Authors: Mila Gray
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I nod. ‘Yeah. What’s he doing here?’ I ask, jerking my
head in Todd’s direction.
‘Oh,’ she says. ‘His dad and my dad are friends.’
‘Looks like Todd and your dad are having a little
bromance.’ I can’t help the bitter tone in my voice and
Jessa hears it and gives me a curious look. I kick myself,
reminding myself that I’m here to support her, not to act
like a little kid. I’m about to apologize when there’s a
chink-chink sound and we all look up. Riley’s walked
into the centre of the lawn and is banging a knife against
the side of his glass. Jo trails after him, smiling self-
consciously. Shit.
‘Oh my God,’ Jessa whispers as Riley sets his glass
down on a nearby table. ‘Kit, he’s really going to do it.’
‘Everyone, can I have your attention?’ Riley asks.
The chatter dies down instantly, curiosity fully piqued.
Someone kills the music. I glance quickly at Jessa’s dad.
He’s frowning at the interruption. I can’t wait to see how
he reacts to the next bit of news. I’ve got a bad feeling
about this. I think about diverting Riley somehow, but
there’s no way of stopping him now. He’s smiling at Jo
and everyone’s waiting. The only thing I can do is stand
here and show my support.
Riley clears his throat and looks around at the expect-
ant crowd. ‘I . . . we . . . have some news to share,’ he
announces.
There’s a ripple of noise, a Mexican wave of chatter
that skips right over his dad who continues to glare at the
two of them.
‘Jo and I are getting married.’
There’s a moment’s pause. Everyone seems to be
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waiting on Jessa’s dad’s response before they react. Riley
ploughs on into the silence. ‘And we’re having a baby.’
The silence stretches a moment too long and so I let
out a whoop and start clapping loudly. Thankfully every-
one follows suit. The women rush forwards to surround
them, but I look over at Jessa’s dad, no longer the king
surrounded by sycophants but a lone statue standing on
the periphery. He’s staring at Riley with a look of total
disgust. I watch him set his glass down on a table and
march towards the house. Jessa, frozen at my side,
watches him too.
Well, at least he’s not causing a scene, I think to myself.
It could be worse. But then Riley looks up, scans the
crowd, and seeing his father walking away he strides
after him. Fuck. What is he doing?
‘You got nothing to say?’ Riley asks, grabbing his
father’s arm and stopping him mid-stride. ‘Nothing at
all? Like maybe “Congratulations, son, that’s wonderful
news”?’
I feel like walking over there and dragging Riley away.
It’s like watching a kid at a zoo poking a lion through the
bars, but for some reason I can’t move.
His father turns to him, the look of disappointment so
clear on his face that it makes me want to run in front of
him so I can shield Riley from it. ‘What is there to say?’ he
snaps. ‘You seem determined to screw up your life at
every opportunity.’
The crowd has fallen silent. This is what they want:
drama. The beady-eyed wives turn to watch, biting their
lips with glee. This is going to give them weeks of gossip
fodder. Riley stands face to face with his father, his jaw
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pulsing, his nostrils flaring. He looks ready to throw a
punch, and I finally take a step towards him to pull him
back, but Jo’s already there. She walks up to him and
slips her hand into his, drawing him away with more dig-
nity than I know I could muster in the same situation.
Riley gives his father one last look so filled with hatred
that I flinch and take a step backwards, and then he turns
around and starts following Jo.
‘Come on,’ I whisper to Jessa, jerking my head towards
them. I want them to know that we’re on their side. I
want to shield them from all the stares and gossip, and I
know Riley’s going to need someone to rant at. But Jessa
stalks right past me in the opposite direction. I turn and
see her stopping right in front of her father.
‘Why are you such an asshole?’ she asks him in a voice
that cuts through the crowd. Everyone turns around,
anxious for round two.
Oh shit, I groan inwardly. Jessa, what are you doing?
‘What did you just say?’ her father asks in a voice that
rumbles like thunder.
‘I asked why you have to be such an asshole,’ Jessa
repeats.
There’s a communal inhalation of air. I’m stunned into
silence along with everyone else.
‘Get inside,’ her father spits, his face turning red.
Jessa shakes her head at him, her own eyes flashing
dangerously.
‘Get inside NOW!’ her father roars.
Someone gasps. Someone else drops a glass. The
waiters are standing frozen, trays hovering in mid-air.
Jessa’s mom makes a sound that’s something between a
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whimper and a sob. Shit. I need to do something. I step
forwards and put my hand on the small of Jessa’s back.
‘Let’s go,’ I whisper under my breath, trying to steer
her away. But Jessa’s body goes rigid at my touch. She’s
breathing fast, fury setting her mouth into a line.
‘Get your hands off her,’ her dad hisses at me under his
breath. There are two bright spots of fire on his cheeks.
He’s struggling to keep his temper. I know that if there
weren’t three dozen witnesses right now he’d probably
go for my throat.
‘Get inside,’ he orders Jessa again. ‘Go to your room.’
Jessa just glares at him, her body vibrating like a tuning
fork. She seems stuck. She can’t speak but can’t move
either. Her dad lifts his head, sees everyone staring at him
and takes hold of Jessa by the arm. She lets out a muted
cry. Straightaway I’m between them. Without even think-
ing I pull his arm off her and step in front of Jessa, my
blood pounding like a drum in my ears.
‘Calm down,’ I hiss at him.
‘Get your hands off me,’ he spits back, the colour rising
in his cheeks.
