Defining Love: Volume 3 (Defining Love #3) (6 page)

“I gotta go,” I said, trying not to let the memory of her comment
ruin this visit for me. Seeing her today really would be the highlight of my
day if not my week. “Call me if you need to talk after you have that
conversation with Edi.”

We left my office together. I almost didn’t say it because I
didn’t want her to think I was any way trying to influence her decision, but I
had to. What I felt for her now was
unreal,
and I didn’t know how much
longer I could go without doing something more than just telling her about it.

“It won’t be easy,” I said with a genuine grimace. “It wasn’t
when I broke things off with Mia, but as shitty as I felt seeing her cry, I
knew it was the right thing to do. I’m glad I did it now. I know, with time,
I’ll feel even better about having done it.”

She nodded with the same dreadful frown she’d worn Saturday
night. All I could do now was hope she’d go through with it. “Good luck,” I
said, before forcing myself to walk away.

~*~

Henri

I lost the nerve to set up the chair bed in the front
room. I hadn’t slept in it since Edi had gotten back from California just after
New Year’s. I knew if she walked in and I had it set up she’d know immediately
something was up, and I didn’t want her jumping to conclusions. She already had
her preconceptions of what might be going on between Aaron and me. This wasn’t
about that, not entirely anyway. And I had every intention of driving that
point home.

But I was tired, so I’d brought a blanket and pillow out to the
sofa while I waited for her to arrive. As soon as I heard her coming up the
stairs outside, I rushed to the door. I opened the door before she could even
try to unlock it and felt my heart swell when I saw her. I’d been wrong. I
had
missed her. I was so good to see her, but at the same time, my heart ached.
Could I really do this?

The moment she walked in, I hugged her, and she dropped her bag,
wrapped her arms around my waist, and squeezed me, burying her face in my neck.
“
God,
I missed you,” she whispered against my ear.

“I missed you too,” I whispered, feeling my throat constrict.

I didn’t realize it, but I must’ve gone a little stiff because
she pulled away slowly and studied me, her brows slightly pinched. “What’s
wrong?”

“Nothing,” I said quickly, overdoing the adamant shake of my
head.

My heart pounded. I was going to chicken out. My mind was already
racing with excuses. Maybe I shouldn’t do this tonight. Maybe I should wait
into she’s settled back in. She was likely and understandably tired and had
just arrived home from a long trip after all. I should give her some time
before laying this on her. But she pulled further away, continuing to stare at
me.

“What happened?”

“Nothing happened,” I said, reaching for her hand, and she let me
but still stared at me questionably. Already, I could see uncertainty in her
eyes manifest into fear then . . . something else.

“Did you sleep with him?” she asked, yanking her hand away.

“No!”

My heart thudded. I knew, technically, I was completely innocent
of any wrong doing except for today. Today, when I saw Aaron after not having
seen or heard from him in just two days—in his uniform, smiling at me as he had
and looking so
unbelievably
amazing—I’d been floored by what I felt for
him now. I could deny anything had happened between us all I wanted, because on
the surface nothing had, only inside I knew better.

“Then what is it?” she asked again, searching my eyes. “Why are
you looking at me like that?”

I was going to try and argue—play the fool and pretend I had no
idea what she was talking about—but out of nowhere, I was hit with sudden
valor.

“We need to talk.” I said as her eyes widened. “Nothing happened
between Aaron and me. So please stop looking at me like that. This has nothing
to do with him.”

She closed the door, pushed her bag out of the middle of the room
with her foot and began taking her jacket off. “So talk,” she said simply.

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

The instant pain in her eyes nearly made me take it back. I
started toward her, but she held up her hand.

“Edi, I love you.” My stupid voice gave, but I pressed on. “I
really do. You’re my best friend, and I’m terrified of losing you, but I’m not
gay. I’m sorry. I know I said I could do this. I know you didn’t want to and
this is what you were afraid of and I really tried. Don’t get me wrong. It’s
been beautiful, and I really have enjoyed being with you, but—”

“How can you say that?” she finally said, her voice breaking,
too, as the tears welled up her eyes. “How can you say that you’ve enjoyed it,
but—?”

“Because,” I said, getting closer to try and cup her face, but
she moved away. “I
have
,” I insisted and meant it. “I really have. I
wasn’t faking what I feel for you. You mean
everything
to me. This just
isn’t me, Edi. I’m afraid the longer we keep doing this the harder it’s going
to be.”

“So why now?” she asked, her brows tightening, only this time in
pain, not confusion. “Are you and he—?”

