Authors: Dawn Pendleton
Ch Two
Luke
The news was a shock, but given the bad luck that had hit us this past year, I really should have expected it. Mallory was strong, but if something happened to our boy, I wasn’t so sure she would bounce back. I’d seen it happen to women who miscarried, and now she was going to actually deliver our son and then put him in an incubator. What if something goes wrong? What if he’s mentally disabled? What if he dies? My thoughts were uncontrolled as I tried to get a grip.
No matter what, if our son was alive, I would be grateful. And if he was happy and healthy and got to grow up? I’d be down on my knees thanking the good Lord above. But the negative thoughts consumed me. I didn’t tell Mallory my fears. She was already freaking out; I didn’t want to worry her any more. Instead, I gave her words of encouragement. I told her everything would be fine, and she accepted every word I said, even though neither of us had any idea what the next few days would hold for us.
That night, she was transferred to Mercy and we were separated. I didn’t like the fact that I couldn’t ride with her in the ambulance, but when Gray mentioned that we would need to have a vehicle in Portland once Mallory was all healed up, I relented.
After Mallory was safely tucked into the ambulance, I drove my truck home, changed my clothes, packed a bag for us, and grabbed the hospital bag Mallory already had ready to go in the baby room. We weren’t ready for a baby room, yet; the room was ridiculously bare. I would need to get on that, depending on how things turned out at the hospital. It hurt my heart to even think that way, but the truth was, there were high chances of us losing this baby.
I dumped all the bags into the back of Mallory’s SUV and then started it up. We didn’t even have a car seat. I decided there was nothing I could do right then, and, when the time was right, we would take care of it. I ran back into the house and called Wolfe.
“What’s up?” he answered on the first ring.
“Hey, Mallory’s going into labor,” I said in a rush.
“What? That can’t be safe –”
“It’s not. Just listen. There’s not enough fluid around the baby and if they leave him in there too long, his brain could be damaged because of the lack of oxygen,” I explained, just like Gray had explained to us. “I need you guys to keep an eye on the house and find Baker. He’s been MIA the last few days. When you and Gabby got back together, he had a real hard time, especially since you guys are like a pretty little pre-made family now. But anyway, I’m heading out to Mercy now, which is where she’ll be for the duration. I’ll keep you updated, okay?” I didn’t give him time to answer and hung up, shoving my cell in my pocket.
I remembered, only barely, that I needed cell phone chargers. I ran to our room to grab them. The photo on Mallory’s nightstand stopped me. It was a picture of Joe, Mallory’s father. I actually took the picture two summers ago, before Joe was mostly bedridden. It was the most vibrant he’d been that whole year, even smiling for it as he raked up some leaves in the front yard.
When I saw him smiling at me, surrounded by the fall foliage, I felt an inner peace wash over me, and I knew, absolutely knew, that everything would work out. Joe would watch over our baby and keep him safe.
I smiled back at the picture, grateful for having had him in my life the last few years. Even when Mallory was out of my life, I always had Joe. And it was his sickness that brought Mallory back to me, his death that made her realize she still wanted to be with me, and his letter after his death that showed her that I was the right choice.
I left the house, ready to face the trials ahead.
* * * * *
The drive to the hospital went by in a flash, and I didn’t even remember making the trip. I parked in the parking lot and then walked into the reception area.
“Can I help you?” the woman at the desk asked.
“Mallory Wells,” I said, my voice trembling a little.
“Of course. Third floor, room three-eighteen,” she said after a few clicks on her keyboard. I was down the hall and in the elevator before she even looked up.
I had a moment’s regret as I wondered if Mallory would have liked some flowers or a teddy bear from the gift shop, but I brushed it off. First and foremost, she would want me nearby, holding her hand and keeping her calm.
On the third floor, I took a left, following the wall sign, and found room three-eighteen. I didn’t bother knocking. I burst in, surprising the doctor and nurse, both of whom started to tell me to get out. Mallory’s voice, barely above a whisper, dominated theirs.
“Luke,” she breathed, the relief and tension easing out of her shoulders from her spot on the bed. She gave me a wan smile, the effort causing her pain, I could tell.
