Complete Works, Volume I (3 page)

STANLEY
. Oh yes I do.

MEG
. What?

STANLEY
. Fried bread.

MEG
. He knew.

STANLEY
. What a wonderful surprise.

MEG
. You didn't expect that, did you?

STANLEY
. I bloody well didn't.

PETEY
(
rising
). Well, I'm off.

MEG
. You going back to work?

PETEY
. Yes.

MEG
. Your tea! You haven't had your tea!

PETEY
. That's all right. No time now.

MEG
. I've got it made inside.

PETEY
. No, never mind. See you later. Ta-ta, Stan.

STANLEY
. Ta-ta.

PETEY
exits, left.

Tch, tch, tch, tch.

MEG
(
defensively
). What do you mean?

STANLEY
. You're a bad wife.

MEG
. I'm not. Who said I am?

STANLEY
. Not to make your husband a cup of tea. Terrible.

MEG
. He knows I'm not a bad wife.

STANLEY
. Giving him sour milk instead.

MEG
. It wasn't sour.

STANLEY
. Disgraceful.

MEG
. You mind your own business, anyway. (
STANLEY
eats.
) You won't find many better wives than me, I can tell you. I keep a very nice house and I keep it clean.

STANLEY
. Whoo!

MEG
. Yes! And this house is very well known, for a very good boarding house for visitors.

STANLEY
. Visitors? Do you know how many visitors you've had since I've been here?

MEG
. How many?

STANLEY
. One.

MEG
. Who?

STANLEY
. Me! I'm your visitor.

MEG
. You're a liar. This house is on the list.

STANLEY
. I bet it is.

MEG
. I know it is.

He pushes his plate away and picks up the paper.

Was it nice?

STANLEY
. What?

MEG
. The fried bread.

STANLEY
. Succulent.

MEG
. You shouldn't say that word.

STANLEY
. What word?

MEG
. That word you said.

STANLEY
. What, succulent—?

MEG
. Don't say it!

STANLEY
. What's the matter with it?

MEG
. You shouldn't say that word to a married woman.

STANLEY
. Is that a fact?

MEG
. Yes.

STANLEY
. Well, I never knew that.

MEG
. Well, it's true.

STANLEY
. Who told you that?

MEG
. Never you mind.

STANLEY
. Well, if I can't say it to a married woman who can I say it to?

MEG
. You're bad.

STANLEY
. What about some tea?

MEG
. Do you want some tea? (
STANLEY
reads the paper.
) Say please.

STANLEY
. Please.

MEG
. Say sorry first.

STANLEY
. Sorry first.

MEG
. No. Just sorry.

STANLEY
. Just sorry!

MEG
. You deserve the strap.

STANLEY
. Don't do that!

She takes his plate and ruffles his hair as she passes.
STANLEY
exclaims and throws her arm away. She goes into the kitchen. He rubs his eyes under his glasses and picks up the paper. She enters.

I brought the pot in.

STANLEY
(
absently
). I don't know what I'd do without you.

MEG
. You don't deserve it though.

STANLEY
. Why not?

MEG
(
pouring the tea, coyly
). Go on. Calling me that.

STANLEY
. How long has that tea been in the pot?

MEG
. It's good tea. Good strong tea.

STANLEY
. This isn't tea. It's gravy!

MEG
. It's not.

STANLEY
. Get out of it. You succulent old washing bag.

MEG
. I am not! And it isn't your place to tell me if I am!

STANLEY
. And it isn't your place to come into a man's bedroom and—wake him up.

MEG
. Stanny! Don't you like your cup of tea of a morning—the one I bring you?

STANLEY
. I can't drink this muck. Didn't anyone ever tell you to warm the pot, at least?

MEG
. That's good strong tea, that's all.

STANLEY
(
putting his head in his hands
). Oh God, I'm tired.

Silence,
MEG
goes to the sideboard, collects a duster, and vaguely dusts the room, watching him. She comes to the table and dusts it.

Not the bloody table!

Pause.

MEG
. Stan?

STANLEY
. What?

MEG
(
shyly
). Am I really succulent?

STANLEY
. Oh, you are. I'd rather have you than a cold in the nose any day.

MEG
. You're just saying that.

STANLEY
(
violently
). Look, why don't you get this place cleared up! It's a pigsty. And another thing, what about my room? It needs sweeping. It needs papering. I need a new room!

MEG
(
sensual, stroking his arm
). Oh, Stan, that's a lovely room. I've had some lovely afternoons in that room.

He recoils from her hand in disgust, stands and exits quickly by the door on the left. She collects his cup and the teapot and takes them to the hatch shelf. The street door slams.
STANLEY
returns.

MEG
. Is the sun shining? (
He crosses to the window, takes a cigarette and matches from his pyjama jacket, and lights his cigarette.
) What are you smoking?

STANLEY
. A cigarette.

MEG
. Are you going to give me one?

STANLEY
. No.

MEG
. I like cigarettes. (
He stands at the window, smoking. She crosses behind him and tickles the back of his neck.
) Tickle, tickle.

STANLEY
(
pushing her
). Get away from me.

MEG
. Are you going out?

STANLEY
. Not with you.

MEG
. But I'm going shopping in a minute.

STANLEY
. Go.

MEG
. You'll be lonely, all by yourself.

STANLEY
. Will I?

