Authors: Ani San
‘
What happened?’ I whispered.
‘
She’s in the hospital. Apparently she took too many sleeping pills or something. They weren’t sure, and she isn’t awake yet. But Anna got her to the hospital in time, and Julia is going to be fine, thank god. But I need to get back there. Julia needs me. And Anna couldn’t do anything about the media. They saw the ambulance, of course. It’s all over the news. It’s going to be a nightmare these next weeks. I’m sorry.’ His kissed me on the top of my head, and I loved him for it.
‘
No, I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘Of course you need to be with her.’ I did mean it, from a human compassioned way. But I was jealous too. And worried. When would I see him again? I knew he would be followed everywhere from now on. He couldn’t run over to my place any time soon. And now that his wife was no longer involved in someone, would she claim him? Would they fall in love again? I knew I was no match, she was everything I wasn’t. But I loved him.
A car honked, and Christopher jumped up and dragged me with him. Karl was standing by the side of a red Rangerover, and one of his workers was waiting behind the wheels.
Christopher took our things while I went and reached my hand out to Karl. He didn’t take it, instead he gave me a big bear-hug.
‘
Thank you for letting me stay here, Karl’ I said, a little embarrassed, but pleased too.
‘
Any time, sweetheart. You are good for him, don’t ever let him forget it.’
I smiled back
but doubted it reached my eyes. I was afraid this would change everything. Christopher held the door open for me, and we both climbed in. And then we left paradise.
The journey back was hell. The driver kept eyeing us in rear view mirror, Christopher rarely spoke to me, and was mainly on the phone with Anna, his PR agent, Julia’s family and whatever. He squeezed my hand once or twice, but ignored me most of the time. It was the same on the airplane, we didn’t get the same one as we used getting here, instead we shared one with several others, in a semiprivate airplane with seven other passengers. Christopher directed us to some back row seats, and didn’t talk to me at all under the flight, other than ‘would you like something to drink’ or ‘do you need something to read.’
When we finally exited the plane, he asked me if I would be ok with taking a taxi home, he needed Charles to take him
straight to the hospital Julia was staying at. And he asked if it was ok if I went through the security alone, because he didn’t know if any photographers where waiting. I didn’t have much choice, so I nodded and let him pass me to leave alone. I didn’t even get to ask him when he would call me, or when I would see him again. He left without as much as a goodbye.
And then I was on my own. I only had one suitcase in additional to my bag, so I was fine with that. But I felt lonely. Before Christopher came into my life, I was used to be on my own, and handled it quite fine. Now I felt like crumbling up in a corner and never get up. When I entered the private lounge before security, I stopped and fished up my phone from my bag. Then I texted Alice and told her I was on my way back and was in need of a curl-up-and-eat-ice-cream-night, cause I thought being alone was a bad idea. Alice would be the perfect distraction. As long as I told her I didn’t want to talk about my so-called mystery-man, she would be a lifesaver.
I had just pressed send and was putting my phone back in the bag when a security officer came towards me. The other passengers were long gone, I was the only one left in the lounge. I could see a small line behind the glass window where a pair of guys in similar clothes where standing by a
gate. I was heading that way, so I wondered why this man seemed to approach me.
‘
Excuse me, ma’am’ he stopped in front of me, blocking my way. ‘Did you come with the plane over there?’
He pointed to the airplane I had exited. He had a notebook, which I thought was weird. I hadn’t travelled
that much, but I couldn’t think of why the airport personnel would be needing a notebook.
‘
Yes,’ I confirmed.
‘
Do you have identification’
‘
Certainly’ I said, and put my suitcase down so I could search through my bag. I hadn’t seen my wallet since I left London, it was probably on the bottom, and I had all kinds of useless stuff in there.
‘
Can you tell me where you were traveling from?’ He glanced behind him, and then focused on me again. I had been flying a domestic flight, so I found his question strange. Isn’t that something they ask when you enter a new country?
‘
I’m not sure. Somewhere close to Brampton. Carli-something,’ I answered preoccupied. I was sure we hadn’t crossed over to Scotland, but I hadn’t been paying much attention to the road signs.
‘
And is that where you were staying?’
‘
No, we stayed a little north of Brampton.’ I was still searching for my wallet; maybe that’s why he seemed restless. I wanted to go past him, but I didn’t know if that could get me into trouble. He made me nervous with his questioning, and I hadn’t done anything wrong. If I could only find my wallet and show him my damn ID then I could move on. I found a counter, and started to take things out.
‘
And how long did you stay there?’
‘
Five days.’
His eyes followed my
movements, examining the content I placed on the counter. Did he really think I would openly remove drugs or whatever this was about?
‘
Did you enjoy it?’
‘
Yes. It was wonderful,’ I answered and saw the line was gone behind the glass. One of the other security guys was heading our way. This was so not my day. The guy in front of me turned too, and asked the next question in a rush.
‘
Can you tell me you name, miss.’
‘
I’m Sara…’ I stopped in the middle of the sentence, when the other guy reached us and interrupted.
‘
Is there a problem here?’ he said, and I read M Hudson on his nametag.
‘
No.’ I answered, embarrassed that I managed to engage two security officer. ‘I am just having trouble finding my wallet. Hold on, I think I got it.’ I continued and held up the black wallet. But when I looked at the new guy, and then at the one who first approached me, I saw that they didn’t have the same uniform. In fact, the first one had more of a suit, and lacked the nametag I saw on Hudson. Then the first one took off without another word.
‘
Are you ok, ma’am?’ M Hudson asked.
