Broken Series (37 page)

21

Gabby

It was intense and powerful and mind-boggling. How on earth the man managed to shake me to the very core every single time blew my mind. I lay there, utterly exhausted on our bed, while Wolfe grabbed a shower. The way he tenderly kissed my forehead and rested a hand on my belly for a full five seconds before he walked away was so sweet.

I was content, for probably the first time in a full year. My healing was complete. Well, almost. We decided to go pick up Katie after our showers and then take her shopping to pick out exactly what she wanted in her room, since she didn’t have much before. We wanted to give her the world, to spoil her rotten.

The house had plenty of bedrooms, so each of our children would have their own room, their own space, and they would grow up so loved. Wolfe and I needed to talk a little more, but I was certain we were both ready to stop wasting time, to stop running from love and each other. We were ready to move on with our lives and actually start living.

It was amazing how much we’d both grown up in such a short time. The little things no longer worried us, and we could sit back, relax, and just be happy. Finding out about the peanut was eye-opening for me, as I was sure the knowledge of Katie’s existence was for Wolfe. From here on out, we were going to let love be our guide. As a couple, as parents, and as a family.

When I looked toward the bathroom, Wolfe was standing there, in just a pair of boxers, his arm up on the doorframe, staring at me.

I looked down at my naked body self-consciously. “What?”

“You’re beautiful.”

“Stop saying that. You’re going to turn my head with fanciful talk like that,” I said with an exaggerated accent.

“Good. You deserve to know how gorgeous you are, every single moment of every day,” he said, walking over to the bed and sitting next to where I lay. “I made so many mistakes. I don’t want to repeat them. I lost you once, I won’t let it happen again.” He kissed me hand.

I smiled at him, knowing that if I said anything, I would cry. I got up, placed a chaste kiss on his cheek, and then went into the shower.

My body hadn’t changed too much, except for my breasts, which seemed huge and were bordering painful. I knew it was only going to get worse, too, which gave me something to look forward to.
Not!
I turned on the water and lost myself in the steamy shower.

Several minutes later, a knock on the door shook me from my thoughts.

“You alive in there?”

Whoops. “Yeah, sorry. I’ll be out in a minute,” I promised Wolfe. I rushed through washing my hair and then shut off the shower.

When I opened up the shower curtain, Wolfe was there, holding a towel out for me. I stepped into his arms and he wrapped them and the towel around my body.

“I love you,” he said, like he was incapable of not saying it all the time. I never tired of hearing it, either.

“I love you,” I replied.

In that instant, I knew everything for us was going to be okay, that we were going to make it work this time around. And our life was going to be amazing.

Epilogue

Baker

One year later…

Being around all the joy and happiness made me uncomfortable. Not to mention all the babies. Babies I would never have, never get to hold or spoil as anything other than my nieces and nephew. It was a selfish thought, I knew, but I couldn’t help it.

With Rainey gone for over a year now, my life was in shambles. I couldn’t keep a job, regardless of Luke’s endless help. I didn’t need to, having made enough from the bar sale to invest a little and now those investments were paying off in a serious way. Who knew Google would be so big? The problem was, I was too depressed for my own good.

It was at Thanksgiving that I announced my plans to travel for a year to all my friends and their families.

“Baker, what are you talking about?” Mallory asked, holding her daughter and patting the baby’s back.

“I know you guys don’t get it, but I can’t …” I took a deep breath to calm the tears that threatened to overtake me. “I can’t watch you guys live your happily ever after when Rainey is gone, my life is over, and I’ll never be happy again! I’m sick of being the fifth wheel on this train,” I told them.

Their faces were comical, though I didn’t really find things funny anymore. Once upon a time, I was the jokester, the guy people called a class clown, and definitely the person people called to cheer them up. My wife’s death changed all that, though. I didn’t have enough time with Rainey, and I regretted not fighting harder for her.

To make up for the guilt that engulfed me, I was going to travel the country on the motorcycle I just bought and try to forget some of the hurt. At the very least, I would be distracted. And for now, that was enough.

“Baker, I hope you’re joking. The kids all love you, and we will miss you like crazy,” Gabby said, balancing her daughter on her knee.

“This is something I have to do. I just need you guys to support me.”

