Crossings: A Sovereign Guardians Novel (15 page)

"Guys, we're ready to go," Granger's voice broke the building tension between us.

Keller's head jerked up. The look on his face was a mixture of relief and regret. "Did you find the guy?"

"I described him to some of the people, but he's definitely not here now. No one I talked to has ever seen him around here."

Granger's gaze turned towards me.

"I also talked to Faith. She said I have to make sure we call her if Pagan needs any help, but I assured her it was simply a bad headache and that we'd get you home safely, Pagan. She told me to tell you 'she told you so,' which I don't know what that means, but she assured me you would."

Faith's remarks that both Granger and Keller were interested in me ran through my mind. I didn't know what to think anymore, but I knew I was glad they were both here, for now, for whatever reason.

Granger's arm slipped around one side of my waist and Keller's arm held onto the other side. Somehow I managed to walk out of the club looking relatively normal even though I felt anything but myself.

The fresh air outside seemed to help more than anything, and I was able to actually walk more or less on my own instead of having to be carried. It also helped having them both still supporting me.

When we stopped, I recognized the vehicle in front of us as Keller's. Somehow I managed to climb in the back seat. I briefly wondered if my short dress was giving off a view I'd regret later.

I stretched out across the long bench seat and closed my eyes. There was the sound of a door opening and closing, and then a jacket was placed under my head like a pillow and another one was draped over me like a blanket. I was pretty sure it wouldn't be much longer until I fell asleep. The rocking motion of the truck once it started moving would probably put me under. My head was still pounding, but it wasn't nearly as bad now that I was away from the club and the music. Knowing I was safe eased much of the tension I had been carrying with me.

I could hear Granger and Keller talking as the truck began to move.

"Is she out of it yet?"

Everything still sounded strange to me like noises under water, but I knew it was Keller's voice that asked the question even though my eyes were closed. Keller was driving, so it made sense he'd need Granger to check on me.

I started to answer and tell him I was still awake, but it felt like too much effort now to make myself talk. I was safe in the back seat of the truck and away from that creep at the club. That was all that mattered.

I must have looked asleep, though, because I heard Granger respond, "She's out."

"From what I can tell, I don't think what he gave her will do any permanent damage. It seems to be more of a sedative than anything else - not that it wouldn't have been enough to do whatever he had planned."

There was a noise that sounded like a fist hitting against the steering wheel of the truck. "I can't believe neither of us noticed that guy until it was almost too late. We should always be able to tell what's going on with her."

Keller sounded frustrated, but I noticed Granger did too when he shot back, "Don't yell at me, Keller. I'm as confused by all of this as you are. Our shields work on everyone else in this town. They see what we want them to see, hear what we want them to hear, act how we want them to act, but it doesn't work all the time on her. It's hit or miss, and that doesn't make sense. Somehow that day she sensed I was doing something to McNeely to make him leave us alone. She shouldn't have known anything was wrong. She should've felt perfectly content at that moment, but instead she was furious with me. It's been a struggle to get her to trust me since then. So, don't get mad at me when I don't know what's going on either."

"I'm sorry. I'm just frustrated about tonight." Keller's voice was a fierce whisper in the small confines of the truck. "We're her guardians, and keeping her safe until her eighteenth birthday is our assignment. It's going to be a lot harder than we thought if we can't even keep her safe on her first night out of a small town. If my ability to shield didn't work so well on everyone else, I'd think my stupid ring was broken.

Keller's voice softened as he added, "Celestial power is not what it's cracked up to be."

Granger's voice was calmer now too, joking. "You sound like that ring is something you got out of a prize machine inside some plastic egg. But I know what you mean. I've wondered the same thing about my chain. When I tried it on McNeely, though, it worked fine, and it works consistently with everyone else. Everyone except Pagan."

"It's the same for me," Keller agreed. "When I'm around Ms. Ellie or Mr. Mac, I don't have any problems. The shield leaves them calm, they trust me, they never ask questions. It's only her. From that first day at the funeral, she wasn't calmed at all by anything I did. There has to be a reason. It's got to be something logical that we're just missing.”

