Carried Forward By Hope (51 page)

Robert walked to the front of the horse again and gazed into his eyes. “Plenty of fire and spirit, but I don’t think there is a mean bone in this horse’s body.” He stepped back again. “He’s perfect!” he repeated. “The combination of his bloodlines with the mares you just showed me will produce astounding foals.”

“That’s what I thought,” Clint agreed eagerly. “I couldn’t see him to be sure before we bought him, but his bloodlines suggested he would be worth the price.”

Robert turned a questioning look on him, before he turned back around to stare at the horse. “What is his name?”

“His name is Eclipse. He’s a son of Lexington,” Clint said proudly.

Robert tore his eyes away from the horse and turned to Clint. “Did you say what I think you just said?” He ran his hand down Eclipse’s neck. “He’s a son of
Lexington
?”

“I take it that’s good?” Carrie said, aware the war years had taken her far from the subject of equine bloodlines.

“Not good,” Robert corrected. “Amazing would be a better term.”

Clint nodded eagerly. “Lexington was bred in Lexington, Kentucky. He is a racehorse who won six of his seven race starts. He is a son of Boston, another Thoroughbred legend.”

Robert added on to his information. “Lexington is known as the best race horse of his day. Unfortunately, he had to be retired in 1855 because of bad eyesight, but it’s not genetic because he hasn’t passed it on to his progeny. He’s claimed the title of leading sire in North America many times since his retirement.” He turned around to stare at Abby. “Should I ask how much he cost?”

Abby shrugged. “I just wanted to make sure my investment would yield adequate results. I trusted Clint’s judgment.”

Robert turned and slapped Clint on the shoulder. “You did a great job,” he said, his voice suddenly thick. “I hoped to one day breed horses this fine, but I never dreamed I would start over after the war with horses of this caliber.”

Clint grinned. “I told you two years ago that we would make a great team.”

“So you did,” Robert murmured. “So you did.”

Carrie caught the deep fatigue in his eyes. “You’ve had your parade,” she said firmly. “I would prefer not to put you back in bed again just because you completely overdid it your first day.”

Robert nodded reluctantly. “I think you’re right,” he said, weariness dripping from his voice. He reached out and gripped Clint’s hand firmly. “I’ll get stronger every day,” he promised.

“That’s what Amber tells me,” Clint said easily.

Robert chuckled. “She would know. I’ll be out here every day from now on, though it will take me a while to be up to full strength.”

Clint nodded. “I reckon I got lots to keep me busy.” He grinned. “I mean, I imagine I have plenty to keep me busy.” He shrugged. “I know how to talk correctly. All my reading has taught me that. I just never saw much of a reason for bothering, and I didn’t want to sound so different from all my friends.”

“When you’re dealing with our buyers and breeders,” Robert reminded him, “you don’t want to give them any reason to think you’re inferior.”

“That’s what Rose keeps saying,” Clint muttered.

“She’s right,” Carrie agreed. “You’re already going to know more than just about anybody who comes onto the plantation. They will respect your knowledge more if you’re speaking correctly.”

“I’ll work on it,” Clint promised. “My goal is for Cromwell Plantation to have the finest horses in Virginia.” He turned and led Eclipse back into the barn.

Robert stumbled a little crossing the yard. Only Matthew’s support kept him from falling.

Moses appeared from the shadows. “Looks like you need a little help,” he said casually. “Are you willing for your pride to take a little hit?”

Robert managed a smile. “I don’t know that I have any pride left,” he said weakly. “I also don’t have any strength left.”

Moses chuckled and stepped forward to lift him easily in his arms. “You’re not nearly as heavy as the time I had to sling you across Granite,” he said easily.

“Handy to have a giant around,” he said gratefully.

******

Carrie settled Robert in for the night and then went to Janie’s room. She rapped lightly on the door.

“Come in,” Janie called.

