Authors: Janice Hadden
I
t
was strange that only a couple of days ago and for as long as I can
remember, nothing in my life made much sense as a whole. But now some
of the pieces had come back and as much as I dreaded those missing
links, It was better than the emptiness I carried for so long.
Each
new memory clung to me like magnet, taking its place in my mind. Each
new emotion felt a shot of the intensity of passion for my love for
him. Being able to remember the details in perfect clarity drew
thousands of images and emotions simultaneously.
I
wrapped my unbroken heart delicately. It felt so full, it could
burst. I knew what it cost him to reveal the darkest secret he held
for so long. I love him so much more than the hate I felt for keeping
everything from me.
But
could I truly hate him for just trying to save me from the dephils.
Even if I believe, I didn’t need saving! And all of a sudden, I
saw my world differently. Now I can finally put a face on the
presence that always comforted me…that I longed for, even when
I wasn’t truly aware of it. And for that brief moment, my world
twisted and balanced itself, instead of spiraling out of control.
Tristan
was like an ocean, vast, full of mystery. At night the water was
dark, deep and hidden. Just like when he first fell. But then, the
sun rose and suddenly, the same ocean was bright, beautiful and
nothing could ever compare to it.
Torment
I
have never even
thought about how angels lived among humans. I didn’t even
think I believed that they existed on earth—I mean really
existed and walked among us. The only angels I have really thought
about were the ones I read in Sunday school. I believed that back
then, God were much closer to man and angels carried God’s
messages.
When
I was younger, my mother would read me stories often from the bible.
She said, some angels were protectors of man, others, deliver
messages and some were created to worship God. Have you ever
questioned yourself before why you exist?…I have…I
think everyone has at one point or another. As many times I had come
to feel the monotony of life, the boredom, and even the exhilarating
intense feeling of joy, I questioned my purpose, my existence. But I
have never thought about celestial beings before—what it was
like for them.
Humans
are driven by visual things. It’s sometimes hard to focus on
things we cannot see. But I can see Tristan. I can feel him the same
way, I can touch any human.
I
was very curious and eager to find out what Tristan’s house
looked like. I think if I were to guess it would be something humble,
something insignificant. There was no need for an angel to have a
house. Tristan wasn’t subjected to humanly desires and all the
physical weaknesses that humans possess. I was really surprised to
know that he even has a house.
As
Tristan and I drove on the rugged terrain, a string of questions
continued wheeling in my mind. There were so many things I didn’t
know about him. But as I was organizing and neatly filing the
questions in the back of my head, I was utterly surprised to find out
that—his house looked spectacular. It was a massive, two story
modern home. I couldn’t quite imagine an angel living in such a
modern architectural house—for an engineer perhaps. But then
again, what was the norm for angels? I haven’t got a clue. I’m
barely getting used to the idea that Tristan was a celestial being.
Looking at the splendor of the house, anyone would be in awe of the
luxuries the house possessed even from the outside.
As
we came in through the ten foot, cedar, double doors, my eyes
automatically flickered to see a magnificent chandelier from above
the majestic ceiling, illuminating the grand entrance. The floors
were shiny, like white marble with speckled crystals. The walls were
light and bare, not a single frame or photograph. He held my cold
hand, my heart skipped a beat and broke the brief silence that
surrounded us, as we walked into a massive living room.
Sweeping
through the room, the only thing that stood out besides its enormous
size, were the two black leather sofas, a white chair, and coffee
table—the only furniture in the room.
We
veered toward the kitchen, across the living room and to my surprise,
I grazed at
the
numerous, stainless steel surrounding another grand room. The kitchen
had more appliances than any house I’d been to. They looked
like commercial appliances—the ones you’d probably find
at the homes and restaurants of the food network stars. It had very
custom cabinetry and a massive onyx granite counter.
It
felt cold, stiff and sparkly clean. I don’t think you could
even catch a dead fly in this place. For the size that it was, it
seemed it only had the bare necessities to pass as a decent home. The
house was practically empty, and very bare.
“
So…you
live here?…by yourself?” my question made me a little
nervous. I wasn’t sure how many fallen angels there are and I
didn’t know if Tristan lived with the other fallen angels.
“
Y…es.”
he answered slowly with a curl of his lips. I felt a little relieved
that we were at least alone in the house.
“
Well,
I’m just curious and please don’t be offended…”
“
You
could never offend me,” he said reassuringly.
“
Well…this
house is rather large for just one per…I mean angel,” I
questioned.
“
True,”
he said quickly but in a rather flat tone.
“
You
see…the location is perfect where it’s away from the
cluster of homes—away from people…I didn’t need to
put them anymore in harms way with the dephils and the size was
inconspicuous enough that no one would think it was an old abandoned
home,” he explained in a monotone voice.
“
I
actually don‘t need a house and I have never acquired one until
recently…” he paused reluctantly.
“
Partially,
I bought it…because of you,” Suddenly, his eyes were
intense.
“
Me?…I…don’t
understand?”
“
Humans
seem to think that when you fill a house with the one you love, it
becomes a home. Since I had come back, I wanted to be close to you
and I wanted to have some sort of permanence here. I wanted this
place to be my…
home
…”
He smiled crooked
as he said the last word.
“…
even
if I was only watching you from a distance,” his expression
bleak.
