Grinning at her,
I ran a finger over Scarlet’s soft hair as everyone fell silent again. I walked
around the room, bouncing gently and singing
Wagon Wheel
. Even with my
crappy voice, the baby gurgled happily at me.
Nearby, Tawny was
less amused. “The minute I got married, people started bugging us about when we
were having a baby. Like we couldn’t be happy together and enjoy being
newlyweds without needing a kid. What’s the rush?”
Farah frowned at
Tawny who rolled her eyes. “Not that there’s anything wrong with starting right
away,” she said then glanced at Maddy and Lark who watched me. “Or before.
That’s the thing. There’s no right way. Babies can come whenever or not at all.
It doesn’t mean you’re doing something right by following someone else’s
schedule.”
“So do you want
kids?” Maddy asked, holding a glass while Lark sipped tea.
“Yeah, sure. Not
now. I’m eighteen and still figuring out my problems. I can’t be in charge of
someone else. Having Judd and Farah and you guys is all the family I need right
now. One day, we’ll give kids a try. Or not. Maybe we’ll just decide not to and
that should be okay.”
Maddy had Farah
sip the tea then she set the glass on the table. Sitting down next to Bailey,
she smiled.
“I love being a
mom, but I’m not planning on doing it again for a long time.”
Bailey snorted.
“Did you tell Tuck that, so he won’t mess with your pills again?”
“Yeah. I made
him promise not to screw with my shit again. I told him I want to focus on
Scarlet and make her as happy as possible. I would worry about her being
lonely, but Farah and Lark are preggers. I know she’ll grow up with cousins
close to her in age. Plus, I’m thinking about starting a daycare in a year or
so when we’re settled into a house. I love kids and I want to make money too.
That way, I’m not just living off Tuck.” Pausing, she glanced quickly at Bailey
who was resting her head on Maddy’s shoulder. “I know some people think I’m
with Tuck because of his money. They think I wanted the baby for the same
reason. I would probably think that too about another girl in my situation.
It’s not that way though. I love Tuck. I know he’s dumb as shit and loud and
rough, but he’s also smart sometimes. He’s sweet too. When I got the flu back
when we were dating, he brought me soup and crackers and cleaned up my puke.
How many guys would do that shit for a chick they were banging? Not many, but
Tuck thought I was special. Sometimes, I worry he’ll cheat because he looks at
girls, but I tested and he won’t.”
“Tested?” I
asked and everyone focused on Maddy.
“I knew this hot
chick from school and I had her flirt with him. Tuck could have gotten away
with it. I was really fat then and I think some guys would have cheated. I
really thought he would too, but I needed to know. Not that I would leave him
if he cheated, but I wanted to be ready for that kind of life with him. Tuck
blew her off though. Sent her to Vaughn.”
When everyone looked
at me, I rolled my eyes like I didn’t care who he banged. I did care though. In
fact, I wondered who Vaughn was with that very moment and it was killing me to
think of him with someone else. The idea that I hadn’t mattered and he’d do
another chick made me want to scream at the world.
Returning to
Ellsberg, I had a plan to give up men and avoid my sickness. Instead, I met
Vaughn who was amazing and frustrating. He offered me a chance at happiness,
yet was living on borrowed time. Life saw me digging my way out of a shithole
and it kicked me back down. No matter if life envisioned a long term plan for
me, I was holding a grudge.
The Bad News
Bears or whatever the hell the MC was called must have broken every speed limit
to avoid getting caught by us. We chased until the Kentucky state border and
Kirk called us back. I would have followed them to hell because the fuckers had
ruined the lies I told myself. Spilling their blood might make it worth losing
out on the fantasy of Raven and me. For a man with limited time, I needed every
moment of the lie.
Kirk made
threats against the club and he didn’t wait for Cooper to okay shit. This led
to tension between father and son. I felt the stress on Cooper when we stood
outside an abandoned storefront in downtown Ellsberg. Tucker pretended to be
pissed off too, but he kept checking out his phone to see messages and pics
from Maddy. Fatherhood made the idiot rather adorable.
“I bought this
place so I’ll have my own spot,” Cooper muttered, arms crossed tightly, eyes
narrowed like the building was his enemy. “The old timers want to hang at
Whiskey like it’s the good old days. We’re the new guard and we need a new
place.”
“It looks like a
store.”
“Pop has a bar.
I want an office. I have three years left of school and a kid on the way. I
need a place where I can study and have kids running around and still do my
business. This place will be that.”
