As the last button came free and she unclasped her bra, Con reared up. He whipped off his T-shirt. She tore open his belt and ripped his zipper downward. Her hands pulled boxers and jeans to his knees, caressing the strong columns of his legs. His sex sprang free, lunging and rampant with its own will. Long and thick, she had to touch. It pulsed hot, so hot, that answering need burned within her.
His palms slid upward, shivering along her legs, lifting her skirt. Her pulse beat against his thumbs where they played at the apex of her thighs, close, not close enough. Dampness soaked the tiny strip of cloth that kept his touch from her sex. Impatient, her bottom shifted up and back.
He smiled. Cupping her with one hand, he reached into the jeans crumpled at his knees. “Want something?” He held a foil packet in his raised hand. His other hand massaged and tortured her.
She raised her shoulders and grabbed the packet with one hand. Unwilling to release him completely, she tightened her other hand’s grip.
He groaned, and his fingers slipped beneath her panties. His free hand sought her breast, molding and shaping but still making her wait.
She pumped his cock as her teeth tore open the packet, and extracted the latex. Seminal fluid glistened at his tip. She used her thumb to slick the liquid over the head of his penis.
“Tam, please,” he begged. “Put an end to this misery?”
She smiled. “Just as soon as you end mine, and get my panties out of the way.”
He shredded the cloth at the same moment that she rolled the condom over his length.
He grasped her shoulders, pushing her back to the ground, positioned himself, and dove inside.
Slick and ready as she was, the pleasure of his invasion shocked her system. Tears leaked from her eyes as she cried out, “Con!”
Instantly he stilled. “Shh! Sweetness, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. We’ll stop, right now.” He began to ease away.
Using all her strength she clamped down on him. “Don’t you dare.”
“But…”
She set her inner muscles to stroking him, showing him the same pleasure he’d given her. “You didn’t hurt me. I-I’ve just never felt so much all at once. I love what you’re doing, please, please. Don’t stop.”
“You’re certain.”
“With all my heart.” She couldn’t tell him she loved him, couldn’t give him that power over her, so she let her love show in her face and in each stroke of her body against his.
“Then let’s try this.”
He gathered her in his arms and rose up on his knees. Her bottom rested against his thighs. Their bodies still joined, he pushed deeper. His hands slipped beneath her. He squeezed her buttocks, lifting and lowering her, matching her rhythm, producing exquisite echoes of that earlier shock, building sensation atop sensation.
She hadn’t thought she could feel more, but every tender touch drew on her passion for him, opened her and linked her with him. She arched her back, increasing their contact, offering her body to him as she dared not offer her love.
His lips closed over one nipple, heating it, drawing it into his mouth. One hand slipped between their bodies. He sucked harder and strummed the knot of her pleasure.
She shattered. Waves of ecstasy rained on her. Distantly she heard his hoarse cry, and he joined her, drowning in that flood of passion.
Hearts racing, breathing in gasps, they sat slumped against each other for long minutes, until the night air chilled the sweat on their bodies, and Tam shivered.
****
Con laid her on the picnic cloth, stretched out beside her, and spread the spare blanket over them. He curled his arm around her and drew her to his side. She nestled her head on his shoulder.
“We can leave now, if you want.”
“No,” she answered. “I think I’d like to see the dawn with you.”
“Okay. But if you get cold, we’ll sleep in the car.”
“You’ll keep me warm.”
He would, if he had to make love to her all night. Con grinned, then relaxed, waiting for sleep to come.
Beside him Tam slept soundly, but Con lay awake, unable to rest despite his pleasantly sated exhaustion and the comfort of holding Tam in his arms. He loved her now as much as he always had, if not more. Her desertion had cut him deeply, and the discovery that she’d hidden their daughter from him spurred a rage that only time and love could temper.
Considering the past, he should be amazed that he still loved her. However, the days spent with Susa made Tam’s motives clear. He’d discovered in himself a fiercely possessive streak regarding their daughter that had nothing to do with territory and everything to do with love. What he felt for Susa was as strong as—maybe stronger than—his unyielding need to guard Tam’s wellbeing. He would let nothing and no one keep him from Susa, including Tam. Even if he didn’t agree with her reasons for staying away, once done, he could well understand the fear that drove Tam to keep Susa secret.