“
You
being here now…I could have never imagined it in a million
years.” The bright spark that ignited from his eyes mimicked
the soft curl of his lips. I felt a sudden gush of heat flood my
cheeks. I smiled awkwardly. He held my hand.
We
slowly toured the rest of the house, passing by two small rooms that
were empty and headed back to the kitchen.
“
Are
you hungry?” he offered. “I had Lucia bought groceries.”
“
Lucia?”
My forehead raised in nervous suspicion and swallowed dry
instinctively.
“
I
didn’t realize someone was here?” I said nervously.
“
Lucia,
is my housekeeper. She comes every week or whenever I need her. I
needed somebody to occasionally watch the house. I’m hardly
here, and I do try to be a bit messy from time to time so she
wouldn’t be suspicious. She’s quite hard on me. She
thinks I pick after myself. The first month she was here, she tried
to quit. She said I paid her too much and didn’t really need
her, since there was nothing to clean except for the occasional
dusting,” a soft smile erupted from his face.
“
I
could call to see if she could cook dinner?” he offered.
“
Oh,
no need. I can manage to make myself a sandwich or whatever you
have.” I wasn’t too keen on having anybody else at the
house at the moment.
“
Would
you like for me to make you one?” Although, the thought of
angels eating was something I already questioned, I wasn’t sure
if that was something that they
could
do.
“
Yes…If
you prefer I eat with you.” he stated.
“
I
don’t really need to eat…or drink…to survive,”
his face expressionless.
His
answer made me a little anxious. Even though I knew Tristan was an
angel, the confirmation of his immortality was something I could
never get used to. The fact that his body was not subjected to any
physical weaknesses such as hunger, thirst or even sickness.
It
was hard to wrap my mind around everything about him. He looked at me
puzzled. He seemed to have sensed my emotion, creasing his forehead
as if he wanted to ask what I was thinking. I decided to brush off
the worried thought in the back of my mind. My stomach growled then.
I
opened the refrigerator. I was surprised how packed it was,
considering, Lucia was only shopping for one person—me. Of
course, Lucia thought it would be for both of us. But still…it
looked like she grocery shopped for a months worth of emergency food,
like if there was an impending natural disaster. I stood with my hand
still hooked on the open door of the refrigerator.
“
You
know all these food are going to waste if you don’t eat
it…unless you’re planning on hosting a party or having
friends over.”
“
I
bought it for you.” he stated. “Well, Lucia went a little
overboard. She liked being useful,” he smiled.
“
All
these?” my eyebrows curved higher, my eyes pointed at the fully
packed cold box. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted, so I had
her buy a little bit of everything. Grocery shopping is something I
knew nothing about, so I told Lucia to fill the fridge with all the
basic food groups…she did however, reminded me that maybe you
would want dessert, so she bought a couple of things in the freezer
and also some baking supplies…It‘s all in the cupboard,”
his face was excited now. I opened the freezer. I was shocked again
to find—
“
Oh,
wow. She must have thought I ate a lot.” She bought at least
ten types of ice cream, several frozen pies and several items that
looked unfamiliar.
“
I
can’t imagine how much food she would buy if you’re
actually hosting a huge gathering.” With my brows still lifted,
I stared at him as I swung open the large double door custom made
pantry. It was packed with baking supplies; from different cake pans
to all the different candies, sprinkles and spices you can imagine.
“Lucia, knows how to shop,” my tone spiked in surprise.
“
Believe
me, she was more than excited to have bought all of those.”
Suddenly, his face turned a little serious. I looked at him intently,
unable to figure out what I might have said for the glum mood.
“
Well,
the truth is, she feels bad for me,”
I
squinted, intrigued, as I waited for an explanation.
“
She
thinks I’m a loner. She knew I had company coming and well…she
wanted to make sure you were happy when you came.” For the
first time, I saw his face turn awkward. I savored the moment. I have
never seen a side of him this way before. I smiled briefly, feeling a
little guilty about my whining, before I went back to the
refrigerator
and grabbed the bag of tomatoes, a jar of mayo, cheese slices, a head
of
lettuce
and a package of meat slices.
I
opened one of the top cabinets and looked for plates. As soon as I
opened the second one, I spotted the white ceramics. I grabbed a
couple and placed it on the
marbled
counter top.
Tristan
handed me the bread while he stared at me in fascination—like
everything about food preparation was extremely exciting. I grabbed a
small knife from the top of the counter next to the stove. He handed
me the cutting board as soon as I described what it looked like. I
sliced the tomatoes and washed the lettuce. I took out two slices of
bread and intricately placed the pile of meat and the rest of the
concoction into the bread. Then, I made another sandwich for me.
“
Anything
to drink?” he gestured, as he grabbed the glasses from one of
the cabinets. “Water would be fine.” We both sat in the
dining room while we ate. I couldn’t stop staring at Tristan,
eating. I still couldn’t wrap my mind on everything about him.
Well, maybe I should start with something.
“
What
powers do fallen angels possess?” I asked the first question
that popped in my head.
“
I
mentioned before that angels can sense human emotions and that we are
in tuned with human needs in a way that we can almost read their
minds. But you see…most often, dephils weren’t
interested in sensing human emotions. It takes a conscious effort for
angels. Before we had fallen, all these gifts were meant to help
humanity in their time of need.”