By Force of Instinct (19 page)

“If you do not object, sir, I will write to Mr. Bennet as well to ask his consent in any case,” Darcy said. “As for announcing the engagement, I will want to tell my sister first; but, apart from that, I see no reason to wait, unless Miss Ben … elizabeth feels otherwise.” Darcy now appeared as comfortable with the situation as if he dealt with it every day, seeming surprised only by the notion of having the right to speak of her by name in a public manner.

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somewhat stunned by the swiftness with which her future was being determined, elizabeth shook her head.

“Well, then, let us discuss the details, Mr. Darcy,” said Mr. Gardiner.

turning to elizabeth, he added, “Lizzy, I believe some attention to your appearance is in order.”

she glanced at Darcy briefly before obeying, and was relieved to see his countenance did not suggest displeasure. she wished that she could remain for this discussion for his sake, but knew it was fruitless to question her uncle. Quietly she made her way out of the study towards the dressing rooms.

As soon as she was alone, feelings and thoughts began to flood through her. engaged to Mr. Darcy after all that had occurred! It seemed beyond belief, after these last weeks of despair and loneliness. And that he
did
still care—elizabeth was astonished at the enormity of the relief she felt at this; although she had assumed it to be likely, even if he no longer considered her marriageable, it was not the same as knowing. she leaned back against the door of the dressing room, closing her eyes, enjoying a deep sense of contentment.

It was not long, though, before the thought of her uncle returned to pierce her satisfaction. she knew that he was gravely disappointed in her, and it pained her to consider what he must be thinking of her. All these years she had been trying to prove that she was more sensible and respectable than her nervous mother and flighty sisters, and now the truth came forward that she could be led astray as easily as any of them. she did not imagine Mr. Gardiner would forget quickly what he had seen.

It is too late to worry about what is already done,
she thought, her usual good spirits beginning to make themselves known for almost the first time since receiving the news of Lydia’s flight. she quickly tended to her hair, touching her cheeks as if to cool them. she was struck by her desire to be in Darcy’s company once more.

As she returned to the study, she could hear Darcy and Mr. Gardiner conversing in more normal tones. Feeling all the embarrassment of facing them after her earlier improprieties, she paused for a moment before forcing herself to enter.

Darcy looked over to her with a quick smile which somehow seemed to have the power to draw her to his side, even as she blushed for the recol-115

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lection of his kisses. she could not quite meet his eyes, though—on seeing him, she could not help but recall that, despite whatever feelings he might have for her, he had left netherfield expressly to avoid that situation in which he now found himself.

Darcy’s awareness of her was such that he noticed her discomfort immediately. He felt a natural concern as to her response to their engagement; he had, after all, taken advantage of the situation and forced her, albeit unintentionally, into an engagement she did not wish for. “May I have a moment to speak with elizabeth privately?” Darcy addressed his request to Mr. Gardiner.

Mr. Gardiner eyed him steadily for a moment. “you may
speak
to her privately if you wish, Mr. Darcy,” he said, his voice carrying an unstated warning.

Darcy inclined his head in agreement. Mr. Gardiner departed the room, making a point of leaving the door open. Darcy turned to look at elizabeth, whose cheeks were still tinged by a delicate blush, and damned the fact that he had just effectively promised to keep his hands off her; she looked so amazingly tempting, and knowing that she was to be his after all seemed only to increase his desire to make that eventuality occur as soon as possible. He was uncertain how to read her look, and her attempts to avoid accepting his proposal came to his mind. “elizabeth,” he said, “I hope that you will be able to forgive me for causing this to occur in such a manner, and that you are not unduly disturbed by the outcome. Please believe me that I will do everything in my power to make you happy.”

Her expression softened slightly. “I am sorry that my uncle was quite so harsh to you as he was,” she said.

