Crossings: A Sovereign Guardians Novel (17 page)

He shook his head and sighed. "If I call you by your name you get upset with me. If I call you an endearment, you get upset with me. It's been like that since day one with you. You are so hard to please."

His gaze was smoldering, and he bit his bottom lip before adding, "Oh my, but, you are distracting me. So, do let's get back to the original question I asked before I decide talking is a very bad idea and that we should do something much more enjoyable with our time."

If I ever knew how to talk, I had suddenly forgotten. Keller’s words, his look, his very touch left me speechless. Why did this always happen to me when he was around?

He arched one eyebrow as he looked at me, obviously surprised that for once I had nothing to say.

"So, let's try this again. What do you remember about last night, sweetheart?"

There was something there I should remember, but I couldn't piece it all together. I just knew it, but the feel of Keller's hand on my waist was distracting me. The metal of his ring, pressed into my side, but it wasn't unpleasant, just a light pressure. His eyes held mine as he waited for my answer. Then he dropped his other hand from my face, and moved it back down to circle my back.

"I, uhm, I don't remember anything," I confessed. "I thought maybe you were with me last night. For some reason it seems like we were around each other. I talked to Faith on the phone this morning. She said we went dancing, but it's all a big blank, and that scares me a little." I watched his face closely for any reaction, but he didn't show any sign that he knew what I was talking about.

"Did you go dancing last night?"

I didn't know what I expected him to say next. Did I think he would give me some huge revelation about the night? Did I think he had secrets that he had come by the house to share with me once Gran was gone? Maybe a video he took on his phone of me acting like an idiot in public or something worse?

His head shook slightly before his hands slipped from my waist, and he took a step back.

I felt cold without his arms around me.

"No," he replied slowly, and now he was the one avoiding my gaze. "I talked to some of Faith's friends this morning, that's all. They were texting people about some new club you all apparently went to without inviting the rest of the lunch bunch." He smiled like it was a joke, but somehow I got the impression he really didn't think it was funny.

"Did they say anything about me?" I held my breath waiting to hear the worst.

He shrugged. "Not to me. Should they have said something?"

I shook my head, hoping it was true. "No, I, uhm, well, it was my first time to meet some of Faith's friends. I hoped they liked me was all." Thank heavens I had come up with at least that much of the night on my own.

Keller grinned then, his true grin, and I had to grip the edge of my dresser to stop myself from swaying towards him. What that boy could do with just a smile was really not fair to the opposite sex.

His words were teasing and low when he drawled out slowly, "What on earth is there not to like about you, angel?"

Before I could say another word, he was walking away and headed for my bedroom door.

"Wait!" I shouted after him. I couldn't believe I finally had him almost out of my room, and I was calling him back. Had I lost my mind? A hysterical giggle bubbled up inside me as I realized the truth. I had lost my mind, only this morning, as a matter of fact.

Keller turned to face me.

My voice was a little unsteady as I asked, "What did you want? You never really said the real reason why you were here?"

He looked at me, shaking his head slowly from side to side.

"Ya know, it's the craziest thing really, but I can't remember." Keller gave me a conspiratorial wink and then added, "I hate it when that happens."

I ran over to my bed, grabbed the biggest pillow I owned and threw it at his quickly retreating form. His loud burst of laughter followed him down the stairs.

A nice Southern girl would have said something polite if a guest were leaving, but I wasn't that girl.

The slam of my bedroom door was the only goodbye I gave him.

Chapter Eight

After my strange morning and then my argument with Keller, I could hardly think, much less study. There was also all the worry I had about the night I couldn't remember and who had brought me home. I needed to get out of the house, but I didn't want to drive anywhere because that involved using gas in the truck, which involved using Gran's money, and I didn't want to cost her any more than I already did.

That left me with one option for getting out of the house - going for a walk in the woods.

It took me very little time to take a quick shower and then redo my hair into a long braid down the center of my back. I slipped on a pair of jean shorts and a blue, cotton shirt.

Still full of nervous energy, I practically ran down the stairs. The weather outside was warm so I didn't need a jacket, but I did need some bug spray before heading out into the woods. In a cabinet inside the laundry room I found some wipes which claimed to keep away all pests. I checked the box to see if a picture of Keller was printed on the side.

No such luck.

Thinking mean and vicious thoughts about my visitor, I rubbed the offending smelling lotion around my ankles and wrists, wishing I could rub the constant smirk off Keller's face just as easily. My blue Keds were sitting in the entry hall, and I slipped them on before heading out the back door towards the woods.

The forest around Fairvue had several different paths. At one point they'd been logging roads, but when they were no longer used in that capacity, the roads became trails for riding four wheelers or for simply exploring. I decided to take a path off to the right of the house. It was a different trail than the one I took as my shortcut over to the school. With any luck this one would take me away from all people and any signs of civilization.