“Of course,” Wolfe said, stepping forward to shake my hand. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

“Me too,” I mumbled, not sure I would find anything.

After a round of hugs, Luke asked when I was leaving.

“Tonight, after dinner. There’s no snow on the ground yet, and I want to head out as fast as I can.”

Silence met that announcement, but I knew they would appreciate me being gone, even if they didn’t even know it yet.

“Will you be back for Christmas?” Gabby asked.

“Doubt it. But you never know. We’ll see,” I added when all four of their faces fell.

Katie ran into the room and right up to me. “Uncle Baker! Throw me!” she demanded.

I smiled sadly at her and picked her up. I tossed her in the air, as was normal with our little game, and then caught her as low to the ground as I dared. She trusted me explicitly and I loved her so much.

Of all the kids, so far, she was my favorite, probably because she could talk and seemed much older than six. The babies were adorable, of course, but they couldn’t play checkers yet, either.

After dinner, I said my final goodbyes and set out on my bike, ready to figure out what the hell I wanted and how to move on from the woman I loved.

Time would heal everything, right? Yeah, right.

***Author’s note***

I know many of you are unhappy with the way things turned out for Baker, so I wanted to let you all in on a little secret: Later this year, I will begin releasing a new series (Dreams Series) that will feature Rainey’s siblings, Ember and Dallas, as well as a final happily ever after for Baker, which, I think, we can all agree he deserves after so much heartache.

Broken Valentine

Ch One

Mallory

I was elated. Not only had Luke proposed to me last summer, but we were expecting. Having a baby with the love of my life was something I never truly believed would happen to me. Of course, Luke and I had been through a lot over the last four years, especially the past twelve months. And after we were engaged, Luke and I finally settled into a routine.

Neither of us expected us to get pregnant, but we were both excited for the birth of our child. We were still stuck waiting for our little bundle of joy for another few months, but everything in our lives was finally working out.

Luke was plowing during the winter months, since carpentry jobs were few and far between. I usually went out with him, and today was no different.

“Can we please choose a name already?” Luke begged, dropping the plow and scraping the fresh snow.

I sighed. For weeks, we’d been name choosing. We couldn’t agree on a name for a boy or a girl, and later in the day, I had an ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby. Both of us said we didn’t care, but I knew Luke wanted a boy. And since we both wanted at least one more child in the next few years, I would be happy for a girl as the second child.

“Caleb?” I suggested, though not for the first time. For some reason, the name was stuck in my head and I couldn’t completely discard it.

“I don’t hate Caleb,” Luke emphasized. “I just don’t feel like it’s the one.” He lifted the plow and then put the truck in reverse. “How do you feel about Marcus?”

“I don’t know,” I answered.

This was how every single conversation went. We just couldn’t agree.

“It’ll come to us,” Luke assured me. He knew that the argument bugged me, and the doctor was worried about my stress levels.

My last appointment, the doc almost put me on bed rest. He agreed not to, so long as I took it easy for a few weeks. Premature labor was the biggest concern for my pregnancy, but I wasn’t too worried. I took two full weeks off work so that I could relax. With a big storm rolling in, Luke didn’t want me to be home alone, so I was riding shotgun while he plowed.

“I’m hungry,” I said to change the subject.

Luke laughed. “We’ll hit up the McDonald’s drive-thru on our way back through town,” he promised. He dropped the plow again, ready to make another swipe of the plow across the driveway he was plowing, when the pain hit me.

Searing pain ripped through the right side of my stomach, causing me to gasp.

“Mallory? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. My stomach hurts,” I told him between deep breaths. I grabbed my side, my worry going straight to the baby.

Luke brought the plow back up and turned out of the driveway. He drove, without any direction at all, to the hospital. He pulled up to the curb of the Emergency Room and was out of the truck and had my door open before I could even get my seat belt off. He pulled me into his arms, carrying me into the hospital.

The nurse at the ER desk rushed forward with a wheelchair. Luke begrudgingly put me in it, after a two-second argument with the nurse. She reassured him and he walked beside the chair as she wheeled me upstairs to the maternity department.

