Broken Series (20 page)

Wolfe pulled away from me, his emerald eyes narrowed at me. “You still need to tell him. What if it comes back in the future?”

“Don’t get in the middle of this, Wolfe. I decide when and if I should tell him.”

He didn’t reply as he started the engine and put the truck in gear.

“Where to?” he asked.

“Baker’s place, please. I’ve got to get the van,” I instructed.

We drove in more silence, and although I was glad he bought my lie, I wasn’t about to let anyone find out the truth. I needed to get the hell out of there.

It was a small town, and eventually someone would let it leak that I had leukemia. I didn’t want to be around when it happened. Baker wouldn’t understand why I never told him, and Mallory and Gabby would fret over me and treat me with kid gloves.

Wolfe dropped me off and I mentally made my plans.

Ten

Baker

I rubbed the back of my neck, anxious to hear from Rainey. I texted her a handful of times in the last two days with no response. She was ignoring me and I deserved it. I never should have treated her that way. She was the woman I’d grown to love, and I wasn’t about to just lose her because I was an idiot. No matter how much I wanted to know what was up with her, I needed to be patient and wait for her to tell me. She was obviously dreading it, as was I. Something told me her news was going to change my life.

I picked up my cell, checking for the hundredth time to see if she texted me back and I somehow didn’t hear it. No messages. I took a deep breath and set it back down on my desk. I made it to work without driving off the road, but only just barely. Once or twice, I had to swerve back between the yellow and white lines because I was about to go careening into a ditch. Driving distracted was
not
fun.

I made it, though. Going into the empty bar had been depressing, too. I tried not to think of the last few weeks I’d spent there with Rainey, the conversations we’d had, and how much I cared about her. The Landing was where I’d made a fool of myself that first night she’d come home over a month ago, and I couldn’t imagine this place without her. Chances were, I screwed things up for us. I picked up my phone, typed out another apology, and pressed send before I could think twice. I shook my head at my own lack of willpower and then tossed the phone into the top drawer, hoping the whole
out of sight, out of mind
thing would work.

Jimmy appeared in the doorway. “Hey, boss, you got a minute?”

“Sure.” I needed the distraction.

He came in and sat in the chair facing my desk. He fidgeted for a minute before taking a deep breath.

“What are your plans with the bar?” he blurted.

I blinked in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“Well, with Rainey gone, I wondered if you were going to abandon the bar to go after her,” he explained.

“Wait, what? Rainey’s gone? Gone where?”

“Oh, shit. I thought you knew. She flew back to LA yesterday morning. She didn’t even tell anyone. Mallory only found out because she called Rainey’s mom’s house to get ahold of her.”

He said it so casually, so matter-of-factly that I couldn’t do more than stare at him. Which made him more nervous.

“So, I guess what I’m asking is whether you’re going to leave us all high and dry or what? Because I’d like to buy you out.”

“Buy me out?” I sounded like a dumbass, but things in my brain weren’t computing properly.

“Yeah. If you’re going to give up the bar, I’d like to buy you out and take over. I’m been doing a lot of research about it, and if you hadn’t bought it when you did, I would have. I wish I’d gotten to it first, really. But I know what you have invested and the bank has approved me for a loan that would give you quite a bit more than what you’ve put in. The new deck adds a whole lot of value to the place and so they’re willing to loan me more. You’d be set for a while. Here’s my official offer.” He slid a piece of paper toward me. “Think about it.”

He left my office in a rush and I stared at the paper, not really seeing it. My mind was reeling over the fact that Rainey was gone. I pushed her so hard she left. It was as if she’d ripped my heart out and taken it with her. I leaned back in my chair and my whole body started to shake. I opened the top drawer and pulled out my phone with a trembling hand. I dialed the only person I could.

“Baker! Have you heard about Rainey?” Mallory answered on the first ring.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I demanded.

“I wanted to, Baker. Believe me, I begged her to tell you right away. But now the whole town knows and I think she left because she didn’t want to deal with all the pity looks,” she said.

