“Yeah, thanks. Just something I ate probably.” I shrugged, hoping it satisfied him, but as soon as I said those words, my stomach started doing somersaults again.
“Okay, good. I’m going to go find some Tylenol and 7-Up for you. Wait here.” He pushed back on his knees and stood up.
“No, I’m fine, really—”
“Shut up, Mac,” I heard him say as he walked out of the bathroom.
As soon as he left, I turned toward the toilet again. Another wave hit me and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. My stomach cramped and soon, I was only heaving and gagging.
God, this was so humiliating.
I heard his steps rush back to me, his body next to my side again. I didn’t have the energy to speak or push him away, so I just tried to ignore him. He began rubbing my back, slowly and softly as my throat burned, and I felt the intense need to scratch it out.
He pulled my hair back again, soothing me as he continued to rub my back as I sank to the floor. I wiped my mouth on the towel again and surrendered.
“C’mon, Mac. You need to lie down.”
I groaned, mumbling something inaudible.
“All right, hang on,” he said quickly, but before I could register his words, I felt his one arm wrap under my legs and the other took my waist. He lifted me to his chest and began carrying me out of the bathroom. “You look like shit.”
I heard the amusement in his tone, but at that moment, I wanted to punch him in the face.
He placed me on my bed and tucked my legs under the covers. My body felt so heavy, too heavy to move on my own. I let him adjust me and prop my head on the pillow.
“Mac, you need to take your shirt off. It’s filled with spit and vomit.”
“No…” I cried, turning my head away from him. I didn’t have the energy to change shirts right now. I heard his footsteps walk away and return in under thirty seconds.
“Can you sit up?”
“No.”
“Can you lift your arms?”
“No.”
“You’re killing me, Mac. I’m trying to be decent here.” I could hear the struggle in his tone, but honestly, I didn’t care. My body felt too awful to care about wearing a dirty shirt.
He sat on the bed next to me and lifted my body up to his. He pulled the hem of my shirt and started pulling it up toward my head. I yanked my arms down, not wanting him to see my bare chest, but he just pulled harder.
“It’s nothing I haven’t seen before, keep your arms up,” he demanded.
“I’m not a child,” I whined.
“I didn’t say you were. But you need to put a clean shirt on.”
“I’m not wearing a bra.” There I said it.
I felt the bed vibrate against me as his hands continued gripping my shirt. Was he laughing at me?
He was.
“Sweetheart, as much as I’d love to bury my head in between your tits, you have the lingering smell of vomit and sickness. Not to mention, you’re almost unconscious. So just trust me and let me help you.”
I surrendered and let him continue pulling my shirt off. I left my arms up while he put a new one over my head. “There, much better.” I half-opened my eyes to see him smiling genuinely at me. Why was he being so nice to me? “Take these.” He opened his palm with two white pills. I took them from him and put them in my mouth. I grabbed the glass he had waiting for me on the bedside table.
I felt his eyes on me, staring intently at me. I wasn’t sure why, but I couldn’t find it in me to say anything. I didn’t want to break this moment. He was taking care of me and I couldn’t understand why. “Lay back,” he said. My body fell back to the bed and both comfort and relief rippled through me as I sunk into the mattress and pillow.
He pulled the covers over me and tucked me in, fluffing the comforter around me. “You need sleep, Mac.” I nodded, closing my eyes tight again. I felt his lips against my forehead as they ended up staying a beat longer than necessary, but I couldn’t help but love the feeling it gave me. Alex was back to being sweet Alex.
I had begun to doze off when I felt Alex come into bed behind me. I was too tired to say anything, so I let him pull me toward him as he wrapped an arm around me. He brought his hand up to my face and brushed the hair back off my shoulder as he whispered, “Goodnight, princess.”
My body relaxed and molded into his. It felt nice to be held again. My body craved his touch even though I didn’t want to. I couldn’t. But with his body next to mine, and his steady breaths against the flesh of my neck, I couldn’t help but enjoy it.
Just this one time
, I told myself. I sunk deeper into him and fell asleep.
I woke up the next morning to an empty bed. I felt better, my stomach a little queasy but not anywhere near as bad as before. I kicked the covers off and went to the bathroom, noticing Alex cleaned everything up already. You couldn’t tell last night had even happened. And for some reason, my heart pounded painfully at the thought. I hated to admit how sleeping in Alex’s arms was one of the best night’s sleep I’d had in a long time.
When I reached for my phone, I saw William had left me an early morning voicemail. He said he’d be heading out late afternoon and would get in around ten p.m. I knew he’d climb into bed the second he arrived home, so we wouldn’t be able to talk much until after work on Monday.
My stomach was growling for something, anything, but I wasn’t sure if I could face Alex. He took care of me in all of my delusional state and was completely genuine. Why couldn’t I get that Alex all the time?
After another ten minutes, I decided I couldn’t take it. I needed to eat something and I needed coffee. I made my way out to an entirely quiet house. Relief flooded through me when I walked into the kitchen and it was clear.
