CORAL - Forever (A Romance Trilogy, Book 3) (44 page)

“No, I don't.” He firmly tells me.

I slowly blow the breath out I’d been holding in relief. “Then
why would she say that?” I query.

“Because back then, I did need it,” he admits.

I frown back at him. “I...I don't understand?”

Tristan stands, and sits next to me on the sofa. “You’re
still here,” he says, looking down at our entwined fingers.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” I say incredulously.

“With your past, with everything you’ve been through, your associations
with men, sex...” He trails off. “I thought you might walk out on me, end the
relationship,” he adds.

“Tristan, I told you before and I’ll tell you again. I’m a
lot stronger than I look.” He turns and gazes at me like I’m the air that he
breathes; it makes my heart swell with love for him. “So why don't you tell me
all about it,” I softly add, even though I feel like I’m in a state of panic!

“You’re not worried?” He asks.
Deep breathes...deep
breathes...

I swallow hard. “No, not worried. If you say you don't need
it then I have no need to be worried, but I am curious,” I whisper, staring
back at him with wide eyes.

Tristan nods once then begins. “My life was very stressful
when I knew Olivia, in all honesty, looking back on it, she was probably the
one stressing me out,” he laughs sardonically then sighs.

“I was still practising law, and I always had high profile
cases, so to win or lose was a huge deal, not just for me but for the company
too. Quite honestly, I think I’d taken on too much, I should have pulled out of
taking the cases on and concentrated on the business, but I enjoyed being in
court, I wasn’t ready to give it up. So, with trying to grow the business,
building a property portfolio, looking after my folks, working ridiculous
hours, and dealing with Olivia, I was...overloaded. Olivia was the one that
introduced it to me, I’d never done anything like that before, she had, and I
found it very....de-stressing.” Tristan stops and gazes at me.
Fuck!

“Any questions so far?” He asks. I shake my head at him.
Yes,
millions!

“I’m not a dominant by nature Coral, I don't crave control
like most dominants do, and I’ve never had that kind of relationship with
anyone else, just Olivia. Yes, I’m an alpha-male, I know that about myself, but
it was more...” Tristan sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “Coral, I
never realised it before, but Olivia pulled the strings in our relationship –
outside the bedroom I mean – she was the dominant one, whatever she wanted, she
got, like I said to you, I was blind. That’s why I love our relationship so
much, we’re balanced, equals. I don't try to control you, because I don't want
or need to, and you don't try to control me either, and I love it, I feel very
settled with you, very secure.” Tristan smiles warmly at me, and gently strokes
my cheek.

“Coral, all that kinky shit means nothing if you don't feel
like you have a connection with that person.” He tells me firmly.

“You didn’t feel connected to Olivia?” I say, trying to keep
my voice steady.

“Sometimes...rarely.” He laughs, then gently scoots forward
and takes my face in his hands. “I have never felt so connected to a woman as I
do with you.”

“Oh...” I swallow hard. “Do you want to do that with me?” I
have stopped breathing.

“I don't need to do that with you if that’s what you’re
asking. What I had with them, all of the other women I ever dated, pales in comparison
to what we have.”

My mind is whizzing! I get a sudden flashback. We had just
arrived here, we’d made love, and he was about to tell me something important,
but he stopped because my belly groaned – I must admit, I was hungry! – I
haven’t pushed him to tell me since, which I normally would have done. I wonder
if this is what he wanted to tell me? Then I remember something else,
something, quite frankly, I’m shocked I’ve forgotten about. It shocked me when
he said it, but I guess I’ve been having such a good time, it hasn’t crossed my
mind.

‘I should put you over my knee for that’

I swallow hard. “Is this what you were going to tell me when
we arrived here?”

“Yes. Coral, when you said you wanted to talk about
fantasies...” Tristan shakes his head a couple of times. “It shocked me, but it
also pleased me too, but I...” He breaks off again.

“So when you said ‘I should put you over my knee for that’ –
“Yeah...I’m sorry about that, it kind of slipped out,” he says, frowning
deeply. “I could see the shock on your face, and I was furious with myself for
letting it slip out, but then I felt all those old feelings come back, what it
feels like to...well, to do those kind of things, it turns me on Coral. And I
couldn’t help visualising and thinking how I would feel if I did do those
things with you.”

“Oh...” Is all I can manage right now.