Darcy shook his head and smiled infinitesimally. “There is no need to worry. I was already well acquainted with your uncle’s beliefs in this regard, and I believe that I fared rather better than I might have expected.” He was glad to see this comment earned a real smile from her, and his countenance warmed in response.

His look relieved her somewhat, though she was still torn between the pleasure of discovering that he still cared for her and the fear that he had been forced into this engagement against his better judgment.
He seems
determined to put the best face on this,
she thought,
or perhaps he is even
pleased to have the decision taken from his hands.
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contemplated how difficult it must have been for him to leave netherfield and to end their connection, to bow to society’s dictates when he had finally achieved all he had hoped for with her. Her expression softened, and she said lightly, “yes, my uncle is very strict and could have been much worse. I have no doubt that
I
shall hear a good deal more from him on the subject!”

He favoured her with one of his rare open smiles, causing her to feel quite weak. “Perhaps I should take the excuse to stay by your side constantly, prepared to defend you, but unfortunately for me I have little doubt that you can defend yourself quite adequately with no assistance from me,”

he teased.

“yes, you are not without experience in that regard!” exclaimed elizabeth with an air of light-hearted chagrin, desiring to continue the current cheer in their conversation. “However, sir, I might still welcome your presence beside me, with or without an excuse.” she looked up at him through her lashes, wondering how he would accept this blatant flirtation.

He took an involuntary step towards her, then stopped. “elizabeth, my heart, I could find it in me to be quite irritated with Mr. Gardiner,” he said, his voice betraying a certain exasperation with both their situation and himself. He could not stop his eyes from straying to her lips; the effort it took not to kiss her was nearly immeasurable.

she gave him an impish look, perfectly able to discern his meaning, and indeed sharing a certain amount of the sentiment. The burning look in his eyes was by itself sufficient to make her skin tingle and her body long for his touch, and she found her breathing becoming more shallow.
If he can
do this to me simply by looking at me, how dangerous will it be when he can
touch me whenever he pleases?
she wondered abstractly, and the thought of that future created a heat inside her which made her dizzy.

Darcy, observing the blush rising in her cheeks and the darkening of her eyes, found himself in an even more intense struggle; he thought that it would take almost nothing at that moment for him to not only kiss her, but to carry her off to his bed, where he could uncover her mysteries and taste all the delights of her body; to touch her as she had never been touched before and to be the one to discover what would occur when that passion which had always been so evident in her was at last unleashed. Would she have that same look in her eyes when he finally took possession of her, 117

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thrusting himself into her depths?

The dark intensity of his gaze finally became too much for elizabeth, and she looked away. He chuckled softly at her reaction, and she looked back at him with a self-conscious but amused smile. “We had best return to the others,” Darcy said reluctantly, knowing that his self-control was definitely in danger.

“As you wish, sir,” she said with a mischievous look, unaware of how potently her playfulness affected his already strained equilibrium. He ex-pelled a sharp breath, then took her hand and put it firmly in his arm.

“come, then,” he said, struggling to keep his voice even when so slight a touch as this wrought havoc with what little remained of his restraint. But temptation could not be completely ignored, and he said softly in her ear,

“or else I shall not be able to resist kissing you until you no longer care what your uncle or anyone else thinks, my dearest, loveliest elizabeth.”

A fiery blush lit her cheeks at his forwardness as they left the study, unable to trust herself to words after making the mortifying discovery that his suggestion had great appeal for her as well.
Where have these wanton
desires come from?
she chided herself, all too conscious of the warmth of his body at her side, and how little it would take to move into his arms. It was a relief to finally reach the parlour with the others, although she could see her uncle looking askance at her high colour and Georgiana’s frown as she perceived the clear currents running between her brother and her friend.

elizabeth attempted to collect her dignity as she took her seat. Her aunt gave her an inquisitive look which she did not know how to return, and she found her own embarrassment to be such that she felt her guilt to be obvious to all. Disinclined to meet the eyes of anyone in the party, and with much to think on, she fixed her gaze on the floor in front of her, reviewing in her mind everything that had changed in the last hour. A small, warm smile of contentment crept across her face at the thought of her future with Darcy. she gave in to the urge to glance up at him, and found he was watching her with apparent satisfaction. Their eyes met with a look of mu-tual understanding until her attention was drawn away once again by the demands of the conversation.

