Resolved to stay strong she forced guilt down her dry throat. “I don’t have any excuses, Con. You’re not the only one who lost out over the past seven years. I haven’t had a relationship of any kind. Heck”—she gave a dry laugh—“I haven’t had more than a handful of dates since I left you.”
“Gratifying as that is, it doesn’t begin to make up for what you did.”
“And Susa. She suffered the greatest loss. For six and a half years, she hasn’t had any father at all.”
“So much for protecting our daughter from fatherly neglect by not getting married. What do you propose to do to change things?”
Tam pressed her hands to her temples. “I don’t know. When I saw you in Montana, I thought about telling you a dozen different times. I’ve thought about it every day since I returned home. I was afraid that you’d take Susa from me, so I just kept putting it off.”
“You’re right to be afraid. I could sue for full custody and win. I could have you charged with kidnapping and fraud.”
Her hands fisted and dropped. Her chin jutted forward. “Yes, you could do all of that. However, you’ll only gain Susa’s undying hatred if you try to separate us completely. Is that what you want?”
“Dammit, that’s the last thing I want.” He thrust his hands through his hair.
Her posture stiffened. “Then what do you propose?”
“I think we should get married.”
Tam goggled at him. “What? Don’t be ridic—”
“Mommy.” Susa stood at the entrance to the living room staring at Con with one eye while rubbing the other with a fist. “Is he the Daddy you promised me?”
Con grinned.
Tam swallowed. She supposed he couldn’t help it. She went to kneel by her daughter. “Susa, not every man who visits us wants to be a daddy. Now what are you doing out of bed?”
“I want a drink.” Susa looped her arms around her mother and looked past Tam to Con. “Do you wanna be a daddy for me, mister?”
Tam stood, lifted Susa onto her hip, then started back to her daughter’s bedroom. “Let’s get you back to bed.”
Con followed. Tam could feel his presence; she didn’t have to hear his footsteps.
“I don’t know, sugarplum, but your mother and I are talking about it.”
“Good.” Her daughter rested her head against Tam’s shoulder. “But hurry up please. I want a baby brother, and I can’t have one until after I get a daddy.”
A blush heated Tam’s face. Thank heaven Con couldn’t see.
Behind them Con chuckled. “If I decide to be your daddy, I might not want to share you with a baby brother right away.”
Susa snuggled into Tam’s shoulder. She could feel her baby girl frown. “Mommy says it’s rude not to share, but if you want alone time with me, Mommy could watch the baby. Mommy says that everybody needs alone time.”
“Your mommy is giving you good advice. I hope you listen to her.”
Susa yawned. “I always listen ‘cause I want to be as smart as Mommy.”
The three of them walked into Susa’s bedroom.
“That makes you a good girl, and I know for a fact that daddies like good girls.”
Susa lifted her head. “I’m the best girl. I know because Mommy always says so.”
Tam bent, placed Susa on the bed, then tucked in the covers. “Say good night, Susa. Con, I’ll meet you back in the kitchen as soon as I get Susa settled.”
“G’night.”
“Goodnight, sugarplum.”
Chapter Eleven
In the kitchen, Con perused the contents of the refrigerator. All Tam’s favorite foods were mixed in with juice bottles and kid-sized healthy snack packs, including some of the Buddswell’s samples given out at the conference.
He pulled out eggs, milk, and butter, searched for cinnamon, sugar, bread, and a skillet, then started dinner.
“Mmmm. That smells delicious. Are you making french toast?”
He looked up from flipping slices of bread soaked with milk, egg, and cinnamon. “Uh-huh.”
“Thank you.” Tam warmed maple syrup in the microwave and set the table. They worked in an efficient silence that belied the tension in the air. Worry over how hard Con would push for marriage or custody had Tam wound so tight her shoulders ached and her stomach did flips. The only way to resolve the question was head on.
She added a bowl of fresh fruit to the table as Con set a full plate at each end. She started to sit, and he pulled out her chair for her. “Thank you.”
He sat in the opposite chair. “You’re welcome.”
Three bites and Tam’s stomach was still jumpy. She set her fork down. “You can’t possibly be serious about us getting married?”
Con was dead serious, but maybe Tam needed time to get used to the idea. “I don’t think we should get married right now.”
