Darkest Before Dawn (KGI series) (45 page)

Finally she pulled away and braced herself, and allowed hope and relief to flood the very depths of her hollow soul.

Excitement began to burn as she caught sight of her house at the end of the cul-de-sac. She half expected her entire family to be on the front lawn waiting, but Kyle had said he’d gone ahead to prepare them, which likely meant he’d told them how fragile she was.

When they pulled to a stop behind her mother’s familiar minivan, Honor sat, frozen to her seat as she hungrily drank in the sight of what she thought she’d never see again. Uncertainty gripped her and her palms grew sweaty, and she recognized the signs of yet another impending panic attack.

Kyle reached over and took her hand, squeezing reassuringly.

“I’ll be with you the whole time,” he said quietly.

She smiled at him. Really smiled, and he seemed delighted.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely.

“Forgive the corny thing I’m about to say, but it has truly been an honor to know you, Honor Cambridge.”

She squeezed his hand back and then drew in a deep cleansing breath, the wheeze floating away as her lungs opened fully, allowing her to breathe easy once more.

“Let’s do this,” she said.

CHAPTER 43

CYNTHIA Cambridge threw up her hands, despair radiating from her eyes as she faced her family—minus Honor, who was holed up in the library, her sanctuary. Everyone had gathered. Brad had come from work, no questions asked. Keith had secured release from fall training from his team the minute he’d received the news of Honor’s return home, and he had yet to return. Tate and Scott owned multiple local businesses and both made their homes nearby so they had been there in minutes. Mandie, like Keith, had yet to return to her job.

They all looked to their mother—wife—worry tight in their chests. Cynthia looked worn and haggard, so much grief in her expression that they all feared the worst.

“This has to end,” Cynthia said, near tears.

Mike, her husband, pulled his wife into his arms, his distress as great as hers, though he held it tightly reined because he sensed just how close his beloved wife was to her breaking point.

“She’s not getting better. She’s sick. She won’t talk about it—anything.”

“We knew this wouldn’t be easy, Mom,” Brad, her oldest son, said.

He was in uniform and had come when his father had
called, telling him he was needed at home. His deputies could hold down the fort in his absence. Family—his sister—was more important.

“She’s recovering physically,” Tate said cautiously. “A breeze would have knocked her over when she first came back. She’s gained weight. She’s eating.”

“I agree with Mom,” Mandie said firmly. “She’s recovering from her wounds, her injuries. In fact, you can barely see them. Except her wrists,” she added with a frown.

The Marine who’d brought Honor home to them had said that her wrists and ankles had been so tightly manacled that the metal had to be pried from her flesh. But there were underlying wounds. Cuts that had been stitched. They didn’t know, but they suspected . . . However, no one ever mentioned it because it meant acknowledging just how bad it must have been for Honor to have tried to take her own life. And it was more than they could bear to have it confirmed that she’d been so desperate as to try to end her misery.

“But she
is
sick,” Mandie continued. “Something’s wrong with her. She can’t keep anything down. She’s pale and so fragile. I’m worried.
Really
worried. I think we should take her to the doctor.”

Her father sighed. Honor had refused to go back to the doctor after the preliminary examinations, treatments and vitamin regimen she’d been placed on. She’d refused counseling, even though all of them urged her to talk to someone, because she wasn’t talking to them. And if something didn’t give soon, she was going to shatter, and he wasn’t sure they’d get her back this time. If his wife and daughter planned to take Honor to the doctor, they were going to have one hell of a fight on their hands.

“We’ve all been careful with Honor. Maybe too careful,” Cynthia acknowledged. “But now we have to present a united front and give her no choice. Mandie and I are taking her to the doctor. I’ve already called the clinic, and they’ll see her today.”

“And you wanted us here for the extra muscle,” Keith said wryly.

“No. For support,” his mother corrected. “We love her
and I refuse to let her waste away into nothing. She may hate me, but at least she’ll be alive to do it.”

“I will never hate you, Mom,” Honor said quietly from the doorway of the kitchen.