MEG
. Without your old Meg. I've got to get things in for the two gentlemen.

A pause.
STANLEY
slowly raises his head. He speaks without turning.

STANLEY
. What two gentlemen?

MEG
. I'm expecting visitors.

He turns.

STANLEY
. What?

MEG
. You didn't know that, did you?

STANLEY
. What are you talking about?

MEG
. Two gentlemen asked Petey if they could come and stay for a couple of nights. I'm expecting them. (
She picks up the duster and begins to wipe the cloth on the table.
)

STANLEY
. I don't believe it

MEG
. It's true.

STANLEY
(
moving to her
). You're saying it on purpose.

MEG
. Petey told me this morning.

STANLEY
(
grinding his cigarette
). When was this? When did he see them?

MEG
. Last night.

STANLEY
. Who are they?

MEG
. I don't know.

STANLEY
. Didn't he tell you their names?

MEG
. No.

STANLEY
(
pacing the room
). Here? They wanted to come here?

MEG
. Yes, they did. (
She takes the curlers out of her hair.
)

STANLEY
. Why?

MEG
. This house is on the
list.

STANLEY
. But who are they?

MEG
. You'll see when they come.

STANLEY
(
decisively
). They won't come.

MEG
. Why not?

STANLEY
(
quickly
). I tell you they won't come. Why didn't they come last night, if they were coming?

MEG
. Perhaps they couldn't find the place in the dark. It's not easy to find in the dark.

STANLEY
. They won't come. Someone's taking the Michael. Forget all about it. It's a false alarm. A false alarm. (
He sits at the table.
) Where's my tea?

MEG
. I took it away. You didn't want it.

STANLEY
. What do you mean, you took it away?

MEG
. I took it away.

STANLEY
. What did you take it away for?

MEG
. You didn't want it!

STANLEY
. Who said I didn't want it?

MEG
. You did!

STANLEY
. Who gave you the right to take away my tea?

MEG
. You wouldn't drink it.

STANLEY
stares at her.

STANLEY
(
quietly
). Who do you think you're talking to?

MEG
(
uncertainly
). What?

STANLEY
. Come here.

MEG
. What do you mean?

STANLEY
. Come over here.

MEG
. No.

STANLEY
. I want to ask you something. (
MEG
fidgets nervously. She does not go to him.
) Come on. (
Pause.
) All right. I can ask it from here just as well. (
Deliberately.
) Tell me, Mrs Boles, when you address yourself to me, do you ever ask yourself who exactly you are talking to? Eh?

Silence. He groans, his trunk falls forward, his head falls into his hands.

MEG
(
in a small voice
). Didn't you enjoy your breakfast, Stan? (
She approaches the table.
) Stan? When are you going to play the piano again? (
STANLEY
grunts
.) Like you used to? (
STANLEY
grunts.
) I used to like watching you play the piano. When are you going to play it again?

STANLEY
. I can't, can I?

MEG
. Why not?

STANLEY
. I haven't got a piano, have I?

MEG
. No, I meant like when you were working. That piano.

STANLEY
. Go and do your shopping.

MEG
. But you wouldn't have to go away if you got a job, would you? You could play the piano on the pier.

He looks at her, then speaks airily.

STANLEY
. I've . . . er . . . I've been offered a job, as a matter of fact.

MEG
. What?

STANLEY
. Yes. I'm considering a job at the moment.

MEG
. You're not.

STANLEY
. A good one, too. A night club. In Berlin.

MEG
. Berlin?

STANLEY
. Berlin. A night club. Playing the piano. A fabulous salary. And all found.

MEG
. How long for?

STANLEY
. We don't stay in Berlin. Then we go to Athens.

MEG
. How long for?

STANLEY
. Yes. Then we pay a flying visit to . . . er . . . whatsisname. . . .

MEG
. Where?

STANLEY
. Constantinople. Zagreb. Vladivostock. It's a round the world tour.

MEG
(
sitting at the table
). Have you played the piano in those places before?

STANLEY
. Played the piano? I've played the piano all over the world. All over the country. (
Pause.
) I once gave a concert.

MEG
. A concert?

STANLEY
(
reflectively
). Yes. It was a good one, too. They were all there that night. Every single one of them. It was a great success. Yes. A concert. At Lower Edmonton.

MEG
. What did you wear?

STANLEY
(
to himself
). I had a unique touch. Absolutely unique. They came up to me. They came up to me and said they
were grateful. Champagne we had that night, the lot. (
Pause.
) My father nearly came down to hear me. Well, I dropped him a card anyway. But I don't think he could make it. No, I—I lost the address, that was it. (
Pause.
) Yes. Lower Edmonton. Then after that, you know what they did? They carved me up. Carved me up. It was all arranged, it was all worked out. My next concert. Somewhere else it was. In winter. I went down there to play. Then, when I got there, the hall was closed, the place was shuttered up, not even a caretaker. They'd locked it up. (
Takes off his glasses and wipes them on his pyjama jacket
.) A fast one. They pulled a fast one. I'd like to know who was responsible for that. (
Bitterly
.) All right, Jack, I can take a tip. They want me to crawl down on my bended knees. Well I can take a tip . . . any day of the week. (
He replaces his glasses, then looks at
MEG
.) Look at her. You're just an old piece of rock cake, aren't you? (
He rises and leans across the table to her.
) That's what you are, aren't you?