Susa sat like a bone between snarling dogs. If he and Tam couldn’t resolve their differences—share their daughter, clear up misunderstandings, and build a lasting trust—Susa would be torn apart in the resulting custody battle. For their daughter’s sake, he had to convince Tam that they needed to form a family. He’d made a good start. She trusted him enough to leave Susa in his care, but he couldn’t get Tam to see him as Susa’s father, and he was running out of time.
Chapter Fifteen
He must have fallen asleep at some point because Tam’s kiss woke him. He didn’t mind. In fact, overjoyed at this sign that she at least wanted his body, he wrapped his arms around her and returned the kiss with fervor.
When they finally came up for air, he stared at her in wonder. How could she not know they belonged together?
“Look.” She pointed past him.
He turned his head to see the sunrise. Golden light burnished the hills and slopes, and the lake gleamed a brilliant sparkle of blue unlike anything he’d ever seen, save Tamsin’s eyes when she looked at or thought about Susa.
He turned back to Tam and caught a flash of that same blue glitter before she shuttered her gaze as if she knew she revealed too much. Between that brief glimmer and last night’s passion, Con began to believe his efforts to win Tam back were working. All he had to do was persist, and they could become the family they were supposed to be.
“Thank you.” He dropped a kiss on her nose.
A loud gurgle announced that Tam was hungry. Her face flushed.
Con grinned and stood, holding out a hand. “We’d better get you fed.”
Tam hauled herself up and, once they’d dressed, helped to clean up the picnic site. “Too bad we ate all of our dinner.”
“We never ate desert.” He grinned.
She shook her head. “Somehow day-old pound cake and warm lemon sauce doesn’t appeal as breakfast food.”
“True. I recall passing a 24/7 diner on the way here. We can get breakfast there.”
“Great. I’m hungry enough to eat like a trucker.” Her gurgling stomach chorused agreement.
****
Tam stared out the window and took one last look at the shadows fading from the hills. The Fish Hill Creek outlook would forever be linked in her mind to the night she finally admitted that she couldn’t choose whom she loved. She’d tried not to love Con. She’d stayed away and kept his daughter from him, even when her heart ached to be with him. As she had in Montana, she repeated the long list of reasons she’d used to justify her actions. None of them made sense any longer.
She only had to watch Con with Susa to know he’d be an ideal, loving father. Her daughter would never suffer from the neglect of a dad too busy to love his family. Susa would have the best of everything, including the love of two parents. Marriage didn’t have to be a trap of unrelenting depression and loneliness.
Fear had kept Tam from admitting the truth when Connor appeared in Montana. Fear caused her to irrationally accuse him of territorial possessiveness and demand apologies, when she should be the one saying
I’m sorry
. She didn’t know how to prove to him that she regretted her actions. She’d apologized for deserting him. Or had she? The more she thought about it, the greater became her belief that, beyond a few irate words exchanged on the day he arrived in Arizona, she’d never given Con the slightest reason to imagine she was sorry, really sorry. That too had probably been the result of fear. If she had fears that marriage between them might fail because she’d repeat her parents’ mistakes or that Susa might be hurt in the resulting custody fight, Tam had only herself to blame. It was past time she owned up to her part in creating their problems and apologized to him.
“I’m sorry.”
Con slowed the car, while he negotiated the last curves of Apache Trail. “That’s not the kind of comment I hoped for after a night like last night.”
Apologizing for her sins would be difficult at best and most likely painful as well. Tam was perfectly willing to delay the experience. “What did you expect?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Something like
thank you
or
you’ve spoiled me for other men
.” He grinned as the road straightened.
Tam lowered her head and gazed at the fingernail she worried. “If it’s any consolation, you have spoiled me for other men.”
He was silent for so long that she cast him a sidewise glance. She found him studying her from his peripheral vision.
“That’s very flattering. If I’m such a great lover, why are you sorry?”