They had been so absorbed in their discussion and concern, they hadn’t heard Honor enter the kitchen.

“I’m sorry I’ve worried you. All of you,” she added, sweeping her glance over each family member, sorrow and apology bright in her eyes. “If going to the doctor will ease your worry, then I’ll go. I’m sure it’s just a stomach bug or something. After everything else I’ve had happen, this hasn’t even registered on my radar,” she said honestly.

Brad’s features darkened into a mask of hatred at the mention of all his sister had suffered. He was the sheriff, sworn to uphold the law and seek justice. By the book. But by all that was holy, if he could have gotten his hands on the bastards who’d tortured Honor, he’d have killed them in cold blood and suffered absolutely no remorse.

“I’m going too,” Mandie said, sliding her arm through Honor’s and then offering her sister an affectionate squeeze. “No way I’d leave you to Mom’s mercy alone. She can be ruthless. She’ll probably have the poor doctor stammering his way through the exam.”

Honor smiled. Mandie could defuse any situation with her wit and humor. It was one of the many reasons she loved her sister so dearly. She loved them all, and she realized, to her shame, that she wasn’t the only one suffering. She’d been selfish and self-absorbed while her family were clearly at their wit’s end.

“I
am
sorry,” Honor said, sincerity ringing in her voice. “I didn’t mean to be such a burden to you all and worry you so much. I’ve been selfish.”

Her mom rounded the corner of the island and caught Honor in a fierce hug.

“You are
not
a burden. You are
not
selfish, and I won’t have you saying so. You’re our baby, Honor. The heart and soul of this entire family. Always the peacemaker, always the first one to smooth things over. The first to offer a hug. You’ve always known what everyone needs and given it
without hesitation. You have the most generous heart of anyone I know. Of course we worry. Because of all people you didn’t deserve what happened to you!”

Tears fell freely and Honor could no longer tell if it was her mother hugging her or Honor hugging her mother.

And then Brad gently pried them apart and enveloped Honor in his arms. Always the big brother. Her protector. She’d been his shadow since the day she learned to walk as a toddler, and he’d never minded, had never been too busy for his baby sister. How she loved them all. She’d missed her family. The closeness. The unconditional love of a tight-knit family unit.

“I’m angry,” he said in a low voice against her ear. “I see shit every day and nothing compares to what was done to you. Goddamn it, you of all people didn’t deserve this. You are everything that is good in this world, Honor. Not one of us could have done what you did. Give selflessly of yourself to help people no one else would help, knowing and accepting the risk, knowing it could mean your life. Burden? You are a
gift
, baby girl, and don’t you ever forget it. I love you above all others. I always will. From the day you were born, I knew you were something special and that you would accomplish great things. I just never imagined the sacrifices you would have to make in order to answer your calling.”

Honor’s eyes watered, when she hadn’t cried since the first time she’d come home to her parents. She knew they worried that she was in denial. That she wasn’t dealing with her demons and only suppressing them. But the truth was, she was numb and grieving for what they knew nothing of. God, if only the torture and abuse were all she had to deal with. But she’d
never
get over Hancock and his betrayal. God help her, but she loved him still. After everything he’d done, the promises he’d broken, making love to her and making her believe he felt for her what she felt for him. She couldn’t bring herself to truly hate him, and that made her angry.
Furious
.

“If we’re going to make the appointment, then we need to get moving,” her mother said briskly, wiping away her tears and slipping into mom mode. “I’ll expect the guys to
take care of dinner tonight since my daughters and I won’t be back until late. They’re working her in as the last appointment of the day.”

Tate gave a lazy grin. “I think we can handle that.”

•   •   •

TWO hours later, Honor walked numbly back into the waiting room where Mandie and her mother sat. Her mom hadn’t been pleased that Honor had insisted on seeing the doctor alone and so wasn’t privy to the doctor’s diagnosis. But Honor knew that her mom would have harangued the doctor and they would
still
be in the exam room if Honor hadn’t put her foot down and made her mother and sister wait outside.

Her mom and sister immediately picked up on Honor’s somber, shocked demeanor, and they both bolted from their chairs and surrounded her immediately.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” her mother demanded.