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Chapter 7

there was an uncomfortable silence in the Gardiner’s carriage upon their departure from the Darcy townhouse. There had been no opportunity to inform Mrs. Gardiner of the new developments, but it had been quite apparent that there had been a change; Darcy had been most attentive to elizabeth following their return from examining his artwork, sitting by her and prone to gazing at her with a warmth which was almost embarrassing for the remainder of the party. on their departure, he had lingered over the quite unnecessary act of kissing her hand with no objection from Mr. Gardiner and asked her permission to call on her in the morning, so in short, there was sufficient evidence to raise a curiosity in Mrs. Gardiner that she was now longing to satisfy.

“Well, Lizzy,” her uncle said to break the silence, “this has certainly been an eventful evening.”

Feeling quite discomfited by having to explain all that had come to pass, elizabeth said, “yes, it has; perhaps you would like to tell my aunt about it.”

Mr. Gardiner eyed her for a moment, then conceded silently and turned to his wife who was looking to him with interest. “My dear, Lizzy has become engaged to Mr. Darcy,” he said.

“engaged!” exclaimed Mrs. Gardiner with great pleasure but without great surprise. “What delightful news! I am so happy for both of you; I know how much he admires you, Lizzy, although you have both been quite sly about it!”

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elizabeth looked to her uncle. she had no intention of admitting to being forced into the engagement; she knew that he would tell her once they were alone, but she had no desire to embarrass herself further at the moment—she would rather have the opportunity to dwell a little longer in the feelings that Darcy’s attention had inspired in her.

Misinterpreting her silence, her uncle said gently, “Lizzy, I admit that I do not understand what your objections might be to the match, as Mr.

Darcy seems to be a fine and intelligent man towards whom you are apparently not indifferent; but, my dear, do you not realize that in any event, given how much your family owes to him, if he wants you as his wife, you have an obligation to honour his wishes?”

“An obligation! My family owes him nothing!” exclaimed elizabeth, taken aback by this notion. “In truth, none of them even like him, and I do not doubt that my father will not be best pleased by this turn of events!”

Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner looked at one another in consternation. They appeared to have a silent conversation, then, apparently reaching some form of resolution, Mrs. Gardiner turned to elizabeth. “Do you then consider all that he did for poor Lydia as nothing?” she asked in a voice more kindly than her words would suggest.

“What he did for Lydia, or what she did to him?” cried elizabeth with more feeling than judgment, knowing just how much misery Lydia’s behaviour had caused both Darcy and herself.

“Lizzy,” her aunt said, her voice carrying a gentle warning, “are you unaware that he was the one to discover Lydia’s location, and that he paid off Wickham’s debts and purchased his commission in exchange for his agreement to marry Lydia?”

elizabeth paled with astonishment, scarcely able to believe her ears.

suddenly it all made sense—Darcy’s hurried departure from netherfield, the impossible sums her uncle had been thought to put forth, the Gardiners’

apparently close acquaintance with Darcy. But while the logic of it was evident, the rationale was less so.

It cannot be!
she thought.
He could not endure the mortification attendant
on meeting with the man whom he always most wished to avoid, and whose very
name it was punishment to pronounce! And to not only do so, but also to persuade him and final y to bribe him to marry a girl whom he could neither regard
nor esteem! He could not even bear to see me when I had such a connection!

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Her thoughts were made more painful by the immediate realization that her aunt would never have said such a thing had there been the slightest doubt in the matter. And the thought that he would do so much when his only motivation could be affection for herself, even though he was at the same time forswearing her? It taught her yet again of his value, and tears rose unbidden to her eyes.