“No,” I said even louder this time. “This is something I’ve been
thinking about for some time, and okay,” I conceded with a hesitant nod, “maybe
hearing him talk about ending his relationship, even after ten years, because
it’s the right thing to do, inspired me to do the same because it’s not fair to
you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Edi scoffed loudly, shaking her head and grabbing a napkin from
the counter. “You don’t think this hurts?”

“I
know
it does. It hurts my heart to do this, but I’m not
ending our friendship. I want that still. I
need
you in my life. I’ve
been so afraid of that part of our relationship ending. It’s why I was hoping
this would work, but it’s not right. And the longer this goes on, the more
painful it’ll be later.”

She stared at me as she swatted tears away. Then I saw her notice
the blanket and pillow on the sofa behind me. She glanced back at me, and I
could see it had finally sunk in. This was really happening. “I could hardly wait
to get back to you,” she whispered.

“I’m still here,” I said, feeling completely choked up. “I missed
you too. I’m not going anywhere.”

Spinning around, she grabbed her bag and started to her room.

“Edi,” I called out, but she shook head, lifting her hand in the
air as if to say she was done talking.

The door closed behind her, and I buried my face in the palms of
my hands. I hated the thought of her crying herself to sleep. But I was certain
that would be the case because I knew I would.

As hard as it was to do that and as much as it hurt my heart to
know she was hurting, I thought of Aaron’s words today.
It was the right
thing to do.
I know with time I’ll feel even better about having done it.