“What are you talking about?” I clenched my fist around the phone. “The whole town knows about Rainey’s secret – is that what you’re saying?”

“Umm, yeah. You haven’t heard?” Her voice was low and filled with concern.

“No, I haven’t,” I replied through gritted teeth. “Tell me.”

“Let’s meet for lunch, Baker. I want to tell you in person,” she requested.

“Fine, meet me at The Wharf in fifteen minutes,” I told her. I heard her start to argue but
hung up.

I wanted nothing more than to fly out to LA and drag Rainey back to Maine, but I knew it would be pointless. She wasn’t going to come back and be the subject of the town’s gossip. If I was going to get her back, I was going to have to make a sacrifice for her.

Before I lost my gumption, I called Jimmy back into my office. It looked like I was about to sell my bar.

* * * * *

Twenty minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot of The Wharf. It didn’t take me long to find Mallory.

“You’re late,” she admonished me.

“Bite me,” I retorted. We sat at a picnic table on the upper deck. “So tell me.”

Mallory swallowed and took a deep breath. “Rainey has leukemia.”

I didn’t reply or move, or even blink. I just stared at her.

“She found out a few years ago, when she moved to LA. The treatments she got seemed to work really well, though, and she’s been doing pretty well since then. She lost a lot of weight, between the treatments and the actual leukemia, though, so she kind of stayed away as much as she could. She didn’t want any of us here to be worried about her. Not even her mom knew about it. Her aunt helped her pay for the treatments and get her a job out there.”

“When…when my dad died, Rainey came out to support me, but she was afraid to tell me anything because of Dad’s cancer. She thought she was protecting me. Just like she thinks she’s protecting you by not telling you. But the truth is, I think she’s afraid of it. Wolfe told me that he took her to the doctor the other day to get the results of the blood tests she had done, because of all the bruising. He said she told him she was fine, but he didn’t believe her. He told me that her smile didn’t reach her eyes and he knew she was lying. And then the next day, she was gone.”

Mallory looked at her hands.

“So she’s dying, then,” I finished for her.

“That’s what we think,” she admitted.

A vice gripped my heart as I thought about losing Rainey forever. I couldn’t lose her, but more than that, I couldn’t lose her without telling her how I felt about her.

“I’m going to LA,” I informed Mallory.

“Are you going to bring her back?” She looked up at me, hopeful.

“Not if she doesn’t want to. She deserves to be where she’s comfortable, but I’m not going to let her pull away from me. I’m in love with her,” I confessed, speaking the words aloud for the first time.

Mallory smiled at me. “She needs someone like you.”

I didn’t exactly feel worthy of Mallory’s praise, but I took it anyway. I wouldn’t let Rainey go through the pain without support.

“I need your help,” I said.

“Anything.”

“Well, I need to get to LA, but I’m also going to sell the bar to Jimmy,” I started.

“Your bar manager? Wow, Baker. You are seriously in love with Rain, aren’t you?” Her smile grew wider.

“I guess I am,” I told her. “But I need someone to handle everything with the sale while I’m in LA. I’m not sure how long I’ll be out there and I don’t want to have to go back and forth with someone from the bank…”

“So you want me to take care of it? I’d be happy to help!” Mallory exclaimed. Her job at the bank was slightly different than what I wanted her to do, but I knew she wouldn’t mind.

“Thank you. I need to get a ticket to LA,” I said with trepidation. I didn’t have any qualms with flying, but I was worried Rainey might reject me. No matter what, though, I was going to get the words said aloud to her and let her choose.

“Well get going! I’ll handle everything with the bank,” Mallory promised as she stood, rushing me. I stood in front of her and she hugged me. “Go get her, Baker. You two are meant to be together,” she said with a smile.

I hugged her back and then drove home to pack and book a flight. I wanted to be in LA no later than tomorrow. I would win Rainey’s heart if it killed me.

