Authors: Dawn Pendleton
Ch Five
Luke
Four years ago…
Mallory and I were happy. Or so I thought, anyway. When she up and left last week, I thought my world might end, but her father, Joe, of all people, gave me the comfort I needed to stay strong. Since our little chat, he and I were pretty close. I always thought of him as my own dad, which was convenient, since mine wasn’t around anymore.
Neither of my parents cared too much about what I did, preferring to move away from the small town. With Mallory gone, too, I started to question my own worth.
“Am I unlovable? Do I drive people away from me?” I wondered aloud to Joe one night after cooking both of us dinner.
He laughed. “Absolutely not!” But then his eyes grew serious, his tone much more stern. “Don’t let anyone, not even my daughter, determine your self-worth, Luke. You’re a smart kid with a good head on your shoulders. Your parents never saw that about you, and even though Mallory’s gone, I know she’ll be back. She won’t be able to stay away from you forever. She’ll come home.”
“How can you be so sure?” I asked.
“She’s my daughter. When the time is right, she’ll come home to say goodbye to me, but she won’t be able to say goodbye to you again.”
“I doubt it. She didn’t even cry last week when she left,” I muttered.
“That’s because she was excited about something new. When she comes home to bury me, she’ll change. But let her have this time now, time to truly discover who she is,” he demanded.
I didn’t want her to find herself. I wanted the old Mallory back in my arms. I sighed.
“I guess I don’t have much choice.”
“You always have a choice, Luke. You can’t make someone else’s decisions for them, but you can decide to accept their choices. So accept Mallory’s choice. Don’t harbor a grudge because you have no idea what that girl has been through,” he admonished me.
Instead of assuming he was just being her dad, though, I actually listened to what he said. There were things I didn’t know about Mallory, things I wouldn’t learn until much later, when she actually came home again.
Ch Six
Luke
I smiled at the memory. Joe was like a father to me. He was the one who encouraged me to keep on loving Mallory. He knew his daughter well, too. Eventually, she’d returned to Casper, though only to care for her father and then to bury him, just as Joe said. But she ended up staying in Casper for me. She wanted to be with me as much as I wanted her, and I would not lose her.
I closed my eyes to fight the tears that threatened to fall again, willing myself to be strong for her. I’d been such a fool when she first came back last summer. I fought her, made her cry, and guilted her about Joe’s condition. But she still loved me, still wanted to spend a life with me. In that moment, I decided I would never make her feel like an outcast again, so long as she survived this.
“You’ve got to leave now,” the nurse nudged me.
My eyes flew open, looking for my son. “Why?”
“There’s a lot to be done. Let us help Mallory and your son. Let us do our jobs,” she muttered, pushing me out of the operating room.
I swallowed my pride and put one foot in front of the other, letting myself out of the room. I was petrified of what would happen, but there was nothing I could do now. Mallory and Caleb were in the capable hands of Gray and God. I wouldn’t interfere.
I found Baker, along with Gabby and Wolfe, in the waiting room. They all stood when they saw me, and Gabby pulled me in to a hug.
“What’s going on?” Wolfe demanded.
I was numb. “It’s a boy. Caleb Marcus.”
“How’s Mallory?” Gabby asked, her eyes concerned.
“I have no idea. She passed out before the surgery, and she hasn’t woken up yet. They kicked me out of the room.” I stood there, emotionless.
“Oh, Luke,” Gabby hugged me again, but I couldn’t summon the strength to put my arms around her. “What do we do now?”
I knew what she was thinking. Our little group was slowly being picked off. First Joe, then Rainey. People were dropping like flies. Maybe Baker was right – maybe there was something about our town.
“We wait. And we pray,” Wolfe said, his voice sure and steady.
I looked up at him, certain I would see something sad or pity-like in his eyes, but all I saw was strength. I wasn’t the only one suffering here, and my friends had come to support me, whether we celebrated lives or mourned the loss of those lives.
I turned away, letting the tears flow freely. These people loved me, love Mallory, and were more than ready to love my son, if only the good Lord above made it possible. I felt a strong hand on each of my shoulders, and then Gabby’s arms came around my waist, hugging me from behind. I shook with emotion, letting the sobs escape. I didn’t worry that any of these three would judge me.
