Breathe (28 page)

‘
All the good places are rented out already, you best stay here,’ she had said. ‘I won’t have it any other way. We love to have you here.’ I suspected Alfred had asked them to keep an eye on me, he still treated me like a child.

There was a pool at the end of Bar Beach, where the
waves from the ocean filled it with every roll. A pipe on the other side of the pool brought the water back too the ocean, so the pool had fresh salt water all the time. The temperature was a little warmer than the ocean by a few degrees. I usually walked here the days I didn’t have to go to the university, and spent a couple of hours swimming and sunbathing. I tried not to spend too much time thinking. I still missed Christopher. I did understand why he reacted the way he did when he met Erik. He had pictured his sister’s abuser. That had to be it. Cause he wouldn’t be upset about me going out with someone else. He had moved on, or rather gone back to his wife. I should try to move on as well. But I couldn’t. Mary had tried setting me up with a son of a friend, but I managed to wiggle out of it. A guy from my class had asked me out, but I didn’t feel ready, so I kindly reclined. It became awkward. And I was supposed to stay here at least one and a half year. After that, I didn’t know. I wanted to return to London, I had pictured my life there. I had planned to buy an apartment there. Now, I didn’t know when I could return. I missed London. I missed Alice. Most of all, I missed Christopher.

A bright spot came in the beginning of October, when Alice called.

‘
You will never guess! They just called me and said I have to go to Sydney next week. Apparently, one of the guys working on the set broke his foot, and they need to replace him straight away. I’m leaving on Wednesday. How cool is that?’

I got really excited.
‘That’s only a couple of hours with the train, I can meet you there. Or you can come visit me. Bring your bathing suit, they have the most amazing beaches here. How long do you get to stay?’

‘
At least two weeks. It depends on the weather, there is a lot of outside shooting.’

‘
Ha, the sky is always blue here. God, I can’t wait.’

‘
I know. I’m already packing my suitcase. If I weren’t in the middle of something here, I would leave tomorrow.’

‘
Call me as soon as you land. Do you know your work hours? Can I come to the set?’

‘
I don’t know yet, but of course you can come. But I should warn you, Julia has one of the lead characters, so she is there too.’

Julia was in Sydney? I didn’t know how to feel about that. I certainly wouldn’t want to see her.
I was still pissed about the things she said about me in the media. It was her fault I had to run away. I didn’t know how Christopher felt about the whole thing, but since they were working on they’re marriage, I guessed he was all for the press release. I couldn’t face either of them, even if I longed to see him.

‘
Is… ‘ I needed to know. ‘Is Christopher there too?’

‘
No, I think he is somewhere in Asia shooting his own movie.’

‘
Ok. Maybe you should come here. I’m not sure I should get close to Julia. Besides, if any paparazzi see me, I’m done. I can’t run any further away.’

‘
Maybe if you just face them, and tell them your story, then maybe they will leave you alone.’

‘
Yes, and maybe I should just kill myself now, before my father does.’

‘
Have you heard from him?’

‘
No, I don’t expect to, either. He sends Alfred.’

‘
I don’t get that. Who is he?’

‘
You know I can’t tell you Alice.’

‘
I’ll bet he is some secret agent working for the government.’

She got the government part right. I laughed. We spent another half hour talking about what she needed to pack, and what Sydney was like, and how long the flight was. I was happy and giddy as I hung up, finally having something to look forward too.

The days before Alice came here dragged on. I spent most of the time on campus, because I wanted to be ahead with the assignments so I could spend more time with Alice when she got here. The painting didn’t relax me as it once did. I wasn’t inspired anymore. So I painted mainly on autopilot, creating dull pictures without hidden meaning or messages. Even the colour I used was dull. I didn’t care. I was only hiding out anyway, I had done art school in London, I didn’t need the bachelor
degree here.

Alice called me the day she got in Sydney, and I was half expecting to see her right away. But that wasn’t happening, she was loaded with work, and couldn’t get away to take a two-hour train-ride to see me. It was a downer. She begged me to come to Sydney, but I was scared
, I didn’t want to be recognised. I didn’t cave until the second week, when Alice told me it was now or never, because they were starting to close down the set. She had to return to London as soon as they finished, because she was supposed to be working on another set.  

The train-ride was tedious, there were nothing to see but bush and fences. I got off at Central, and walked to my destination. I wouldn’t meet her on the set. We would have lunch somewhere close by, and maybe go to the beach.

‘
Oh My God! Sara! You look freaking sick!’ Alice greeted me as we met outside the café. The smile told me she didn’t mean it in a bad way.

‘
The hair is something, isn’t it?’ I grinned.

‘
Totally sick! Funny way to go with the anonymous look, though.’

‘
Would you recognize me if I walked down the street?’

‘
I get your point. You look completely different. I love it.’

‘
Thank you! So what’s up? Enjoying the sun?’

‘
It’s too bright. And it smells funny.’

‘
You get use to it.’ I think it smells wonderful.

We sat down
and ordered, but neither of us ate much, we were busy catching up. The occasional phone conversation left much to discuss, and I was curious of what our previous lunch crowd was up too. We had paid and were about to walk to the beach when a man came up to us and approached Alice.

‘
Excuse me. Are you working on the set of
Unknown
? Do you have a few minutes?’

