By Force of Instinct (24 page)

“I cannot claim a particular involvement in it; I have not had much opportunity to attend it, having been but little in London society,” said elizabeth, an edge to her voice.

“I believe I saw you there recently, though, in the company of your aunt and uncle,” he said. “Did you enjoy the performance that night?”

elizabeth’s disquiet rose. recalling the attentive young woman with whom he had been laughing that night, she wondered how he would respond if she were to say that she had been more engaged by the performance in his box than the one on the stage. A sudden thought assailed her—could that woman have been the one of whom Georgiana spoke? no, she realized, he would not be seen in public with such a woman, at least she could not imagine that he would. Unless, of course, she were one of the leading lights of the theatre, in which case it might have been acceptable …
I shall go mad if I cannot stop thinking of this!
she thought with a stab of pain. she was sufficiently caught up in her thoughts that she failed to respond to his question.

With a cautious glance at the door, Darcy reached over and took her hand. startled, she flinched, the images of him with another woman battling with her inevitable response to his touch. she had to school herself not to snatch her hand away. How could her body still enjoy the feeling of his so much, knowing what she knew? Was she truly that weak of will, so subject to the sin of desire?

Darcy’s eyes narrowed. so his touch was suddenly distasteful to her, was it? That was quite a change from the previous morning, when she had been all too happy to accept his lovemaking. This was beginning to take the appearance of one of the traps that he had seen women spring on unsuspecting men in an attempt to increase their ardour. such games as these were repugnant to him; he was amazed and displeased to see elizabeth engaging in them—she had always seemed so different, so unlikely to employ the wiles of the women he knew in the
ton
. Perhaps he had misjudged her, but if so, he would make it clear that he did not intend to tolerate this from her. He released her hand abruptly. “Why is it, madam, that my company which seemed to please you yesterday is so objectionable today?” he asked 145

Abigail Reynolds

challengingly. “you seemed none too displeased when I touched you yesterday!” He allowed his eyes to travel over her body in a way which left no doubt as to his meaning.

elizabeth stared at him in shock. Had he truly meant his words in as insulting a manner as they had sounded? one look at his face told her more clearly than any words that he did. This was beyond what she could tolerate. recklessly, she exclaimed, “I did not ask, sir, either for your company this morning, nor for your advances, nor for this engagement!”

Darcy’s complexion paled at the contempt in your voice. “I am sorry to hear that is your sentiment, madam, but I certainly shall not force my company upon you in that case. Perhaps if you feel more receptive on another day, you will be so kind as to inform me; otherwise, I shall not trouble you unnecessarily.” He stood and bowed, but before he quitted the room enough regret pierced his anger to cause him to turn back to her once more. “elizabeth, I do not understand what has happened here, but I would prefer not to part from you in strife,” he said, making one last attempt at appeasement.

“I am sorry it troubles you, Mr. Darcy,” said elizabeth, cut to the quick by his willingness to dismiss her completely, her good judgment overtaken by anger. “But I am certain that you will be able to find consolation elsewhere.”

Darcy’s eyes widened with shock at her implication. “In that case, madam, I believe there is nothing further to say at this junction. Good day, Miss Bennet.” With these words he hastily quit the room, and the next moment elizabeth heard him open the front door and leave the house.

The tumult of her mind was now painfully great. Why, oh why, had she said such things—how could she have allowed her anger to take command of her? How was she ever to explain her behaviour this day to him, and how were they to reach some form of settlement which would allow them to co-exist in some sort of peace? Her anguish quite overcame her, and from actual weakness she sat down and cried.

A few minutes later, her aunt hurried in, fetched by the maid who had observed Miss Bennet’s state of distress. “Lizzy!” she cried, coming to put her arms around her sobbing niece. “What ever is the matter, my dear?”

elizabeth shook her head, unwilling to expose her foolishness both in quarrelling with Darcy and in trusting him in the first place.

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“you
must
tell me, my dear!” insisted Mrs. Gardiner in deep concern.