When I turned around, both Baker and Wolfe has tears in their eyes, too, and Gabby was a mess. Her sobs couldn’t be good for the baby. Giving myself something to do, I helped her sit in one of the chairs.
“Calm down, Gabby. It’s not good for the baby,” I whispered to her.
Her eyes grew with concern, but not for her child. “What if they don’t make it? I can’t handle losing another best friend.”
Her words touched me, brought me back to life. “We won’t lose her,” I promised, though I had no idea at all. “She and Caleb are going to be just fine.”
And when hope dawned in her eyes, I realized I believed my words. I wasn’t just telling her something to make her feel better … No, I actually believed that everything would work out. If it didn’t … I would deal with that later. But right then, I just wanted the four of us to hope, to believe that my little family would pull through, and, maybe, we’d be happy for real again.
I heard someone cough behind me, a discreet sound to get my attention. I turned and saw Gray standing there, his face grim.
Fear gripped my heart while Gabby gripped my hand. “Oh God,” I muttered, seeing the disappointed look on Gray’s face.
“Don’t fret yet, Luke. Everyone is alive and breathing. Neither of them is out of the woods yet, but Mallory and Caleb are being closely monitored, and you should be able to see them in a few hours or so. Mallory woke up after the Caesarean, and was able to hold Caleb in her arms before she passed out again. We aren’t really sure what’s causing her to keep going unconscious, but we have a neurologist coming in to see her.
“Caleb is in the NICU. He’s on a ventilator, which is a breathing machine, and he’s stable. Anything can happen from here, Luke, for either of them. But I want you to be prepared for any outcome. When you go in to see Mallory, you’ll need to be strong and assure her that everything is alright, even if you don’t feel that way. Will you be able to do that?”
Would I? I wasn’t sure, but I could fake it, at least. I would do that much for Mallory. I gave Gray a non-committal nod.
“Good.” He looked at my friends. “Mallory won’t be able to have visitors, guys. I know you’re all close, but Luke is the only one allowed to see her for now. Once she’s a little better, she’ll be up for friends to visit, and I’ll expect to see all of you in there.”
Gray gave us all a short nod, a half-smile, and then walked away. He stopped to talk to the nurses and then he was gone.
I felt my legs give out, and then Wolfe and Baker caught me, dragging me to a chair. Gabby forced me to put my head between my knees when I started to hyperventilate. My breathing was erratic, but eventually slowed. She sat next to me, soothing me with warm words, encouraging me to take deep breaths.
Finally, I was able to look up. “I don’t know if I can do this,” I whispered, to no one in particular.
Gabby squeezed my arm. “You can, and you will. Mallory and Caleb need you, Luke. They need to lean on you. And we’ll all be here for you to lean on us,” she assured me.
“You’re amazing,” I said to her, looking her in the eye. Her blue eyes were just as bright as Mallory’s, and although the two didn’t look anything alike, her eyes reminded me of the woman I loved. I swallowed hard. “Thank you.”
She gave me a sad smile. “You don’t need to thank me or any of us. We’re family, Luke. We have been for a long time. And we’re all any of us has, these days.”
She must’ve been thinking about her own mother, who had pretty much ignored her and the fact that she was pregnant. I saw the tears well up in her eyes, but before I could comfort her, Wolfe pulled her to stand and had her in his arms. I smiled up at them.
I lifted my fist to Baker, who stood on my right, a comforting presence. He’d been through the worst situation, but he was still there for me and my family now. He bumped his fist against mine. It wasn’t enough. I stood and enveloped him in a hug. We’d never been that close to hug one another, but it was needed in that moment.
“Thank you for everything. You’ve been like a brother to me,” I said, loud enough so only he could hear me.
He pulled away to look in my eyes and I saw the shock in his. “I’d be proud to be your brother.”
I smiled, loving this family of mine. No matter what the outcome of the day was, I would have these people to fall back on, to rely on. They were going to help me get through this.
Ch Seven
Mallory
I don’t remember much of that day, but I vaguely recall holding my son. My Caleb Marcus. He was beautiful, perfect in every way. The nurse took him shortly after, promising me I would hold him again, and I slipped into the darkness.