I look down and realize my hand is locked around his
arm.
‘Not until you calm down,’ I answer.
He throws off my grip with a violent shrug of his
shoulder. ‘Get out of my house,’ he says. ‘Who even
invited you?’
I stand there, my feet glued to the ground. My anger’s
a living thing, coursing through me like electricity.
Suddenly it’s just me and Kingsley facing off against each
other, and everyone else fades into the background. It’s
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the zone I drop into when I’m on sniper duty. I feel eerily
calm.
‘Kit.’
It takes me several seconds to realize Jessa is calling my
name. She’s behind me, her hands on my arms, pulling
me backwards. ‘Kit,’ she says again in a low, urgent voice.
‘I think you’d better leave.’
Her words sting me, shaking me out of my calm. She’s
ordering me to go? While I’m doing my damnedest to
protect her? I turn, confused, to face her and am struck by
how terrified she looks. Over her shoulder I catch sight of
her mom, a handkerchief pressed to her mouth, her eyes
watery and vacant, staring around like a lost kid at a
carnival, while a ring of other faces stares at me in utter
shock. Shit. Jessa’s right. I need to go.
‘Sure,’ I say, my voice catching in my throat. ‘Wouldn’t
want to cause a scene.’
I shrug off Jessa’s hands. I’m angry. Not just at her
father, but also at her, for treating me like I’m the one
who’s in the wrong here. Holding my head up I make for
the door.
‘And don’t ever step foot in this house again or let me
see you talking to my daughter,’ her father mutters to me
as I pass. ‘You’re no good, just like your father.’
He could have said anything about me and I could
have taken it on the chin, but insulting my father pushes
me over the edge. I spin around: ‘My father’s worth a
hundred of you,’ I growl.
With relish I see the look of surprise that splashes over
Kingsley’s face. I step right in front of him, realizing that
I’m the same height as him and that even if he has ten
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ranks on me I no longer care. ‘At least my father owned
his demons. At least he fought them. At least he doesn’t
claim to be a better man than anyone else when clearly
he’s not.’
Kingsley’s face turns from red to white as the blood
sluices from it. I know I’m acting recklessly, I know I’ve
stepped into the danger zone, but I don’t stop, can’t stop.
I’m on a roll, and seven years of taking his shit and
watching him terrorize his children while I stand by in
silence has finally taken its toll.
‘He doesn’t make his wife and daughter terrified to be
around him,’ I shout. ‘He doesn’t look down on his son
and make him feel like he’s never good enough. He
doesn’t control his daughter and make her feel like she
has to walk on eggshells around him. He lives his life
trying to make amends for all the wrongs he committed,
trying to honour the memory of my mother, trying to be
the best parent and grandfather and man he can.’
I take a breath. Faces – aghast, open-mouthed – blur at
the edges of my vision, but I blink them away. Kingsley’s
my only focus.
‘And here you are,’ I say, gesturing at him. ‘You have
this amazing, perfect family. You have a son you should
be fucking proud of because he’s the best man and the
best soldier I’ve ever had the honour to know, and a
daughter who’s so beautiful and so incredible she takes
my breath away every time I look at her and who I’d
walk over hot coals to see smile. And you don’t even
notice her. You don’t do anything to make her smile. You
don’t even know
what
makes her smile.’
With satisfaction I see Kingsley’s mouth dropping open
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and then closing as each of my words slams into him with
the force of a bullet.
‘Do you see how scared they are of you?’ I say. I shake
my head, disgust edging out my anger. ‘You don’t
deserve them.’
Finally Kingsley gathers himself. ‘Get out!’ he roars.
‘Kit, just leave. Please.’
I glance around. Jessa is standing there, eyes downcast,
tears rolling down her cheeks. She can’t look at me and
it’s only then I realize that instead of being her champion,
her knight to the rescue, I’ve just done the worst thing
possible. I’ve humiliated her in front of an audience.
Shit. Shit. Shit. I scan the faces surrounding me – see the
delight, the wonder, the shock, the utter train wreck I’ve
made of the party. And there – there’s Jessa’s mom, a
quivering mess in the middle of it all.
I open my mouth to say something to Jessa – to apolo-
gize, to beg her forgiveness – but my brain blanks. What
the hell have I just done? I thought I was making things
better and I’ve made them a thousand times worse.
‘Just go.’
It’s Riley this time. He’s glaring at me, though under
the glare I sense both an apology and a warning. ‘I got
it, Kit,’ he says tersely. ‘You can leave.’ He nods towards
the door and then lowers his voice to me. ‘You’re only
making it worse.’
I look back at Jessa, my heart tumbling to a stand-
still, aware the whole time of Kingsley breathing heavily
right in front of me, the anger beating off him in waves.
But there’s Jessa, still staring at her feet, her shoulders
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shaking. I can’t just leave her like this. ‘Come with me,’ I
say, the words spilling over my lips before I can stop
them.
She shakes her head at me. ‘I can’t,’ she says. Her eyes
are red-rimmed, almost glassy with confusion, as though
she can’t believe I would ask that of her.
I stare at her, willing her to understand I was only
trying to help, that I love her, but she drops her gaze and
it feels like a judge’s gavel slamming against a block.
With my heart dive-bombing in my chest, I swivel on my
heel and march towards the door.
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There’s a silence as thick as snowfall, obliterating every-
thing. My ears sing with static until a waiter rests his tray
down and the glasses clink, and as though it’s the signal
everyone’s been waiting for the whispers start back up. I