Authors: Mila Gray
he is too. There isn’t going to be much time for workouts.
Kit reaches over and squeezes my hand.
‘How’d Riley do?’ I ask, trying not to focus on the
negative.
‘Yeah, fine,’ Kit says, his eyes on the road.
‘Did you beat him?’ I ask, figuring the answer is no. If
he’d beaten Riley he would have been bragging about it
already.
‘Yeah,’ Kit says.
‘You did?’ I say, turning to him in surprise.
‘I got a two hundred and ninety-eight and he got a two
hundred and seventy-three.’
‘Wow. He must have had a late night or something.’
‘Yeah, maybe,’ Kit mumbles shiftily.
I narrow my eyes at him, wondering what he knows
that I don’t. I am, of course, totally ecstatic that my
brother didn’t kill Kit when he found out about us, if a
little less thrilled that he saw semi-naked pictures of me
on Kit’s phone, but ever since he found out about us it
feels like there’s something going on between the two of
them that they’re keeping from me. Riley’s been acting
weird ever since, and I don’t get the impression it’s just
about Kit and me, though I might be wrong.
Kit drops me at the test centre, gives me a sweaty kiss
and tells me he’ll wait. I feel like I’m being waved off to
war, but luckily I’m back in half an hour, waving my
paperwork in his face and jumping up and down.
‘I did it! I passed!’ I scream.
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Kit picks me up and swings me around. ‘I knew you
would.’
I kiss him. ‘Didi told me you were my lucky charm.
She was right.’
Kit frowns. ‘Oh, she did, did she? I hope you told her I
was a lot more than that. I hope you told her that I’m a
total stud in the bedroom too.’
‘Are you ever going to drop it?’ I ask, rolling my eyes.
‘Come on . . . I gave you a multiple orgasm. That’s got
to buy me some kudos for a while.’
He’s never going to let that drop, and at just the men-
tion of it the memory bursts pinprick-sharp into my mind
and I get a shudder down my spine. That was quite pos-
sibly the best two hours of my life.
‘It’ll buy you an invite to my place tomorrow,’ I tell
him.
Kit winces. ‘The party?’
I nod, making my eyes all big and round. I desperately
want him to come. It’s the party my mom throws every
time Riley leaves. Unofficially it’s always been Kit’s going-
away party too. He always comes, standing as far from
my father as possible. ‘Please?’ I say.
‘Really?’ he asks.
‘Yeah. I want you to be there.’
‘With your dad. In the same room?’
‘You’ve done it before,’ I say.
‘Before, I wasn’t sleeping with his daughter,’ he says
with a wry smile.
‘He doesn’t know that,’ I say, running my hands over
his chest.
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Mila Gray
He lets out a sigh. ‘I’ll make it worth your while,’ I say,
trailing my fingers up his chest.
He arches an eyebrow at me. ‘Oh yeah?’ he asks.
‘Sexual bribery?’
I nod.
‘OK. I’m there. But you better pay up now.’
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Kit
Riley calls me the morning of the party asking if I want to
shoot some hoops. I can tell from the relief in his voice
that he and Jo must have come to a decision, and when I
meet him down at the courts he lopes over to me.
‘How’d you feel about being a godfather?’ he asks,
grinning.
I slap him on the back and pull him into a hug. ‘Bro,
that’s awesome. Congratulations.’
‘Yeah,’ he says, nodding hard. He looks shit scared but
also buzzing. ‘It’s the right thing. I love her. And we’ll
manage . . . somehow.’
I nod. What else can I do?
‘I’m going to marry her,’ he says next. ‘When I get
back. That way she’ll be on my insurance and get all the
benefits. If we had time, I’d do it now.’
‘You’ll have to leave the MSG,’ I say. It’s one of the
rules; you can’t be married if you’re a marine security
guard.
He tosses me the ball. ‘Yeah, I know. I’ll see if I can
transfer back into our old unit.’
I start dribbling down the court. ‘That’s . . . Man, that’s
big news. You tell your folks yet?’
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Mila Gray
‘Nope. Going to tell them later,’ Riley says as I take a
shot.
‘You prepared a bomb-proof shelter?’ I ask, catching
the ball after it drops through the hoop.
‘I’m going to tell Jessa first. Figure she’ll be the only
one that’s happy for us.’
‘I’m happy for you too,’ I say.
Riley grabs the ball from my hands and jumps, slam-
dunking the ball through the hoop and letting out a
whoop.
Three hours later I’m standing on the doorstep, straight-
ening my Dress Blues and checking the shine on my
shoes. A trickle of sweat runs down my back and I pull on
my collar. There are at least two dozen cars parked along
the street and the sound of the party is travelling over the
garden fence. I’ve been less nervous taking point in
patrols through hostile territory in Iraq. I’m hoping that I
can blend in – there’ll be at least a dozen of us in uniform
– and that Jessa’s dad doesn’t notice me. Not the first time
and no doubt not for the last, either, I wonder what the
hell I ever did to deserve his hatred, other than burn
down his garage, that is.
OK, there were a few other times I got Riley into
trouble – but he made the decision to tag along with me. I
didn’t pressure him to ditch school or stay out all night
clubbing in our senior year. It was his idea to streak
across the bleachers, and if his Spiderman mask hadn’t
come off just as the TV cameras zoomed in, then no one
would ever have known it was us. I didn’t encourage him
to try weed that time in tenth grade either, and the garage
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was a joint effort – Riley lit the fuse. But his dad always
blamed me for everything as though I was the corrupting
influence on his perfect son. The straw that broke the
camel’s back was my convincing Riley not to go to college
and take the officer route into the corps. Not that Riley
needed much convincing − he wanted to get out the
house at the earliest opportunity and away from his
father. But rather than admit any of the blame might lie
with him for that one, his dad placed it squarely at my
door.