God, I hoped he was right.

~~~

The following morning was surprisingly less brutal than
I thought it’d be. I could hardly believe I’d slept through Edi leaving. She
was gone when I woke. But then I’d tossed and turned most the night so when I
finally fell asleep I must’ve knocked out good. Of course, knowing Edi, I thought
she’d probably done her best not to wake me to avoid having to talk to me.

I tried to go about my day as usual, though I could hardly
concentrate on anything. Not only were thoughts of Edi and what was going to
happen with us invading my mind all day, thoughts of Aaron never really left my
mind either. I considered calling him more than once but just couldn’t. I felt
guilty enough that what should be all-consuming reflections of loss and fear
about what was going to happen between Edi and me were being drowned out by
thoughts of
him
.

Thursday morning I was beyond relieved to hear Edi say she
thought it’d be best if she attended her friend’s party that Friday alone. I’d
been dreading it from the moment I realized she might still be expecting me to
go with her. We’d barely exchanged a few words the whole week, and she’d
noticeably been avoiding being the same room with me for too long, but when she
told me, she’d sounded genuinely apologetic. She said she didn’t want me to
think she was doing it to spite me.

“Astrid will probably be there like she has been at other parties
since you and me . . .” She cleared her throat. “But I don’t want you to think
I’m running back to her or that I’m looking to hook up with anyone. I’m not
like that. I wouldn’t do that to you. I just need some time with my other
friends—alone.”

She left out “to vent,” but I knew that’s what she meant and I
understood. They’d likely have a hate-fest like the ones she’d never actually
admitted they’d had before, but it was what I called them. I’d obsessed so much
about my relationship with Edi that I’d read up enough to know the lesbian
community even had a name for what they were very likely assuming I was—a LIC:
Lesbian In College. And they weren’t particularly fond of LICs.

In other words, I was just experimenting and trying both teams
for my own pleasure but ultimately knew which team I was really playing for. I
didn’t like the implication because it wasn’t true. Edi knew I’d never toy with
her heart or willfully hurt her. She knew I truly loved her as my friend and
that was the
only
reason I agreed to even try this in the first place.
While I hated that she might be having this kind of hateful conversation about
me Friday, maybe not actually saying the hateful things but her friends filling
her head with the ideas, I was glad she felt well enough to go out.

On Wednesday, I’d talked to Bea, who was still apologetic about
the past Friday. Given everything that had happened since then, I refused to
let her apologize further for “jumping to
unfounded
conclusions.” She
also hadn’t mentioned anything about Aaron and Mia’s break up, and I could only
conclude she still didn’t know, though I dared not mention it.

But Thursday was another story. The moment I got in her car when
she picked me up, I could feel the difference in her chilly reception. We drove
in silence for a little bit as I began to wonder how long I could do
this
.
Evidently something had happened between Wednesday and Thursday. If I had to
guess, Bea now knew about the breakup, and judging by her icy demeanor, clearly
she blamed me.

I actually had begun to feel resentful. Sure, Aaron admitted to
having feelings for me, but their breakup
wasn’t
my fault. I didn’t even
have any intention of letting him in on what I’d begun to feel for him.

“Did something happen between you and Aaron this weekend?” she
said, finally breaking the silence.

“No,” I replied immediately ready to stand my ground.

“I mean they’re broken up now. It wouldn’t matter if something
did. You can just admit it if something happened.”

“Nothing happened,” I started to say. “We talked; that’s all. But
I would never—”

“He told Mia he’s in love with you.”

I stared at her, staggered and speechless. She glanced at me for
a moment then back at the road. I still had no words.

“She did say she’d prodded and accused him of it and he sort of
denied it at first.” Bea lifted and dropped a shoulder. “When he and I talked
Saturday morning and I told him about going over to your place and that I’d
told you what Mia thought, he’d been pissed. He said he was a grown ass man. He
didn’t get
infatuated
. Mia said it wasn’t until their argument got
pretty loud and ugly and she continued to accuse of him of being in love with
you that he finally admitted he was. I told her maybe he
is
just infatuated
like she first thought but feels stupid about admitting it. Love just seems so
profound, you know? He hasn’t known you long enough.” We came to a stop and she
turned to me. “He
is
a grown ass man, and he’s been with Mia long enough
to know the difference, Henri. Besides, your worlds are too different for it to
ever work, and you’re so much younger than he is too. He’s gotta know that.
Mia’s hoping this is his version of an early midlife crisis.” She lifted a brow
with an almost pleading expression. “So am I.”

Up until that moment, I’d planned on coming in on Friday since I
wasn’t going to the party with Edi after all. Edi’s “I wouldn’t do that to you”
comment had kept me from being too detailed when Aaron texted me yesterday to
ask how my conversation with her had gone. I planned on being good and not give
into the temptation to call him or even text him. But I didn’t think I could
wait until Sunday to finally see him again. Now I wasn’t sure if I should come
back at all.

Chapter 16

Aaron

Are you home?

I sat up straight in my chair when I read the text from
Henrietta. This was the first I’d heard from her since Wednesday morning when I
texted her to ask how things had gone with Edi. She’d been vague, saying not
too good and she’d tell me about it later. Bea was supposed to pick her up
today, but when I got here, the disappointment that she wasn’t here was brutal.
Waiting until Sunday to have to see her had already been torture, especially
because she hadn’t responded to any of my texts since Wednesdays.

Bea said Henrietta had texted her this morning to let her know
she didn’t need to pick her up because she wasn’t going to make it in today.
She wasn’t feeling well. Of course, I immediately texted her to see if