“Who’s doing the
work?” Tucker asked, fiddling with his phone.
“Tad’s wife Toni
is doing the plans. She was an architect years ago. Lark’s stepbrother is in
charge of the construction. Dylan had the contract to work on the city’s
projects, but Daddy Fucktwat got it cancelled because someone forgot to kiss
his ass. Anyway, Lark asked me to help Dylan out. Batted her lashes and
everything.”
We walked inside
the place and I figured it wasn’t much to get excited about. An old bakery with
an office in the back. The place smelled like old bread and maybe mold.
“He’s going to
tear it down to the studs and build it back up. Put the official shit in the
front. Get me a chick to do the books and crap. In the back, I’ll have a spot
for the kid and an office for me and Farah. I want to separate my business from
my home. Having guys show up to talk at my place isn’t happening anymore.”
“Crack the
whip,” Tucker said, patting his brother’s shoulder, before playing soccer with
a beer can on the ground. “Being downtown is cooler. Better places to eat.”
While watching
Tucker kick the can into the back, I considered asking Cooper about the Devils.
One glance at his frown and I decided to keep my mouth shut. Judd didn’t say
anything either. Not then, but later as we hit balls at the batting cage, the
enforcer got chatty.
“Fuck this waiting
around shit. I know Cooper wants to make the right decision, but he’s not
making any damn decision. He wants Kirk to signal the right move. Who says
there is a right move? Life doesn’t work that way. Right. Wrong. Life just is.
Instead of fucking around, we need to make a decision and do something.”
Swinging the
bat, I hit the ball square on. “I should be the one who does something. Go
there and handle what needs handling.”
“Man, they’d see
you coming. No way do they make these moves and not worry about you coming for
them.”
“What makes you
think they wouldn’t worry about you?”
“True, but I
could have another reason for traveling.”
Studying his
face, I saw Judd the enforcer, but he was more than just a killer these days.
“What about
Tawny? I asked, taking a swing and missing. “Fuck.”
Glancing at
Judd, I saw the newer Judd who was frowning.
“Love’s a
burden,” he muttered.
“Your woman is a
burden?”
“I hold her life
in my hands. I fuck up and it’s not just me that pays. My mom can live without
me. She survives without Waylon in her life. She could go on if I was dead or
wronged her. Tawny’s not Mom.”
“She’s a tough
broad. Tawny, I mean. Not that I think you should go blazing into Tucson and handle my issues, but Tawny isn’t the lost little girl she once was.”
When Judd said
nothing, I dodged the incoming pitch to walk to the gate. “What?” I asked when
he just stared at his hands.
“She’s still
doing therapy and can go by herself now. She’s stronger in a million little
ways, but I see this look on her face sometimes. I see that and I know. She’s
not with me in Ellsberg. Her mind is back in the dark place and I feel her
slipping away. Even with the meds and the shrink, my angel needs me to keep her
strong. For me, it’s a burden, but one I can’t live without.”
Normally, I
would tell Judd that he was whipped and mock his lack of balls. Not this time.
The look on his face wasn’t one I saw often. In that moment, I knew his angel
held his life in her hands too. They only existed together and were useless
apart.
Out loud, I’d
say they were idiots. Truth be told, I envied them. I wanted a woman for real.
I wanted a specific woman, but I didn’t have a right to her. Raven needed a man
who gave her hope. A man she could trust and I wasn’t that guy.
“Fuck,” I said,
leaving Judd to sulk. “If I don’t go there to kill them, they’ll come here to
kill me. Doesn’t make sense to spill blood in Ellsberg.”
“Leave it to
Cooper,” Judd said quietly, his voice barely audible over the noise around us.
“For a little while longer anyway.”
“Not much
longer. There are too many people here I need to protect.”
Raven remained
in my thoughts as we finished up at the cages. After Judd left to pick up Tawny
from Farah’s house, I drove around town without a destination. Eventually, I
stopped at the parking lot outside Big Bob’s Skating Center.
Inside, Raven
was training with her roller derby team. As much as I wanted to watch her, I
remained outside. I thought about her husky voice and the way she smiled for
me. The chick was tough. Thunderdome, roller derby, taking a shot at those
assholes, she could handle a guy with my giant ego problems.
Parked behind a
van, I had enough cover to watch Raven leave the practice. Her blonde hair was
tied up into a messy ponytail and she wore another tank top and shorts.