Keller sighed. “Maybe you need to go back and forth more. We knew the power would grow weaker the longer one of us stayed away. Transferring the energy from the chain to the ring may not be working any longer."

"If that were true," Granger remarked, "then it would be that way all the time, but as you've already pointed out, the shield works with everyone else."

I must have blacked out for a minute because when I came to the conversation made even less sense as Granger said, "The night she died, you know she should have crossed over."

The night who died? What were they talking about?

I wanted to open my eyes, to let them know I was listening, but the conversation was so strange. I had to be dreaming.

Keller's voice was thoughtful. "You're right. That could be the difference. Maybe crossing over and then coming back did more than make her a target. Maybe it changed her very essence. I don't know, and there's no precedence for it. She's definitely unique."

"Pagan's the only person we've ever guarded who already has a claim on her soul," Granger interjected. "We have no idea what the rules are this time, Keller. This is not one of our normal assignments."

I wondered if Keller could hear the frustration in his voice, if he realized how much this conversation was upsetting Granger, even if it didn't make any sense to me.

"Keller, you know what we do on a normal basis. We stand at Crossings, accept the souls, and send them to the next destination. Sure, sometimes we intervene, but it's always been something simple, never this complicated. But this? This mixed-up situation we've been sent to correct? I mean, really, who knows what the rules are? And how can we figure out the rules when we don't even know who the players are any more."

"Are you
sure
she's still out?" Keller asked again.

Granger must have nodded because I didn't hear his answer.

"Do you think that guy at the club was simply bad luck, or do you think he was a retriever?"

"Oh, he was definitely a retriever. The vibrations I felt running the perimeter of the area after he left were nothing but pure evil. I don't know what he used to cloak his presence when we were inside the club, but whatever it was, it fooled both of us and that's hard to do. He must have been in a huge hurry to leave to not take the same precautions later."

Granger's voice took on a hard edge as he continued. "Everyone I talked to was clueless. No one there had ever seen the man I described. Then when I tried to track him outside, there was nothing. He'd vanished."

I heard Granger shift in his seat. My eyes were starting to feel less weighted, and I opened them enough so I could see, but something made me remain quiet. Granger was facing Keller, and the look on his face was serious, not the usual happy-go-lucky expression he wore at school.

"Look, Keller. We don't have a lot of time. If we haven't figured this out before she turns eighteen, there's the possibility she'll go with them no matter what we try to do. Her father made a deal the night she was born. It was her soul in exchange for her mother's. We don't have the power to undo that if the deadline comes before we've figured it all out."

Keller punched the gas harder, as the truck surged forward.

"Do you think I don't know that? Look, I get that you're worried. I'm worried, too, but you haven't been here as long as I have. I know this family now. I've been working with them and practically living with them. You come and go. You have another family. Your life hasn't become here. Don't act like I don't know what's important or that we have deadlines. I haven't forgotten what our mission is, Granger."

"You volunteered to come here." Granger's voice was flat. He sounded like they'd had this argument a thousand times before.

"You didn't."

"No, I didn't. And you aren't ever going to let me forget that, are you? But I volunteered later. I came because you were here. I came because you're my best friend. I'd never let you do this alone, and I think you know that."

Keller’s shoulders sagged. His eyes moved off the road for a brief moment to look at Granger.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm only upset because she got hurt tonight even though we were both there. Let's just get her home and get her inside before Ms. Ellie knows anything. Thank the stars shielding works on her. That old sweetie won't remember any of this, and that's definitely going to be in our favor."

The truck was slowing down, and I felt the familiar crunch of gravel underneath the tires. We were home. My eyes grew heavy again, and for awhile I knew nothing else.

The sound of the truck's door closing brought me out of my deep sleep. Another door opened, and the next thing I knew, Keller was climbing into the back of the truck with me. I didn't know where Granger was, but he was no longer sitting up front. Keller was with me, though. His hands were gently lifting my neck, and he rearranged the jacket into a pillow again before placing it and the back of my head across his legs.

"Hey," he whispered to me.