I felt a restless need to lose myself in the woods. Not literally, of course, but I did want to escape. Maybe I was simply stalling so I wouldn't have to study. It was just that whenever Keller was around, I came away feeling completely confused. I always felt like he was hiding some secret from me. Like that little smirk on his face wasn't because he thought he was so funny but because he knew something I didn't.

It drove me insane.

He drove me insane.

The afternoon we had kissed was never far from my thoughts, but even the way he handled the days after that was different than I imagined anyone else would have. It was like we agreed to never mention it, and that alone would make it like it never happened. It was unsettling how much he could make me feel with a look, a smile, or even a small touch. He constantly confused me. Just like earlier, he claimed he didn't know why he'd stopped by the house or that he only came in because he was worried when I didn't answer the door. Well, I didn't believe him.

Hopefully a walk outside would clear my head from all thoughts of Keller Jones.

The minute I stepped down the path and away from the house, I could feel myself start to calm down. It never made sense to me that I loved the woods as much as I did. Spending most of my time at boarding school hadn't given me tons of outdoor experiences with hiking.

The need to escape was the only explanation I could come up with.

Even as I thought it, I knew it sounded lame, like some poetic excuse for running away, but it was all I had so it worked for me. It was honestly the same reason I walked the path back and forth from school each day rather than driving or taking the rides Faith offered. I felt like I was hidden from the world when I was in the woods. Today I wanted to hide, but I also wanted to walk off the nervous energy that was inside of me.

Finals were looming over me. I needed to concentrate and study, but Keller's visit to my room had put me out of sorts. Combined with a night completely forgotten, a night I felt like he knew something about even if he pretended he didn't, my world was too out of kilter to think about studying.

Continuing down the trail, a noise came from behind me. I froze, trying to stay as quiet as I could. I turned slowly and saw a fawn standing close to its mother. The white spots on its fur stood out against the brown camouflage coloring. Another small head peered out from behind the mother's body, and I realized with a start that the doe had twins. They were beautiful. I wondered how long I would be able to watch them before she caught my scent and hurried them off to safety.

It didn't take long.

The doe's head lifted. Her ears twitched slightly and with a swish of her tail, the white showing as she ran, she signaled for her young to follow. The three disappeared into the woods and were swallowed up by matching shades of browns and grays.

Tears came to my eyes. I angrily wiped the back of my hand across them. What was wrong with me? Why would seeing a mother and her young make me want to cry?

I hurried down the path, my sense of peace leaving me as quickly as it had come. I walked faster hoping to chase away my thoughts, but I couldn't.

Always there, in the back of my mind, was how different my life might have been had my mother lived. What must it be like to have a mother to protect you? A mother to love you and look out for you? Even animals in the forest had that. Why wasn't I given that chance?

I sighed. Thinking this way would get me nowhere. Life was not a game of what ifs or wishes. Life was real. Unchangeable. Unforgiving. Unstoppable.

Of course, my life hadn't been all bad. So what if I hadn't grown up with parents who loved me? I had Gran and a home, and now I even had friends. So why did I always feel like deep down something was missing? I could never shake the feeling that if my life were a puzzle, there was more than one missing piece.

The snap of a twig didn't frighten me this time. I looked around hoping to catch another glimpse of the fawns, but I didn't see them. As my eyes adjusted to the light, awareness washed over me that something wasn't right. I could feel goose bumps rising on my skin, a condition I feared was starting to become a common phenomenon with me. The woods which had given me comfort earlier now seemed full of malice. I moved closer to the large trunk of a nearby oak tree, hiding from whatever was out there, watching.

Even the birds were silent. The wind felt heavy, unmoving. My instincts screamed at me not to move. Fear knotted in my stomach when I heard the rustle of leaves crunching under unseen feet.

Whatever was making the sound was close.

I leaned out from my temporary hiding place so I could try and see without being seen by whatever was out there.

There was nothing in sight - not a bird or even a squirrel. But I felt eyes watching me.

I was being hunted.

Another sound.

Another twig snapped.

This time the sound was closer.
Right behind me
.

Thousands of years of survival instinct came to the surface. A voice screamed in my head to run.

It took me less than a second to obey. I had never moved as fast as I did in that moment, my legs pumping hard, feet flying down the trail I had followed into the woods, trying to find my way out and back to safety.

I tried looking back over my shoulder as I ran, but I tripped and nearly fell on a root sticking out of the ground. From that point on I was forced to keep my eyes focused straight ahead.

The pounding of footsteps was close behind me, coming harder, making me run faster. The clearing to Fairvue was just up ahead. If I could make it the house, if I could lock the door behind me and call the police, then maybe I would have a chance. I dared one last look as I ran. Something moved in the shadows of the trees.

