Dare to Breathe (2 page)

“Well, it’s certainly been ‘interesting’,” is all she replies but then adds, “I am sure I’ll see you around and maybe we can hang out sometime after classes?” With that, she stands up, gives me a quick hug and heads off into the bathroom.

I should be annoyed at her casual approach but then I remember this is my problem, not hers. I go back and forth to my old trusty Ford with the boxes until everything is secure. I take out the piece of paper with my new address and place it on the dashboard. Then I go up to the room for one last sweeping look, place my keys down on Jess’s cabinet and close the door. I don’t look back once.

Chapter Two

I arrive in five minutes as the new house is close by the dorms. I stop the car and take in my home. It is an old building that has definitely seen better days. The street is lined with similar houses with students going in and out. There is a buzz to the place. This is a ‘party street’ for sure! That makes my heart drop a little but I look around for something positive. The house has a small garden out front like my own home, only messier. It has unpainted deck chairs where people sit talking and having a smoke. I wonder if these are my housemates.

I see two girls sitting on the steps leading up to the house. They are chatting and laughing and seem really at ease. On the deck chairs I notice one boy sitting, eyes closed, smoking a cigarette. On the other chair which is facing away from me, I see the back of a head with short dark hair.
This looks like a pretty relaxed group.
I suddenly notice the girls are looking at my car curiously.

“Shit, I better get out before they think I’m a freak,” I mutter.

I get out and walk towards them trying to keep a smile and look ‘normal.’

“Hey, I’m Sam,” I say as I approach.

Their friendly faces lock onto mine and I see one of the girls quickly glance over to the boys on the chairs.

“Hey, nice to meet you Sam, I’m Mandy and this is Carrie.” Mandy stands up and smiles. She is beautiful with long blonde hair and long tanned legs. She is a little taller than me with warm friendly eyes. She wears jean shorts and a pink T-shirt and I see she has been in the warm sun all day.

Carrie is much shorter with cropped brown hair that shows all the angles of her face. With her pale skin and big sapphire eyes, Carrie is beautiful too and suddenly I feel insecure.

“Those guys over there are Ben and Nathan,” Mandy continues, pointing towards the garden.

I turn and glance in their direction with a quick wave but my nerves take over and I look back at Mandy and Carrie.

Carrie’s eyes crinkle as she notices my discomfort but she pulls me toward the house. “Come on in,” she says, “I’ll show you your room.”

I go with her and Mandy trails behind. She pulls me into a surprisingly clean house. It has a small foyer with a door that leads into the kitchen. Straight ahead is a stairway and a living room is off on the left hand side. I love it instantly!

We go into the kitchen which has a breakfast bar that seats four and a fridge that is just freaking massive.

Carrie sees me eyeing the fridge and laughs. “Beer fridge,” she says and walks on. I see Mandy smiling. They must be joking…I hope!

Just off the kitchen, as Tracey, the housing lady said, is a tiny bedroom. I suspect it was once a pantry, but it is mine, all mine, and for the first time today, I give a genuine smile.

“I love it!” I say to the girls who have come in behind me.

Mandy looks at me curiously. “Seriously?” she asks. “I thought no one would want this room! When they called and said you specifically wanted it, we were all blown away.”

“Nope,” I reply. “This is perfect for me.”

Carrie and Mandy shake their heads in disbelief, but I see they are relieved.

“Well, whatever floats your boat,” Carrie says, and laughs.

They take me through the rest of the house and I see all their rooms are upstairs. The only bathroom in this whole house is upstairs which does make me wonder how the five of us will share it, but I figure we will work it out.

“This is our room,” Mandy shows me opening the door to a massive room with a bed on either side. “My side is the tidy side.” Mandy tells me with a wink.

“This is Ben’s room,” Carrie says as we walk down the hall. She opens a door on the left and points to a messy room with clothes all over the floor. She wrinkles her nose and quickly shuts the door behind her. “Lastly, this is Nathan’s room.” She opens the door at the end of the hallway.