My doctor was surprised to see us and I was barely in a hospital gown before he was knocking on the door to check on me. After a thorough examination, he looked upset. My stomach still hurt but it wasn’t as bad as it had been.

“You’re in labor,” he said. “The pain you felt was a contraction.”

“What do we do?” Luke asked. We both knew it was far too soon to have the baby. His or her lungs weren’t developed enough and if he or she were born, the baby wouldn’t have much of a chance to survive.

“We’ve got an injection to stop the contractions,” he said, naming the drug, but my mind was already wondering how I would survive the loss of this child.

After all I’d been through this past year, from the loss of my dad to the death of my best friend, I wasn’t emotionally ready to lose a baby, too. I took a deep breath, desperate to calm myself. I squeezed Luke’s hand. He stood next to my bed, hanging onto me for dear life. Neither of us was ready to lose our unborn child.

“What if the shot doesn’t work?” Luke asked, voicing my thoughts aloud.

“They’ll work,” the doctor confirmed.

“Are you sure?” I asked, my voice not even sounding like my own.

“I’ve been doing this for a lot of years, Mallory. You don’t need to worry. You and the baby will be absolutely fine. Once we get you settled, we’re going to get you that ultrasound so you know what you’re having, okay? We’ll take good care of you. So we’re going to get the contractions stopped and then get you hooked up to an IV, just to make sure you’re hydrated, and in case we need to give you another dose.”

As soon as the doctor left the room, Luke turned to me. “Are you okay?”

“I think so,” I answered, both hands resting on my still-small baby bump. “Don’t worry, Luke,” I said, taking his hand and bringing it to my belly.

He took a deep breath, his hand relaxing as soon as he touched our child’s home. “I was so scared,” he admitted.

Just then, the nurse came in with an IV bag and my stress spiked. Luke held my hand while the woman put in the IV and then went around the bed to give me a shot. I wasn’t afraid of needles, but two in less than ten minutes made me nervous.

“Great job,” the nurse said to me with a smile when she finished. She patted my belly and then was gone.

“This is going to be a long pregnancy, isn’t it?” I asked Luke.

He chuckled. “At least I was with you. Imagine if you were home by yourself when that happened.”

“No shit,” I agreed. “What if I can’t go back to work? I doubt the doc is going to let me off after this without being on bed rest.”

“If you get put on bed rest, we’ll deal with it. I make enough to take care of us,” Luke said. I knew he was only trying to help, but I didn’t want to hear it.

“I’ll figure out something I can do online, then. I’m not going to be one of those women who just sits home all day while you work. I don’t want to be taken care of.”

Luke closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Okay. We’ll talk about it if the doctor says you need to go on bed rest. Let’s not worry about it right now.”

“Fine,” I said to appease him. I leaned against the pillow on my bed and fell asleep.

* * * * *

Sometime later, Luke gently shook me awake.

“Mal, they’re here to do an ultrasound,” he explained.

I sat up, wiped my eyes, and pulled the blanket up a bit. I yanked on my gown to show my belly and then leaned back, relaxed. The meds were working, it seemed, since I hadn’t had another contraction. The ultrasound tech was a younger woman with bright red, curly hair. She gave me a smile and then squeezed an ungodly amount of that gel onto my belly.

I gasped at the contact, though the gel was warmer than the last time I’d had it done.

“So, we’re doing a gender check, but we also want to make sure that everything is good with the baby, too,” the woman explained as she pressed the wand to my stomach.

After about ten seconds, the woman’s face changed drastically. Worry furrowed her brow. She pulled the ultrasound device away and stuck it in the holder. “I’ll be right back,” she announced and then ran from the room.

I looked at Luke. “Oh no.”

“Don’t worry, yet,” Luke said to me.

“I can’t help it,” I whispered. Luke grabbed my hand and we held onto each other while we waited.

When the tech and my doctor reentered the room, both with worried glances, fear gripped my heart. The doctor sat in the tech’s seat and put the device back to my stomach.

“The tech wanted to check with me, Mallory, but don’t worry. We’re going to take care of everything,” the doctor assured me.

“Is something wrong?”

“We aren’t sure,” he answered.