I had to make it to the house.

I focused all my strength into moving, giving my legs the last bit of energy I had as I burst into the clearing and ran straight into Keller. I didn't have time to focus on how familiar this scene was starting to become. All I knew was he was here, and I wasn't alone any longer.

I half screamed, half sobbed his name. "Keller, help me, please!"

His grasp on me tightened. I wasn't sure if his grip was meant to stop me or steady us or both, but I didn't care. I flung myself into the circle of his arms, my body trembling uncontrollably. He hesitated only a second before pulling me close.

Strong hands pressed me to the length of him. I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't stop no matter how much he whispered for me to calm down. I was terrified, and I didn't know why, especially not when I was in his arms.

"Hey, sweetheart, calm down. I've got you."

I looked over my shoulder to warn him something was after me. He followed the direction of my gaze, and I felt the muscles in his arms stiffen. His fingers spread across my back as he asked, "Was something following you in the woods? Did you see something?"

Standing here with him now, with nothing rushing out at us, it all felt silly and imagined. I felt like when I was a scared little girl away at boarding school, knowing a monster was in my closet. But with no parents to call out to for help, I'd finally be brave enough to turn on the light, only to find the closet was empty.

There were no monsters then; there was nothing there now. There was nothing following me down the path. No boogie man chasing after me. Nothing coming from the woods now but the sounds and shadows of everything that belonged and nothing that didn't.

There had been nothing at the school that day either. My head moved back and forth in denial. My tear-stained eyes slowly lifted to confront Keller's own troubled gaze.

"No, I, uhm, I guess I was wrong. There's nothing there. I just...I just spooked myself, that's all. It seems to be something of a habit with me these days."

The circle of his arms moved lower down my back. I knew I should step away from him. The danger was gone. I could feel it.

But I didn't move.

And neither did he.

Keller's dark eyes stared into my own. His mouth opened and then closed as if he wanted to say something but didn't know what to say. His gaze roamed my face as his hands slid up to follow the same path, gently stroking my cheeks and then lower, down my neck and across my shoulders. I could barely breath, and this time, this time, it wasn't from fear.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Keller's voice was vibrant and husky and soothed me like a warm blanket. My eyes recognized the concern in his voice, his look, even in the way he held me. There was no smirk, no humor, none of his normal arrogance.

Who was he
? I wondered for the hundredth time since meeting him. Who was this boy that he could make me feel so confused and yet so whole all at the same time?

"Pagan?" his whispered plea begged me to respond.

"So I'm back to being just Pagan, again, huh?" I tried to joke, but my voice caught on a sob.

His hands pulled me closer, not hurting me, but letting me know he wasn't letting go. When he spoke, his voice was rough with unspoken emotion.

"Pagan, you are so many things to me. Don't you know that yet?"

His fingers reached out and grabbed my chin. He forced me to look at him. He shook his head like he couldn't believe this was happening. I could see it on his face; he was fighting a battle with himself, fighting against what we had both been trying to deny.

His gaze was warm and tender and fierce all at once as he ground out, "Yes, you're Pagan, but you're
my
Pagan. You are
my
dear,
my
sweetheart,
my
darling girl, but most of all," his lips lowered, inches away from my own, his breath feather soft against my face as he finished fiercely, "most of all, Pagan,
you are mine
."

His lips seared against my own in one violent motion. The shock of his kiss was sudden and electric. The rush of emotions, explosive. There was heat and sweetness and warmth and more.

So much more.

Need, blatant and pure, racked my very soul. Keller grabbed me, and I melted into him. His hands moved to my shoulders and then lower as he molded my willing body against his as if he'd never let me go. I kissed him back with an abandon I would have never thought possible.

His kisses moved from my mouth down to my neck and then back to my face as if he wanted to explore each area he had yet to touch. My hands moved to the back of his head, tangling in the softness of his hair.

I wanted him to keep touching me, yet now, only touching wasn't enough. Greedily I wanted to explore his skin. I loosened my hold long enough to pull away, but when I did he misunderstood, and he looked at me with eyes full of questions.

"Are you sure about this?" he asked me gently, and I knew what it must have cost him to ask, but he needed to know and I needed to answer.

I nodded, unsure if my voice would work, and then without regret made the decision to let my actions speak louder than any words ever could.

I pulled him back to me and held him close.

No space.

I wanted no space between us. His lips understood what I wanted even without my words. His kisses moved from the side of my face, caressing, exploring, then lower down my neck and finally to the hollow of my throat.

The moan that escaped me only encouraged him, and for the moment I forgot my need to explore his own skin as his hands slid further down my back and curved around the edge of my hips. His fingers skirted the edge of my shirt and then slid underneath to touch the bare skin of my back, before making their newest exploration across the front. Feather-like touches caressed my stomach and then moved boldly up.