Casually sexy, Raven was perfect. If I ever got the Devils thing dealt with, I
was making her mine. At the very least, I was taking my stalking to the next
level.
Even with the
air conditioning on full blast, I was overheated and cranky. A long day in the
sun with Bailey and Sawyer left them tanned and me crispy. Once I woke up from
a nap to find my skin the shade of tomato, they babied me as much as possible.
I’d relaxed in the hot tub while they coated my red face with lotion. As the
moon appeared, I stumbled upstairs to pout alone.
Staring at the
TV, I wanted a cigarette. I wanted to call Lark and whine. I wanted to get
Vaughn drunk and take advantage of him. This last image made me laugh. Even if
I could maneuver his drunk ass up the stairs and into my bed, I was too
sunburned to have him touch me.
Hours later when
I heard a knock at the door, I barely mustered up the strength to answer. Through
the small front window, I found Vaughn leaning against the railing outside the
apartment. He wore a wife beater and tight jeans that clung to his hard body.
He clearly hadn’t shaved in days, looking rough and sexy as hell. In the light
of the moon, I saw his wolf tats and imagined his warm skin under my touch.
Opening the
door, I stepped out then closed it behind me. “Stop by for a booty call?”
Vaughn’s miserable
expression made me want to hug the jackass. Despite my urge to comfort him, I
was angry that he ignored me for over a week then showed up looking to bang.
“I need to talk
to you,” he said in a pained voice.
“What about?”
“Remember the
friends with benefits thing? I need you to be the friend part now.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Can we go
inside?”
“No.”
“Why?” he asked
as the muscles in his jaw twitched. “You got a fucking guy in there?”
“Yeah and I’m
not looking to do a three-way. Now, fuck off.”
“You sure moved
on quick.”
“Oh, you haven’t
fucked anyone since you ditched me?”
Vaughn shrugged.
“A few chicks, but they didn’t count. Besides, I used plenty of Purell.”
“Eat shit,
Vaughn. You have other friends. Go hassle them.”
“I can’t talk to
them about this,” Vaughn said and the tone of his voice startled me. “They
would just say who gives a shit. They would give me the guy response and I need
something else.”
“Look, I’m
busy,” I said, struggling to tell him no.
Vaughn stared at
me and I saw such pain in his eyes. “My mom is dying, Raven. I need you to tell
me what to do.”
Seeing Vaughn so
vulnerable, like a kid rather than a man, I felt like someone punched me in the
gut. Any strength I felt against him disappeared.
“Come inside,” I
said, pushing open the door.
A second passed
as Vaughn realized I’d been lying about another guy. I saw something shift in
his expression. Whether feeling relief or male cockiness, he walked inside and
sat on the couch. I got us two beers and joined him.
“You’re all
pink,” he said, rubbing my burned nose with his thumb.
“What happened
with your mom?”
“My cousin Caleb
likes to call and taunt me. Sometimes, he’ll text to say someone got married
and how I never will because I’ll be dead soon. Just crap like that. Tonight,
he called to tell me that I would outlive my mom.”
Despite my need
for separation, I took his hand. “What’s wrong with her?”
“She’d had a
heart attack years ago. Since then, she’s had problems off and on. Last night,
she had another heart attack and they don’t think she’ll last much longer. Caleb
said if I wanted to tell her goodbye that I needed to get my ass out there
within the day.”
“They’ll kill
you though.”
Looking like a
little boy lost, Vaughn shrugged. “I know, but maybe I can tell her goodbye
first.”
“Or maybe
they’ll kill you the minute you arrive. Are you sure your mom is really sick?”
“Yeah, Caleb
gave me the number to the hospital and had the doctor tell me my mom’s status.”
Unable to say the
right thing, I just caressed his hand and tried to ease his pain.
Vaughn exhaled
slowly. “For most of my life, it was just me and my mom. When she met Ted,
things changed and I didn’t get to spend time with her. It was like she was an
extension of him, but I never knew if that was what she wanted or if it was how
things had to be with him. They’d known each other in high school then he blew
her off. She bounced around from one loser to another until she had me. I know
she was lonely, but I missed her when she ended up with Ted. I missed the old
her anyway.”
Vaughn turned to
me and studied my face. “When I was little and would get scared because of
gunshots or our neighbors were fighting, she would let me sleep in her bed. I
knew she would die to protect me. I trusted her, but Ted ended that when they
hooked up. I haven’t spoken to her since I left Tucson. This would be my last
chance. Tell me what to do, Raven.”