The room is small too but what surprises me is how empty it looks. It seems Nathan has less stuff than I do. Carrie watches my face carefully and sighs. “By the way, Nathan is a bit of a chick magnet. Mandy and I have made a deal not to get involved with him okay? It would just mess everything up and we like living here.” She stops and looks at me with her hands crossed in front of her chest. Is she kidding? I take a quick glance at Mandy who is nervously biting her lip and looking at the ground.
Oh, shit. they actually want me to say something.

“Umm…well trust me ladies,” I say with a small humorless smile. “I have no intention of getting involved with anyone!” If they knew my track record with boyfriends we would not even be having this conversation.

They look at me intently then glance at each other.

“Well, that’s all good then,” Carrie says, grabbing my hand, the tension gone from her face and body. “Let’s go introduce you properly to the wolves!”

We head back downstairs towards the kitchen where I hear male voices. When we get there, the boys are sitting on the bar stools and their conversation stops. For the first time I take a proper look at them both. The one who was outside smoking has light-colored hair that is fairly long and falls into his face. He is tall and slim but well built. He reminds me of a typical surfer boy. His emerald eyes stare back at me with a small interested smile.

“Hi, I’m Ben,” he says, standing up and coming up to me to shake my hand.

I take an immediate automatic step backwards and just wave an awkward hello. I haven’t let a male touch me for a long, long time and although I know I must seem weird, I just can’t make myself start now.

Ben’s smile falters for a moment but then he drops his hand and waves back, retreating to his chair.

I try to make the situation less embarrassing. “Um…Hi Ben, nice to meet you.”

His smile grows bigger and he nods back, stuffing a chip in his mouth, eyes still locked on me with interest.

Another deep voice breaks my trance. “Hello Sam, I’m Nathan.”

I look over at the voice and all the blood rushes to my face. This boy is seriously gorgeous and I know my body is betraying me with a furious blush. His dark hair flops over his face too but in a sexy rumpled way. His brown eyes are piercing and right now they are looking straight through my soul. Nathan does not rise to shake my hand and I feel instantly grateful. My eyes drop to his mouth which is slightly open. He has the most beautiful lips I have ever seen and for an instant I wonder what they would feel like on mine.
What the hell is wrong with me?

“Um, hi,” is all I can get out. Even though he’s sitting down, I notice he is tall. He wears jeans and a white shirt that shows off all his muscles. He looks fit, as if he works out, and I understand why Carrie gave me the heads up on him. I also notice the edge of a tattoo peeking out from the sleeve of his shirt. I have an instant desire for a closer look.

One of the girls gently pushes my shoulder, reminding me I am in a room full of people. Carrie’s words come back to haunt me and I get my shit together.

Chick magnet indeed!

“This place looks great,” I say to them all. “Do you guys have any rules or anything I need to know about?”

Carrie, Mandy, Ben and Nathan all get themselves comfortable on stools or the kitchen counter, while I lean against the fridge placing a little distance between us.

“Well,” says Ben, “we all put money into the pot for food, which we take turns cooking and buying.” He points to a roster stuck onto the fridge. My heart drops,
cooking! Oh, shit!

“Ben is our resident chef so we try and let him cook as much as possible,” Nathan chips in with a smile.

Ben continues. “Showers here need to be like, five minutes long as there is obviously only one bathroom, which we all share. If you bring someone home at night, make sure that they a) don’t eat all our food and b) that they don’t piss any of us off. I am the only one here who smokes and I only do that outside so if you smoke, then same rule applies.” He looks over at the others. “Anything else?”

Carrie laughs out loud and I notice Mandy and Nathan smiling at me.

“Nope,” someone says, “that about sums it up.”

“Well, that’s all good with me as a) I don’t smoke, b) five minute showers suit me fine, c) I don’t really have any friends yet and d) so long as you all like toasted sandwiches to eat whenever it’s my turn, we’re good to go,” I say.

They all look at me and laugh.