“Are you hurt?” I asked, pushing past the doctor and taking Mallory’s hand.
“A little. The contractions started again in the ambulance, and they didn’t want to try to stop them this time, since they want me to deliver. Looks like he might be coming today instead of tomorrow. Gray said he’ll be here in an hour. He had another patient to see in Casper before he could drive up, but he’s on his way now. He’s going to be the one to deliver our little man.”
I listened to her voice, not really believing her. I was going to be a dad today. Most likely, anyway. It was terrifying but exhilarating, too. I gulped, giving her a short nod. I didn’t trust myself to speak. The joy I was experiencing was just too overwhelming for me to think of anything but the baby that would probably be born today.
I glanced at my watch: February fourteenth. The day would forever be embedded in my mind as the best day of my life. I always thought my best day ever would be the day I married Mallory, but I doubted that would change the meaning of this day. We were hoping for a fall wedding, long after the baby was due, because Mallory wanted to have some time to get ‘her body back.’ It didn’t matter to me what she looked like, though. She was carrying my son and however her body looked, I would worship it and her forever. She was mine and she was giving me the greatest gift, sacrificing so many things in order to do so.
I held her hand, listening intently while the doctor explained a few things about what would happen after she gave birth.
“If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask,” he was saying.
I found my voice. “What are the dangers for Mallory?”
“There are risks, especially if there are any complications, but we are going to keep an eye on her, and currently, all her vitals look fantastic, as do the baby’s. Mallory’s doing a wonderful job keeping herself calm so she doesn’t upset the baby.” The doctor smiled at her, and she smiled back.
When both the doctor and the nurse left the room, Mallory looked at me. “Did you call anyone?”
“I called Wolfe and asked him to keep an eye on the house and find Baker,” I told her, hoping she wouldn’t worry.
“Is Baker still missing?” she asked.
“Yeah, I don’t know what’s going on with him,” I told her. “After Christmas, he just disappeared.” The holidays, I knew, had left him feeling down. It wasn’t that I was trying to be mean-hearted – I knew how fucked up I would be if anything happened to Mallory, but Baker chose to marry Rainey, to be with her and get closer to her even though he knew she was going to die.
I hated thinking that way, but it was the truth. Rainey was going to die, whether it was last spring or after Thanksgiving. And although I was far from comfortable with death, I was more accepting of it since Joe’s death. Joe taught me to live like I could die at any given moment. Since I realized Mallory was it for me, I’d dedicated my life to her.
Which, if I thought about it, I totally got why Baker gave everything to Rainey. I thought about the fact that if Mallory suddenly got sick, I would cling to her even more, cherish every passing millisecond that I had left. I mentally kicked myself, wondering why I was so hard on Baker. He was such a great guy, though, and he absolutely deserved to be happy. He didn’t deserve the hand he was dealt. Rainey’s death was hard on all of us, especially Mallory and Gabby, but Baker had been different since her funeral.
Since we buried her, Baker had become despondent, reclusive, even. It was depressing, especially when Mallory and I were so happy, and Wolfe and Gabby had their own family now, too. I knew it was hard for him, but I kept wanting him to snap out of it. It would take time, but I just wanted him to be happy again. Seeing him so different from the way he was just a year ago made me worry about him immensely.
“Luke?” Mallory squeezed my hand as a contraction gripped her.
I helped her breathe, the short breaths that I’d seen people do on TV. It was still too early in the pregnancy for us to have attended Lamaze classes yet, so I was just helping her blindly. Once it passed, I wiped her brow with a towel, hating how much pain she was in.
When it finally settled down, Mallory let out a sigh of relief. “What are we naming him?”
I thought about it for a moment. “Caleb.” Her name was perfect now, in the middle of this insane situation.
“I like Caleb Marcus.”
Ch Three
Mallory
Our child’s name wasn’t something I’d been willing to compromise on the day before. But now, when his entire existence hung in the balance, I knew that Luke’s favorite name and mine put together was the perfect name. Our boy would bring joy and light to this world, no matter how long he was with us.