It was dark and hard to see away from all the city lights, but the moon bathed him in a soft glow.

"Hey, yourself," I whispered back, pleased to see I could form words again.

There was something I should be asking him, something that wasn't right, but I couldn't remember what. I dreamed something, and he was in my dream. It seemed important, like I needed to remember.

Keller's fingers reached around and pulled my hair free from the band holding it. I could feel the weight of my loose hair cascading around my face, and then I felt his hands carefully moving through the strands. The motion felt familiar. Soothing. Wonderful.

His touch was gentle, and every so often I could feel the cold circle of silver he wore on his finger rub against my temple. I remembered how it felt when he had kissed me the last time we were alone.

I felt so relaxed, so at ease, I had to bite my lip to stop myself from saying things I'd regret.

"So beautiful," he whispered, and then he leaned over and his lips grazed my temple.

My hand reached out and touched the side of his face, forcing him to look at me.

"What are you doing?"

His voice was full of regret when he answered. "Helping you forget."

Then the lids of my eyes became too heavy to keep open. I had so many questions, but I knew they'd have to wait.

But the biggest question I had wasn't for Keller at all.

It was for myself.

Why did I want nothing more than to stay this way, with him, forever?

Chapter Seven

The sun was hot on my face when I opened my eyes. I tried to pull my blanket up over my head, but it was hopelessly tangled at my feet. I managed to roll over in bed and for a minute blissfully escape the bright light from my window. Unfortunately the motion also brought me face to face with the alarm clock on my nightstand. I threw my arms over my eyes in protest at the time that glared back at me.

How could it be past noon? There was no way I had slept until lunch, but the light pouring in through the window confirmed the time.

I never slept late.

Struggling to rise, I realized I must have sat up too quickly because blood rushed to my head, and for a second I felt dizzy.

I kicked at the blanket until I freed my feet and then tossed it to the end of the bed before sliding my legs over the side. I held onto the edge of the mattress for a minute longer to stop the spinning going on inside my head. The way I felt was proof that sleeping late was not a good idea. Thank heavens my regular mornings didn't start with me feeling this disoriented. I was about to stand up and go see where Gran was when I glanced down and saw my sundress in a crumpled heap on the floor.

Something wasn't right.

Why was my dress in a heap on the floor? I never left my clothes on the floor. Small flashes of memories shot through my brain.

Me getting ready.

Putting on my sundress.

Going somewhere last night and wearing that outfit.

My heart started racing in my chest. Why did the sight of that dress fill me with panic? Even worse, why couldn't I remember last night?

I scrambled out of the bed and bent to pick up the outfit in question. I could smell my perfume still clinging to the material, but I couldn't remember anything else. As I stood, still clinging to the dress, I caught sight of myself in the mirror.

I looked a mess.

My hair was down and was a curly disaster around my head. My eyes looked huge in my pale face. I was wearing an oversized T-shirt I'd bought once on a field trip to a frozen food factory that said,
Make Mac n' Cheese, Not War
. The bright yellow looked horrible with my hair but everyone in my group had bought the shirt, and it was one of the few times I'd gone along with the crowd. Other than that day, I'd never worn it and I found it hard to believe I'd put it on last night, even to wear to bed. Pulling at the offending shirt, I immediately realized I was also still wearing my bra. I never slept with it on.

My brow furrowed in concentration. Why was I able to remember in exact detail everything about a field trip that happened over three years ago, but I couldn't bring up a single detail about what happened to me last night?

What on earth had I done to forget an entire evening?

I collapsed back onto the edge of my bed. The dress fell from my fingertips, and I buried my head in my hands to clear my thoughts. Why couldn't I remember? What had I done?

A knock at the door made me jump.

"Pagan. May I come in?"

Gran's voice was loud and clear, and it gave me the energy to hurry across the room to open the door.

She didn't come inside but remained, instead, in the hall. I wouldn't have minded if she'd come into my room, but I'd noticed since I had moved permanently to Fairvue that she was careful not to invade my space. She seemed determined to give me as much privacy as I needed, almost like she was scared I would leave if I felt pushed. I knew that was something I needed to work on - convincing her that I wanted to be here more than any place in the world. This was home and where I belonged.