Eleven

Rainey

LA wasn’t as glamorous as I remembered. In my head, it was pretty and sparkly, but in reality, it was crowded and hot, a little dirty, and void of emotion. In a sense, I wanted the emotional void, but it was still a lot to take in.

Of course, I was also facing a death sentence, which severely tarnished my perspective. Deciding not to get treatment had been a no-brainer, since it would only temporarily prolong a very sickly life. What I wanted was to enjoy what little time I had left.

Why I thought I belonged here, I’d never know. But I was here, which meant I was going to make the best of it. I glanced at my phone and ignored several texts from Baker, Luke, Mallory, and Gabby. There was even a stray message from Wolfe:
Are you okay?

Since I didn’t have any answers for anyone, I didn’t reply. Texting back would lead to phone calls, and I couldn’t handle that. I was a coward for my actions, I knew, but I couldn’t help myself. I needed to get out, to get away. It was a harsh reality I was facing.

Death was hardly one of those things people thought about on a serious note until someone around them died, and I was dealing with my own mortality, which was far more intense.
Three months
, I thought.
Three more months to live.
It wasn’t enough. There were still so many things I wanted to do with my life.

To distract myself on the plane to LA, I made a list of the things I wanted to do before I died. Then I threw it away when the drink cart came by and ordered a rum and cola. Even though alcohol usually made me sick, for whatever reason, it soothed my nerves on the plane. Then when I landed in LA, I spent several minutes in the airport bathroom, getting sick. Once I freshened up a bit, I met my aunt at baggage claim.

“Rainey!” she called, running toward me.

Brittney was my father’s younger sister, and was very
hip
. Aside from the fact that she was only twelve years older than me, she was more like an older sister than an aunt. She supported all my decisions regarding the leukemia, even when they weren’t the right decisions. Like keeping it a secret for so long. And not telling Baker.

I thought about texting him the truth, but I knew that was rude. I needed to call him, but I also needed to clear my head.

LA was full of life, even late at night when I arrived. It was well after dark and Brittney ushered me to her sporty car, refusing to let me carry any more than my purse. So I walked a few steps behind her and watched, bemused, as she awkwardly carried my suitcase and duffel. It was comical.

She tucked me into bed that night without so much as a question as to why I was back. I knew the morning would bring an inquisition, and it did.

Brittney grilled me with a hundred questions before I even had my first cup of coffee the next day. I answered her honestly, telling her about my death sentence. She pulled me close and squeezed me for several minutes. When she pulled away, there were tears in her eyes.

“I love you, kiddo,” she said, addressing me like I was an eighteen-year-old kid again. I didn’t mind. It was more of an endearment than a reference to my age.

“Love you, too. I just had to get away,” I explained. My sudden appearance was not expected, but she took it all with a grain of salt.

“Of course. I took the day off work, so we can hang out together. I want your LA doctor to see you. I made an appointment for you and then we’ll do something fun,” she said excitedly.

I really wanted to be alone, but I couldn’t tell her that. So I went along with her plans and we spent the day out and about. The doctor’s visit was actually very routine, and not quite as heartbreaking as my visit to Doctor Hansen in Maine. I already knew what they were going to say before they said it, which made it only fractionally easier to deal with.

Brittney lived on the southern tip of LA, so we drove to the San Diego Zoo, my favorite place. It was nice to just forget the real world for a while and enjoy the animals. Once upon a time, I’d wanted to become a veterinarian. I always wanted to go to zoos, wherever I was, but there was only one in Maine and my mother never wanted to take me.

Mallory and I went to it when we were seventeen, but she’d been distracted by text messages from Luke, so she didn’t really get lost in the animals like I did. My favorite exhibit was the Siberian tiger. They only had one, but she was gorgeous and I could stare at her for hours.

The San Diego zoo had several tigers of different breeds. I spent as much time as I could with the Siberians, but the white tigers were just as pretty. Brittney didn’t talk much while we were at the zoo, but as soon as we were back in the car, she started up again. It was after five and I knew I should feel hungry. Instead, I felt nauseous. I rolled my window down a little as we got onto Route 5 North. The breeze helped calm my traitorous stomach.