She swallowed and gathered her courage. “I’m trying to apologize for hurting you. I should have had more faith in you, and I should have trusted that you would love Susa as much as I did.”
“It’s okay, Tam. I understand why you stayed away.”
“You do?”
“Sure. Your silence hurt me more than words can say. I never got numb to the pain of losing you. I was like a wounded animal, determined to strike out at the cause. I would have been afraid too if I were you.”
“I know I worried about losing Susa, but I doubt I ever thought you’d be violent. I am very sorry I was so insensitive to your feelings.”
Con flexed his fingers against the steering wheel, giving a small hint that he might feel as tense as she. “Your apology isn’t needed, but I accept it. While I’m still hurt, my anger has faded. I haven’t been really angry at you in the past five years. However, angry or not, I never stopped wondering. In your heart, you had to have known I’d be at that conference in Montana. I believe you attended Buddswell’s conference mostly to find me and work out our unresolved issues. Your business needs simply offered you the excuse you needed. I forgive you for the hurt you caused and for keeping Susa a secret. I understand, and while I can’t agree with your reasoning, you had our daughter’s welfare as your primary concern.
She listened in silence then looked out the window at a passing field of saguaros. “You make me sound predictable, petty, and completely un-self-aware.”
“I don’t intend to. Put in the context of your relationship with your father, your mom’s regrettable choice, and the fact that you were pregnant and ill when you made the decision to sever all contact, your actions are understandable.
“Really?” She kept her tone mild and her gaze on the scenery. Inwardly she raged. Here she was trying to acknowledge her faults and get past them, and he dismissed her concerns. Of all the condescending, arrogant, and chauvinistic statements that was the worst. By comparison Buddswell looked tolerant and reasonable. To think that she’d felt guilty for the anguish she’d caused Con. Pain lanced through her because she did love him. “So the hurt and anger of the past seven years are only the mistake of a sick, hormonally hysterical woman’s imagined fears.”
In her peripheral vision his hands flexed on the steering wheel again. He must have recognized the sarcasm in her tone.
“I’m not certain that I’d blame your fears on pregnancy exactly, but you have to admit they were pretty unreasonable given that you had no evidence one way or the other of what kind of husband and father I’d be.”
But she’d had evidence, or believed she had in the form of that engagement announcement and his immersion in his work. For seven years that and his silence had been enough evidence that she and Con were all wrong together. The question was whether or not she still believed the truth implied by his silence. How could she reconcile the work-obsessed man she’d known seven years ago with the man he’d proven to be over the past two weeks? Whatever she concluded about Con, was she willing to share her daughter? Regardless of her feelings, would Tam have any choice in Susa’s custody, or would she be forced to tear her heart in two battling for the most precious thing in her life with the man she couldn’t stop loving.
The situation now was very different, but she still needed time to think. With Con’s four weeks half gone and business demands eating every available moment, she had no time to spare. One thing was certain, she needed to prepare for the worst, and for that she needed information. She’d spent too much time on her muddle of conflicting emotions. That was no way to close a deal, especially the deal of a lifetime.
“Let’s put the past behind us for the moment,” she said. “Let’s talk about what kind of a father you will be to Susa. Exactly how do you think we should handle custody? What do you think is best for her?”
“I’ve already told you what I think is best for Susa. She needs a fulltime mother and father. You and I should marry. Then we could give Susa a whole family.”
“I don’t think it’s that simple.”
“I didn’t say it would be. From my experience—and I can’t claim a lot—families are messy and a whole lot more complicated than a business deal.”
“Yes, but families succeed or fail on the basis of how much trust and love they have.”
“We both love Susa a great deal. As for trust…we’re working on that.”
“Are we?”
He cast her a look full of angry questions but kept silent until he found a good spot to pull off the road. He put the car in park, then focused that laser beam gaze on her.
“Just what do you call it when you leave Susa with me for hours on end? Tiddlywinks? What about when you trust me to pick her up, drop her off, make her lunch, put her to bed, watch my language around her, provide a good and healthy example, or a trillion zillion other things that any mother trusts any father to do? What is all of that, if not trust?”