Authors: B.L. Mooney
“Stacy is jealous. She lacks the confidence you have and thinks
the only way she can prove she’s wanted by anyone is to sleep around. Only she
doesn’t realize it’s hurting her self-worth instead of improving it. Until she
wakes up and realizes that sex doesn’t equal love and the only person she needs
love from is herself, she’s going to lash out at anyone she thinks is better
than her.” Vicki put her things out on the table, making the statement that
this conversation was over and I wasn’t to give it any more thought.
~*~
Ryan and I left a little early the next day to spend
time with Ryan’s most loyal fans before he took me home to make me dinner. I
was very excited about the dinner. I’d never had a man cook for me before. The
idea of just going home and cooking dinner with Ryan made me smile. It just
seemed so normal and domestic, and I couldn’t wait to be alone with him. We’d
been taking everything very slowly. I think maybe a little too slowly for the
both of us. I was looking forward to speeding things up a little.
I knew Ryan was excited at the possibilities of the night ahead
of us, but I could tell something was off the second Ryan came back from seeing
his friend in the office. I couldn’t get him to talk to me at all, and he tried
his best to free his mind to give the kids his full attention, but even they
could tell something was bothering him.
He still wouldn’t talk while we picked up the field. I thought
for sure he was going to ask if we could do the dinner another night. If he
needed space, I would have given it to him, but I didn’t want to. I didn’t care
about the dinner as long as he let me spend time with him. I wanted nothing
more than to hold him and tell him whatever it was would be okay, because he
sure didn’t look okay.
Ryan took me to his house, but still didn’t say anything until we
got inside. “I’ve been checking with my friends, and I don’t think you’re going
to like what I’ve found so far.” Ryan was pacing, and it was starting to make
me dizzy to watch him.
So his problem was about my search. I thought maybe there were
more funding issues at the group home. “Just tell me.” I stood in front of him
to stop his pacing. “I can handle it. I need to know.”
He took a deep breath and held onto my shoulders. “There isn’t a
record of you.”
“What? How can there be no record?” I tried to back up, but he
held me still.
“You’re listed as a Jane Doe, and the only family you visited was
your parents.”
I felt the blood drain from my face. Every time I thought I was
going to get somewhere, it only led to another dead end. Ryan sat me on the
chair and crouched in front of me. “What about the other families I remember
living with? Where did they come from? What, did they just dump me in different
places or . . .”
“Well, I’m not sure. I have a few more calls that I’m waiting to
hear back from, and maybe they’ll have more information.”
“It’s as if they made sure I could never find them.” I suddenly
got very angry and stood up to start my own pacing. “Why don’t they want me to
find them?”
“Maybe they were young and didn’t know what they were doing.”
“Don’t do that! Don’t defend them. They don’t deserve it!” I
started crying and felt Ryan come up and hold me. “I’m sorry, Ryan.”
“Yell at me all you want as long as you don’t push me away. I can
take the yelling. I can’t take you pushing me away. I need you.” He held me
tighter.
I looked up at him. “You do? I’m no longer a want . . . I’m a
need?”
Ryan smiled, realizing what he said was more powerful than saying
I love you. He bent down and kissed me. “I still want you, but now I need you.
You’re never getting rid of me now.”
“I want you and need you, too.” I started walking backwards to his
bedroom, and he tugged on my hands to get me to stop.
“Becca, we don’t need to do this. You’re upset. We can wait.”
I tugged on his hands to get him to continue with me. “I love
you, Ryan. Please love me.”
~*~
I rolled over and felt Ryan’s arm under my neck. I
smiled, remembering the night we shared. I rolled back over and looked at his
gorgeous face. I smiled again when his eyes opened and met mine. I reached up
and touched his face. “I want to draw you.”
He rolled on top of me, pinning me to the bed. “I knew that was a
pickup line.”
I laughed. “It really wasn’t, but I should have said it was.
Maybe you would have needed me way before now.”
Ryan bent down and kissed me. “I think I’ve always needed you. I
just didn’t know you yet.” He looked at the clock. “We’re going to be late for
work, and we still need to go get clothes for you.”
“Since we’re already going to be late . . .” I kissed him. “What
are a few more minutes?”
