional looking chart.
“I will keep this brief and to the point,” she said though her face remained kind. “I’ve spoken to Dr. Ostler who admitted Sally last night as well as her regular doctor.
We each feel that it would be best if she were admitted on a semi-permanent basis into our psychiatric clinic for an extensive evaluation. As the doctor told you last night, it is apparent that Miss Thomas tried to commit suicide and we want to make absolute certain she will not be a danger to herself. She also seems to be hallucinating. As the nurse told you, she seems to think there is a man who has visited her and she also seems to think it was this same man who told her to take the pills. So,” she said as she flipped through a few papers and pulled one out. “We would like you to sign this if you consent to the treatment. Sally has extensive coverage that will cover everything, but since you are listed as her caretaker, we do need your permission first.”
My head spun as I tried to comprehend everything this young doctor was telling me. “How long would she have to stay in the clinic?” I whispered, my voice sounding horse.
“It’s difficult to say exactly, but we would like to keep her for at least two weeks and evaluate her as we go. It could possibly be shorter than that but it may also be much longer.”
I glanced at Alex and felt my hands start shaking. He put a comforting hand on my back and rubbed small circles into it.
I took a deep breath before I could answer. “If you think that is what is best then I guess that is what we should do.”
The doctor nodded once before handing me the form and a pen. My writing was barely legible as I signed and dated on several different lines.
“We will be in touch as soon as we get Sally moved into the clinic. It will probably take a day or two to get everything filed and ready.”
Dr. Stanton thanked each of us quietly, then rose and left the room quiet as a ghost.
“I don’t even know what to say about this,” I barely managed to whisper as I stared back at Sal’s still form. “It all just seems so bizarre.”
“I know,” Alex said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders reassuringly. “Did you want to stay with her longer?”
I thought about it for just a moment. “No,” I replied.
“It sounds like she will be out for a while so we could come back later.”
“Let’s go get some lunch before we head back home,” Alex said as he rose and pulled me to my feet.
“Give me just a second,” I said as I hesitated at Sal’s side.
Alex nodded once before he stepped just outside the door.
I wasn’t sure what to say or do as I stood by Sal’s side.
I felt so sorry for her, for how messed up her life had gotten and how none of what happened to her in the last ten years or so was her fault. And yet at the same time, I couldn’t help but be a little angry with her. I still couldn’t believe she would do this to herself, to me.
Trying to compose myself, I bent and pressed a light kiss to her forehead. Her skin felt clammy and ice cold. I pulled the blanket she seemed to have kicked down to her knees up to her chest.
Something white caught my attention as it fell from the blanket to the floor. When I crouched to pull it from under the bed I was confused at first, wondering how in the world it had gotten into a hospital room. It was a perfectly white feather, about five inches in length and perfectly shaped, with absolutely no flaws in it. I had never felt anything so soft and smooth.
I turned it over in my hands several times as I examined it in the dim light. It seemed strange that it ended up in a hospital room. I certainly hoped there were no birds in this hospital, much less any that were big enough to lose a feather this size.
“Jessica?” I heard Alex call from the door.
I silently slipped the feather into my purse. “Sorry,” I whispered as I crossed the room and closed the door quietly behind me.
“Things will be okay,” Alex said with a sad smile as we started back down the hall. “We’ll all make it through this and things will work out.”
“I sure hope so,” I sighed as I pressed the button to call the elevator.
We ended up just getting something to go from my favorite burger place in town before heading back home.
True to Washington winters, it started to pour just as we got onto the freeway.
A bright flash of color caught my attention as we drove up to the house, though through the downpour of rain I couldn’t tell what it was. As I ran back out from the garage to the front step, I stopped in momentary stunned silence.
“Wow,” I heard Alex say as he came up behind me, standing just barely in the rain.
“Ya,” I said, sounding confused as I made the last few steps to the porch.
There were dozens of flowers set there, different bouquets made into beautiful and colorful arrangements. I could not even identify the majority of them.
After searching for a moment, I found an elegant and rather expensive looking card set in the middle of the largest arrangement.
When the day seems
darkest,
Remember there is
always a friend nearby,
A shoulder to cry on,
A warm hand to wipe
away the tears.
Hope to see you
tonight.
Yours always,
Cole
I had to read the note twice to finally deduce that that must have in fact been Cole’s actual handwriting and not a generic card or something he’d printed off. It seemed like it was from another century, very strange for a guy of the modern day.
After a moment I realized Alex had not said a word since I found the card. I could only imagine what he must have been thinking. I could feel my happiness from earlier come crashing down around me.
“This is, um…nice,” I managed to squeak out.
“Totally unnecessary, but nice.”
I managed to look Alex in the eye. He tried to give that little half smile I loved but it didn’t reach his eyes. I could tell this bothered him and I wasn’t sure how to reassure him that despite whatever Cole might have been thinking was forming between us, I didn’t want anything other than Alex.
“I’ll help you carry them in,” Alex finally said after a few heavy moments.