Thank god.
I wasn’t sure I could face him after last night. I was embarrassed, but even more because I let him lay with me until I fell asleep.
I turned the coffee maker on and began rummaging through the fridge. I pulled out a carton of eggs, sliced cheese, and milk. I set everything down on the counter and slammed the door, shrieking when Alex’s face appeared from behind the door.
“Hungry?” he asked smugly, a smile playing on his lips.
“Jesus!”
I gasped, bringing a hand to my chest and pounding heart. “Don’t do that!”
“Sorry.” He grinned, crossing his arms over his broad chest.
“Sure you are.” I turned and grabbed the frying pan, trying to ignore his presence, but I knew it was going to be impossible.
“Here, let me.” He came around me and took the carton of eggs.
“I can make my own breakfast.”
“I’m sure you can. I’m just offering to help.”
I stood back and watched him. His face was relaxed, and it was then I realized he was fully dressed for the day already. I started to feel bad, knowing he was probably up all night with me, and he had somewhere to be today.
“It must be exhausting,” I murmured, not really caring if he heard me or not. I found a bowl and set it in front of him.
He began cracking the eggs into the bowl and then asked, “What must be exhausting?”
I walked over to the bread bin and starting taking slices out as I casually answered, “Having multiple personalities.”
I turned and saw his chest rise and fall. He was chuckling, but barely making any sound. “I don’t have multiple personalities. That’d be your area of specialty.”
I set out four slices of bread and wrapped the bag back up before putting it away. “Why are you nice to me one second and an asshole the next?” I asked bluntly.
We worked in synchronization as we battled back and forth. He whipped the eggs as I peeled the sliced cheese and threw them into the bowl of eggs.
“I’m not an asshole, Mac,” he said softly, almost as if it hurt to say the words. I dropped it, deciding I didn’t want to have this conversation. It’d go nowhere, and I’d just walk out pissed and frustrated.
He handed me the bowl of eggs so I could pour the milk in. Scrambled eggs were my favorite, and I always made them with milk and cheese. Without me telling him, he seemed to know exactly how I liked them.
I handed the bowl back to him and turned on the burner. I told him where the cooking spray was, and he sprayed the pan as I put the bread in the toaster. We worked like this until two plates were filled with eggs and toast, and we sat together at the breakfast bar, not saying a word until my plate was almost finished.
“You remember, don’t you?” he asked, breaking the silence. I didn’t have to ask what he meant.
I knew.
“No.” I continued staring down at my plate.
“Yes, you do. You can feel it. The energy between us. You feel what I’m trying to fight for and now you’re trying to fight against it.”
“No. Yes…I mean…I remember some.”
“Is that why you won’t even look at me?”
I sighed and dropped my fork, turning to look at him. “What do you want me to say, Alex? I already told you it was a huge mistake.”
“You only say that because you think that’s how you’re supposed to feel. So tell me why we can’t stay away from each other. Why do we connect better than I’ve ever connected with anyone in my life?”
“Well, because we’re being forced to live in the same house, Alex.”
“That’s just an excuse, Mac. If you truly couldn’t stand me, you’d go stay at a hotel or a friend’s house. You’d find any reason to get out of this house.”
“Well, I prefer being home. So sue me.”
“Stop making excuses,” he demanded, his voice low and rough.
“I’m not.”
It remained silent until he spoke up again. “So the only thing I’ve been able to dig up about your childhood was that you weren’t brought up from money. Care to elaborate?” he asked, forking his pile of eggs but keeping his head low.
We didn’t make eye contact, and I felt relief knowing we could talk without having to do so.
“There’s not much to say. I didn’t grow up rich.”
“What’s that mean? Middle class?”
I laugh-snorted. “Not even close.”
He turned his body to look at me, but I kept my eyes down. “Then tell me.”
“Why do you care?”
“Because it’s part of the get-to-know-you-better task my father has put me up to.” I could see him smirking out of the corner of my eye. Bastard.
“I’m sure he meant on a more casual level,” I retorted, stabbing another piece of egg much harder than necessary.
“We’re beyond casual, Mac. C’mon, just tell me. I’m interested.”
I sighed as my shoulders slumped. He wasn’t going to let this go.
“I didn’t grow up with a dad,” I started. “We didn’t have a lot of money. Sometimes none at all.” I continued eating, trying to remain unaffected. I hated talking about my childhood, and even William only knew bits and pieces.
“What happened?”
“Nothing happened. We were just poor. My mom couldn’t keep a job. She wasn’t mentally stable. So we’d moved from state to state trying to survive.”
“Did you stay with family then? While you moved around?”
Ha…what family?
“No.” I swallowed. “No family.”
He went silent, his lips formed into a tense line. “So then what did you do, Mac?”
“It’s in the past, Alex. I’d rather not talk about it.”
He grabbed my arm and pulled me so I’d to face him. I could see fear and anger in his face, his eyes fierce and hooded. “Tell me what you did then, Mac,” he demanded.
