Authors: B.L. Mooney
I nodded. “I promised Ashley I’d come back tomorrow, but I’ll
look for my own place—”
“No! I mean, you don’t have to. We really love having you here
with us, and I know Hillary is happy you’re with us, too.” She wiped away one
tear and took a breath. “You’re an adult. If you want to look for another
place, it’s your right, and I won’t talk you out of it.”
“Vicki, please talk to me. Tell me what’s wrong. Why were you and
Matt fighting?” I stood there waiting for an answer, and she suddenly turned to
me, wrapping her arms around me.
“Ryan’s waiting for you. Go.” Vicki let go and looked at me.
“We’ll be fine and I’ll see you tomorrow at the office.” She walked over to the
door and turned back to me. “I don’t expect you to sleep on the sofa, but
please be careful.”
~*~
“So what do you think Matt blames Vicki for and who is
Avery?” I had just told Ryan everything over Chinese food, and he seemed almost
as stumped as I did. “That’s all you heard?”
“That’s all Ashley would let me hear. She dragged me upstairs the
second we heard them. Ashley won’t talk about it, and Vicki completely avoided
my direct question. They seem so happy all the time at work. I just never
thought I would hear them fighting like that.” I leaned my back against the
sofa and laid my head on the seat. A full day shopping with Ashley and then the
stress of house afterwards had worn me out. “I kind of thought you would know
about this Avery chick. Do you think Matt had an affair?”
“I don’t see it happening. He’s crazy about Vicki.” Ryan sat me
up so he could move behind me and started to massage my shoulders. I let out a
groan, and my head fell forward to give him more access to my shoulders and
neck.
“You’re too good to me.” His hands stilled for a second and I
lifted my head up. “What’s wrong?” When he didn’t answer, I turned to face him.
“What is it, Ryan?”
He hesitated, but his eyes never left mine. “I may have a lead.”
“A lead? For a new client?” I was confused for a moment.
“No, a lead in the school play.” Ryan’s obviously upset.
“I’m sorry. I don’t understand . . . wait. A lead, lead?” I turned
back around and leaned against his chest. “What kind of lead and why don’t you
seem happy about it?”
I could hear him swallow before he answered. “We may have found
the guy that dropped you off, but . . .”
“He isn’t my father.” I finished for him.
“No, he’s not.” Ryan wrapped his arms around me. “I didn’t know
if I should tell you or not, and then after what you went through tonight with
Ashley . . .”
“Thank you for telling me.” I hugged his arms back. “What else do
you know?”
“Not much. We’re looking at things, but it doesn’t look like your
parents were good people.” He squeezed me. “Are you okay?”
“I will be. I have the best parents in the world no matter who
conceived me. They love me no matter what, and if no one else can look past
what I came from, then I don’t need them, either.” I tried to get up, but he
held me down and wouldn’t let go.
“Becca, I love you no matter what, too. Just so you know, I don’t
care who we find. You’re still Becca, and I’ll just consider you lucky to be
away from them and me damned lucky to have you in my life.”
I didn’t realize just how much I was worried about his rejection
of me and my past if we found some unsavory characters. I had hoped to find
young parents that didn’t know what they were doing as kids or feared to find
parents that died and I’d never get to meet them. However, when faced with the
awful truth that my parents just didn’t want me or didn’t deserve to be parents
in the first place, I was having doubts that I should see this through.
“Have you told my mom?”
“She’s the one that told me I had to tell you. I didn’t want to
until we learned more about this person. I’m not even sure it’s the same guy,
but I hope to find out why he dropped you off without a word and left.”
“How old was I?” When he didn’t answer, I turned to look at him.
“How old, Ryan? A baby, a toddler, what?”
“They estimated you at four.”
“Estimated? I don’t even know how old I am?” I thought I at least
knew my birthday and my age. Now that was taken from me, too.
“Don’t do it, Becca. Don’t doubt yourself. I’ll celebrate every
day as if it were your birthday if you want, but don’t do what I know you’re
about to do.” He leaned over and grabbed my phone.