“Was there a problem with Mr. Darcy’s behaviour? I must know what happened!”

she knew that she needed to acquit him on the grounds her aunt suspected, but once she started to speak, the words came tumbling out. “no, he did not
do
anything—we quarrelled, and he left—but oh, aunt, what a mistake this has been! I wish we had never met again!”

now even more greatly concerned, since she knew that elizabeth was not prone to flights of fancy, her aunt said gently, “What is it, then, Lizzy?

I could not help but notice how troubled you seemed yesterday evening.

What has happened?”

elizabeth attempted to still her sobs, but she could not bring herself to look up at her aunt as she admitted the mortifying truth. “I found out that he keeps a mistress, an actress.” saying the words seemed to cut her anew, and her tears began to fall once more.

“oh, my dear.” Mrs. Gardiner’s voice was laden with sympathy. “But is it certain? How did you discover it?”

“Miss Darcy herself told me yesterday—she did not mean to; it just slipped out, I believe.”

“And what did Mr. Darcy say?”

“I did not ask him—I
could
not; I only indicated that his presence was not particularly welcome to me. How am I to doubt his sister’s word, after all, and what is there for him to say to me if I should ask? I cannot change the truth, but I would
not
wish to hear it from him.”

Mrs. Gardiner looked concerned. “Does he not even deserve the opportunity to defend himself? suppose that his sister is mistaken, or you somehow misunderstood what she meant?”

“There could have been no mistake!” cried elizabeth. “And I know it is true; I know that he is … experienced.” covering her face with a handkerchief, she was soon lost to everything else.

Her aunt, recognizing that there was little point in argument, continued to hold her and to speak comfortingly to her until elizabeth reached some sort of calmness. After her niece had excused herself to go to her room, Mrs.

Gardiner still sat for some time with a thoughtful look upon her face.

the servants of the Darcy household gave their master a wide berth 147

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that afternoon. ever since he had returned home that morning, much earlier than expected, his face had held a look of wrath that none cared to cross. His pacing was heard from beyond the closed door of his study. It was highly unusual to see the master so angry.

Darcy had held his anger in check on the long ride back from Gracechurch street, but once he was at home, he allowed himself to feel the full force of it. He could scarcely believe the insults that elizabeth had given him—ignoring his repeated enquiries while yet rejecting him, and then that final comment! What kind of man did she think he was, that she would tell him to seek his consolation elsewhere? He carefully avoided thinking of her other statement, the one that cut like a knife—
I did not ask, sir, either for
your company this morning, nor for your advances, nor for this engagement!

What could have come over her? Her behaviour was as inexplicable as it was unacceptable. Was this a side of her he had never seen before? If so, how were they ever to find resolution? And she had rejected his offer of peace … he would have never dreamed the previous day that his relationship with elizabeth could go so wrong so quickly. What had happened to the passionately responsive woman he had held in his arms, who had laughed with him and teased him? Was she lost forever?

He sat down heavily at his desk, dropping his head into his hands.

Elizabeth,
he thought with a wrenching pain.
Shall we never have our moments of joy together? Instead of the liveliness I have loved, will I receive only
sul enness and anger?

He had been preoccupied with these thoughts for some time when a soft knock came at the door. “yes?” he snapped.

The butler appeared in the doorway. “Mrs. Gardiner is here to see you, sir,” the butler said in a careful voice that did not show surprise at this unusual visit from a lone married woman. With Mr. Darcy in his present frame of mind, he had seriously considered telling her that the master was not at home, but without knowing Darcy’s pleasure, he had elected to take the route of caution.

Darcy’s eyebrows rose, but he said only, “Thank you, show her in, please.”

Inwardly, his surprise and anxiety were great. Given elizabeth’s anger when he departed, he could not imagine that her aunt would be bearing any positive news. yet the very irregularity of such a call suggested some particular purpose—he could only hope it was not one which would make matters 148

By FoRce oF InstInct

any worse.
Surely Elizabeth does not think that she can break the engagement
at this point!
he thought with a moment of panic.

