“Oh, don’t stop! Don’t stop, please!” she gasped. The most fantastic orgasm was so damn close! She exploded, her legs gripping his waist, her arms probably choking him, though at that moment she didn’t care.
“Ah, Lily! Gods!” he cried out, plunging in to the hilt, his body pinning hers to the wall as he surged in ecstasy.
For several moments they stood, panting in each other’s arms. She opened her eyes and found him staring at her, all her doubts, shame, and guilt reflected in the blue eyes holding hers.
“By the Spirit, what have I done?” he murmured.
Simultaneously they broke apart, Crag adjusting his trousers and tunic and Lily fixing her dress.
Her heart still pumped wildly and her hands shook. By the Gods, what kind of a person was she? Her husband was dead, her daughter might be dying, and she’d just fucked a Knight-in-training who should have been tending to his duties in the longhouse!
“I’m so sorry.” He reached for her, but she stepped away.
“It was as much my fault as it was yours,” she said. “Please, can we pretend this didn’t happen?”
Anger sparked his eyes and he looked about to protest. Finally he nodded. “Of course. That would be best.”
He walked across the shed and picked up a sack of flour, swinging it over one of his broad shoulders. “Lily, please don’t think my behavior is a reflection on the Ruby Order or their beliefs. I—“
“Don’t worry. This slut won’t think any less of your Order.”
“You’re no slut.”
“What kind of a woman would do what I just did?”
“What kind of a man would have taken advantage of you.”
“I’m not a child! I wanted it as much as you!”
“Don’t be so sure about that. I wanted it badly.”
“So did I,” she admitted, “but we can’t do it again. It was—“
“Wrong. That’s why I’m sorry.”
“And it never happened.”
“Lily—“
“Never!”
For a moment, they held each other’s eyes before Lily said, “Coral needs the flour back at the house.”
Crag nodded, the fire in his eyes fading to dullness again as they stepped out of the shed and back to the real, dreary world they’d been delivered from for such a painfully short time.
Vina
died exactly one week after arriving in
Tanek
. Though Lily lived through that final day like a blurry nightmare, she later remembered it clearly.
When she awoke in the morning,
Vina’s
fever had soared higher than the night before. What worried Lily most was that she didn’t cry. She made no sound for most of the morning.
When Crag stopped to examine her, he didn’t say much, but Lily knew when he didn’t bother administering the herbs that her trip to
Tanek
had been a waste. Lily didn’t cry. She didn’t speak. Between her chores, Coral joined Lily’s vigil. She sat with her and tried talking a bit at first, then took her friend’s hand in silence.
In fairness to Crag, he spent more time with
Vina
than usual. There were times when Lily knew he could have slipped away for a meal or some rest, but sat with them instead. He held
Vina
when she died. Lily panicked when her breathing became difficult and thrust her into his arms. He used a mixture of Eucalyptus to aid her breathing, but both mother and healer knew it wasn’t congestion.
Lily stared as
Vina
grew silent and still in his arms. After a moment, he passed her to Lily and murmured, “I’m sorry.”
She nodded, but couldn’t speak. Tears stole her voice as she buried her face in
Vina’s
blankets and cried. She felt Coral’s arm around her, felt Crag’s touch on her hair, but she couldn’t look at either of them.
She wasn’t sure how much time passed, but she finally allowed Coral to take
Vina’s
body to prepare for burial. Once they were gone, Lily sat, numb, for several moments before she stood and ran out of the longhouse, leaping over people, buckets, and trunks.
Crag had just reached the doorway, two full buckets in his hands. She shoved him out of her way, causing the water to drench his tunic and boots. He muttered a curse then called to her, but she didn’t want to speak to him or anyone. She wanted to be alone because that’s exactly what she was. Completely alone with no living connections to the family she’d once had.
* * * * *
Vina
was buried the following day along with several other villagers who’d died of disease or battle wounds. Coral stood with Lily, and she felt grateful for her friend's support.
Crag didn’t attend the funeral. A new group of villagers had arrived that morning, keeping him busy inside.
Sir Rain approached her after the funeral. “My condolences, Lily.”
She nodded, her eyes hot and dry. She hadn’t cried since those first moments after
Vina’s
death. What was the point? Tears did no good.
“Will you be staying with us?” Rain asked.
“I have nowhere else to go, but if you want me to leave, I understand.”
“You’re more than welcome here.” The Knight bowed from the neck. “Coral and the other women said you’ve been helpful in the longhouse. We need as many healthy workers as we can get, and if you decide not to settle here permanently, I’ll put in a word for you with the leader of our Order. We’ll find a place for you in our fortress.”
“Thank you, Sir Rain. You’ve been kind to me from the first.”
“I can always sense a good woman.” He placed a hand on her shoulder. “Again, I’m very sorry.”
“Thank you.”
Inside the longhouse, Lily joined Coral and the other women in baking bread. She wrapped a kerchief around her head, rolled up her sleeves, and kneaded a soft heap of dough. Others conversed around her, but all she thought of was
Vina
. Several times she looked over her shoulder, thinking she had to check on her. Then she’d remember and blink back tears.
“Looks like we might have seen the last of the winter storms,” Coral observed.
“I hope so,” remarked a gray-haired woman beside her. “My bones ache so terribly in the cold. Crag gave me a salve which helps, though.”
“He’s a good enough healer,” said the last woman in their circle, a middle-aged redhead with a plump face even more freckled than Coral’s. “Even if he is
Zaltanian
.”
Lily’s gaze shot up. “
Zaltanian
?”
“I heard that rumor,” Coral stated. “Lily said he was a warrior.”
“Oh yes,” said the redhead, “A captain in the
Zaltanian
army.”