A tear escaped the corner of my eye as I thought the very real fact that he might not make it. Of course, I wouldn’t love him any differently, but this baby was everything. A creation from the love Luke and I shared. I would love this baby boy for all my days, no matter what.
Just as Luke was about to reply to my name, another contraction took over, causing me to throw back my head in pain. Luke’s hand found mine again and I gripped it like a vice. I knew I had to be hurting him, but he never said a word; he just held onto me and coaxed me to breathe. The nurses helped me with breathing, too, since I hadn’t been to any classes yet. When the last of the contraction faded, I sunk into the bed, my head lolled to the side. I was exhausted.
Luke was right there, feeding me ice chips with a concerned look on his face. “Are you alright?”
I nodded, but, given my state of fatigue, I wasn’t even sure if I made any movement. I just wanted to sleep. My eyes fluttered once. Twice.
“Mallory?” I could hear a voice calling me, but I ignored it, much too tired to even acknowledge it.
Ch Four
Luke
“Mallory!” I called to her again. I looked up to the nurse, who was checking her pulse on the other side of the bed.
She pressed the emergency call button on the side of the bed and then looked at me. “Her vitals are dropping. As are the baby’s. We need to get her in for a Caesarean.”
Her words did nothing to calm my spiked blood pressure. “Is she okay?” I needed her to be alright. I needed her in my life.
“We’ll take care of her,” the nurse promised as several male nurses rushed in. Between them, they unhooked Mallory’s machines from the wall and then pushed her out of the room.
I was left standing there, completely alone. When Gray appeared in front of me, I hardly saw him.
Gray shook me a little. “Luke! Snap out of it! We are going to take good care of Mallory and the baby.”
“Caleb. Caleb Marcus,” I muttered in a state of shock.
“Mallory and Caleb will both be fine,” he promised.
I shook my head in disbelief, utterly convinced I was about to lose everything that mattered to me. “And if they die?” I finally looked up into the doctor’s eyes.
His eyes widened as I looked at him, and I was convinced it was because my own eyes were lost, with no more light or joy. I was the epitome of hopelessness.
“They aren’t going to die.” His words did nothing to comfort me.
“Tell them I love them,” I murmured as he walked out of the room.
After a moment, I had to leave the room. It was too depressing, too much for me to handle. I went to the nurses’ station, gave them my cell number, and then asked directions to the chapel or whatever the hell they called it nowadays. The woman directed me to the first floor.
The chapel was small, but empty, which suited me just fine. Gone was the empty hollow of emotion, and in its place was a boiling rage I could hardly control. I went to the front of the chapel and yelled at the only being I could direct my anger at.
“How could you let this happen? Why would you bring her into my life and then threaten to take her again? She’s everything. Everything. If she’s lost, then so am I. I can’t live without her again. I barely made it the first time, and the only reason I did was that I knew she was alive and happy somewhere else. But if she dies … if she dies, that’s it for me, too. Don’t do this. Please don’t let this happen …” I started in a yell, but by the last sentence, I was whispering, dropping to my knees at the altar.
Tears flowed freely, and though I wasn’t much of a crying guy, I couldn’t stop them and made no move to wipe them away. I knelt there, head down, a sobbing mess, until Baker walked in.
He didn’t say anything at first. He just rested his hand on my shoulder, a comforting gesture that forced me to swallow my tears. I didn’t care about him seeing me cry; I simply knew that in order to get through this ordeal, I needed to be strong for Mallory. I needed to be a rock during this trial, to make sure I was there to support her on the other side. But, mostly, I needed to be able to lean on my best friend.
I got up and wiped my eyes. “I thought you left town.”
Baker shook my hand. “Wolfe called me. I know I’ve been weird lately, but I knew I had to be here for you.”
I gulped. Even in the midst of his own pain and suffering, Baker was there for me. “I appreciate it.”
“There’s nothing to appreciate. You guys were there for me when …” He took a calming breath. “When she died, you guys helped me more than you’ll ever know.”
The fact that he couldn’t say Rainey’s name worried me and had me thinking to what it would be like if I lost Mallory. Would I be as reclusive? As hardened? I had no idea, but I truly never wanted to find out.