She didn't look angry with me, so I figured it was a good sign that whatever I'd done probably wasn't horrible and hadn't involved the police or waking her up in the middle of the night to drag me up the stairs and into bed.

Her blue eyes traveled to my bright yellow sleep shirt, but she didn't say anything about how awful I knew I must look.

"Did you need something, Gran?" I hoped my voice sounded normal, and then I wondered why I didn't think it would.

"I'm so glad to see you caught up on some much needed sleep. I thought I heard you moving around up here, and I wanted to see if you might want some brunch since you slept through breakfast." She said it as a fact rather than an accusation, and I breathed a little easier.

If Gran wasn't mad, then whatever I couldn't remember was probably not a big deal. Of course, not remembering was a big deal, but at least I knew the events weren't anything horrible.

Or at least as far as Gran knows
, a little voice nudged at the back of my mind.

"That sounds great," I nodded, partly to show my agreement and partly to clear my head. "Just whatever, Gran. I'm not that hungry, and I don't want you to go to any trouble."

"You're never any trouble, Pagan."

"Gran," I stopped her as she started to turn away. "About last night - "

Her voice cut in before I could finish.

"I feel so bad about that," she said shaking her head back and forth. "I promised you I'd wait up for you until you got home, and then I fell asleep not long after you left. You know I worry about you, but I was so tired. I don’t know what was wrong with me. Don't take that as a sign that I don't care."

"Uh, no, Gran, really," I interjected. "That was fine."

Of course I didn't remember her not being awake when I got home, but it sounded fine so I decided to go with it.

"I never had anyone waiting up for me at boarding school, so it's not a big deal."

Her mouth turned down a little, and I realized my mistake.

"I didn't mean it like that. I knew you loved me, even back then. Let's just not talk about that right now, okay?"

She nodded and I hurried on.

"What I wanted to know was, and this is probably going to sound crazy, but, uhm, where did I go last night?"

"You don't remember the name of the place?"

I shook my head deciding that it was good she'd misunderstood my question. Not remembering the name of where I went made me seem a lot less crazy than totally not remembering at all where I'd gone. If she knew the name, then it might help jog my memory.

"I'm afraid I don't know the name of it either. I just know when I saw Faith this morning at the grocery store, she told me what a wonderful time you all had."

She reached out and patted me on the arm and assured me my food would be ready soon before disappearing down the stairs.

At least I had one piece of information I hadn't know earlier. Whatever I'd done last night, I'd been with Faith. That should have reassured me, but knowing Faith, I wasn't so sure.

I tried hard to really think about the evening, and for a second a vision of Faith and me riding somewhere with Summer and Marilyn popped into my brain. In the memory I was wearing my sundress, so that part was hopefully really a memory and not something I was making up.

I decided to keep wearing my sleep shirt until after breakfast. It still took me a moment to run my fingers through my tangles and brush my teeth before I was able to go downstairs. I wouldn't be able to enjoy my meal until I talked to Faith. I grabbed the phone off the wall and quickly dialed her now familiar number.

It rang three times before Faith answered.

"Hey!" Faith's cheerful voice greeted me.

"Hey, Faith. Gran told me she saw you out and about this morning."

Faith giggled. "Yeah, I ran into her in the frozen foods. I was dying for some birthday cake ice cream."

"For breakfast?"

"That's the same reaction I got from your grandmother."

My laughter mingled with Faith's, relieving some of my tension. I was working on how to ask her the question I knew would sound strange even to Faith, when she saved me the trouble.

"So, it was fun going out dancing last night."

"Yeah, it was great," I replied, wondering if it really had been or not.

"Summer and Marilyn thought you were a lot of fun, too. But, I hate you didn't feel well by the end of the evening. It was no problem getting your truck home for you either. I still had your keys in my purse from when you'd asked me to hold them."

Faith's voice rambled on, explaining much of what I obviously didn't remember, leaving me feeling somewhat relieved but also totally confused about what would make me forget the night.