I shuffled out answers to Brittney’s questions, as much as I didn’t want to, and she was appeased. When we got back to her house, I was tired from walking around so much and went to the guest room Britt set up for
me
. It was elegantly decorated, with a brightly colored flowery bedspread on the queen bed that matched the stenciling on the white walls. The night stand housed a small lamp for late-night reading, which I’d done a lot of over the years.

I lay on the bed, fully clothed and utterly exhausted, and promptly fell asleep.

* * * * *

I didn’t wake up until after the sunrise, something that was gorgeous to watch if I was up early enough. I would have to set an alarm for tomorrow. Sunrise on the west coast wasn’t as good as back east, but it was still beautiful. I stopped in the guest bathroom and then made my way downstairs to the kitchen. I needed coffee.

I thought about how much I missed Baker already. He had so quickly become a constant in my life. Leaving him had been difficult but necessary. Time apart would save him from any kind of heartbreak that would accompany my death. Putting that distance between us was my way of not getting too attached to him, I knew. Not that it mattered. I was already half in love with him. And his outburst the other day confirmed my suspicions about how he felt about me.

It wasn’t enough, though. I was going to die and if we admitted our love to one another, it would only make the next few months harder to deal with. And after I was gone, he would have to deal with the pain every day, just like Mallory was doing. Watching her father die had broken her. She wasn’t the same person anymore, and I didn’t want my death to change Baker. He was funny and smart, outgoing, the life of the party. He deserved to be that way for the rest of his life, not to have his personality altered by the death of someone he loved.

I rubbed my eyes, willing myself to wake up; my body ached, my bones creaking in pain as I walked. I entered the kitchen without looking around, walking with tunnel-vision for the coffeepot, which was already brewed and deliciously hot. I grabbed a cup, poured some, and then added creamer before taking a sip and turning around to face Britt’s dining room. My hip leaned against the counter while I grasped the cup in both hands and held it close to my nose, inhaling the sweet aroma.

When I looked up, I noticed two things. First, I wasn’t alone in the kitchen. Second, the person in the kitchen with me was Baker. He was sitting on the far counter, his legs swinging back and forth as he waited for me to notice him. I took in the sight of him, memorizing every inch of him.

His feet were bare, as were his ankles and knees. He wore khaki shorts that hugged his hips but were lose around his thighs. His favorite light blue T-shirt adorned his torso; it clung to him, on the verge of being too small but actually fitting him perfectly. His hands rested on the edge of the counter and I could see the white of his knuckles as he gripped the counter, fighting for a casual appearance, but he was either nervous or angry. His dark sunglasses were pushed up over his head and rested in his cropped blonde hair, which was spiky and hot as hell. His eyes were pools of silver fire as he waited for me to speak. His lips pulled at the corners and I knew he was fighting a smile.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I’ve always wanted to visit LA,” he replied casually. He folded his hands in his lap. His smirk appeared and I felt my heart clench.

Perfectly white teeth reflected the light and my stomach hitched, causing a bout of nausea. I set my cup down as easily as I could and ran to the sink. I heaved several times and nothing came up, since I hadn’t eaten in over twelve hours. Baker was at my side in an instant, gently pulling back my crazy bedhead hair and pulling several paper towels off the roll on the counter. He ran the water, wetted the towels, and pressed them to my forehead.

“You’re burning up,” he whispered.

I took several deep breaths before standing straight again. I had to be in control of myself before I did something stupid, like faint. I gripped the counter and slowly raised my body. Baker stayed close, his right arm around my waist and his left hand on my left shoulder. I turned to him even more slowly and met his eyes.

“You’re so beautiful,” he blurted. His eyes widened as soon as he said it. “Well, not like right now, you know, with nearly puking all over the place, but in general.” He smiled wide.

“You’re crazy,” I whispered.

“Crazy about you,” he retorted and leaned his forehead against mine.