“Don’t worry about food with us,” Nathan says, standing and stretching. “I think you’ll find we’re all pretty laid back about what we eat.”

I notice his toned flat stomach as his shirt lifts a little. Towering in front of me, he smiles again and says softly, “It was nice to meet you. Welcome to our home.” He then turns towards the others and says, “I’m heading out. See you all later.”

They all wave goodbye and I watch him go, disappointed that he won’t be here tonight. Even his walk is sleek and graceful,
like a panther
, I think as I watch him leave the kitchen.

“Who wants pizza?” Mandy says, jumping up and heading to the phone. “Tonight’s
my
turn to cook,” she says, smiling and winking at me.

The rest of the evening is spent in comfortable companionship. I unload my car and find a home for all my belongings. The room starts to take shape and look like mine and I feel pleased with myself. I hang up my special photo that accompanies me everywhere and touch it gently as all my memories threaten to surface. At ten, I head into the small lounge where my new roommates (expect Nathan) are all sitting together watching TV and eating popcorn.

“So, Sam,” Ben says, looking up at me, “what do you like to do when you aren’t working or studying?”

“Not much,” I say honesty. “Mostly I just like hanging with friends, finding a good book or enjoying the beach.”

“Shit! Well, you are in for a tough ride here, since we are nowhere near a beach and are pretty shit company,” Ben laughs.

Mandy smiles at me. “Don’t listen to this douche bag. We have been friends awhile now and been living together since we started college. Ben is probably the most boring guy you will ever meet, but we’re pretty cool,” she says, hitting him over the head with the remote.

“Ouch,” Ben says, rubbing his head. “Don’t blow my chances here,” he jokes.

Carrie scoffs. “Like you even had a chance, loser,” she tells him. She grabs a handful of popcorn which she shoves into her mouth.

“Well, you wanted me that one time, remember?” He nudges her shoulder. Carrie rolls her eyes while Mandy giggles.

“Jesus, Ben. I was like sixteen and rip-roaring drunk. I would have been interested in a tree if it was as close to me as you were.”

Ben grips his heart as if she hurt him and rolls around the floor dramatically. Mandy laughs and Carrie just goes back to watching her show.

“Okay then, I am off to bed. Good night,” I say, and give them a wave from the doorway. They look up, give me a quick smile and carry on watching.

I climb into my new, warm bed and fall asleep instantly, exhausted after my physically and emotionally busy day.

Chapter Three

“Well, hello there, pretty girl,” he says with eyes narrowing. His breath smells like beer and I know I am in trouble.

“Please let me go,” I whisper to him.

“I’m not doing anything sweetheart,” he says, rubbing my arms up and down…up and down.

I start to shake. I know what is coming next and I wish I could run away but his hands hold me down firmly. Why oh why didn’t I sleep under my bed like I did last time he went out.

“Please…” I try and say but he covers my mouth with his hand and his dark face blocks out all the light from the hallway.

“Nooooo!” I wake up gasping for breath. I quickly turn on the light and look around the room. Everything is there; all in its place sitting innocently. My eyes turn to where I hung my photo. It is curled at the edges and slightly crumpled but I can still see Alex, Fred and me when we were young. We all sit together outside our apartment. Our little faces are close together and we are smiling. It is the only picture I have of the three of us and I treasure it more than anything else in my room. I picture our old neighbor who gave this to me after my life was ripped away from me and I whisper a quick thanks to her for this one keepsake. I get out of bed to rub my hands over it. I feel tears threaten but I blink them away. I thought I had no tears left over this. My throat burns so I tiptoe to the kitchen. The microwave tells me that it is 2:00 a.m. I sigh and fill a glass with water, downing it in one go and soothing my dry throat. I hear soft noises coming from the living room and walk over to investigate. In the living room I spot Nathan. On his lap is a girl with short brown hair and a killer body. She has her top off and he is rubbing her breasts, his eyes closed. My body freezes and I start to shake. I don’t want to be here. With the nightmare fresh in my mind, I start to fall apart.