“What are you doing?” I tried to take it from him, but he held
both of my hands in one of his and continued messing with my phone. Once he
finished whatever he was doing, he put it to my ear.
“Hello.” My mom answered on the second ring.
“Mom?” It was all I could get out and all I needed to get out for
her to start giving me the same reassurances that Ryan did. I listened to my
mother in one ear and Ryan’s heartbeat in the other. No matter how badly this
turned out, I knew right then that I would still be loved by the only people
that should matter in my life.
I was exhausted from my night at Ryan’s. It wasn’t a
sweet exhaustion from spending the night in his arms as I wanted to. It was a
drained exhaustion from the shopping, fighting, and devastating news Ryan gave
me. What if I was a year older or a year younger? I wasn’t even sure if I
should celebrate the milestones for the year I think I was born. What if I
celebrate my thirtieth birthday when I’m really only twenty-nine or I’m really
thirty-one and missed it?
I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I was being ridiculous and
I knew it. That was still a few years away and maybe I’d get the answers before
then. It shouldn’t have been that big of a deal, but it was. It was my life and
I didn’t know the first thing about how it started. I closed my eyes and put my
head on my desk. It was going to be a long day, but feeling sorry for myself wasn’t
going to make it go any faster.
I picked up my office mail and started to sort through it. A card
caught my attention and I decided to open it first. It was an invitation. I
looked at the front of the card and couldn’t tell what the invitation was to.
There wasn’t any hint of babies or weddings. I hoped it wasn’t one of those
dreadful product parties where you were expected to sit through a horrible
presentation and buy something you really didn’t need. After I opened it, I had
wished it was an invitation to a product party.
Along with pictures of my shopping day with Ashley, there was a
strong message. “You are invited to go home. There’s no home for you here, and I’ll
never stop until you’re gone—one way or another. You aren’t as protected as you
think.”
I started shaking. I’d never been more scared in my entire life.
I couldn’t stop reading the message even though I wanted to. I kept trying to
picture different people saying these words to me. I tried to find one clue of
who it could be, but there was nothing. The only thing that stood out was they
clearly knew I was searching for my birth parents. I’d only told Ryan, and I didn’t
think he would have betrayed me like that.
Vicki came in and I hid the card under my leg. She narrowed her
eyes at me and shut the door. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I put the sketches on the table already.” I couldn’t
get up. When she didn’t move, I pointed to the table. “The sketches are over
there.”
“What are you hiding?”
“Nothing.”
“Then get the sketches.” Vicki crossed her arms and raised her
eyebrows when I didn’t move. “I think you’re forgetting that I’m a mother and I
can outwait you.”
“Maybe it’s a love note from Ryan.”
Vicki put her hands on her hips and thought about that for a
moment. “That must have been some note if you’re shaking like that.” She
pointed to my hands, and I quickly put them in my lap. Vicki sighed. “Is it a
love note from Ryan?”
I shook my head and handed over the card when she held her hand
out. “I got it in my mail today, and before you ask, I don’t have any idea who
sent it.”
“You are not moving out.”
“Vicki, this proves I have to move out. I can’t let anything
happen to Ashley.”
“And we can’t let anything happen to you.”
The entire morning was spent in Matt’s office with Vicki, Ryan,
and the police. They said they would get the security tapes to see if anyone
was following us at the mall that day. They also agreed with everyone else that
I shouldn’t move out on my own now. I just didn’t know how much longer I could
live with Vicki and Matt. It was already going to be hard on Ashley. The longer
I stayed, the more attached she and Vicki would get.
“Excuse me.” I got up and Ryan was by my side before I reached
the door. “I just need some air.”
“I’ll come with you.” Ryan put his hand on the doorknob and I
stopped him.
“Please, just let me go.”
“Rebecca, I’ll never let you go, but I will give you space.” He
opened the door for me as I kissed his cheek.
“Thank you. I won’t go far.” I heard Vicki protesting as Ryan
shut the door. I was so glad that Ryan was in my life. I didn’t know how I
would make it through any of this without him.
“I’ve been looking for you all over!” Stacy came running up
behind me. “What’s going on?”