I didn’t fight him. My arms went around his waist and I moved my face away from his, scared to death my morning breath mixed with coffee and dry-heaving would repulse him. I rested my cheek on his shoulder and just held onto him. He was the support I needed more than anything in the world. When he was near me, I felt like I could overcome the looming darkness. I heard his sigh of contentment as his arms gathered me closer to him.

He lifted me up and set me on the counter, my thighs spread around his hips. He nuzzled my neck, his lips kissing my skin.

“I’ve missed you,” he whispered against my throat.

I tilted my head to the side to give him better access and groaned. “Me too,” I admitted, my fingernails digging into his back while he worked his magic on me.

I was lost to everything but the sight and feel of him against me. He smelled incredible, too. I inhaled his scent and let go of everything. All the stress that had been weighing me down was lifted, just by his presence.

His hands crept under my shirt and lifted it, exposing my breasts to his watchful gaze. I watched his gaze go dark as he spotted the bruise on my shoulder, but he didn’t stop. He covered each breast with his hand and gently rubbed my distended nipples. I sucked in a breath, my earlier nausea gone as desire filled me.

I undid his belt and popped the button, slowly sliding the zipper down, reaching in his shorts and grasping him fully. I was rewarded with his harsh groan. He sucked on my neck more and dropped one of his hands to my panties. I was already wet and he groaned again when he felt it.

“I want you,” he whispered against my ear, dragging my underwear to the side so he could touch me. He didn’t waste any time with preliminaries; he thrust two fingers deep into me and I arched against him.

“Yes,” I whispered back, lost to everything but him.

He yanked my shirt off and tossed it on the counter beside us, then pulled himself free of his shorts and boxers. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a condom, rolling it rolled on before I could do any more than stare at him. When he pressed himself against me, I scooted to the edge of the counter, anxious to get closer to
him
.

All thoughts fled, except for getting as much of him as I could. It didn’t matter why he was here, or what he wanted from me; all that mattered was this – us. My breathing picked up again, and although I wasn’t as limber as I would have liked, Baker did all the work and pushed into me, filling me so completely I cried out.

He stayed there for a moment, his eyes closed in ecstasy as he savored the feel of me. When his eyes opened, he looked at me intently and pulled out just a little. I instinctively brought my knees tighter around his hips, afraid he would leave me. His signature smirk greeted me and then he thrust in again. I threw my head back and his mouth came down to my neck again, suckling the sensitive skin.

“Rainey, is everything okay?” Brittney entered the kitchen and stopped short at the sight of us. My eyes flew to hers and she covered her mouth. “Sorry,” she mumbled and fled the room. I heard the distinct click of her bedroom door down the hall and then I lost it.

I laughed so whole-heartedly that I hardly noticed Baker’s horrified expression. He pulled completely out of me, ripped off the condom, and tossed it in the trash behind him.

“Tell me I’m not standing here in your aunt’s house with my dick out,” he grit out. He gently tucked himself back into his pants while I let out all my pent-up laughter. He tried to look at me seriously but eventually broke out in a grin.

“I blame you for this,” he accused.

“Me? I was just itching for some coffee when you attacked me with your hot body and devilish smile,” I defended.

His lips parted at my words, his pupils dilated. He had an incredibly hungry, sexy look on his face. I was almost drawn in again as he moved toward me.

“No!” I playfully slapped him away. “I am horrified that Britt just found us like that.” I jumped down from the counter, grabbing my shirt and slipping it on. “I have to go get dressed. Try to keep it in your pants, okay?”

“Hurry back, or I might attack your aunt with this thing.” He wiggled, thrusting his crotch out at me. “It’s got a mind of its own!”

I made my way up the stairs with a chuckle, unable to get the picture of Baker waving himself in front of me. Regardless of how much I might have believed he and I should stay away from each other, I was glad he came. I hurried into my room once I cleared the stairs. Even though I knew he would never make a move on my aunt, I didn’t want to leave the two of them together alone for too long.