Tristan swallows hard. “I want you to know me Coral, inside
out, all of me. I’ve been battling with it since I met you, whether or not to
tell you. Please tell me I’ve done the right thing here and that I’m not going
to lose you?”

I stare back at Tristan, seeing him in a completely
different light.

Holy Fuck!

Tristan Freeman – My future husband – Is a dominant!

HOW
IN THE HELL DID I NOT SEE THIS?
Holy mother of God!
I suddenly
get it. Everything falls into place. I’ve seen dominant Tristan before, it was
staring me in the face when I first met him in reception that day. And the day after
I met him and we went to Munchies, then that restaurant for lunch, he had a
certain look in his eyes then, a certain aura.

I remember it made me squirm in my seat, I was that
uncomfortable. It was like he could see right through me, like he was thinking
about what I looked like naked, how I would be as a lover, and what he would do
to me as my lover -I’m melting again! –
Crap!
I just thought he was an
intense kind of guy, with a very intense look – but obviously not!

That’s why Olivia said what she said, because of what they
used to do. Then I remember what I said to him earlier on the beach while we
were having lunch, that he was every woman’s fantasy, that he was about to be
chatted up. I thought he was just being shy, but he was just avoiding the
conversation.

Then I get another flashback. When we arrived here and we
were teasing one another, and I threw that pillow at him, he had the same look
in his eyes then –
Holy crap!

Then I get another flashback. It was ages ago, when we were
taking a bath together. Tristan was questioning me about my sex life, what I
had and hadn’t done, he’d mentioned domination then –
Fuck! –
How could
I have not seen this? How could I have been so blind? I swallow hard, then
knock back the rest of the brandy in one go, but I think I need another?

“Coral?” Tristan takes my hand and squeezes it tight. “You’re
killing me over here, what are you thinking?” He says, throwing my words back
at me.

I swallow hard again. “I just...” I shake my head. “Ok, this
is going to sound stupid, but I thought men that like domination are...you
know, fuck ups with major issues? And you don't seem like that to me?” Tristan
starts smiling at me. “You’re laughing at me?” I choke, he instantly loses the
grin. “You know I’m not too impressed you’ve kept this from me!” I bark, my
temper rising.

“If I’d have told you when we met, you never would have seen
me again,” he softly says.

“Entrapment!” I blurt, getting to my feet.

“Is that how you feel?” He asks. “Like I’ve trapped you?”

“Well I’m not going to leave you,” I squeak. “It’s too late
for that, I’m too in-love with you to leave!” With shaking legs, I walk over to
the mini-bar and pour another brandy, almost missing the glass because my hands
are shaking so badly, I take a big gulp. “So what exactly does this mean
Tristan? You wanna do all kinds of weird, horrible things to me?” I ask, my voice
shaking, giving me away.

“No baby, no weird horrible things.” Tristan is instantly to
his feet, takes the brandy off me and wraps his big strong arms around me,
squeezing me so tight, it’s almost painful. “I’m still the same man,” he says,
his voice shaking slightly.

I wrap my arms around his back and squeeze him tight –
Fuck!
Is he? Is he still the same man to me? I don't know?

“Tristan, I think I’m in shock. I just need some time to
process this, get my head round it,” I tremble.

He squeezes me even tighter. “You said you wanted to talk
about fantasies Coral. Would you prefer it if I had lied to you, not been
honest about what I like and don't like?”

“No, I just...I’m so inexperienced Tristan, and I’m scared,”
I tremble.

“Don't be frightened baby. I’ll say it again this does not
have to happen, any of it.” He squeezes me even tighter. “Sweet Jesus, I’m so
sorry Coral. I’ve been so worried about telling you. But when you did what you
did with that chocolate...” He breaks off and takes a deep breath. “It turned
me on so much I couldn’t think straight, I just wanted to get you back here. And
I knew I had no choice, that I had to tell you, I couldn’t avoid it any longer.
A part of me wanted to just let it go, never bring up the subject, but you are
one determined woman and I knew that one day you would ask me about it, and
that you’d see straight through me if I tried to hide the truth – What a fool I
am,” he adds, his tone sombre.

“You stupid bugger,” I blurt. “You scared me. I
thought....well I didn’t know what to think? You just went weird on me. Don't
ever do that to me again Tristan Freeman!”