everything was okay, but again she hadn’t responded. I tried again later in the
day and nothing.

It was almost annoying that she’d waited until this late to
reply. Of course, that didn’t keep me from responding. My heart was already
beating faster just from seeing her text. I responded with a simple
yes,
refraining to ask more, and waited. I could practically hear my own heartbeat
as I waited in the heavy silence of the room for her response and then she did.
I clicked on it anxiously.

Alone?

I frowned, wondering if I should just call her. Was that was she
was getting at? That she wanted to talk to me, but she wanted to make sure I
was alone? And why the hell hadn’t she responded to my other texts? I decided
not to call only because I didn’t know what was going on with her. Had Edi
given her the ultimatum she’d been so afraid of? Had she decided she couldn’t
go through with it after all and that’s why she’d thought it better to distance
herself from me?

The thought hurt, but if it were the case, I planned to do what I
said I would. I’d respect her decision and continue to be professional with
her. If I called now, it might cause problems for her if Edi was with her. So I
responded with another simple
yes
.

I could think of a million things I wanted to ask her—say to
her—but I had to get it together. Each second that passed without another
response from her felt like minutes. I prayed my phone would ring. What I’d
give to just hear her voice. It was a slight disappointment to see another text
from her and not a call until I read it.

Did you really tell Mia you’re in love with me?

My heart nearly stopped, and I stared at the text for a moment as
a myriad of questions came to mind all at once. Who told her? Bea? Or had Mia
actually come down here and confronted her while she’d been working? Was that
why Henrietta hadn’t responded to any of my texts? Is that why she’d called in
sick today? But most clamoring, why did she want to know?

I figured I’d know soon enough and there’d be no point in lying
now. So I sent off my third single word text to her in a row but couldn’t sit
anymore. This time waiting for her response as I paced around my office was
absolute torment.

“Is it true?”

I flinched at the sound of her voice, jerking my head in the
direction of the doorway to my office where she stood. After I’d gone this long
without seeing her and then she showed up so unexpectedly, she was a glorious
sight to behold. Even in the lounging outfit or rather
especially
in the
lounging outfit similar to the one she wore when I got to spend time with her
in my hotel room. I’d kept replaying that evening’s conversation in my head all
these days I’d been away from her.

“It is,” I said, staring at her, not sure what to expect, but my
gut told me she wouldn’t be here if she didn’t already believe it was true.

My only dread was that she was here to discuss her resignation
after confirming this. To my relief, she smiled, leaning against the doorway,
so I leaned back, sitting on the edge of my desk, and also smiled, exhaling for
the moment. I still wasn’t sure what this meant.

“And you’re sure it’s not an early midlife crisis?”

“
What?
”

I laughed as I felt the tiniest of tension releases, seeing the
playful smirk on her face. If she were making light of this, then my admitting
I was in love with her must not be such a bad thing.

She smiled even bigger, tilting her head. “It’s what Mia and Bea
are hoping,” she explained. “Bea still thinks you’re just infatuated.”

I had to roll my eyes. I should’ve known. “They can hope all they
want. My grown ass should know the difference between being in love and
infatuation.” I paused for a moment, unsure if I should say it, then thought
fuck it. I’d held it in long enough. If I was going to admit this, I wouldn’t
water it down. “Make no mistake about it, Henri. I’m absolutely and
hopelessly
in love with you.”

There was a sudden shine in her eyes, and she chewed the corner
of her lip as she pushed herself away from the doorway and took a few steps
forward sashaying toward me as my heart thundered in anticipation. “I’m
absolutely and hopelessly in love with you too, Aaron.”

The moment she was close enough, I wrapped my arms around her
waist and pulled her to me. “Don’t ever disappear on me again,” I whispered
before kissing those lips I’d ached to kiss for too long then pulled away to
look at her before kissing her even deeper.

Her mouth was even softer and sweeter than I’d imagined. It was a
struggle to remain calm and kiss her as softly as I knew I should, but I’d been
dreaming of this for too long, imagining what it would be like to hold her in
my arms, taste her mouth, and now, even as I was doing it, I couldn’t get
enough.

She ran her fingers through my hair gently as I pulled her even
tighter against me. I let my hands roam up and down her back, not sure if she’d
object to more than just kissing even if this weren’t just kissing anymore. I
was devouring her mouth, and she moaned softly in response. My mouth moved down
the side of her mouth, kissing her chin. She let her head fall back, and I dove
in, sucking the soft skin on her neck and making her entire body quiver and
moan even louder.

I knew we should talk. There was so much we needed to discuss—get
straight—but I was almost afraid to. I wasn’t sure what exactly was happening
here. Why did she even come here tonight? Saying something that might stop
whatever it was that was happening was a risk I
was not
willing to take.
I’d waited too damn long for this. My body had yearned for this before my mind
would even allow me to admit how badly I wanted this—wanted her.

My hands moved further down the side of her thighs then around
back, caressing the swell of her ass over her soft pants. There was zero
resistance. If she had resisted, I was ready to back off, but she only squirmed
and pressed her body against me—her breasts against my chest even her upper
thighs against my throbbing cock.

On instinct, I lifted her up suddenly, spinning around slowly as
she took my face in her hands and kissed me greedily, sucking my tongue then my
lips. It was so fucking hot. I sat her down on the edge of my desk and spread
her legs. She wrapped her legs around my waist swaying her middle against my
aching crotch.

“Fuck
yeah
,” I groaned, feeling her hand slide over the
front of my bulging erection.