“You’re a great friend,” I complimented him.
“Are you allowed to watch the surgery?” he asked.
“No. Since it’s an emergency, they weren’t able to get one of the viewing rooms, and her health comes before all else. When they’re just about ready for the C-section, they’re going to call me so I can be there to cut the cord,” I explained.
“Did you guys pick out a name?”
I chuckled a little as we walked out of the chapel and toward the elevator. “Yeah. Caleb Marcus.”
“That’s a great name,” Baker comments. And then he’s quiet, probably thinking about what his life would have been like if he and Rainey had been able to have children.
“Is there something in the water in Casper?” Baker asked as soon as the elevator doors closed and we ascended to the third floor.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, in the last year, we’ve lost a lot of people in that stupid town. And most of them were cancer-related. It just makes me wonder,” he started.
“Don’t do that to yourself,” I told him. “You’ll never move forward if you keep living in the past.”
The doors opened. “I have to live in the past, Luke. It’s the only place where I can find her.”
We stepped off into the main hallway and I turned to him. “She wouldn’t have wanted you to dwell like this. She wanted you to live the productive, happy life she couldn’t. She wanted you to live.”
I watched him gulp before he spoke. “She was the only reason for my happiness, the only reason for me to live. Without her, I’m lost,” he admitted.
I understood the sentiment. “I know.”
Together, we walked to the nurses’ station, where the woman informed me she was just about to call me. The surgical team was ready for me.
I turned to Baker. “Alright, I’m going in. Thanks for being here, man. I couldn’t ask for a better friend.” I shook his hand.
“I’ll be here when all three of you come out,” Baker promised, and his words gave me hoped that the three of us might actually survive this.
A nurse appeared and led me down a series of hallways until we were in a room with a huge sink and several perfectly folded hospital gowns. She told me to wash my hands thoroughly and then I would get a gown, as well as a mesh cap for my hair and gloves.
As she assisted me with the gloves, I started to shake a little.
“Everyone’s nervous, the first time,” she said. “But you get used to it. Just don’t pass out.”
Her words jarred me and I snapped my eyes to hers. “I hope I never get used to this.”
She looked down, probably regretting her choice of words now. I ignored the overwhelming sensation to comfort her. She put a face mask over my nose and mouth and then led me into the operating room. There, on the table, was Mallory, still unconscious. My first instinct was to go to her, but the nurse put her hand on my arm.
“You’re here to witness the birth of your child and cut the cord. If you try to do anything more than that, you’ll be removed,” she whispered her warning.
I nodded to her, but inside, I was a mess. All I wanted to do was go to Mallory and hold her hand, whisper to her that everything would be alright. Instead, I forced myself to stand still as they cut into her belly. I turned away at the sight of blood, but after a few calming breaths, I was able to look back toward where they were cutting into her.
When Gray’s hands reached inside her, I almost threw up, but managed to control my violent stomach. And when his hands reappeared with the tiniest little baby in his hands, I lost my ability to control anything. Tears of joy fell from my eyes.
“We have a boy,” Gray announced, though there were no resounding cheers like the delivery rooms I’d seen on TV. No one so much as smiled, though I couldn’t be too sure, since their faces were all covered by masks, like my own.
“Come here, Luke. Let’s get the cord cut,” Gray said to me.
I forced my feet to move, to get closer to the little piece of heaven that was so still, so silent.
“Isn’t he supposed to cry?” I whispered as I got close.
The baby had no hair, his eyes were closed, and he didn’t look healthy at all. Fear gripped my heart. I couldn’t lose him. I couldn’t lose Mallory. My life was crumbling around me.
“Just cut the cord, Luke,” Gray said to me again, putting a pair of odd-looking scissors in my hand.
His tone worried me, but I shakily accepted the scissors and took a steadying breath.
I manage not to injure myself or anyone else when I cut the cord. The baby still hadn’t cried, or moved, and I feared this could be the end for his little life. Hell, I didn’t even know if he was ever alive. A nurse pulled me back toward the door and I went freely, watching as my life flashes before my eyes.