"I let Summer drive my car," Faith added, "and I drove your wonderful piece of machinery home. I left the keys under the floor mat, by the way. I hope it was okay that I left it out in the drive instead of the barn. We didn't want to be too loud last night and take a chance on waking Ms. Ellie. Did you take anything for your headache once you got home?"

That was yet another thing I didn't remember.

Thank goodness Faith had thought to get the truck back to my house. The headache she mentioned must be what had caused my problems. I probably came straight in and took something, but apparently I took way too much of whatever it was. That was a little scary, but it made sense. At least I knew from Faith's voice I hadn't done anything stupid or crazy while we were out to cause my sudden lapse in memory.

"I, uhm, well, it's kind of fuzzy."

"I imagine so with as late as you slept this morning. You probably still have morning brain fog even though it's lunch time. I couldn't believe it when Ms. Ellie said you were still asleep. Of course, it's good to get sleep while you can. With finals coming up, it'll be late night cram sessions for all of us this week."

My fingers played with the cord on the phone, winding and unwinding it as we talked.

"Yep, it's not like me to sleep late, that's for sure, but you're probably right about needing extra while we can get it."

Gran was motioning for me that my food was ready. I let Faith know I needed to go, and we quickly said our goodbyes and wished each other luck with getting all our studying done.

I still didn't feel great about last night, but the explanation I'd pieced together after talking to both Gran and Faith was really the only one that made sense. I must have taken some medicine that wiped me out. I'd try and figure out later what exactly I had taken so I would never take it again. The bottle was probably still somewhere in my room. It was only as I walked into the kitchen to join Gran that I realized something important.

I still didn't know how I had gotten home last night.

If I didn't drive my own truck and I wasn't with Faith, then how did I end up back at Fairvue?

Gran sat down with a plate of her own food across from me at the kitchen table. I looked around feeling a moment of peace. I had always loved this kitchen. The wood floors were the same oak stain which ran through the entire house. The cabinets were all wood except for one wall that was accented by glass doors in the top cabinets. A back staircase ran along one wall of the kitchen and up to the second floor bedrooms. In the corner was a fire place made from old stones taken from around the property.

It was more than just the design of the kitchen which made it my favorite room in the house.

There weren't a lot of good memories for me as a child, but the few I had revolved around this kitchen. Things like Gran cooking me late night snacks when I was home from school. Eating the strawberries I'd picked from Mr. Mac's garden at this table. The smell of chocolate chip cookies coming from the stove. Making snow cream, and eating the treat as we sat in the window seat piled with cushions and blankets. All of those things had happened here.

I sighed and Gran looked at me closely but didn't say anything. One more thing I loved about her. Like Faith, she didn't pry.

"Gran, I was thinking if you don't need me today I'll probably just spend most of my time studying since it's the last weekend before finals."

She nodded, before swallowing her coffee and agreed. "That will be fine, Pagan. I was worried you were going to feel like I was abandoning you today. Mac and I made plans to go visit a farmer's market, and then we thought we'd catch a bite to eat at a restaurant he wants me to try."

Something about the tone of her voice made me stop eating, and I took a moment to really look at her. Was she blushing?

"Gran, do you have a thing going with Mr. Mac?"

When she didn't answer but the rose color in her cheeks grew deeper, I knew I was right.

"Oh my word! You do!"

I jumped up and gave her a tight hug. "I'm so excited about this, Gran."

"I can tell," she managed to say but it sounded muffled where I had her in my tight grip. She hugged me back before shooing me back to my seat.

As I sat back down, she was smiling at me, and there was a definite twinkle in her eyes. With the extra bit of color still in her cheeks, she looked ten years younger.

She didn't say any more but instead pushed back her chair and stood to gather up the dishes. I took a few more quick bites while she continued to clean up the leftovers. I didn't want to push her because she never pried in my life, but I was dying to have details.

There was the clatter of dishes in the sink and the opening and shutting of the refrigerator door before she finally dropped the dish towel she was holding and sat it on the kitchen counter before facing me.