“Or perhaps you can come out,” Carrie teased as she entered the room. She was relieved to see much of the haunted look was gone from Janie’s eyes. Her face would heal quickly. “Rose and I are hoping you’ll want to go for a walk. It’s a beautiful night.”

Janie nodded immediately. “Will I need a coat?”

Carrie smiled. “Not tonight. It’s a typical warm, muggy Virginia night, but the breeze will keep the mosquitoes away.” She paused. “I will go through my clothes in the morning and make sure you have all you need.”

“Carrie—”

“Shh…” Carrie said firmly. “You are my sister. I may not have had many clothes left in Richmond, but my closets are full here. I never could understand why I needed so many clothes. Now I’m just glad I have them. Please let me share them with you. It will make me so happy.”

Janie’s lips trembled into a smile. “I had to leave everything behind.”

“Of course you did. Clothes were the least of your concerns.” Carrie stepped forward and put her hands on Janie’s shoulders so she could gaze into her eyes. “You were incredibly brave to escape. The last months, even before you left Richmond, have been horrible for you. You will be strong again, but it’s okay to take time to heal. You’re in the perfect place.”

“That’s what Matthew told me,” Janie said softly, tears of gratitude springing to her eyes. “But I can still see the sadness in him.”

“Matthew went through a terrible time. He still hasn’t told anyone exactly what happened that night, but it’s not necessary that we know. Having said that, I do think it will be helpful for you to talk about the last months.”

Janie stiffened as her face flooded with shame.

Carrie lifted her chin. “And that’s the very reason you need to talk. As long as you feel shame for what Clifford did to you, you will never be truly free. Talking about it will help,” she insisted. “I just know it will.”

Janie sighed heavily. “Can I tell you while we’re walking in the dark? That way I won’t have to see it if you and Rose roll your eyes.”

“There will be no eye rolling,” Carrie said firmly. “I can’t even believe you would think that after all the times you dealt with my fears and mistakes during the war. You gave me grace and unconditional love. It’s my turn to give back.”

“You’re right,” Janie said softly as she hooked her arm through Carrie’s. “Let’s go for a walk.”

Rose was waiting on the steps when they emerged from the house. “Look,” she breathed, pointing at an almost full moon resting on the dark line of trees in the distance.

“It’s beautiful,” Janie breathed. “So incredibly beautiful.” A smile bloomed on her face. “Let’s go for a walk.”

Carrie and Rose fell into step on either side of her, tucking Janie’s hands into the crook of their arms. They were all content to walk in silence, relishing the breeze as it swept across their skin. Fireflies danced through the trees as a gaggle of geese flew overhead, honking at the moon. They could hear the horses snuffling in the barn as they passed.

“Jeremy is going to teach me how to ride,” Janie said suddenly. “I fell in love with Saffanata on the way out here.”

“
Saffanata
?” Rose asked. “What kind of name is that?”

Janie smiled. “Her full name is Sassy Saffanata Glory Be.”

“Do tell,” Carrie murmured, giggling. “That’s quite a name. She must be quite a horse.”

Janie nodded. “She’s beautiful. She’s the same color as Granite and she has such kind eyes. Jeremy said she is an excellent saddle horse.”

“Then Jeremy is right,” Carrie said firmly. “He has a natural feel for horses. That, if nothing else, would convince me he is my uncle. He didn’t spend a day of his life around horses until he got here. He and Granite make an incredible pair. He doesn’t have Robert or Clint’s knowledge yet, but he will. I’m glad he’s going to teach you to ride.” She didn’t add that everything they could do to build Janie’s confidence would help her recover from her marriage to Clifford.

Janie turned to Rose. “Matthew told me you’re pregnant again.”

“I am!” Rose said joyfully. “I can hardly wait for John to have a little brother or sister.”

“Do you care which?”

“Not a bit. It’s enough to know this baby of mine is going to be born free — not just free because of the Emancipation Proclamation, but free because the Constitution says so.” Rose’s voice was rich with passion.

“Rose…” Janie’s voice was suddenly strained.