“I won’t. I promise. Have I frightened you away Coral? Do
you want some time, we can hold back the wedding’ – I reach up and silence him
with my lips. Then I pull back and gaze up at him for the longest time. I can
see the trepidation in his eyes, it would kill him to lose me, but as I
continue to gaze up at his wide, worried eyes, I feel like I’m gazing right
into his very soul, and I can only see love – Yes, he’s still the same man, my
man – who’s looking desperately worried right now.

“Stop it,” I scold. “We are not holding anything back.
Despite what you’ve told me, I still want you Tristan. I still want to marry
you. I still want to spend the rest of my life with you. And you’re right, I
wouldn’t have let the subject go, because after Debs told me about Scott, I
realised for the first time I was just as much to blame for Justin running off
with Harriet as he was.

“I know they shouldn’t have done it the way they did, but
the point is, he never would have gone if I’d opened up to him, if we’d have
expressed ourselves sexually. I guess, I just didn’t feel secure enough with
him to do that, but with you I do, and I’m afraid Tristan, the last thing I
want is to lose you because I’m not satisfying you.” I take a deep cleansing
breath, surprised I just said all of that. “We just need to sit down and talk
it through,” I add.

Tristan looks so relieved I think he may cry. He crushes me
to him again. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“Stop saying you’re sorry,” I croak. “I understand you’re
apprehension and what you must have been feeling.”

Tristan kisses the top of my head several times. “So we’re
ok, for now?” he asks, still afraid, still hesitant.

“Yes,” I whisper, although I still feel apprehensive.

“Thank god,” he breathes, gently rocking me. “Oh baby,
you’re so strong, so beautiful and sweet.”

“Don't forget supportive and sexy,” I tease, trying to
lighten the mood.
Must be the booze!

I really should be in shock, and frightened stupid, I have
no idea what this means for our sex life! Tristan chuckles, but we stay like
that for a while, just holding one another.

“Hey,” I pull back and look up at him. “We’re going to talk
about this, and you’re going to be completely honest with me. But first, I’m
going to the bathroom and when I get back I expect a brandy waiting for me –
and a kiss,” I add, smiling up at him.

“Your wish, my command baby.” I reach up, peck him on the
lips then head to the en-suite.

I stand in front of the mirror, staring back at myself,
trying to wrap my head around it. I think Tristan thinks I’m a prude, and I’m
not. Ok, I’ve only ever slept with one other guy before him, but I’ve read
erotic novels and I must admit, there were certain things that turned me on, but
I knew it would never happen because I wouldn’t – no couldn’t – allow a man to
have control over me in the bedroom. It would be too much like my past, like
what they did to me when I was a kid – But I’m an adult now, a woman, with
wants and needs of my own.

Admittedly, if he’d said to me when we met
‘I like kinky
sex’
I’d have run a mile, but I know him now. I know who he is, and he’s a
good man, a kind man, and I know he would never, ever hurt me. Unless...unless
he does want to hurt me? That’s part of the whole dom-sub thing, I think?
Pleasure-Pain – I shake my head, I don't think I can do that. I swallow hard. He’s
told me it makes no difference, that it’s not something he needs, yet he’s
admitted that it really turns him on! I slap my hand to my mouth, trying to
fight off the nausea –
Oh God...Is this the end of us?

I blink back the tears, then stare at myself for the longest
time, trying to find some courage from somewhere – but honestly I’m bricking
it. Tristan may want to do...things that.....and if I can't, then how can I
ever say I am truly satisfying him? We would have to part ways, surely?

I blink back more tears –
Come on Coral!
– I take a
deep breath and narrow my eyes at myself.
The only way to find out is to go
talk to him!
I take a deep rasping breath, pull back my shoulders, and head
out the en-suite.

When I return, Tristan is sitting on the sofa with two
brandy’s in his hand. As I sit next to him, he leans forward – he’s still
hesitant, nervous – kisses me sweetly and hands me my glass.

“So I’ve thought about it,” I say, taking a good gulp. “And
I guess I’m mostly worried about, well...the whole pleasure, pain thing?” I
say, cringing inside.

Tristan’s one eyebrow cocks up in surprise. “Er...I never
did any of that,” he says.

I frown. “But I thought that’s what being a dominant is
about?”

“No baby, it’s about control,” he softly says, reaching up
and tucking my hair behind my ear.

“Oh? So you...well Olivia didn’t’ – “The only aspect Olivia
liked was the parts we played. The roles if you like, she submitted, and I was
the dominant.”

“For your pleasure only?” I ask, taking a sip of my Brandy.

