Carried Forward By Hope (50 page)

Carrie bit back the questions flooding her mind. “You’re safe here,” she said instead. She glanced at the house. “Are you ready to go in?”

Janie nodded. “I appreciate everyone giving me a chance to talk to you.” Her eyes filled with tears again. “It’s so good to be home.”

Carrie wrapped her in a warm hug again and then turned to Spencer. “It’s so good to see you again, Spencer. Please come in and have some dinner with us. You’ll spend the night before you go back in the morning.”

Spencer’s eyes widened. “You want me to come eat in the house?”

“Yes,” Carrie assured him. “We all live as a family here. We would be honored if you would join us.”

Spencer nodded slowly. “I’ll come in and eat, but I reckon I’ll head down to the quarters to sleep.” His face revealed that he couldn’t even imagine sleeping in the big house.

Carrie smiled. “The quarters were knocked down. The men working on the plantation have built new cabins for themselves and their families who are arriving in a week or so. I’m afraid you’re stuck with the big house.”

Spencer stared up at the white mansion, his black eyes glowing with a mixture of apprehension, excitement, and pride. “Yessum,” he finally said. “I reckon I be real grateful.”

Janie kept her eyes down as they walked into the house. Her throat was tight from shame and embarrassment. She suddenly didn’t think she could look anyone else in the eye. She had a wild thought of bolting from the house and fleeing into the countryside, but as quickly as the idea came, it departed. There was nowhere else to run.

“You lift your head up high, Miss Janie,” Spencer scolded under his breath. “You ain’t got no reason to be ashamed. You
escaped
that monster, Miss Janie. Feeling shame is just giving him power. You hold your head up real high.”

Janie gazed into his eyes for a long moment and felt the truth of his words sweep through her shame. When they rounded the corner into the parlor, she was ready.

Abby was the first to reach her. “Welcome home, Janie.” She gazed long and hard into her eyes.

Without saying a word, Abby’s message filtered through to Janie’s heart. In the eyes of the older woman was the message that all women had to fight for the right to feel freedom and pride.

Abby wrapped her tightly in her arms and finally whispered, “I’m so proud of you.”

Janie felt awe enter her heart. Abby knew nothing of her story for the last three months, but still she offered her unconditional love and belief. For the first time, she understood the power of being a woman — of being part of a community of women determined to live with dignity. Suddenly she
knew
she would never be alone — that it was not
possible
to be alone when she had friends who so totally understood her.

One by one, everyone welcomed her home, making it clear she made the right choice to run to them. She knew Carrie would welcome her, but she was a little stunned by the complete welcome and acceptance of everyone in the house.

Robert was the last to approach her. Janie’s eyes filled with tears when she saw him walking. She also saw the lines of fatigue, but it was the strength and determination in his eyes that told her he would be himself again.

Robert took her hands in his and peered into her eyes. “Don’t be ashamed of losing yourself in darkness for a time,” he said softly. “We all do. Just know that the things you have learned in the darkness will be used to shed light into others’ darkness. Nothing is ever wasted, Janie. It will take a while, but you’ll understand in time.”

Janie absorbed his words, knowing that Robert, perhaps more than anyone, understood what she was feeling. She threw her arms around him, allowing the tears to come again. “Thank you. I’m so glad you’re better.”

Finally she looked around. “Where is Matthew?” she asked. “I thought he was here.”

“He is,” Thomas said gravely. “I imagine he’s down by the river.”

“Is he okay?” Janie asked. “Miles and May gave me the papers about the accident on the
Sultana
.” She shuddered. “It must have been horrible.”

“More horrible than I think any of us fully realize,” Thomas agreed somberly.

“Matthew will be okay,” Abby said firmly. “He came to the right place to heal. Just as you have, Janie.”

Carrie suddenly realized exactly why all of them were on the plantation. They had just come through four years of horror and pain. Four years of mistakes and experiences that could have broken them. They had all survived, but their hearts and souls bore the scars. In order to move forward into what life held for them, there had to be healing first. “We’re all here to heal,” she said softly.

“I reckon you be right, Miss Carrie,” Annie said, balancing a tray of biscuits she was carrying in from the kitchen. “This war done been a hard thing for everyone. Slavery done been a hard thing for everyone. Every person here gots to make the decision to move on. It ain’t gonna happen without some effort though. Ever’body in this room gots to rise up and decide that, no matter how hard it be, they’s not gonna let the past get the best of them. They’s got to decide they’s just gonna move on with life. Being here on the plantation is done givin’ ever’body a chance to do just that.”

“You are so right, Annie,” Abby said fervently. “We’ve all entered a brand new season of our life, but none of us are walking through it alone because we have each other.”

Janie grinned, the reality of her freedom sweeping through her like the wind blown by a storm. “Is it almost time to eat?” she asked hopefully.

Laughter erupted, breaking through the heaviness and casting it into a place that couldn’t touch any of them.

“It sure ‘nuff is, Miss Janie,” Annie said. “By the way, I be Moses’s mama.”

Janie rushed forward and caught the surprised woman in a huge embrace. “I know. I’m so very happy to meet you.”

“You’s gonna knock these biscuits out o’ my hand,” Annie scolded, her eyes shining with pleasure. “I’s be real glad to meet you too, Miss Janie. Now you’s go sit down at the table and I’ll bring the food out.”

******
 

Abby was at Robert’s side as soon as the meal was finished. “Would you like to join me in checking on our horses?” she asked lightly 

Robert glanced at Carrie. “I guess that depends on whether my doctor gives me permission.”

Carrie searched his face. “This is the first day you’ve been up, Robert. Are you sure you feel like it? The horses will be there in the morning.”