“We were homeless, Alex!” I shouted. “Are you happy now? I was homeless for most of my teen years. My mother couldn’t get her shit together and I paid for it.”
He cursed and rubbed his hand over his jawline in frustration. I could see from his body language that it was affecting him for some reason. “Alex…” His eyes were focused on something else. “Alex,” I said again. I grabbed his hand causing him to jump, and then his eyes finally went soft when I made him look at me. “It’s in the past. It’s nothing to be upset about now. I survived. I had to.”
“Is that why you’re with him?” he asked, bringing his body toward mine again. “You feel safe with him, that’s it, isn’t it?”
“No,” I gritted through my teeth, grabbing my plate and walking to the sink. “I moved to New York City years before I even met William. I stayed in homeless shelters as I worked during my internship. After William and I had become exclusive, I was hired on and found three other people to room with. It wasn’t until we were engaged that I moved in. I saved money. All of it. I only spent what was necessary.”
He huffed a humorous laugh at me. “Well, looks like you did a good job at upgrading.”
I dropped my plate dramatically in the sink and laughed to myself. “And he’s back, ladies and gentleman.” I started to walk out and continued, “Go fuck yourself, Alex.”
“No need to, sweetheart, when I have you just down the hallway from me,” I heard him yell back at me, but I was already down the hall and done playing his stupid games. Enough was enough.
WILLIAM SURPRISED ME
by coming home early. I had gone to bed early, before seven p.m. I couldn’t take anymore, and I just needed to sleep it off.
He shifted on the bed, grabbing the covers and covering up before molding his body to mine. I looked at the clock and saw that it was only eight-thirty.
“
Mm, you’re home early. What a nice surprise.” He didn’t respond so I curled my body up closer to his and felt him inhale against my neck. “How was your trip?” I asked, but again, he didn’t respond. Instead, he curled his hand around my breast as his erection pushed against the small of my back. I moaned and bit my lip as I closed my eyes, arching my back into the hardness of his cock. “I figured you’d be exhausted, darling.” Again nothing. “William?”
“Sweetheart, if I had you in my bed waiting every night, I’d never leave town.”
My eyes shot out of my head as I heard Alex’s voice, not William. I kicked and rolled out of bed screaming, “Alex! What the fuck are you doing? Get out!”
“Mac, calm down.” He walked around the bed and stepped in front of me.
“I will not calm down. You had no right to touch me like that.” I pushed against his chest, but he didn’t flinch.
“You didn’t seem to have a problem with it a second ago.”
“That’s when I thought you were William!”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“What?” I gasped, taking a step back.
“The way I was touching you,” he clarified. “You liked it. Your body responded immediately.”
“That’s not fair, Alex. I didn’t know it was you,” I defended.
“Does your body respond to him like that? Does he make you moan?” he continued asking.
“Get out,” I said firmly, my face tense and eyes ready to burst into tears.
“Does he make your toes curl when you come or fuck you so deep you scream?” he continued.
“Stop it,” I begged.
“Come on, Mac, tell me. Does he fuck you uncontrollably like I did? Deep and hard as I devoured your mouth and pussy.”
“Alex! Enough!” I screamed, clenching my eyes tightly. I tried to push the images out. Begged them to go away, but they wouldn’t. I marched toward him and began pushing him out the door. “Alex, out! I mean it!
He gripped my wrist, stopping my pathetic attempts at moving him.
“Why are you lying to yourself, Mac? You may think you love him, but you fucked me. You. Fucked. Me. And you loved it, Mac. You enjoyed it so fucking much, you begged me not to stop. You couldn’t take it yet you cried out for more. You were addicted, Mac. You hadn’t known what was good until I showed it to you. And you can fight it all you want, but your body knows. It wants me. You want me. Stop fighting me.”
I shook my head as tears fell down my face. “I can’t. I won’t. William is good. He’s good to me and doesn’t deserve this. What kind of son tries to steal their dad’s fiancée and happiness? Who does that?” I scowled.
“Someone who knows he’s with the wrong girl... “
“You don’t know that,” I retorted.
“I do. You belong with me, Mac. Not him.”
I shook my head again. “You don’t know anything about me.”
He ignored my statement and continued, “It’s the money, right? The financial security that keeps you around?”
“How dare you!” I shouted as angry tears spouted down my cheeks. I could only imagine how awful I looked at that moment, but I didn’t care. I’d never been this mad in my entire life.
“I mean, the sex can’t be that good. It’s gotta be the money. Or perhaps the house? The endless supply of designer clothes? How about never having to buy a meal again? Which one is it?” he taunted with complete lack of compassion in his voice.
“I hate you,” I hissed. “I told you my past in confidence and now you’re going to throw it back in my face?” I went to slap him, but he caught my wrist and pulled me toward him, keeping me hostage against his broad chest.
“Sweetheart, you can fight it all day and night. I’ll still never let you go.”
He released me at the same time I whipped my arm back. “Get out.
Now
.”
He finally stepped back and walked out of the bedroom. My heart was pounding as more tears came down with full force.