I remind myself that it isn’t all about me. That his
loathing for me goes further back, has something to do
with my mom. I keep wondering if maybe Jessa’s dad
had the hots for her or something, but the thought makes
my blood curdle. If that’s the case I don’t want to know.
Jessa opens the door before I have a chance to ring the
doorbell. She’s wearing a short blue sundress which
shows off her legs and her tan, her hair is down and she’s
wearing some kind of lip gloss that makes her lips look
edible. Without thinking, I reach for her. For a brief
moment she presses her soft body against mine and I get
a tantalizing whiff of her shampoo and her vanilla body
lotion before she dances out of my arms.
‘I’m going to be an aunt!’ she whispers, her face split
with glee.
‘I’m going to be a godfather!’ I say back.
We high-five.
‘I’m so glad you’re here,’ she says, pulling me inside
the house and shutting the door. ‘I’m worried Riley’s
going to choose now to make the announcement. You
know – safety in numbers.’
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Mila Gray
Shit. I hadn’t thought of that. But she might be right.
It’s what I’d do. Though if I ever get Jessa pregnant I’m
going to inform her father from a separate state, maybe
even from a separate continent. And I’ll still be sure to
wear a bullet-proof vest because that man has connec-
tions.
I walk into the kitchen, glancing back over my shoul-
der and catching Jessa checking me out. I square my
shoulders and feel my chin lifting. It happens every time I
wear my Dress Blues: that feeling of pride that swells
through me making me feel invincible. It’s probably the
feeling I’ll miss most when I leave the corps. But it
doesn’t come close to the feeling I get waking up with
Jessa in my arms, I remind myself.
I follow Jessa through into the back garden where there
are tables spread out and about thirty or so people drink-
ing beer and wine, chatting in small groups as waiters
hover with trays laden with more drinks and canapés.
Classical music plays from speakers hidden in the bushes
– the same bushes where I first kissed Jessa. I wish I could
drag her behind them for a replay, but she’s already
running back to answer the door again.
I hover on the outskirts, like a diver hesitating on top
of the highest diving platform. It’s a semi-formal affair
and I recognize a lot of the people, though none that I
know well enough to make conversation with. Most are
high-ranking officers from the base. There are whole
galaxies of stars visible on all the lapels. I spy at least one
general and a couple of colonels before I quit counting.
Their wives flutter like butterflies at their sides. I spot
Riley in one corner with Jo beside him. She’s holding his
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hand and he’s giving her a reassuring smile, though she
looks as uneasy as I feel.
Jessa’s father is holding court and I recognize one of
the people in the group that’s circling him like beggars
around a king; it’s that guy Todd – the guy who was
trying to flirt with Jessa at prom. What’s he doing here?
Then I remember Jessa telling me his dad just transferred
to the base at Pendleton. Todd’s wearing a suit and tie. He
looks more like a pen-pushing accountant than a soon-
to-be officer and I can feel my jaw tensing just looking
at him. I’d like to see him survive a single day at grunt
camp.
It bugs me to see him here, especially looking so com-
fortable within the inner sanctum, and I realize with a jolt
that I’m jealous and that thought makes me even more
pissed. Todd looks up just then and catches me glaring at
him. He nods his head politely in my direction and I give
him a curt nod in reply, praying like hell he doesn’t say
anything to Jessa’s dad about me being her boyfriend.
That would be just perfect.
My eyes skip across the group and light on Jessa’s
mom, who looks harried, laying out food on one of the
tables, fussing at the tablecloth. I walk over.
‘Need some help?’ I ask.
She looks up and I notice the relief on her face when
she sees it’s me, and also the faint fog in her eyes – a look
I recognize from the old days with my dad. Is she on
something?
‘Oh, Kit,’ she says in a wispy voice. ‘That would be
lovely.’
I help her pull the plastic wrap off some of the dishes.
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‘Don’t you look handsome,’ she says when we’re done.
She strokes a hand down my arm. Her lip trembles,
reminding me for a moment of Jessa when she’s trying
not to cry.
‘Are you OK?’ I ask, lowering my voice.
‘Yes,’ she says, forcing a smile. ‘I’m just having quite a
day.’ She gestures around her. ‘It feels like you only just
got back. And you’re both going again.’ Her eyes skitter
over to Riley and I see her lip tremble again.
‘Look after him, won’t you, Kit?’
My attention snaps back to her.
‘Riley,’ she qualifies. ‘He looks up to you. Promise me
you’ll take care of each other over there.’
I nod, feeling a stab of guilt and more than a little awk-
ward. It’s always hard saying goodbye to relatives before
we deploy overseas. Suddenly I get a painful prelude of
what it’s going to be like tomorrow to say goodbye to
Jessa.
Her mom pats me on the arm and then her smile fades
as she glances over my shoulder. She hurries off and I
follow her gaze to find Jessa’s dad glaring at me.
He looks away, a slight sneer curling his lip, and my
stomach clenches as I see him rest his hand for a brief
moment on Todd’s shoulder. It’s as if he’s making a point,
letting me know that I’m not worth his time because I’m
not an officer in training.
For a second I think about turning around and leaving,
but just then Jessa sneaks up behind me. ‘Hey,’ she says
quietly. I turn to her and instantly feel my muscles un-
knotting. She’s like Valium in human form.
Seeing my expression, she frowns. ‘You OK?’ she asks.
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