‘
Yes,’ I said distracted, wondering why the first one took off. ‘Here it is,’ I said and showed him my student card. I hoped he wouldn’t demand to see a passport, because that had been left behind in my nightstand back at the apartment.
‘
That’s ok, ma’am. If you can just step outside, so we can close up this lounge,’ he replied, and barley glanced at my ID.
I thought maybe he was leading me somewhere to search my bag or something, but as soon as we were out of the room, he pointed to the gate and left me there. All the other people were gone. Nobody approached me as I walked down the hall and found the exit and a taxi. I was still holding my wallet and was annoyed that they had held me for no good reason.
Frank greeted me dearly as I walked out of the cab, and helped me carry my suitcase to the elevator. As soon as I got in my apartment, I lay down on the couch and closed my eyes. I didn’t bother to unpack or make myself something to eat. I just wanted to get over with this day.
It was eight o’clock when the doorbell rang, and Frank told me Alice was here. I had fallen asleep, and felt groggy and nauseous, and wasn’t the least bit tempted by the chocolate and strawberry ice cream she brought. I started crying as soon as I saw her, and she put the ice cream down and came over to hold me. We sat on the couch and she didn’t let go of me until I let out my last sob. It felt good, getting it all out. I knew I was being stupid. He needed time, and would call me when things settled. I couldn’t blame him for his mood on our way back, or the way he left me on the airport. It was a difficult time for him, and for Julia. I was being selfish. But I hadn’t thought that we could spend five wonderful days making love and talk and making love, and then abruptly stop. It went from amazing to cold in a matter of one sentence. Or phone call. He told me he loved me and then he left me without any notion of when we would see each other again. He left me. To go to his wife. His stupid wife who probably tried to kill her self. And I was being childish and egocentric and stupid, because I thought I had some kind of claim to him.
Not once did Alice ask me.
She just held me without a word until I was all cried out. But I could tell she was waiting for me to talk about it. Instead I asked her to tell me about Lisbon. Hearing about the trip she had taken with Kiro helped me take my mind of things. I needed to stop worrying, and give him some time, and focus on something else in the meantime. Alice and Kiro had been to a rock concert with several famous artists, and Kiro had managed to get them backstage to meet Metallica. It wasn’t my favourite band, and Alice wasn’t a big fan either, but still it was a huge opportunity. She told me about the concert, which was held outside on a big field with thousands of people camping and dancing and living life.
I avoided the television, in case there was some news about Julia,
I wasn’t ready for that. I didn’t want to think about her. Instead I watched a DVD with Alice, with the first season of Sex and the City. I fell asleep on the couch again, and woke up with a note from Alice saying she let her self out and would call me in the morning. It was dark outside, so I stumbled to my bed and fell right back to sleep.
‘
How are you feeling, sweetie?’ Alice asked when she called the next day
‘
Like I was hit by a train,’ I answered grimly.
‘
Do you want me to come over?’
I heard someone in the background, so she wasn’t alone. I wasn’t really in the mood for company. I could do well on my own today, I though
t.
‘
No, I’m fine. Really. I’m just going to stay in my studio and paint all day.’
‘
Ok, sure,’ she sounded discouraged. ‘How about tomorrow then? We can go see the latest Bond movie.’
‘
Sounds like a plan.’ I tried to sound happy about that, but I wasn’t sure I would be in the mood to go outside tomorrow. I needed to go food-shopping, though. I only found a small granola bar this morning.
I got to hang up after reassuring her ten more times that I was fine.
Honestly, I was far from fine. I was better, though. I wasn’t so upset by his behaviour anymore, I knew he was under a lot of stress. I was just numb. I wanted to call him, but I knew I shouldn’t. He needed me to stay away now. But I missed him so much.
I spent the rest of my day painting a picture inspired by the horses and the beautiful nature up north. It made my head clear and my shoulders less tense. T
he phone hadn’t made a sound since Alice had called. Not one word from Christopher. I took the phone with me to bed, just in case. But it was silent through the night.
I woke with a growling stomach, and
realized the small granola bar was the only thing I ate the day before. It was the only thing I had. I needed to start taking better care of myself. So I took a shower and headed out to get the essential from the nearest food court. I grabbed a tabloid paper too, too curious not to. I hadn’t checked online since I got back, but it was time I check up on Julia.
I ate a sandwich for breakfast while I read the paper, but they had nothing. So I went online and found an article and pictures of Julia leaving
the hospital. She was holding hands with Christopher. The imaged made me chough up my tea, and I shut the whole thing of without reading any more. But the image stayed burned in my mind. They looked happy together, smiling to the photographers on their way to the car. They looked like they belong together, and they did. I was the odd-one-out.
I went for a run to clear my mind, and texted Alice and asked if the flick was still on. She would be over in a couple of hours, so I got to paint some more before I showered and dolly myself up. I was determent to have a nice time, cause I knew shutting myself inside would cause more problems then they solved. I needed air, distractions and a healthy doze of girlfriend time. I would try to think less of him. If he contacted me, I would be ready. If he needed more time, I would wait. I just had keep going. Or at least try. I needed to breathe.
The buzzer called, and I picked it up while pressing my foot in a tight stiletto.
‘
Miss Nord, Alice is here.’
Damn boots. I gave up, and reached for another pair whilst answering Frank.
‘Good, just send her up.’ As soon as I let go of the button, a knock came at the door. That was fast, I though, maybe Frank has loosened up. Soon he might finally let her up without calling me at all. I left the boots and went to open. I expect Alice, but instead I looked into dark, angry eyes.