I felt pressure
to say the right thing, but I didn’t know the answer. I only knew I didn’t want
Vaughn to die.
“Look, either
your mom is a bitch who chose the club over her son or she’s the woman you
remember from when you were growing up. If she’s that bitch, she doesn’t
deserve you dying to say goodbye. If she’s the mom you love, she wouldn’t want you
to die. A good mom would want you to live.”
“It’s only a
matter of time before I get killed. Some bastard was scouting my place today.
So far, the idiots who’ve tried to kill me were sloppy. Eventually, someone
with half a brain will make a move. Why not just end this shit and do it on my
terms.”
“It’s not on
your terms though. They’re setting you up and you might not get to see your mom
anyway. Also, think about Kirk and Cooper. They did a lot to protect you all these
years. If you let the Devils kill you, all their work would be for nothing.”
Vaughn stared at
me then whispered, “But it’s my mom.”
Wiping angrily
at my eyes, I knelt next to him and pulled him against me.
“You’re breaking
my fucking heart, Vaughn,” I said, stroking his cheek. “I know you love her and
want to say goodbye, but no words will ever show her how you feel. If she loves
you half as much as you love her, she’ll know how you feel. In your heart, you
know the real her too.”
Vaughn wrapped
his arms around my waist and I flinched without thinking. He frowned up at me
like a rejected child.
“I’m burned all
over,” I said, kissing his forehead. “I’m sorry I can’t give you better advice.
I just don’t think you should go.”
“Judd would say
the same thing, but he’d tell me I was a fucking idiot for even considering
it.”
Caressing his
face, I wished to take away his pain. “What’s your mom’s name?”
“Michelle,” he
said, giving me a little smile. “She has dimples.”
For the next
hour, we drank too much beer while Vaughn told me about his mom. How she had
tiny feet and a goofy laugh. How she liked his hair long and nicknamed him Hippy.
How he loved when she sang to him even though she had a horrible voice and
never got the words right. By the time he told me about how his mom nearly choked
to death on gum while they played
Twister
, I was drunk off my ass.
Vaughn probably wasn’t, but I didn’t know or care.
He helped me
stumble into the bedroom where I peeled off my clothes then tried to find a
comfortable position with my tender skin. Dozing off, I thought Vaughn left,
but something startled me enough to turn around. He stood next to the bed,
looking lost again.
“No sex,” I
mumbled. “If you want to stay tonight, I wouldn’t say no. I just can’t have you
rubbing against my skin.”
Vaughn said
nothing. He only stared so I turned back and closed my eyes. A few minutes
passed before I felt the bed shift and he settled in behind me. Once the sheet
was over us, Vaughn nuzzled my hair. He cuddled just behind me, but never touched
me enough to cause any pain.
I fell asleep
smiling at how careful the big hunk could be. My dream wasn’t as happy. Vaughn
was missing and I was driving around town looking for him. I kept crashing my
jeep and my mom was in the backseat yelling at me. When I woke, I still felt the
panic of losing him.
Glancing back, I
found Vaughn awake. He was thinking about his dying mom and a million other
painful things. I turned over to face him and he gave me a weak smile. We
watched each other for a few minutes then I asked what my groggy mind was wondering.
“Did you miss
me?” I whispered.
Vaughn studied
my face then nodded.
“Why didn’t you
at least text me?” I whispered when he said nothing.
His thumb
caressed my lower lip as he exhaled heavily. “I couldn’t tell you what I wanted
to tell you, so I didn’t say anything at all.”
Placing a hand
against his chest, I felt the rough hairs and warm skin.
“I understand,”
I told him while cuddling closer. “I missed you too.”
Vaughn cupped my
face with his strong hand. “Your skin is tender.”
Straddling him,
I winced at the pain, but I didn’t stop. He was so beautiful and I’d missed him
so much. Most of all, I didn’t know how much more time we had together.
“Let’s pretend,”
I murmured into his ear. Vaughn watched me like he was lost and I offered him
the way home. “The world outside this bed doesn’t exist. Everything before and
everything that’s waiting to happen can’t touch us. There’s only you and me.”
Even in the
darkness, I saw the tenderness in his smile. “A world with just you and me
sounds good, sugar.”
Leaning down, I
kissed him tenderly. Vaughn felt strong and powerful, but he was so careful all
night. None of the hard fast fucking that we normally shared. Gently, he filled
me again and again until we were blinded to everything ugly in the world.
It
was only us.