She sat back in her chair and blew out a relieved breath. “Thank goodness. We’ve got enough to deal with figuring out how to explain things to Susa without adding marriage into the mix.”
“What have you told Susannah about me? Surely she’s asked.” His heart raced with a combination of nerves, uncertainty, and hope.
“I was pretty vague. So far I’ve just told her that the man who was her daddy couldn’t live with us, but that someday I hoped we’d find a new daddy.”
Tam hadn’t told Susa anything. Con fumed. “Laying the ground work for your next lover?”
Her eyebrows snapped together. “That’s uncalled for. I wouldn’t hesitate to have a relationship if the right man came along, but I’m not actively looking. I’m very careful about whom Susa meets.”
He struggled to regain his calm. The last thing he wanted was to alienate Tam. Whether he could forgive her for keeping Susa a secret or not, if Tam got her back up, he’d have a fight on his hands. “What about that guy you kept calling from Montana?”
“That was Susa and my aunt.”
His eyes went wide. “But you said—”
“No, you assumed. I just never corrected you.”
“You would have had to tell me about Susannah,” he said with quiet disappointment.
“Yes.”
“Funny, I never thought of you as a coward.”
She threw her napkin on the table, plunked her elbows on either side of her plate, and dropped her forehead into her upraised palms. “I’ve already admitted I was wrong. How often do you want me to say it?”
“Until the fact that you did it stops hurting me.” His control snapped. His fork clattered as he tossed it onto his empty plate.
They glared at each other until Tam abruptly sat up and attacked her french toast. When her plate was empty, she looked at Con. He hadn’t moved.
“You know”—she cast him a sharp gaze and started to clear the table—“arguing about the past will gain us nothing but frustration.”
“True.” Resigned, he acknowledged no quick fix existed to their problems. He washed the pots and pans. “But I have as hard a time with our present situation as I have with the past I don’t share with my daughter.”
Tam finished loading the dishwasher, then dried and put the pans away. “I can’t do anything to change the past, Con, but if you really want to be part of Susa’s life then help me change the present.”
“All right.” Apprehension leapt in his nerves. Tam wanted his help, but he didn’t think she’d like his suggestion. Nonetheless, if she was willing to talk things over, so was he. “I think Susannah needs to get to know me, before we break the news that I’m her father.”
Tam hesitated a bit, resuming her seat at the table. “I can agree with that, but how?”
“She could come to Chicago.”
“Not without me, and right now I can’t afford to be away from my company for longer than a couple of days.”
He’d known Tam would reject the idea, but this was the most important negotiation of his life.
You didn’t start negotiating from where you believed you’d end up. You started with your biggest demand and worked toward a compromise you could live with.
“That’s hardly fair. I have a company to run as well.”
“Yes, you do. You could visit on weekends.” She uttered the suggestion with slow uncertainty.
“I thought you didn’t want our daughter to have a part-time father?” He bent a narrowed stare at her.
“Right, you’ll just have to stay here. When can you take time from work?” Her stomach did flips, and her face flushed at the thought of seeing Con every day. She considered him, wondering if he’d intended to back her into a corner.
“I cleared my schedule for the next month. I have time now. I’ll go get my suitcase from the car.”
He’d planned this, even when he knew nothing about Susa. He’d planned to maneuver himself into her daily life. Furious, Tam shot to her feet. “Wait just a darn minute. I never said anything about you staying in this house.”
“Yes, you did.” He grinned. “You said I’d just have to stay here.”
“I meant in Phoenix.”
His face grew stern and hard. “That would make me as much of a part time father as living in Chicago and visiting on weekends.”
“I don’t have a spare bedroom.” Tam scrambled for excuses to keep him at a distance. She wanted him close enough to see she was doing fine on her own but not so close he could cut up her peace.
He studied her. “I saw three doors down that hallway to Susa’s room. What’s behind the other two?”
She stiffened. “My room and my aunt’s.”
“Your aunt lives here?”
No wonder Tam can’t get a date. What man wanted to deal with both a potential stepdaughter and a matron aunt while getting to know a woman?
Tam’s hands twisted together. “Sort of.”