Lily flung the dough hard on the wooden table and punched it with all her strength.
Zaltanian
! “That bastard! What the hell is he doing here if he’s
Zaltanian
?”
“He’s no longer
Zaltanian
.” Coral’s eyes opened wide. “He’s of the Ruby Order. They’re a kingdom in themselves.”
“Once a
Zaltanian
, always a
Zaltanian
!” Lily turned from the table, her eyes searching the room for Crag.
He stood examining a woman’s arm and didn’t see Lily approach.
Crag was far too tall for her to reach his head, so she punched him in the back even harder than she’d punched the bread. He grunted and spun around, pressing a hand to his lower back.
“What the hell are you, mad?” he snapped.
“
Zaltanian
pig!” Lily sensed everyone’s eyes upon her, but she didn’t care. Her pulse pounded and she trembled with utter rage.
Zaltana
had ruined her life, and she’d been sharing quarters with one, had even placed her daughter in his care! Lily didn’t think about how sick
Vina
had been, or that Crag had never set foot in her village during the attack, since he’d already begun his training for the Order. He was still a
Zaltanian
bastard, and she’d even given him her body! Oh, they both pretended it had never happened, but she’d still been soiled by the filthy, murdering savage! She ranted, “No wonder why you’re a lousy healer! Your kind is only good for killing! So eager to go to the front lines, are you? Want to get back to your own people and away from sick babies. You probably let
Vina
die! You probably poisoned her! And what you did with me! You perverted bastard!”
The woman Crag had been examining leapt fearfully from her chair and stood a safe distance away, cradling her injured arm. Lily picked up the chair and flung it at Crag. He lifted his arms to block the blow, and the chair dropped to the floor, raising a cloud of dirt and dust.
“Will you calm down!” Crag's voice was just shy of a bellow.
“Murderer!” she screamed, flying at him with clawed fingers. He grasped her wrists and cursed as her knee jabbed him between the legs. He held her so tightly she couldn’t move no matter how hard she struggled, yet his grasp wasn’t painful. His arms were warm, strong, and comforting – just as they’d been when they’d made love in the storage house. Against her will, Lily relaxed enough to completely give in to her grief. It really wasn’t Crag Lily was furious at, but everyone involved in the bloody war. She was angry at life and at fate. She choked on tears and sobbed, “
Zaltanian
bastard. Why can’t I hate you? Why can’t I?”
His grip loosened, but didn’t release her. His fingers threaded her hair as he held her close to his chest. She wasn’t sure how long they sat there, but eventually her crying ceased, and she heard the rhythm of his heartbeat against her cheek and felt the comforting rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. His fingers were warm and gentle on her hair. She sat up, her face hot and her eyes stinging. She pushed away from him, too ashamed to meet his gaze, and left the house.
At the well, she hauled up water to wash her face, then stood outside until she shivered from the cold. At least she felt more in control of herself. Completely foolish, but in control.
When she walked back inside, several people looked her way, but no one except Coral mentioned the incident. She approached and asked if Lily was all right.
“I will be. I should never have attacked him like that.”
Coral smiled slightly and shook her head. “You’re not the first. Few knew he was a warrior before joining the Order, but almost everyone knows he’s from
Zaltana
, and there are others who’ve confronted him for the same reason.”
Lily felt a bit guilty. Though Crag had committed his share of violence for his homeland, he’d done his best to help
Vina
, of that she was certain. And he worked as hard as anyone in
Tanek
. Every kingdom had soldiers who fought, and no one here had the right to blame him for performing his duty, particularly after all he’d done for the settlement.
As she returned to baking, she looked for Crag. He was involved with his patients, and if he glanced at her at all, she didn’t see. But she remembered. She remembered the feeling of his arms around her. For the first time in months, she’d felt as if someone cared for her suffering, though he probably didn’t. He’d just wanted to shut her up before she caused trouble for the entire house. By watching him subdue the man who’d attacked him days ago, and according to Coral, he was accustomed to quieting madmen – and madwomen.
Nearly an hour later, Lily was gathering dirty bandages to be boiled when Sir Wood strode into the longhouse.
“Good news, Crag,” said the Knight, stooping beside the apprentice healer and watching as he applied salve to a man’s burned back.
“Sir?” Crag spoke softly, his eyes focused on his work.
“Two apprentices from the small settlement just north of here will be joining us on the morrow.”
Crag’s gaze shot up, and he sighed. “It’s about time…Sir.”
“That was the good news.” Wood offered a sad smile. “The bad news is, all the ill from the settlement will be moved here. Word has come from the Order that it will be safer to merge the smaller settlements with the larger ones. That way the guards will be more centrally located.”
“But if the same healers are coming with their same charges, what real difference will it make to us?” Crag asked. “The work will be the same for us all.”
Sir Wood shrugged. “Work something out. Cover one another’s shifts.”
“Sir, now we have over two hundred people in this settlement alone, many who need constant care. It’s impossible to—“
“Nothing’s impossible, Crag,” Sir Wood stated. “Not to the Ruby Order. You’ll do well not to forget that.”
Crag nodded. “Sir, now that you’re here, I was wondering if you could take over for me for a couple of hours? I could use some fresh air and washing.”
Sir Wood shook his head. “Not right now, Crag. I have to get a couple of hours sleep. Rain needs me to help with guard duty tonight.”
“Guard duty? But there are many guards around the settlement.”
“Rain’s sent most of them north to move the villagers here. Give me a few hours, then I’ll relieve you before I start guard duty.”
Sir Wood crossed the room and disappeared behind the leather curtain. Lily glanced at Crag who stared straight ahead for several moments, looking like a stunned deer who’d just been shot by a hunter’s arrow.