In all the wet dreams I’d had of making love to Henri—and I’d had
plenty—they were just that—
making love
. Slow and beautiful. Not that
this wasn’t beautiful because
gadamn,
but I never imagined our first
time, if that is where this was headed, for me to be fucking her on my desk.
Then she said the magic words. “Do you have protection?”

I froze, gulping and staring breathlessly into those beautiful
eyes. Without another thought, I practically jumped over my desk, reaching the
other side as she giggled, and opened the top drawer. I grabbed my wallet then
pushed everything off my desk. “Or we can go into my bedroom,” I offered as I
pulled the condom out of my wallet.”

“No,” she said, sliding back onto the desk with a wicked smile.
“This is exciting. I wanna do it here.”

My heart nearly pummeled out of my chest when I saw her starting to
pull her pants down. Her wicked smile flattened when I pulled my sweats down
and sprung right out fully erect. I was so fucking ready. She all but stopped
pulling her pants down and stared almost in a trance.

“You okay?” I asked, slightly amused as I began slipping on the
condom.

She nodded but continued to stare, and then it dawned on me. At
her age, it was highly possibly she was still a virgin, albeit not an entirely
innocent virgin since she had been living with her lesbian lover for months.
From the way she’d dived so eagerly into this tonight, she was coming across as
a bit of a sex kitten, as if she couldn’t be any more perfect. But this could
be her first time with . . .

“Henri,” I said before my mind could even finish wrapping itself
around the thought. “Have you ever been with a man?”

She shook her head, and our eyes met momentarily, but then hers
traveled down again.

“This is your first time?” I asked, trying not to sound too
alarmed.

“Yes,” she said, looking up at my eyes again. “But it’s not like
I’ve never had anything . . . you know . . .
inside
me. Edi
did
use her fingers a lot.”

“Baby, that’s not the same,” I explained, as impossibly I felt
even more aroused from the visual she’d just given me. But I still wondered if maybe
we shouldn’t take this into my bedroom where I could at least
try
to be
gentler and things were
softer
.

“Sometimes more than one at a time,” she added as her eyes
continued to roam back down.

“Still not the same,” I said, suppressing a groan, but she
started pulling her pants down again. “Are you sure about this?”

She took my hand and pulled me to her as her pants and panties
dropped to the floor then spread her legs, murmuring in my ear. “
Absolutely
.
You have no idea how long I’ve been fantasizing about having you inside me.”

There was no suppressing the groan this time. I kissed her just
as frantically as she’d kissed me, bringing my hand down to touch her wet slit.
I knew she was anxious and, from the touch of her, absolutely ready, but I also
knew, no matter how sure she said she was, this wasn’t going to be as pleasant
as she might be thinking. Not at first anyway. So as much I wanted to bury
myself deep inside her with a single plunge, I had to take it slow. I slid two
fingers in, and my legs nearly gave out she was
so
tight. She gasped,
spreading a little wider.

“You okay?” Her response was to nip my lower lip then push my
hand in wanting more, so I pushed in deeper, sliding in and out slowly as she
squirmed and then moaned while clawing her fingers into my shoulders. “Fuck
me,” she whispered in my ear.

Kissing her deeply, I positioned myself, teasing her opening with
the tip, and then began sliding in slowly. “Okay?” I asked when I heard her
gasp again.

“Yes.” She nodded. “Keep going.”

Feeling her fingers dig deeper into my shoulders, I slid in
further, spreading apart what I knew was far more than any two fingers could
ever spread. The resistance I felt as I buried myself in deeper and deeper was
as delicious as it was unnerving. For me it felt damn good, but I knew she must
be hurting as tight as she was.

“Still okay?” I asked as I felt myself nearly buried all the way
in her.

She nodded again then kissed me. “It hurts,” she whispered
against my lips, making me go stiff, but then quickly added, “but it’s a good
pain.” She nipped my bottom lip again then moaned softly as I thrust all the
way in. “A
very
good pain.”

I began sliding in and out slowly because I knew I’d be a goner
if I went too fast too soon. Not to take anything from Mia because being with
her, especially in the very beginning, was very special, but this was an
entirely new experience for me. I felt almost dazed with euphoria but at the
same time strangely worried that this was happening too fast.

While we’d both professed our love, we hadn’t discussed anything
else. Her not responding to my texts for days, then not showing up for work
when obviously she was feeling
just fine
, and then brazenly coming here
tonight and getting right to this was a bit unnerving. That’s when I knew how
far gone I was. Only someone completely lovesick would be thinking of that at
moment like this.

“I knew I’d love having you inside me.” Henrietta arched her back
as I sped up. “
God,
that feels so good!”

I couldn’t even speak anymore it felt so damn good. The exhilaration
of it all was just too much, and my climax was building to one I knew was going
to be bigger and so much more profound than any I’d ever felt. I pounded into
her, no longer able to use any restraint as she cried out in pleasure, and then
it happened. I came with a roar, leaning over her and holding on to the desk
for dear life because any strength in my legs drained out as fast as I knew
I
was draining into her.

We stayed that way for a while as we both tried to catch our
breath. Finally, I slowly lifted myself off her, kissing her one last time
before I made my way around the desk. I knew I’d thrown the box of tissue in
that direction along with everything else that flew off my desk. I grabbed it
and pulled a few out of the box then handed it to her. I plopped down on my
chair with one hand over my still pounding heart.

I couldn’t take my eyes off her even after she’d finished putting
her pants back on. “You’re beautiful, you know that, right?” I asked, staring
at her. “I’ve been wanting to say that to you since day one, but it wouldn’t
have been appropriate. Now you’re gonna hear it from me all the time because
it’s the first thing that pops into my head
every single
time I see
you.”