“What do you mean
sort of
?” She looked like she wanted to bolt. He took a step toward her.
Tam retreated. “She has her own home on the other side of Phoenix, but because she’s here so often visiting or helping with Susa, I gave her the spare bedroom.”
He stalked her. “I haven’t seen her. Is she visiting now and just out for the evening?”
“Not exactly.” Her hands went from twisting each other to rubbing at her temples, and she stepped sideways along the wall toward the door.
He planted one hand between her and the door then caged her with the other hand. “Is that like
sort of
?”
“No, she’s on vacation. She left yesterday for a month.” Tam turned a pleading gaze on him.
He ran a finger down her cheek and leaned in to inhale her woman-and-peaches scent. “Then there’s no reason I couldn’t borrow her room. Four weeks should be enough time for Susa and me to get acquainted and for us to figure out the next steps.” He prayed it would be enough time to convince Tam she belonged with him as much as their daughter did.
“I guess.” She pushed past the arm separating her from the door. “I’ll go clear out a couple of drawers for you while you get your suitcase.”
She looked so troubled and woebegone that he couldn’t resist taking her hand and tugging her to a halt. That she didn’t resist surprised him. “Don’t worry, Tam. It won’t be as bad as you think.”
****
Having Con in the house was much worse than she’d thought. She lay in bed that night listening to the quiet and imagining his hard lean body beside her. In her mind, his fingers played with her hair. She stroked his torso, savoring the solid feel of him, while he dusted lazy kisses across her face and all the way down to her toes. Her belly clenched as she remembered the heat, the soaring pleasure and shared ecstasy of being in Con’s arms. She’d adored making love with him. The feel of him, the taste, the sounds he made when he finally lost control, the fierce pleasure of his body within hers. Now only silence came through the door she always left open so she could hear Susa.
Angry for wanting what she shouldn’t have, for being unable to stop thinking about him, she twisted onto her side. She punched her pillow, as if that might smash the betraying images from her mind.
Somehow she fell asleep because the sound of voices woke her.
Voices!
Her heart raced. Was the house being burgled? Everyone was asleep. No one should be talking. Holding her breath she eased from the bed.
Susa!
She had to protect her daughter.
Weapon. I need a weapon
. All that came to mind was the bowling ball stored at the back of her closet. She crept to the closet, eased the door open, reached in, grasped the handles of the ball bag and dragged it forward. Thank heaven for good carpet; the bag would have made a horrible noise against tile or hardwood.
Staying quiet slowed her, but she moved as quickly as possible, the nine pound ball cradled in her arms. Through the bedroom door, guided by the nightlight, she slipped down the dim hallway.
The voices ceased as Tam approached. She didn’t care if the invaders stole everything in the house. She would keep her daughter safe.
The door to Susa’s room was open, so Tam peered inside. Outlined by the moonlight coming in the window a dark figure stood over the bed. She lifted the bowling ball above her head. Growling “
NO!”
she rushed the figure.
In that instant the man turned.
Con! Shirtless! Barefoot. Loose cotton pajama pants hanging on his hips clinging to his thighs.
“Tam?”
She tried to release the bowling ball and stop, but momentum carried her forward.
Con’s arms stretched out.
The ball dropped, banging her knee, at the same time she plowed into his chest. They went down in a heap. Her shoulder bumped against the side rail of Susa’s bed, and Con’s weight knocked her breath away.
“Mommy?”
“I can’t breathe,” Tam gasped. “Get off me.”
“Sorry.” Con scrambled to his feet.
Air rushed into Tam’s lungs.
“Mommy?”
Susa’s plaintive cry finally reached Tam’s ears. Ignoring her own hurts, she sat up and took Susa’s hand. “It’s all right fairy girl. Everything’s okay. You can go back to sleep.”
“I don’t feel good.”
Tam put her hand on Susa’s forehead. Her child was burning up. “Con, get me a washcloth soaked in cold water.” While Con went for a compress, Tam took her daughter’s temperature.
Con returned, and Tam placed the compress on Susa’s forehead, then checked the small clock on the bedside table. 5:38 a.m. “Mommy’s going to call the doctor. Con will stay with you until I get back.” Worry tensing every muscle, she looked to her ex-lover. He nodded.