“I’m tired,” he admitted, “but I won’t be able to sleep a wink until I’ve had a good look at what just came down the drive. I’ll just lay awake all night thinking about them. I was too stunned when they arrived to really see them, but I have vivid memory of sheer wonder when Clint took them to the barn.” He glanced at Abby. “She may not want me to go see them because she’s afraid Granite has just been handed some stiff competition.” Robert’s eyes danced with fun.

“In your dreams!” Carrie protested with a laugh, thrilled that her husband could tease again. “We’ll all go look at them. I want to explain to Granite that he is still the king of Cromwell Plantation.”

Carrie motioned to Moses. “Could you please help Robert out to the stable?”

Matthew walked in through the door just then, a bright smile exploding on his face when he saw Robert. “Robert!” He strode forward and gripped his hand. “It’s about time you crawled out of that bed. I was beginning to feel you were being plain inhospitable.”

“Heaven forbid,” Robert said with a hearty laugh, gripping Matthew’s hand. Carrie had told him everything she knew of the
Sultana
. “It’s good to see you, old man.” He could see beyond the smile to the dark shadows lurking in Matthew’s eyes. He thought about what Annie had said about everyone being on the plantation to heal. She was right. “Care to help me out to the barn? Moses has already done his duty today.”

Robert saw the look Matthew and Moses exchanged. “And, yes, he told me. There are no more secrets waiting to surprise everyone.” He correctly interpreted the look in Matthew’s eyes. “The past is the past. It has nothing to do with who either of us has become.”

Matthew grinned and then caught sight of Janie in the parlor. He turned to Carrie with a question in his eyes.

“Just go say hello,” Carrie urged quietly. “I’ll explain everything out in the barn.”

Matthew walked over and caught Janie in a warm embrace. “Welcome home, Janie. Now that you’re here we’re truly a family again.”

Janie smiled. “I understand we have both had a rather harrowing couple of months,” she said softly. “It’s good to see you, Matthew. I would have been so disappointed if you hadn’t been here.”

“You’re stuck with me for a while,” he said, not quite able to pull off the casual tone he was trying to adopt.

“Same with me,” Janie replied. “It seems as if I have a life to re-create.”

Matthew nodded. “Me too. I’d say we’re in the perfect place for that to happen.”

Janie glanced over his shoulder and smiled. “Robert is looking rather impatient, and he keeps staring at the barn. Are you needed?”

“That I am. We’ll talk later.”

“I’ll look forward to it,” Janie replied.

******

Robert walked slowly to the barn, relishing the feel of the evening air on his skin. The frogs had already begun their nightly chorus and owls were hooting their private messages. He was grateful for Matthew’s supporting arm and even more grateful when his friend deposited him in a chair at the barn door. Lanterns hung from pegs on the wall, making the barn glow with warmth. He took a deep breath, glad beyond words to be back in his world of horses. The smell of horses, manure, hay, feed, and saddle oil were perfume to him.

“Are you ready, Clint?” Abby called.

Clint appeared immediately, pure joy shining from his eyes. “Yes, ma’am!” He grinned at Robert. “You done got some of the finest horses I’ve ever seen.”

“You
have
some of the finest horses I’ve ever seen,” Robert corrected with a smile. “If you’re going to be running my stables, Clint, you need to speak correctly. Thomas tells me you know more about horses than anyone he’s ever met, so I know you’re brilliant. You don’t want the world to judge you because of how you speak.”

Clint ducked his head for a moment and then looked up with a new confidence in his eyes. “You have some of the finest horses I’ve ever seen, Robert.”

“Then let’s see them,” Robert said, a broad smile on his face. “I’m not up for walking around the barn yet, so I’d appreciate it if you would just bring them out one at a time.”

“Yes, sir! Aunt Abby done told me…I mean…Aunt Abby asked me if I would get all of them ready for a private parade.” He grimaced. “It’s gonna take time to remember to speak right all the time, Robert.”

“You’re right. Just keep working on it, and I promise not to correct you every time you say something wrong.”

“That’s good,” Clint replied, “but then it will just be Miss Rose picking at me,” he said morosely.

Everyone laughed. Clint grinned and turned away. “I’ll have them right out, Robert.”

Robert was almost breathless by the time Clint had paraded the twenty horses past him, their hides gleaming from the thorough brushing the boy had given them to rid them of the road dust from their trip. “They are amazing,” he breathed. “My brother and I worked for years to breed horses of this quality, but I’m afraid these horses are even finer than what we produced.” He turned to Abby. “How did you do it?”

Abby shook her head. “Clint did it. I just bought what he told me to buy. I brought him the papers and information on horses that were for sale. He did the rest.”

Robert turned to Clint. “How did you do it? Two years ago…”

“I knew nothing,” Clint agreed. “I done been doing—I have been doing a lot of studying since then. Pretty much anything I could get my hands on,” he admitted. “Daddy thinks I don’t know how much he sacrificed to make sure he kept me in books and the breeding registers, but I know. I won’t let anything stop me from making him proud.”

Robert started to say something, but Clint held his hand up to stop him. “There’s one more,” he said, excitement bubbling in his voice.

“One more?”

“I saved the best for last,” Clint said with a twinkle in his eye. “I’ll be right back.”

When Clint walked out with the bay stallion prancing at the end of the lead line, Robert could only stare. He stood and walked slowly around the horse, examining him from every angle. “He’s perfect,” he finally murmured. “His conformation is absolutely perfect.” He continued to eye him. “He’s perfectly balanced. He’s a natural athlete.” Robert ran his hand down his shoulder. “The head is good, he has a nice topline, and he has a big, round hip that shows how muscled he is.” He moved further to the back. “His legs are strong and straight, and his hocks are well-angled and low-set.”