When I woke up again, the room was dim, but Luke was there, in the chair next to my bed. His hand was on mine, and since my throat hurt too much to speak right away, I wiggled my fingers to get his attention.
The moment his eyes met mine, it was like a rush of love in his eyes. He was happy to see me, I could tell. I swallowed a few times and finally managed to convey I needed water. After a few sips from the cup he gave me, he called for the nurse and told me not to speak yet.
A male nurse came in, smiling at me as he went over my vitals, and then explained that he would let Dr. Gray know I was awake. He left Luke and me alone, and the first thing he did was press his lips to mine.
“I love you,” he whispered against my mouth. He didn’t touch me anywhere else, leaving his hands at his sides.
“I love you,” I croaked back. My voice cracked and my throat was scratchy, but the sentiment was there.
Before I could say anything else, Luke interrupted me. “Don’t use your voice. You need rest.” He paused, looking around the room. He grabbed a pen and a piece of paper. “Use this.” He handed them to me.
Even though I was weak, writing my questions was easier than speaking.
Where’s Caleb?
“He’s fine, I promise. He’s been put in the NICU and we aren’t allowed inside just yet. They don’t want to expose him to anything right now. His lungs are underdeveloped and if he catches anything, he won’t survive.”
I closed my eyes, trying to remember my baby boy.
Why does my throat hurt?
Luke smiled. “You had a tube down your throat. I have absolutely no idea what it was for, but it was necessary, or so they told me. Gray said you should feel better in a few days.”
I nodded and then Gray walked into the room. “There’s my favorite patient! Well, second favorite. There’s this adorable little boy who was born today, and he’s pretty damn awesome,” Gray winked at me.
When I tried to speak, Luke shushed me and tapped his finger on the paper in my hand. Remembering not to talk was going to take some getting used to. With a sigh, I put my pen to paper.
How long do we need to stay?
Gray read my question. “All your tests have cleared, which means we’ll keep you tonight for observation, but you will be free to go tomorrow. As best we can tell, you passed out from exhaustion.”
“What about Caleb?” Luke asked for me, his hand grabbing mine when I started to write the question.
Gray looked grim. “Caleb is stable, but in critical condition. It’s going to be a long time before he’s able to leave. We’re talking at least the next three months, if not longer. You both need to prepare yourselves for anything in the next few weeks. He’s doing okay right now, but things can change in an instant. I’ve got a good feeling, but again, you can’t expect this time to go perfectly.”
I closed my eyes, trying to block out his words. Luke’s hand squeezed mine. I held back tears, but only just barely.
“When can we see him?” Luke asked.
“The NICU has glass windows, but you can’t go in for at least a week. We need to make sure his environment stays perfectly the same. No new germs, nothing. I know this is going to be hard,” he continued, seeing the torture on my face. “But it’s necessary to keep him safe. And since you are going to be fine, he’s our biggest concern. I don’t want anything to hinder his road to perfect health.”
“Well, that’s what we want, too. And although it’s going to be hell, we’ll do anything for our boy,” Luke said.
The pride in his voice tugged on my heart, made me want to cry. He was perfect for me, and as soon as Caleb was ready to come home, we’d be a perfect family.
Broken Valentine Epilogue
Luke
Fourteen weeks later…
Caleb was ready to come home. After our miracle baby’s birth on Valentine’s Day, Mallory and I spent as much time as we could with Caleb. Every single day was a gift, a precious blessing to cherish and enjoy.
At eleven weeks, Caleb was almost to the weight of a normal newborn, and eating regular formula. He was still in the NICU, but we were able to go see him, hold him. The first time I held him was a moment I wouldn’t forget. That little boy was everything, and looking in his eyes, eyes that mimicked the color of his mother’s, I knew we were going to survive.
At week fourteen, Gray assured us Caleb could come home. Over the months, we’d become great friends with Gray, who actually lived in Casper and commuted to work in Portland every day. He was single and always insisted on treating Mallory and me to dinner. Once a week, at least, and usually on the harder days, when Caleb would cry and cry, unable to be soothed.