Honor held up a shaking hand. It was all she could do to keep what little control she had in check and not shatter in front of the entire waiting room.

“Please, not here,” she whispered. “Please, let’s just go home. I’ll tell you everything there. But not here.
Please.
”

Her mom’s mouth set into a mutinous line, but Mandie, sensing how dangerously close Honor was to breaking down, wrapped a supportive arm around Honor’s waist and began walking out of the clinic and into the parking lot.

“You drive, Mom,” Mandie said firmly. “I’ll sit in the back with Honor.”

Honor squeezed Mandie’s hand when she slid into the backseat with Honor and offered her a silent thank-you that she knew held unshed tears.

Mandie squeezed back and then whispered as their mother started the engine, “Whatever it is, Honor, we’re behind you. We’ll get through it together. Don’t worry. You’re home now and you’re never going to be away from us again.”

Honor leaned into her sister, surprising her with her need for comfort. Honor had been distant with all her family, only
giving them the affection
they
seemed to need but never seeking it out for herself.

Mandie hugged her tightly, meeting her mother’s worried gaze in the rearview mirror. Cynthia, always a careful driver, broke every traffic law in her bid to get her daughter home as quickly as possible.

Her father and brothers would be waiting. While Cynthia had banned them from going, they’d been firm when they said they’d all be there when she returned. How could she face them with what she had to tell them? What she’d never told them. Now, they would have to know every shameful aspect of her ordeal.

They pulled into the drive and Honor quickly extricated herself from her sister’s fierce hold and hurried inside. As she’d known, her father and brothers were in the living room, doing little to disguise their impatience and worry.

Mandie and her mother came in behind her, and her father and brothers looked expectantly at her. It was simply too much.

She burst into tears, to the horror of her brothers, especially Brad, and then she rushed by them, yanking open the door to the back deck. She fell back into the swing she’d always found comfort in growing up, and the tears flowed.

“What the hell is wrong, Cynthia?” Mike demanded, his gaze even now staring in the direction of where Honor had disappeared.

“I don’t
know
,” Cynthia said in frustration. “She didn’t say anything. She looked like a ghost when she came back into the waiting room, and when I asked her what was wrong, she said, ‘Not here.’ She begged me not to talk about it there. She said she’d tell us when we got home.”

“Let me go talk to her,” Brad said in a low voice.

Brad had always had a close relationship with his youngest sister. He’d known from a very young age that she was special. Different. Tenderhearted and good. Never having a bad thing to say about anyone, and she would do anything for anyone in need.

He’d been the strongest objector to her going to the Middle East, but he’d also understood her drive. But he hadn’t
wanted her there. He wanted her here where he could protect her. Where no harm could come to her. And the very thing he’d feared the worst had come to pass.

But she was alive. She was their miracle. But now she was hurting and had retreated even from her family when she’d never been anything but honest and open. Whatever was wrong was worse than what she’d already confided in him, and
that
terrified him. What could possibly be worse than what she’d endured? He faced horrific circumstances in his job as a cop, but he was always able to shake fear’s hold on him. Now? Fear gripped him, paralyzing him. It choked him until he could barely breathe.

Not waiting for anyone to object, he turned and followed Honor’s path to the back porch, and when he stepped out, hearing and seeing her sobbing as if her heart were breaking—had already broken—emotion knotted his throat and he struggled to keep his own tears at bay. Because Honor needed his strength. Now more than ever.

Quietly so as not to startle her, he eased into the swing beside her and tucked her fragile body against his side.

“What’s wrong, baby girl?” he asked in a gentle tone. “You know you can talk to me about anything. Whatever is wrong, we’ll fix it.”

“I can’t fix this,” she said, sorrow thick in her voice. “No one can. I’m pregnant, Brad. Oh God, I’m
pregnant
.”

He sucked in his breath, his expression stricken at first and then murderous. “You didn’t tell us . . . I mean, you didn’t tell us much at all. Just the pain and torture. You didn’t say you’d been
raped
.”