Still not knowing what to say, I could only nod and grab one of the elegant looking vases.
After we ate our lunch, Alex seemed to return to his lighthearted self, though I didn’t fail to notice that he kept his distance. His warm touches and looks of longing and understanding were limited to almost none the rest of the day. I tried to keep my face light and unworried but I couldn’t help but feel a slight sense of panic. I had to let him know just how important he was to me but I felt at a loss to know how to do so.
As evening blanketed the earth, I took the phone in my room for a moment of privacy and hoped Alex would not wander too close by to hear. I called Cole, telling him that I was not feeling very well and that I had to decline his offer from that morning. I had been almost afraid of what his reaction might be when I first started dialing but he seemed perfectly calm and at ease as I told him the partial truth. My head was throbbing but it wasn’t so bad that I couldn’t have gone out if I truly wanted to.
Alex pulled me into a brief embrace and pressed his lips to my forehead for a short moment and said goodnight just before ten o’clock. I shuffled my feet into my apartment feeling confused and slightly frustrated.
I closed the door behind me as quietly as I could, knowing it was for no reason, and sank to the floor right there. I felt conflicted as I thought of Alex’s reaction to the flowers Cole gave me. I could see why he would worry.
Anything could have happened last week while he was away and in truth he didn’t know me well enough to know if I was the type of girl that went from guy to guy. I hoped he wouldn’t think that of me.
But I felt very strongly the other way. After the things I had told him that morning, after spending the night with him and being so open and honest with him about myself, I would hope he would realize exactly how I felt and know that there was room for no one else in my affections.
I could tell if I sat and thought about this for too long I was going to work myself up and possibly say something I shouldn’t. So instead I raised myself from off the floor and determined that I just wasn’t going to think about it. Alex was under a lot of stress, with coming home from a week of meetings with lawyers to a disaster at home. If he was still acting so strange in the morning I would talk to him and explain things. I would be more rational and balanced in the morning.
The wind howled and screeched as it tore through the trees that night, rain pounded on the windows, begging to be let in. In a strange way, I was grateful for the elemental disturbance outside. I was oddly tired for having slept less than twenty-four hours ago but there would have been no way I could have slept during that storm. I couldn’t understand how Alex did it.
With little to pass the time, I pulled out my computer and pulled up the internet browser. I typed in the name from my last trial and hit search.
The man I stood trial for last night had not been branded and was granted blue irises. He had led a very good life it seemed and touched many people throughout it. As I scanned through hits, I was surprised to see his name pop up all over the place. He’d had a lot of money and was one of the few who spent it the way a person in that position should. There was already a death announcement available, quite beautifully written by his youngest daughter; it stated her name as well at the end.
I pulled out my leather volume and carefully printed his name on the page.
The morning started in a deep grey tone, reflective of the beating the Earth had gotten the night before. Branches were strewn everywhere, pine needles piled in every corner that stopped them from being blown away by the wind.
Pieces of garbage that had not been secured properly in their bins were lodged in odd places. The sky was an angry sea, seemingly just waiting to unleash it’s wrath upon us all again. I simply stared up at it as I stood before the window, feeling somehow enthralled and enchanted.
A pair of strong arms wrapped around my waist, cocooning me in the blanket I had wrapped around me. I normally would have been startled but the warmth that immediately spread though me left no doubt who my entrapper was.
Alex rested his chin on my shoulder and pressed his cheek to mine. He gave me a tight squeeze followed by a slight sigh.
“I’m sorry for how I reacted last night,” he murmured.
“I was being really immature and rude. I overreacted. I hope you can forgive me.”
I turned to face him, maneuvering so as to not break his embrace. His expression was so sorrowful and so sincere it was almost funny. I couldn’t help but crack a slight smile. As soon as I did this, that little half smile broke onto his face, though it remained slightly sheepish.
“I think I can manage to do that,” I said as I stared into those perfectly clear blue eyes. “It’ll cost you though.”
“Name your price,” he said as that smile played on his face. “If it takes an entire life of servitude, I’ll gladly pay it.”
“I think that might be a little extreme but it will cost you this,” I said as I closed that small gap between his lips and my own.
Neither of us seemed to be in a rush to part, though there was not the mindless sense of well, senselessness, as we stood before the window wrapped in each other’s arms.
I could have died there a happy woman.
But like all moments that seem too perfect, this one was broken by the sound of Alex’s phone ringing. With a soft chuckle he stepped back.
“Sorry,” he said, and really did sound so. He pulled the phone out of his pocket and looked at the ID.
“I’d better take this,” he said with that sheepish grin.
I only nodded and watched him walk out of my apartment and into the main family room.
My head spun violently as I tried to make my breathing more even and as I leaned my forehead against the cool glass, I realized I suddenly felt as if my skin were on fire. The feeling seemed strange considering the fact that I had thought I had kept my head fairly well.