He was determined to betray none of his feelings. He rose and greeted his guest civilly, inviting her to sit. she looked no different from her usual pleasant self, and seemed perfectly warm in her behaviour towards him, but he did not relax his guard.

“Mr. Darcy, you are no doubt wondering at the purpose of my visit,” she said.

He inclined his head. “Although it is always a pleasure to see you, I must confess that I am.”

“I wanted to speak with you regarding Lizzy. I am concerned about her; she has been quite unhappy of late. I know from experience …” she paused a moment, as if to collect her thoughts. “ … that Lizzy’s thoughts are not always easy to determine.”

Darcy looked at her carefully. elizabeth’s behaviour had already dealt him a serious blow, and he was reluctant to make himself any more vulnerable, yet Mrs. Gardiner’s concern and warmth seemed genuine. “I am aware that she is upset with me,” he allowed, “although I am not entirely clear as to why that might be.”

“you do not know what is troubling her?”

Darcy gave her a level look. “I have some guesses, nothing more.”

Mrs. Gardiner shifted in her chair. “Mr. Darcy, may I inquire as to where your sister might be?”

startled by the question, he said, “Georgiana? she left for Derby this morning.”

“Ahh.” she took a deep breath, and then continued, “By your countenance, then, I take it that you are unaware that she told elizabeth that you have an … ongoing concern with a certain lady of the theatre.”

The shock of her statement propelled Darcy half-way out of his chair before he regained control of himself. shaken, he said, “I am afraid that I find that … difficult to credit, Mrs. Gardiner.” Internally, his thoughts were racing.
She could not have! She knew nothing of it … and
why
would she
have said such a thing?
suddenly he recollected Georgiana’s quietness after elizabeth’s visit to her, and her abrupt decision to leave London.

“I find the tale quite as astonishing as you do, sir,” said Mrs. Gardiner calmly, “and I cannot claim to know what was said in my absence, but I 149

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am quite clear this is what elizabeth understood her to say, or perhaps more accurately, to have let slip.”

It made far too much sense. Darcy raked his hand through his hair, remembering elizabeth’s parting comment about seeking consolation elsewhere. no wonder she was so distressed. “And you say she believes this to be
ongoing
?” he asked, disbelief apparent in his voice.

she looked at him in some sympathy. “That seems to be Lizzy’s understanding.”

Darcy could sit still no longer. He walked rapidly over to the window and looked out into the street.
Why would Georgiana have said such a thing?

And how could Elizabeth have believed it of me? Is her opinion of me still
so poor?
He closed his eyes and took several breaths to steady himself. “I assure you, Mrs. Gardiner, it is quite untrue that I have any connection of the kind,” he said in as level a voice as he could manage, hoping Mrs.

Gardiner was enough of a woman of the world not to condemn the fact that he had not denied
ever
having such a relationship.

“Mr. Darcy, I was not under the impression you did, or I should not have thought to call on you today,” she responded, her voice sympathetic. “It is not my habit to believe everything I hear, but I am also perhaps less … involved in this situation than is Lizzy—and perhaps I have less reason to assume a lack of
reliability
in those people for whom I otherwise have respect.”

Anger that elizabeth would possibly think he would make love to her while keeping a mistress on the side almost clouded his ability to note the emphasis Mrs. Gardiner had put on the last part of her statement. He struggled to make sense of it—did elizabeth feel
he
was unreliable? Good God! What crime had he ever committed that the woman he loved should have such a low opinion of him?

Mrs. Gardiner noted the set of his shoulders and made a guess as to his state of mind. “Mr. Darcy, it is my impression that my niece has a deep regard for you,” she said gently. “But Lizzy is not an easy woman to understand. she has an appearance of charming self-confidence which I believe is somewhat deceptive. Having known her for many years now, I can say with some assurance that what appears to be confidence is in fact more an unusually independent sort of self-reliance. I do not know how familiar you are with her family, and I hope you will understand if I say that, 150