“Not now, Stacy.” I pushed the elevator button.
Stacy got in with me and hit the stop button once the elevator
started and I backed up. “What’s wrong? I just want to talk to you and you’re
always with Ryan or Vicki.”
“We can talk when the elevator starts moving.” I reached for the
button and she grabbed my wrist.
“Why are you avoiding me?”
“Why would I talk to you? All you do is put me down and tell me
how I’m not good enough for Ryan.”
Stacy let go of my wrist and backed up, but still blocked the
button to start the elevator. “I’ve been trying to apologize to you for that.
I’m sorry. I was hurt you didn’t tell me that you were seeing each other.”
I crossed my arms and decided to be completely honest with Stacy.
“You do know how big your mouth is, right? I just didn’t want the entire office
to know about it.”
“I considered you my best friend. I would never have told anyone
anything you told me in confidence.” She leaned against the wall and crossed
her arms. “Never.”
I could tell that hurt her, but how was I supposed to take that
chance? “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you.”
“I’m sorry for everything I said about you. Can we try again? I
really miss you.”
“As long as there aren’t any more cracks about my looks or what a
prude I am.”
Stacy started laughing as she hit the elevator button. “You know
you’re gorgeous, and the way Ryan’s been walking around here lately, the last
thing I’d call you is a prude.”
The doors opened, and the police were there with guns drawn.
Stacy summed it up for the both of us. “Holy shit!”
“Is everything okay, Miss. Shultz?”
“Yes, everything is fine. It was just a little girl talk. That’s
all.”
“Rebecca!” Vicki shoved her way through and hugged me hard.
“Don’t you ever do that again!” She started crying. “I thought something was
happening to you.”
“What am I missing here?” Stacy looked completely shocked by the
scene that just unfolded.
I tried to pry Vicki off of me, but it was no use. Finally Matt
came over and turned her to him. He walked her to his office. Ryan came up next
to me, but didn’t say a word. I could tell he was upset, too, but at least he
held it in a little better than Vicki.
“Is someone going to tell me what the hell is going on?”
I turned to Ryan. “Stacy and I are going for lunch.”
“I’m coming, too.” Ryan stepped forward when Stacy rolled her
eyes. “Do you have a problem with that?”
“Yes, I do, Ryan. Just because you’re in a relationship doesn’t
mean you own her or her time.”
“Fuck you.”
“Name the time and place, big boy.”
“Enough!” I was at the end of my rope, and I couldn’t stand
listening to any more bickering. “If you want to be my boyfriend and you want
to be my best friend, you’ll need to learn how to get along because this right
now is bullshit! I have enough going on, and I don’t need to be the referee
between the two of you.” I left both of them standing there. I had to find the
space I tried to find an hour ago.
I found myself pulling up to the only place I’ve ever felt safe
and secure—the only place that had always welcomed me with open arms and open
hearts. I didn’t remember making the conscious decision to turn my car towards
the interstate or the three hours it took to get home, but that’s where my
quest for space ended—at my parents.
I probably should have told someone where I was going, but I
really didn’t know myself until I arrived. I was so engrossed in the latest
threat and what had happened this morning to pay any attention to what I was
doing. I picked up my cell phone and turned it on. There were voicemails and
texts that I didn’t want to see or respond to. Maybe it was childish to run
away. Maybe it was immature to shut them out. But before I went crazy, that’s
exactly what I had to do. I turned off my phone again and got out of the car.
I walked in as my mom was just hanging up the phone. She turned
and looked at me, but didn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell if she was upset
with me for my childish behavior and how I left or if she was happy I’d come
back home. “I told them you’re here. You look tired, baby. Do you want to lie
down before dinner?”
I nodded my head and went up to my room. Maybe when I woke up
everything would be back to normal and I’d find that this was all just a really
bad dream.
~*~
It’d been two weeks, and I loved helping mom out in the
bakery. I knew she loved having me here, too. I was so proud of her. Not only was
her business really taking off but she actually served a great cup of coffee: something
this town has needed since I’d been old enough to drink it. It might not have been
as fancy as what the big chains can dish out, but this was way more comforting.