That answer scared me more than if he had said yes. If the doctor was unsure, then surely something wasn’t right. I forced myself to breathe, deep breaths that made me calm down, if only a little. I watched, petrified, as he waved the wand over my stomach, clicked a few buttons on the machine, and then a plethora of photographs spit out of the machine.

The doctor finally removed the wand, cleaned it, and then gave me a towel to wipe the gel off my belly. The redheaded tech took the cart out of the room and, once she closed the door, the doctor turned to us.

“We have good news and bad news,” the doctor announced. “The good news is, the baby is fine, and you’ll be having a beautiful baby boy.” He gave us a second to breath while we processed the information. “The bad news is, there isn’t enough amniotic fluid in the womb for the baby to stay healthy for the next few months. We’ll need you to deliver by the end of the week in order to save the baby. If you go much longer than that, you’ll risk brain damage, and possibly even death.”

I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. I just sat there, unmoving, while Luke asked questions and the doctor answered. After a few minutes, Luke looked at me.

“Mallory, do you have any questions?”

I still couldn’t speak so I shook my head.

“Alright. Then we’ll schedule the delivery for first thing tomorrow morning,” the doctor said. His words snapped me out of my daze, but I didn’t say anything until he left the room.

“Tomorrow? He wants me to have the baby tomorrow?” My voice was high-pitched, and I knew it must annoy him, but I couldn’t care. “I can’t have the baby yet!”

“Mallory, it’s necessary. He’s going to have the neonatal doctor come visit so we can have a plan in place once he’s born,” Luke explained.

In my state of shock, I’d missed all of that. I gulped, trying to force down the lump in my throat. “I’m not ready for this,” I told him.

Luke held my hands in his. “I’m not either, but we can do this. We just need to be strong for our little guy.”

“Our little guy. We’re having a boy,” I said, my voice flat.

“That’s right.” Luke sounded more excited than worried, and I knew I should mimic his feelings, but I was too afraid of losing my son.

“I’m scared, Luke,” I admitted.

“I know. I am, too. But everything is going to be fine. We didn’t go through everything we’ve been through this past year for it to end up with us losing another person in our lives. I promise you, Mallory. Our boy will be strong, just like his mother.”

“Hopefully he’s as stubborn as she is, too,” I muttered, knowing that in the past year, I’d done a lot of running.

I spent the last few years before I moved home avoiding issues that needed to be taken care of, and I wasn’t that young girl anymore. I was a strong woman, just like Luke said. And, even if it killed me, I would be strong for our son.

* * * * *

The neonatal doctor, who insisted we call him Gray, was young, far younger than my OB/GYN. He knew his shit, though, and for that, I was grateful. He explained everything to us, from start to finish, and then took the time to answer all our questions, as if he had all the time in the world.

“So Luke Junior will be in our NICU for several weeks. I know it can be hard to be away from a child, but, I promise, he will be in the best hands possible. We’ll give him plenty of time to develop his lungs and heart, and once he’s done that, he’ll move into the pediatric department. Between science and technology, a premature birth, even one this early, isn’t a death sentence anymore. We’ve got lots of doctors and equipment in Portland to keep your son healthy.”

“Wait, Portland?” I asked.

“Well, yes, he’ll be at Mercy Hospital, which is where you’ll have to deliver, too, under the care of our professionals. This small-town hospital isn’t going to be able to take care of your son the way he needs,” Gray informed us.

Mercy Hospital was over an hour away. There was no way I’d be able to be away from my son for any length of time, which meant we were going to have to get a hotel near the hospital so that we were never more than a few minutes away.

“We’ll figure it out,” Luke promised me, picking up on my raging emotions. “Thank you so much, Gray.”

“Of course. I know this is all scary, and definitely new, but everything should be fine. We’ll transport you via ambulance to Mercy this afternoon,” Gray explained. “I’ll be back in a bit and we’ll have a more definite time.”

Then he was gone, leaving me alone with my thoughts. And Luke, of course. Neither of us were ready to speak, though. Our lives had changed so much from this morning, when we were laughing and happy. Giving birth early, possibly losing our son; it was all too much.

So Luke climbed up on the tiny hospital bed, wrapped his arms around me, and we just held each other in silence, both preoccupied with our thoughts. The next few days would challenge us, as a couple, as parents, and as people. I hoped we were ready.