“No, hers too.” I frown down at my glass. “She made a list
for me,” he continues. “She’d done this before, so she knew what she liked, it
was just a case of putting that into practice, mixing it up so she never knew
what was coming. For the dominant, well for me, it was a huge turn on because I
got to control her, well in the bedroom I was in control. As for the
submissive, well Olivia said she liked it because it gave her a sense of
freedom, a sense of release if you like, no decisions to be made, just doing
what you’re asked to do and getting rewarded for it – it really turned her on,”
he adds.

“So you never hurt her? Never bruised her?” I ask, keeping
my eyes downcast.

“Christ no!” He says, a little exasperated. “It wasn’t like
that Coral, it was all for pleasure. I would never do that to a woman, even if
she wanted me to. That’s too heavy for my liking.”

“But you wanted to spank me?” I whisper, trying to be brave.

“Not to cause pain Coral. I meant it in a fun, sexual way. Look,
spanking was part of it, yes, but only for pleasure baby.” I frown again trying
to understand it.

Then I remember that Justin slapped my ass once when we were
having sex and it freaked me out. I went mad at him –
Shit!

“Lots of men like that baby,” Tristan continues, echoing my
thoughts. “But it doesn’t have to be in a done in a dom-sub way, just two
people finding out what they like, what turns them on. And Olivia liked me
becoming a dominant in the bedroom.”

“And...um  spanking her turned you on?” I whisper, my voice
barely audible.

“Yes.” He tells me firmly.

I take a deep breath. “So, no weird painful stuff going on?”
I ask.

“No.” Tristan sighs. “Coral, Olivia was used to it, so some
things we did...well she’d like it rough...” Tristan sighs again. “I’m not
explaining myself very well. Look, as a for instance, Olivia liked to be
blindfolded, tied up, spanked, denied orgasm then fucked – hard. She found good
old regular sex to be...insignificant.” He tells me, his eyes wide and dark.

“You two never made love?” I squeak, totally shocked and
getting more of an idea of what their relationship was about. Tristan slowly
shakes his head at me. I can see the pain behind his eyes, the regret. “But you’re
so good at it?” I say, still mystified.

Tristan smiles crookedly at me. “Thank you baby.” He reaches
forward and softly strokes my cheek. “I guess, at the time I was ok with that,
but I have to admit, not long before we split, she started asking me to be
rougher with her, she wanted more pain, harder hits – that was definitely not
my scene!”
Holy fuck – kinky bitch!

I swallow hard. “What else did you do Tristan?”

“All sorts,” he says, his cheeks flushing red.

“Spill!” I order. Tristan smiles a little awkwardly, then
tells me a few more kinky things.

It’s all stuff I would imagine any couple would get up to as
they explore each other’s wants and needs. Role playing, toys, all that kind of
stuff – Nothing drastic, or painful, just a hell of a lot more than I’ve ever
done, I start to relax a little.

Ok, so maybe this isn’t such a big deal after all. What he’s
basically saying to me is Olivia liked to be controlled in the bedroom, that’s
how she got her kicks, and as for Tristan, well if she was always a bossy cow
with him, then I’m sure he did enjoy telling her what to do in the bedroom –
dominating her probably gave him a huge high!

I can't help the giggle that bursts from within me.
Tristan’s head whips round, I glance across at him, still giggling, and see his
mouth is open, his eyes wide.

“Coral!” He gasps.

“What?” I chuckle.

“You’re laughing!” He chokes, his intensity fading, his eyes
softening, the tension draining from his face.

“Oh Tristan,” I giggle. “It’s not that big a deal!” I add.

“Not a...” He breaks off, looking quite shocked I have to
say, then starts to shake his head. “You know, you never react the way I think
you’re going to,” he adds, a smile starting to creep across his face, his
dimples deepening.

“Sorry,” I chuckle. “But I just...when you told me you were
a dominant, I had the most awful scenarios go racing around my head, but what
you’re basically saying to me, is the two of you experimented with what you
liked.” I take a deep breath and continue. “I may not have had much experience
Tristan, but I have read some erotica, some of it turned me on, and some of it
revolted me, but I know everyone is different and likes different things.
Either way, I didn’t really give it much thought because I never imagined I
would be able to do anything like that with a guy because of my...issues,” I
say, the laughter fading. “But I’m willing to try, with you,” I say. “Well
depending on what you want to try that is,” I add with sarcasm.