Complete Works, Volume I (20 page)

FLORA
[
going over to him
]: I don't know why you're getting so excited about it. He's a quiet, harmless old man, going about his business. He's quite harmless.

EDWARD
: I didn't say he wasn't harmless. Of course he's harmless. How could he be other than harmless?

Fade out and silence.

FLORA’S
voice, far in the house, drawing nearer.

FLORA
[
off
]: Edward, where are you? Edward? Where are you, Edward?

She appears.

Edward?

Edward, what are you doing in the scullery?

EDWARD
[
looking through the scullery window
]: Doing?

FLORA
: I've been looking everywhere for you. I put up the canopy ages ago. I came back and you were nowhere to be seen. Have you been out?

EDWARD
: No.

FLORA
: Where have you been?

EDWARD
: Here.

FLORA
: I looked in your study. I even went into the attic.

EDWARD
[
tonelessly
]: What would I be doing in the attic?

FLORA
: I couldn't imagine what had happened to you. Do you know it's twelve o'clock?

EDWARD
: Is it?

FLORA
: I even went to the bottom of the garden, to see if you were in the toolshed.

EDWARD
[
tonelessly
]: What would I be doing in the toolshed?

FLORA
: You must have seen me in the garden. You can see through this window.

EDWARD
: Only part of the garden.

FLORA
: Yes.

EDWARD
: Only a corner of the garden. A very small corner.

FLORA
: What are you doing in here?

EDWARD
: Nothing. I was digging out some notes, that's all.

FLORA
: Notes?

EDWARD
: For my essay.

FLORA
: Which essay?

EDWARD
: My essay on space and time.

FLORA
: But . . . I've never . . . I don't know that one.

EDWARD
: You don't know it?

FLORA
: I thought you were writing one about the Belgian Congo.

EDWARD
: I've been engaged on the dimensionality and continuity of space . . . and time . . . for years.

FLORA
: And the Belgian Congo?

EDWARD
[
shortly
]: Never mind about the Belgian Congo.

[
Pause.
]

FLORA
: But you don't keep notes in the scullery.

EDWARD
: You'd be surprised. You'd be highly surprised.

FLORA
: Good Lord, what's that? Is that a bullock let loose? No. It's the matchseller! My goodness, you can see him . . . through the hedge. He looks bigger. Have you been watching him? He looks . . . like a bullock.

[
Pause.
]

Edward?

[
Pause
.]

[
Moving over to him.
] Are you coming outside? I've put up the canopy. You'll miss the best of the day. You can have an hour before lunch.

EDWARD
: I've no work to do this morning.

FLORA
: What about your essay? You don't intend to stay in the scullery all day, do you?

EDWARD
: Get out. Leave me alone.

[
A slight pause.
]

FLORA
: Really Edward. You've never spoken to me like that in all your life.

EDWARD
: Yes, I have.

FLORA
: Oh, Weddie. Beddie-Weddie . . .

EDWARD
: Do not call me that!

FLORA
: Your eyes are bloodshot.

EDWARD
: Damn it.

FLORA
: It's too dark in here to peer . . .

EDWARD
: Damn.

FLORA
: It's so bright outside.

EDWARD
: Damn.

FLORA
: And it's dark in here.

[
Pause.
]

EDWARD
: Christ blast it!

FLORA
: You're frightened of him.

EDWARD
: I'm not.

FLORA
: You're frightened of a poor old man. Why?

EDWARD
: I am not!

FLORA
: He's a poor, harmless old man.

EDWARD
: Aaah my eyes.

FLORA
: Let me bathe them.

EDWARD
: Keep away.

[
Pause
.]

[
Slowly.
] I want to speak to that man. I want to have a word with him.

[
Pause.
]

It's quite absurd, of course. I really can't tolerate something
so . . . absurd, right on my doorstep. I shall not tolerate it. He's sold nothing all morning. No one passed. Yes. A monk passed. A non-smoker. In a loose garment. It's quite obvious he was a non-smoker but still, the man made no effort. He made no effort to clinch a sale, to rid himself of one of his cursed boxes. His one chance, all morning, and he made no effort.

[
Pause.
]

I haven't wasted my time. I've hit, in fact, upon the truth. He's not a matchseller at all. The bastard isn't a matchseller at all. Curious I never realized that before. He's an impostor. I watched him very closely. He made no move towards the monk. As for the monk, the monk made no move towards him. The monk was moving along the lane. He didn't pause, or halt, or in any way alter his step. As for the matchseller—how ridiculous to go on calling him by that title. What a farce. No, there is something very false about that man. I intend to get to the bottom of it. I'll soon get rid of him. He can go and ply his trade somewhere else. Instead of standing like a bullock . . . a bullock, outside my back gate.

FLORA
: But if he isn't a matchseller, what is his trade?

EDWARD
: We'll soon find out.

FLORA
: You're going out to speak to him?

EDWARD
: Certainly not! Go out to
him
? Certainly . . . not. I'll invite him in here. Into my study. Then we'll . . . get to the bottom of it.

FLORA
: Why don't you call the police and have him removed?

He laughs. Pause.

Why don't you call the police, Edward? You could say he was a public nuisance. Although I . . . I can't say I find him a nuisance.

EDWARD
: Call him in.

FLORA
: Me?

EDWARD
: Go out and call him in.

FLORA
: Are you serious?

[
Pause.
]

Edward, I could call the police. Or even the vicar.