“Minutes?” He kissed me. “Someone doesn’t remember last night
very well.”
~*~
Ryan and I walked in to the conference room and
everyone stopped talking and stared at us. I immediately gave the practiced
excuse. “Car trouble.”
Ryan’s problem with even telling a little tiny lie was why we
agreed that I would make the excuse. I detested lying, but I could muster a
little fib to keep our relationship quiet. He, however, couldn’t and blurted
out his own truth. “She jumped me.” I knew he was trying to help by adding to
our little lie by insinuating that his car wouldn’t start, but you don’t give
specific details when you try to fib. They all thought his car was the one that
had the trouble and we’d need to remember that fact.
Vicki realized immediately what Ryan just admitted since I didn’t
come home last night and started choking on the coffee she just swallowed
before his confession. “Wrong pipe.” She pointed at her throat when everyone
looked at her. Ryan and I started to sit and she glared at me and pointed to
the empty chair next to her. I was hesitant, but obeyed her demand.
I was having a hard time concentrating on the meeting with
Vicki’s leg bouncing up and down. I could tell she was going to ream me when
the meeting was over, and I only hoped someone talked to her long enough so I could
get out of the conference room.
It sounded as if Matt were wrapping up, and I scooted my chair
out to make my quick exit, but Vicki put her hand on my knee under the table. I
stopped moving my chair. Once Matt was finished, Vicki turned to look at me,
pinning me with her stare, and I just looked at the floor and waited for
everyone to leave.
Vicki finally let go of my knee when we were alone. “So, car
trouble? Is that why you didn’t come home last night?”
I glanced her way and then looked away again. I was a grown woman
who could do as she pleased, and I wasn’t sure why I felt as if I were about to
get a lecture on the practice of safe sex. “I should have let you know I wasn’t
coming home, but it was a very unexpected turn of events. I’ve had the sex talk
already. We were safe and he didn’t pressure me at all. Actually, he wanted to
wait.”
“So you did jump him then?” Vicki cleared her throat. “I know you’re
an adult and you can make your own choices, but I just want you to be careful.”
“We are.”
She looked at me until I met her gaze. “I meant you, kiddo. I
want you to be careful.”
“I thought you liked Ryan.”
“I do. I just like you more.” She squeezed my knee before
standing up. “Let’s go to work.” She looked down at me and sat back down. “Did
you want to talk about it?”
“Um, well.” I smiled and then Vicki smiled. I did want to talk
about it, but I couldn’t talk to Stacy because then the whole office would
know. I couldn’t talk to Ryan because, well, it was about him. I’d never been
able to talk to my mother about sex, either, so that was out of the question.
But did I really want to talk to Vicki? She talks to my mom.
“That good, huh?” I blushed and she chuckled a little. “I could
tell it was that good for him, too.”
“Really?” I looked at her, hoping she was telling the truth and
not her own little fib to make me feel better.
“Are you kidding? He couldn’t take his eyes off of you.” Vicki
leaned on the table and propped her head on her hand as if she were getting
settled for a good discussion.
“He said he needed me.” Her eyebrows shot up and I nodded my
head. “I’m a need now.” I had told her about some of our previous discussions
with the needs and wants out of life. They already knew he had been part of
that group home, so I wasn’t betraying any of his secrets. I just hadn’t filled
them in on my secret yet.
“No wonder you jumped him.”
“It’s too soon, isn’t it?”
Vicki put her hand on my shoulder. “I’m not saying that. When you
know you’ve found the one, it’s hard to hold back. Matt and I didn’t date that
long before we knew we were it for each other. Ryan is the one, isn’t he?”
I smiled at that thought. “Yes, I think he is.”
“I think maybe it’s time the two of you talk about coming out to
the rest of the team. You’ve been doing a great job keeping it a secret so far,
but now that you’ve sealed the deal, it’s going to be harder for you two to
keep it to yourself.” Vicki stood up and grabbed her papers. “Just let me know
before you tell everyone.”
“Do you think there are going to be problems?”
Just then Wade walked in and looked surprised to see the two of
us still there. “Sorry. I have another meeting I was going to get set up in
here. I didn’t know it was booked.”
