Cloud Walking (A Find You in the Dark novella) (8 page)

     “Don't be such a snooze.  This is a party!  You only live once.  What will it hurt?”  Okay, I was like some bad afterschool special.  When had I become the captain of the peer pressure team?  But I really thought Clay needed something to chill him out.  His angst was giving me a headache.  

     Clay wavered a bit and Louis grinned.  “Yeah man!  Come on!”  And Clay allowed himself to be pulled toward the keg. 

     I stood on the sidelines as Louis and another football player lifted Clay off his feet.  I cheered him on as Clay guzzled beer from the tap.  See?  I was bonding with the guy.  I was such a good friend, trying to be all buddy-buddy with the boy my best friend was into. 

     Or maybe not.

     The next few minutes were a bit of a whirlwind.  One minute I was chanting Clay's name, the next Daniel was pulling me toward the garage door.  I tried to wrestle against Daniel's grip and I could see Maggie intercepting Clay over his shoulder.

     What was going on? 

     “Let go of me!” I yelled, once we were outside.  Daniel dropped my arm like it burned him and glared at me.  I pulled myself upright and leveled my own glare right back.  Two could play this game,  butt hole. 

     “What was that back there?  Encouraging people to get alcohol poisoning isn't normally your thing.”  Daniel's words were hard and brittle and I lifted my chin. 

     “I was just getting the poor guy to have some fun.  You should thank me for helping to pull the stick out of his ass,” I griped, turning my back on Danny and swiftly walked away.  I made my way around the side of the house and found a swing set. 

     I was feeling obnoxiously sober and I didn't want to be.  And I sure as hell didn't feel like spending said sobriety with Daniel Lowe when he was being condescending and preachy. 

     Of course, he followed me.  Because alone time was asking too much.  “Danny.  Please.  Just give it a rest,” I pleaded, not above begging him to back off.  My head was starting to hurt and my happy fun time was clearly over. 

     Now that Daniel and I were alone, I was starting to feel the mortification for my earlier behavior.  I had been a little too obvious in my dislike for Kylie. Raging bitch isn't usually my color and I couldn't believe how easily I had worn it.  My jealousy issues were getting a little out of hand and I knew if I didn't get it together, I would be in danger of losing one of my longest and most important friendships. 

     As much as I craved something
more
with Danny, the thought of losing him all together because of my snippy and bitchy attitude was heart crushing. 

     But that didn't mean I couldn't speak my mind.  Because playing doormat Rachel was getting a little tiresome.  “Look, I was trying to have a good time.  Clay was trying to have a good time.  What's the big deal?” I asked shortly, looking over at Daniel.

     Daniel sighed.  “Well, apparently he's a recovering alcoholic or drug addict or something.  Maggie said he has a snarly history with that stuff.”  Well crap, that made me feel like a complete and total jerk.  Not that I knew about it, but still.  Why didn't I just put a darn crack pipe in his mouth?

     “Well...jeesh,” I mumbled, sitting down heavily on the swing and began to pump my legs back and forth.  Daniel dropped his head and sat down on the other swing, rocking himself a bit as I moved the swing at full force. 

     We didn't say anything for awhile and I finally slowed down until I was gently swaying beside him.  “When did things get so screwed up?” I asked quietly, the sounds of the party seemed a million miles away.  It was just Daniel and me and the multitude of unspoken things between us. 

     Daniel let out a noisy breath.  “Good question, Rach,” was all he said and we drifted into silence again.  After a few more moments, he turned to look at me.  “I'm an asshole.  I know that.  I haven't always treated you the way you should be treated.  And I'm sorry for that.  But I really love you, Rachel.  You and Mags are my best friends.  If I've ever made you feel less than crucial to my life, I apologize.  Because you
are
important to me.  Actually important doesn't even cover it.  You are
fundamental
to who I am.  There is no Daniel Lowe without Rachel Bradfield.” 

     I felt tears burn the back of my throat and I had to blink them away before they rolled traitorously down my face. 

     That was the thing about Danny.  I could hate him so completely.  Wish him a thousand painful deaths.  But then he pulled out the big guns.  Using that amazing sensitivity that was always there just below the surface to remind me of why I loved him so much in the first place.  And while I truly wished his words were said in a “non-friend” way, I couldn't deny how wonderful they were all the same. 

     My anger fizzled out.  There just wasn't a place for it in my heart at that moment.  So I looked him straight in the eye and took a chance.  “Danny.  I love you too.” I tried to put every ounce of my feelings into those four words.  Wishing him to see that I meant them in a way that was completely and totally life altering.  For me.  For him.  For what we could be together.

     Daniel's eyes darkened as we looked into each other's eyes.  Maybe he
did
see it.  Maybe this would be
it.
  That moment when we could be that something else. 

     “Hey guys.” Daniel and I broke eye contact and looked up to see Maggie coming toward us.  And then we looked back at each other.  The air continued to hum with words unspoken.  Our eyes clung to each other.  Danny's mouth opened then closed.  He seemed to be struggling with something to say.  Then he gave himself a little shake before we turned to look at our friend. 