EDWARD
: Go and get him.

She goes out. Silence.

EDWARD
waits.

FLORA
[
in the garden
]: Good morning.

[
Pause.
]

We haven't met. I live in this house here. My husband and I.

[
Pause
]

I wonder if you could . . . would you care for a cup of tea?

[
Pause.
]

Or a glass of lemon? It must be so dry, standing here.

[
Pause.
]

Would you like to come inside for a little while? It's much cooler. There's something we'd very much like to . . . tell you, that will benefit you. Could you spare a few moments? We won't keep you long.

[
Pause.
]

Might I buy your tray of matches, do you think? We've run out, completely, and we always keep a very large stock. It happens that way, doesn't it? Well, we can discuss it inside. Do come. This way. Ah now, do come. Our house is full of curios, you know. My husband's been rather a collector. We have goose for lunch. Do you care for goose?

She moves to the gate.

Come and have lunch with us. This way. That's . . . right. May I take your arm? There's a good deal of
nettle
inside the gate. [
The
MATCHSELLER
appears.
] Here. This way. Mind now. Isn't it beautiful weather? It's the longest day of the year today.

[
Pause.
]

That's honeysuckle. And that's convolvulus. There's clematis. And do you see that plant by the conservatory? That's japonica.

Silence. She enters the study.

FLORA
: He's here.

EDWARD
: I know.

FLORA
: He's in the hall.

EDWARD
: I know he's here. I can smell him.

FLORA
: Smell him?

EDWARD
: I smelt him when he came under my window. Can't you smell the house now?

FLORA
: What are you going to do with him, Edward? You won't be rough with him in any way? He's very old. I'm not sure if he can hear, or even see. And he's wearing the oldest—

EDWARD
: I don't want to know what he's wearing.

FLORA
: But you'll see for yourself in a minute, if you speak to him.

EDWARD
: I shall.

[
Slight pause.
]

FLORA
: He's an old man. You won't . . . be rough with him?

EDWARD
: If he's so old, why doesn't he seek shelter . . . from the storm?

FLORA
: But there's no storm. It's summer, the longest day . . .

EDWARD
: There was a storm, last week. A summer storm. He stood without moving, while it raged about him.

FLORA
: When was this?

EDWARD
: He remained quite still, while it thundered all about him.

[
Pause.
]

FLORA
: Edward . . . are you sure it's wise to bother about all this?

EDWARD
: Tell him to come in.

FLORA
: I . . .

EDWARD
: Now.

She goes and collects the
MATCHSELLER
.

FLORA
: Hullo. Would you like to go in? I won't be long. Up these stairs here.

[
Pause.
]

You can have some sherry before lunch.

[
Pause.
]

Shall I take your tray? No. Very well, take it with you.

Just . . . up those stairs. The door at the . . .

[
She watches him move.
]

the door . . .

[
Pause.
]

the door at the top. I'll join you . . . later. [
She goes out.
]

The
MATCHSELLER
stands on the threshold of the study.

EDWARD
[
cheerfully
]: Here I am. Where are you?

[
Pause.
]

Don't stand out there, old chap. Come into my study. [
He rises
.] Come in.

The
MATCHSELLER
enters.

That's right. Mind how you go. That's . . . it. Now. make yourself comfortable. Thought you might like some refreshment, on a day like this. Sit down, old man. What will you have? Sherry? Or what about a double scotch? Eh?

[
Pause.
]

I entertain the villagers annually, as a matter of fact. I'm not the squire, but they look upon me with some regard. Don't believe we've got a squire here any more, actually. Don't know what became of him. Nice old man he was. Great chess-player, as I remember. Three daughters. The pride of the county. Flaming red hair. Alice was the eldest. Sit yourself down, old chap. Eunice I think was number
two. The youngest one was the best of the bunch. Sally. No, no, wait a minute, no, it wasn't Sally, it was . . . Fanny. Fanny. A flower. You must be a stranger here. Unless you lived here once, went on a long voyage and have lately returned. Do you know the district?

[
Pause.
]

Now, now, you mustn't . . . stand about like that. Take a seat. Which one would you prefer? We have a great variety, as you see. Can't stand uniformity. Like different seats, different backs. Often when I’m working, you know, I draw up one chair, scribble a few lines, put it by, draw up another, sit back, ponder, put it by . . . [
absently
] . . . sit back . . . put it by . . .

[
Pause.
]

I write theological and philosophical essays . . .

[
Pause.
]

Now and again I jot down a few observations on certain tropical phenomena—not from the same standpoint, of course. [
Silent pause.
] Yes. Africa, now. Africa's always been my happy hunting ground. Fascinating country. Do you know it? I get the impression that you've . . . been around a bit. Do you by any chance know the Membunza Mountains? Great range south of Katambaloo. French Equatorial Africa, if my memory serves me right. Most extraordinary diversity of flora and fauna. Especially fauna. I understand in the Gobi Desert you can come across some very strange sights. Never been there myself. Studied the maps though. Fascinating things, maps.

[
Pause.
]

Do you live in the village? I don't often go down, of course. Or are you passing through? On your way to another part of the country? Well, I can tell you, in my opinion you won't find many prettier parts than here. We win the first prize regularly, you know, the best kept village in the area. Sit down.

[
Pause
.]

I say, can you hear me?

[
Pause.
]

I said, I say, can you hear me?

[
Pause
.]