Vicki gave me a look that told me one potential problem just
walked in before turning back to Wade. “It’s all yours.”
Wade waited for Vicki to leave and then turned to me. “You kind
of disappeared on me. Everything okay?”
I hadn’t realized until then just how much I dropped everything
when Ryan and I started dating. I used to have dinner with Wade at least once a
week and had gone out with Stacy several times, but hadn’t seen much of either
of them outside of work for a while. Vicki was right. Ryan and I really did
need to tell everyone.
“Rebecca?” Wade was standing there, waiting on my response.
“I’m sorry, Wade. Everything is fine actually. I’ll talk to you
really soon.” I left as people started coming in for the next meeting and Wade
had to let me go. I needed to find Ryan.
I slammed the phone down as Matt walked in. “Hey,
that’s company equipment there. Be careful with that.” He had a teasing tone,
but I was in no mood to laugh. “What is it, Rebecca?”
“I can’t get the stupid adjuster to meet me so I can get the
apartment settled.” I put my head in my hands. I really wanted to cry from
frustration. I needed to move so I could have my personal space and
independence back, and I couldn’t move until I got the insurance check.
Matt reached over and started tugging on the paper my elbow
rested on. It was my insurance information with the number of the guy I had
been trying to schedule the appointment with. “I’ll take care of it.”
My head shot up. “No, you don’t have to.” I tried to take the
paper from him. “Matt, you and Vicki are already doing so much for me. Please.”
He folded the paper and stuck it in his pocket. “Please nothing.
Consider it done.” Matt sat down. “I just wanted to come down and talk to you
about your relationship with Ryan now that the office knows. I have already
discussed things with Ryan, but I feel that I should have the same discussion
with you.”
“Okay.” I suddenly got very nervous.
“I’m happy that you two seem to be happy. However, we all don’t
need to see how happy you two are.”
I shook my head. “What? I’m confused. You want us to be unhappy
in front of everyone?”
“No, we just don’t need to see how happy you are.” He decided to
be blunt since I still wasn’t getting it. “No kissing or touching in front of
everyone. If this tanks, and I’m not saying it will, but if it does, it will be
very awkward for everyone if they see you as a couple. It’s one thing that they
know it, but we don’t need to see it.”
“Okay. I didn’t plan on groping him in front of everyone anyway,
so no problem.”
“Rebecca, you know what I mean.” Matt sighed.
“Okay, okay. I get it. We’ll be strictly professional at work.”
“Thank you for understanding.” Matt stood up and walked to the
door. “I’ll let you know about the insurance adjuster.”
“Thanks.”
~*~
I was called downstairs by Gladys, our front-desk
receptionist. It wasn’t often that Gladys needed help, so I was a little apprehensive.
I got off the elevator and saw a tall, dark-haired woman that was all legs and
breasts, pleading while Gladys kept shaking her head no. She was clearly not
dressed for business in her short skirt and stilettos. I stepped up to the
counter, and Gladys looked relieved yet nervous at my arrival.
I wasn’t sure why Gladys didn’t call Vicki or Matt. “Can I help
you?”
The woman turned to me and I raised my eyebrows at her. She
really was an attractive woman, but covered her face up with too much makeup.
She looked me up and down, obviously not threatened by my appearance at all.
“No.” She turned back to Gladys. “I just need a few minutes of his time.”
Gladys directed her answer to me. “I’ve told her several times
that Ryan is in a meeting, but she won’t leave. I’ve offered to take a message
and have him return her call, but she still won’t leave.”
“I need to discuss something with him in private.” She turned to
me. “With only him.”
“Well, if he’s in a meeting, Miss . . .” She shook her head, letting
me know she wasn’t about to tell me who she was. “Okay. We aren’t getting him
out of a meeting unless it’s an emergency.” She started to say something, but I
cut her off. “And clearly this isn’t an emergency.” I gave her the same disapproving
once-over she gave me. “Now I can try to help you or you can leave. Your
choice.”
She stepped really close to me and bent down to look directly in
my eyes. “You’re cute. I’ll give you that, but Ryan is who I need. You see,
you’re just not . . . equipped to handle this type of emergency.”