Slowly, the spinning sensation ebbed, though it never went away. It was, however, replaced by a queasy feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“That was my lawyer again,” Alex said solemnly as he walked back in the room. I quickly straightened, hoping I didn’t look as terrible as I suddenly felt. It must have worked because he continued. “It seems there are just a few more things that need to get taken care of. He said they’re urgent though and that I need to come in now.
Unfortunately he’s down at his office in Everett.” I calculated the time it would take him to get from here to Everett. It was roughly an hour drive one way.
“How long do you think you’ll be gone?” I asked, not just because I would obviously miss him for any length of time but it would be nice to not have to be alone if I was going to get as sick as I felt I was going to be in just a short time.
“Hopefully not more than two or three hours once I get there but my lawyer is never exactly quick with anything once he gets me into his office. I think money might have something to do with that,” he said this last part with that playful smile on his lips.
I hoped my expression did not match my sudden fallen spirits as I nodded my head. I could already tell it was going to be a long day and it was only just after eight.
“You’re welcome to come with me if you want,” he said, though I could tell he sensed what the answer to that was going to be.
Against my rolling stomach, I tried to pin a smile on my face. “I think I’ll pass,” I said as I shook my head slightly.
“’K,” he said as he wrapped his arms around me in a quick embrace. He pressed a quick kiss to my lips and started for the door. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.” I wanted to tell him that he didn’t need to rush back on my account but a part of me did want him to hurry back.
Another part was worried I might vomit if I opened my mouth. I was getting worse by the second.
Alex closed the door with a soft click and I hurtled for the bathroom, barely managing to get my face over the toilet bowl before a small amount of acidic tasting bile came up my throat. I wasn’t sure if I was glad I hadn’t eaten anything yet that day or not.
As soon as my stomach stopped heaving, I sat with my cheek pressed against the cool side of the tub ledge, trying to slow my breathing and praying the lurching was finished. I sensed it wasn’t.
Great beads of sweat formed on my forehead and I went quickly from feeling like my skin was on fire to feeling as if I had been dumped in the frigid lake in front of the house. My muscles started a series of violent spasms and within a few minutes my entire body ached as the muscles cried at me.
With a moan, I rotated just enough so I could reach the faucet in the tub and turn the hot water on and stop the drain.
It was nearly full before I could will my body to move enough to strip down and drop myself into the scalding water. I still wasn’t sure if hot or cold water sounded better.
My temperature seemed to be changing too rapidly to make a comfortable decision.
I continued to shake violently in the steaming tub, though the water did feel good against my skin. Light started to shine through the tiny window above the walls of the tub, irritating my eyes and making my head throb all the worse. I was glad I had been in too much of a rush to get to the toilet to turn the bathroom light on. I didn’t think I could stand more than the natural light that managed to find its way in.
Again I was faced with the dilemma of moving when the water slowly changed from hot, to lukewarm, to freezing cold. I even pulled the plug out with my toes and let the water drain from around me before I managed to get up. My muscles ached and groaned as I pulled a towel around myself and shuffled very slowly into my bedroom and pulled on my warmest pair of sweats and a sweater. I was glad I hadn’t gotten my hair wet. I would have been ten times more miserable trying to brush my tangled birds nest and laying back down with wet hair.
It was only a slight relief when I crawled into my bed and totally collapsed. Every one of my muscles was screaming at me, I doubted I could move again, even if I had the will to do so. For once, sleeping seemed almost tempting if I knew it wouldn’t bring further pain from the nightmare into reality when I woke up. My body already felt like it was on fire every other minute; I didn’t need more burning sensations.
After lying on my bed for what felt like hours, suffering in agony, I realized how thirsty I was becoming.
My lips felt ready to crack and bleed and my throat felt as if it were sticking together on the inside, making it almost hard to breathe. I also realized that if I could only get a big glass of water and some Tylenol, my condition should improve. I had never taken it before, as I couldn’t recall ever needing it, but I knew that was what it was supposed to do.
I made two attempts to get myself up. They both resulted in immediate dry heaving followed quickly by even more violent tremors ripping through my body.
I knew then that there was no chance I was going to get myself off this bed, into the kitchen for the water and then upstairs into the medicine cabinet where I knew the Wright’s had kept a small supply of the basics. It seemed like hundreds of miles and straight up a mountain.
While I wasn’t used to being taken care of, my first thought was, of course, to call Alex. After only a fraction of a second of that thought, I knew this was impossible. He had probably just gotten down to Everett and what he needed to do was urgent. And besides, even if I convinced him to come home now, which I knew I could probably do, it would be at least another hour before he would be home.
My next thought was Sal. This thought was even more ridiculous than the first. Even if Sal hadn’t just tried to commit suicide and was committed into a mental institution, she never left her house.
I next thought of Emily but considering she had literally run away from me the last time I had seen her, that didn’t seem like the best option.
With a slightly sinking feeling I realized the only person left for me to call was two doors down. Cole.
An internal battle raged inside as I fought this final option. Things were already strange and unpredictable with Cole. I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea further by calling him to help me out when I was sick. I knew of the whole cliché of the doctor/nurse patient thing. I didn’t even want to go there.