Rose turned to her. “Tell me,” she invited, continuing when Janie hesitated again. “I know there is trouble coming,” she said simply. “There’s already a lot of trouble happening for the freed slaves. The more I know, the better I’ll be equipped to deal with it — both Moses and I.”

Janie stopped and stared out over the fields, watching as the silver light from the moon danced over the softly swaying oats and wheat. All she really wanted to do was forget every word that had ever come out of Clifford’s mouth, but she knew the danger of trying to stuff pain away. It always came back, usually worse than before, because refusing to acknowledge it gave it additional power. She took a deep breath and started talking.

Carrie and Rose both held a hand while Janie talked, but they said nothing to interrupt her. The moon rose high in the sky, casting an even brighter light as it changed to a gleaming white, wrapping them in a cocoon of safety and comfort.

Carrie battled the rage inside her as Janie told them of the constant abuse, humiliation, and degradation. She clenched her free fist when Janie told them in stark detail of the night he hit her, leaving out nothing about what was going on around the South to the freed slaves.

“Clifford turned into someone I didn’t even recognize,” Janie finished, her voice a mixture of anger, pain, and sorrow. “I still can’t believe I actually married him.”

Carrie spoke for the first time. “He was nothing like that when you married him,” she protested.

“I wanted to believe that for a long time,” Janie said, “but the truth is that the end of the war simply released what had always been there. I just didn’t see it because I wanted to be in love.”

“But…”

Janie lifted her hand to stop Carrie’s words. “I appreciate your loyalty,” she said warmly, “but I was only able to start planning my escape when I was willing to face the truth. I know I’m not alone in marrying a
soldier
, not just a man.”

“You mean that you weren’t able to see past the soldier lying in the bed,” Rose replied thoughtfully. “You weren’t able to see him as a man.”

“That’s right,” Janie said. “I’m sure there are tens of thousands of women in the country just like me right now — in both the South and North. We married men going into battle or wounded from battle. When I forced myself to look at it honestly, I realized I would never have married Clifford under different circumstances. Once I did, I gave up all my rights.”

“Until you took them back,” Carrie said grimly.

“Yes,” Janie agreed. She took a deep breath and stared out over the fields. “I’m starting all over again, but I don’t feel the panic I did every day I lived in that house. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I’m trusting I’ll find my way.”

“Mama used to tell me I was like a caterpillar,” Rose said. “That’s true for all of us.”

“A caterpillar?” Janie asked in an amused voice. “Should I be concerned I’m being compared to a fuzzy worm?”

Rose grinned. “Mama and I were out walking in the woods one morning when we found a caterpillar spinning a cocoon. It was a Sunday and we didn’t have to be back, so we sat right down there in the woods and watched it. The caterpillar used what was inside it to spin a white cocoon that completely encased it. I remember her telling me it would come out a butterfly, but I knew that couldn’t be true because I watched a worm wrap itself up. I figured it was the first time my mama was going to be wrong.”

Rose gripped Janie’s hand tightly as she talked, relishing the warm breeze that made her think of the countless nights she had sat outside with her mama. “It was about three weeks later when mama sent someone up to the big house to get me. I thought something was wrong because she never sent for me in the middle of the week. I remember running all the way down there,” she said with a soft laugh. “Mama had cut off the limb with the cocoon on it and brought it back to her cabin. She was sitting in front of it when I got there. I sat down with her and we watched as that cocoon slowly cracked open. I was so amazed when a butterfly crawled out. It had to lay there for a while until it got strong enough to fly, but pretty soon that little thing flew out the window.” She shook her head. “It still makes me feel awe to know that can happen.”

“And your mama had a lesson to go with it,” Carrie said.

“Always,” Rose agreed with a chuckle. “She told me I was just like that caterpillar. I was growing awful fast, but the time would come when life would wrap me up in a cocoon because I needed to change. When that happened I was going to go through a complete transformation — God was going to break me down completely so that I could become something brand new and beautiful. She told me everyone has to go through it.”