He was a little colicky, but he grew out of it, to our relief. Now, he was just perfect, a fine specimen of a baby boy, with chubby cheeks and bright blue eyes.
We loaded him into his car seat and took him around to the nurses’ station so they could all say their goodbyes. He’d become quite the ladies’ man in the hospital, and although they were all happy to see him go home, I had a feeling many of the nurses would miss him. At the end of the hall, near the doorway to the elevators, Gray waited for us, wanting his goodbye to be at least a little private.
He squatted down on his haunches to look at Caleb. “Alright, little man, you take care of your mom and dad, okay?” He patted Caleb’s arm and then stood to hug Mallory. “I don’t want to see either of you back in this hospital.” He gave her a stern look and she laughed. Gray shook my hand. “Take care of this gorgeous family,” he instructed.
“Proud to,” I murmured, my throat tight. “We’ll expect you on Sunday for dinner.”
“So long as there aren’t any emergencies, I’ll be there. Now get home and show off this little guy to your friends and family!” He waved his hands at us, scooting us out the door.
The drive was long, but at least the weather was finally warming. Mallory sat in the back of her SUV with Caleb, cooing at him. We hadn’t had much time to get anything but some clothes, a car seat, and bottle, since we spent so much time at the hospital. But tomorrow was Saturday; Mallory and I planned on going on a massive shopping trip to get whatever else we needed. Gabby told me she picked up a few things, like a bassinet, but nothing major, so we still had a lot of shopping to do.
After the longest hour of my life, watching Mallory through the rearview mirror, we arrived at home. Baker and Wolfe’s cars were in the driveway, which I expected. When the two of them came out to greet us, I knew something was up. Mallory was oblivious, though. She carted Caleb into the house while Wolfe and Baker each shook my hand.
“What’s going on?”
“Well, Mallory had that baby so fast, we had to postpone our baby shower. Or Gabby did. She did a great job, too. It’s girls only, but you should go take a look and then you’re coming out with us. There are a few things we need to get for the baby that Gabby couldn’t get by herself. Like a crib,” Wolfe explained.
I smiled at them both, shaking my head. These people were our best friends, the people we loved most in the world.
“Let Mallory have her baby shower. Let’s go now,” I said. I was enamored by these men in my lives, the guys I was able to call friends. Even Gabby, going through so much to make sure Mallory had a wonderful baby shower. It was sweet and just the sort of thing the three of them would do.
* * * * *
Mallory
The shower was magnificent. Gabby was a phenomenal party planner and it showed. The décor was perfect for Caleb, and I got to open presents while he was passed around. I’d been thinking about Dad on my way home, how much I wanted him here. I missed him so much, but I knew he was the one watching over Caleb these past few weeks, taking care of him. And ultimately bringing him home.
Gabby handed me a piece of cake after all the presents were opened. “Don’t be mad,” she warned. Then she pulled me into the kitchen, where Carrie, Luke’s ex, was waiting.
“What is this?” I asked Gabby, pissed that she was ruining this day.
“Don’t freak out, Mal,” Gabby started.
I took a deep breath. “What do you want?” I asked Carrie.
“I don’t want to cause any trouble, Mallory. I asked Gabby if I could come when I heard you guys were coming home. I just wanted to tell you how happy I am for you. You and Luke were destined to be together, to enjoy life. And as jealous as I might have been last summer, I wanted you to know that I’m thrilled you guys are so happy. So me being here is just to wish you nothing but an amazing life together,” she said in a rush.
Her words sucked the breath right out of me. I never would have guessed she would make such a humble gesture. I leaned back against the counter and decided that this woman and I could possibly be friends. Since Raney’s death, all I had was Gabby, and while I absolutely adored her, I could never have too many friends.
“I’m sorry, Carrie,” I said. I watched her face fall. “I’m sorry for treating you like shit this past year. What’s happened to me doesn’t excuse my behavior, though it has contributed to it. I just want you to know how sorry I am about that night at the bar and acting like a child.”
Carrie smiled. “All’s forgiven.” She walked forward to hug me and I hugged her back, ready to accept her as my friend.
Her past with Luke didn’t bother me anymore. If I learned anything in the past twelve months, it was that life is precious, fragile. Enjoy it while you’re here and never regret it.