Chapter Eight    

~Daniel~

     Things weren't so bad.   Everything was coming together and for the first time in awhile I felt pretty damn good.  Rachel and I had come to an unspoken understanding after Melissa's party.  While we weren't close to having the old ease we were used to with one another, it was getting there. 

     Hey, she was looking at me without murderous rage, so I take that as a rounding success. 

     Kylie had backed off, moving onto her latest flavor of the day and for the first time since that crazy relationship began, I wasn't bothered by it.  I welcomed it even.

     My mom was out of town for the week with
Stephen
and my dad had phoned to let me know he'd be in town later this afternoon to finalize some paperwork from the divorce.  I was stoked about spending time with him.  Is it completely fucked up to admit that I had a favorite parent?  Because Dad was mine, hands down.   

     I had seriously considered going to live with him after he had moved.   But as much as I disliked my mom most of the time, I didn't want to leave my friends and my school in the middle of my senior year.

     Everything was going pretty freaking great. 

     Well...almost.

     Because there was Maggie. 

     As satisfied as I was in other areas of my life, not everything was syncing up the way I wanted it to.  Maggie was noticeably distant.  She spent all of her time with Clay.  Rachel and I barely saw her anymore. 

     I sat across from her and the tortured hero himself.  Man, he played that deep and mysterious card well, I'd give him that.  But I found the whole thing a little creepy.  I couldn't get a read on the guy and that bugged me.  I watched as Maggie and Clay made excuses to touch each other.  She was practically drooling into her lunch as she listened to him talking about poetry, or art or something equally boring and meant to make girls drop their panties for him. 

     I wasn't sure this guy wasn't just one big act.  Sure, he seemed all angst ridden, but who's to say that wasn't just a giant fishing line all set to lure unsuspecting girls into his trap.  Yeah, I was being a bit paranoid, but like I've said, the dude bugged me. 

     I'm sure it had more to do with the fact that it was pretty freaking obvious that Maggie was ready to drop everyone and everything for him.  Rachel and I barely registered for her anymore.  And I was self-aware enough to know that I was feeling more than a little jealous. 

     Not because I liked Maggie like that or anything.  No, it had more to do with my selfish desire to have my girls all to myself.  Hey, I never pretended to be overly mature.  But at least I can own it.

     But I was trying to be nice to the guy, for Maggie's sake.  I didn't foresee best buddy territory anytime soon, but I guess I could be civil. 

     Rachel and Maggie were talking to Clay about the Fall Formal.  Fantastic.  I guess he was gate crashing that one.  Maggie was looking at him with those doe eyes of hers and I wanted to snort in disgust.  But I was trying to be the bigger man and told him he should come.  Someone give me a damn medal, because that was very Boy Scout of me. 

     Rachel gave me a smile, clearly pleased with my efforts at making peace.  I smiled back.  Yeah, I could be a decent guy when I wanted to be.

     After lunch, Rachel looped her arm with mine and gave me a beautiful smile.  My heart flip-flopped in my chest.  “That was really cool to include Clay.  I'm proud of you, Danny.”  She leaned up on her tiptoes and kissed me on the cheek.

     I blushed bright red.  Yes, I seriously blushed.  I don't think that had happened since I was six.

     I shrugged, trying to play it cool.  “Eh, it was nothing.  Just because I'm on the fence about Maggie's boy toy, doesn't mean I have to be a jerk about it, right?” I said and even I could hear how out of breath I sounded.  Crazy what one little kiss could do to me.  This girl had me on a chain and didn't even realize it.

     “You really are a good guy.  I just wish you'd let that nice side come out to play more often,”she teased, her arm still holding onto mine as we walked down the hallway.  I shrugged again, though I couldn't help but feel happy at her compliment.

     “So, this dance.  Have you picked out your suit yet?  I'm thinking baby blue this year,” Rachel said, her eyes glittering with excitement.  The girls really got into this whole “let's dress as tacky as possible” thing for Fall Formal.  I had to admit, it
was
pretty fun and I hated school dances with a passion.

     “Baby blue, huh?  Well, I'll have to see what I can do,” I told her as we came to a stop in front of her next class.  We stood there outside her classroom with her grinning up at me.  This lack of animosity and open hostility felt nice. 

     I brought my fingers up to pluck a piece of fuzz from her hair and let my hand linger a little bit longer than was necessary.  I noticed Rachel freeze and watch my face as I slowly pulled my fingers away.  Our eyes locked and we were standing toe to toe.  Me looking down, her looking up.  Our hands brushed against each other and her lips parted. 

     I started to lean in...

     And then snapped out of it. 

     What was I doing?

     Was I seriously going to kiss her in the middle of the hallway?  Was I crazy? 

     I took a step back and gave her a lazy smile that revealed nothing of my earlier intentions.  “I'd better get going.  I'll catch up with you after school,” I said, already moving down the hallway. 

     I couldn't help but see the disappointment on her face, but she hid it quickly.  She lifted her hand in a wave and wiggled her fingers in my direction.  “Sure.  Later Danny,” she called out as I got as far away as I could.