I looked at Alice desperately, wondering if he would figure out who I was. So far, he had only looked at Alice.

‘No, sorry!’ Alice answered him, and grabbed my arm. Then she rushed me down the street, around a corner and down an ally. I didn’t turn around to see if we were followed.

‘
Where are we going?’ I asked her as she slowed down.

‘
We’re staying at the hotel down the street. Do you mind if we go there instead of the beach? I should have known this would happen. They have been harassing the crew all week, asking about Julia and Melinda.’

‘
Melinda?’

‘
You know. Melinda Star. She is in this too. You know the two of them don’t really get along.’

I wondered if Julia
got along with anyone. We walked through the reception area and took the elevator to the top floor. The production company had rented the whole floor, and Alice had to show an id when she got out of the elevator. She was about to unlock the door to her room when two people came down the hall.

‘
Alice, hold up. Can you take this back to the set in the evening? A female I had never seen before gave Alice a piece of paper. But I didn’t care about that. My eyes where locked with the woman standing beside her. It was Julia. Of course I would run into her. She looked as flabbergasted as I was.

‘
Sara, is that you?’

‘
Julia,’ was all I could respond. It wasn’t a polite response, and the other woman glanced at us curiously.

‘
Alice, do you mind if I had a word with your friend?’ Julia said, and smiled charmingly towards Alice. I knew Alice was in a tough spot, she didn’t need any enemies in this industry, least of none an award winning actress. But I loved her for her answer.

‘
That would be up to Sara. But I really don’t think that’s a good idea.’

I wasn’t afraid of Julia anymore. I was angry. She had ratted me out, she had made me leave my whole life, and she had taken the one man I loved. I was curious what she had to say in her defence.

‘It’s ok, Alice.’

‘
Are you sure?’

I nodded.

‘Ok. I will wait right here. Come straight here afterwards, ok?’

I followed Julia down the
hall and into her suite, but didn’t sit down when she pointed to one of the chairs.

‘
So, are you here on holiday, or do you live in Sydney now?’

‘
I live here. Someone made sure I couldn’t walk freely in London.’

‘
Ah, yes. I’m sorry about that.’

‘
Sure you are. What do you want?’

‘
No, really. I am. You know how the media is like. They smell blood, and you have to give them something. You knew the risk when you got involved with Christopher. It goes with the territory. But I’m sorry you felt the need to run away. I just thought you would sell your story like you did after the trip to Jeffersons.’

‘
Bullshit. You knew I hadn’t spoken to the media. All I did was tell an airport security guy about where I had travelled. I never spoke to a journalist intentionally.’  

‘
Then you’re a bigger fool than I thought. Really, airport security?’

‘
Fine, whatever. It was so nice to see you again,’ I said sarcastically, and headed for the door.

‘
Wait. I’m sorry. Look, I need your help, ok? I need you to help me fix this, so the media would let you off the hook.’

‘
You want my help? To get the media to back off?’

‘
Yes. I know you don’t deserve all the things the media is saying about you.’ Her words made me wonder what Alice had been holding back. Maybe I should start reading it myself.

‘
Why do you care?’

‘
I want to make things right.’

‘
Why?’

I could see she was uncomfortable. I just didn’t understand why she suddenly wanted to help me.

‘Christopher isn’t talking to me anymore.’

What?
‘I thought you two were working on your
marriage
. Making the farce true.’

‘
Yes, well, he didn’t like my press release too much.’ She actually laughed. Like that was some funny thing that didn’t really ruin people’s life. My fist tightened, and I wanted to punch her in the face. That would get some frontline news. She stopped laughing when she saw my face.

‘
Look, I am sorry about that. I was scared. You made him do things he had never done before, he took chances of being seen with you. I couldn’t handle it. I just lost my… I just lost a good friend, and then you were taking Christopher away from me, and I panicked. I thought he would leave me too. And then you talked to the press…’ She changed her words when she saw I was about to object. ‘Fine, you talked to someone, and the story came out, and they wrote all kinds of terrible things about me. I thought a romantic holiday was fixing it, but then you parade a new boyfriend in front of Christopher. How could you do that?’

‘
Erik was not my boyfriend. And I certainly didn’t ask Chris to punch him in the face.’

‘
It doesn’t matter. All I did was to try and save the situation for Christopher and me.’

‘
By throwing me to the wolves?’

‘
You are the one who got involved in a married man. My married man, and now he won’t talk to me because he thinks I ruined you.’

‘
Oh, come on. We both know what your marriage is like. And I never went after him. He approached me. Several times. I never chased him.’ I was so angry now, I could feel tears in my eyes. This wasn’t good. 

‘
Well, you should have known better. You know men think with they’re penises. You should have known better. You are just a girl on the side, one of plenty. You don’t even deserve him. You created this mess, and damn you if you think I’m going to let you get away with it. You are nothing. NOTHING!’

I knew she was right, but it was still painful to hear. I was nothing. I had made a mess out of everything, and all because I had spread my legs to a horny man with a bullshit marriage.
I am so stupid
. I felt my pulse rise, and my body inhaled to fast. I knew what was happening, but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to fight anymore. My stomach clenched, and my fingers started tingling and I wanted to throw up. I couldn’t get enough air. My chest started hurting, and I felt dizzy.