Read Denying Mr. Parks (The Parks #1) Online
Authors: Lilly James
“Then don’t.” My plea made me feel weak. I didn’t want him to stop fighting for me, but I didn’t want him to have me, either. My head space was too much for me to handle, so it was sure as hell going to be too much for Parks.
“Oh, Evelyn,” he rasped, staking into my bedroom with my body wrapped around his like a vine. We fell onto my single bed, and Parks wasted no time in taking off my trousers, then ripping my jumper away. I was still wearing my crotch-less bodice, so I didn’t feel that self-conscious and I was too intoxicated by Parks to feel anything else. I rushed to my feet, getting up from the bed when I was underdressed to pull his white shirt from his chest. I fumbled with the buttons in haste, and we licked and sucked at each other’s tongues as I shoved his shirt from his shoulders. Then I ripped his trousers away, noticing he hadn’t put his boxers back on, which was better for me. When I’d completely undressed him he pushed me back down onto the bed, falling with me. He had me whimpering as he licked into my mouth with hot, needy strokes in the way that told me he not only needed me but wanted to own me. And when he’d caressed my aching body in that powerful, erotic way only he could, the heat dispersed from my pores and awakened not undiscovered sensations, but raw feeling, raw emotion.
“You’re so beautiful to me.” He spoke against my throat before planting quick, deep kisses down my body and sinking deeply into my slick channel with his hard length.
“Hmm.”
He immersed himself into me tightly, and we both mumbled our appreciation at what our bodies could do for one another. “I want to feel
all
of you. And I need you to have every inch of
me
.” Oh, I did feel every
hard
inch of him.
Our bodies were damp as we kissed, stroked tongues, and entwined breaths as he slipped himself into me, then gently pulled out for hours of peaceful, mind-blowing passion. I was falling under his spell, overcome with pleasure, and I didn’t want to unbind it. It was complete and utter Elysium.
“I’m going to stay with you tonight, Evelyn. I want to be buried in your sweetness all night. I’m not giving you a choice to say no. Let me savour you.”
He was going to stay with me, and for the first time with any man, I simply whispered my agreement. “
All night
.”
We kissed, traced tongues, and invaded each other’s space sensually. I refused to take off my bodice to be completely naked, but he didn’t ruin the moment with an argument. He made me come again and again, over and over. He also climaxed endless times throughout endless, sensual sex. Our gazes remained locked as I luxuriated in the body-shattering, confounding, and bewildering sensations. But even these words couldn’t scratch the surface of the feelings Parks gave me.
His forehead rested on mine after two hours, and I wanted to touch the sharp, toned angles of his body. I wanted to kiss every square inch of him. He was damp, hot, and sexy and stayed inside me for a memorable moment as he spoke. “Jesus, Evelyn. Let this be the start of our beginning.”
I opened my eyes and met the warmth of his green eyes. I smoothed my palms up his forearms and felt the protection of a mysterious man I knew near to nothing about. I only knew he was going to be heartbreaking for me. He was going to be possessive, domineering, and capable of damaging me. He was a proud, powerful hunk of a man and wanted everything his way. But I was enraptured and truly captivated by him. He wrenched out my emotions and was trying to get me to show my vulnerability on the outside, and it was slowly working. Which petrified me.
My mind fluctuated quickly, then I took a deep breath for courage and admitted, “You being inside me would seem like a perfect beginning, but because of who I am, it’s going to be a disastrous ending.”
Parks’s pleasurable groan at my admission tugged at my heart. He rested his forehead against mine. “Don’t worry about the end, Evelyn. There will never be one for us.” He stopped moving inside me, rolling his delectable hips. My eyes closed languidly as I soaked up the sensation, soaked up his warmth and, surprisingly, his words. He wanted a beginning with me but no end? The question was, did I want that too? Even if I did, I would fuck it up because that’s what I always did. I didn’t deserve happiness, and there was no such thing as the four-letter words hope and love.
Even though Parks was invading my body perfectly, kissing across my cheeks, my chin, my jaw, and shoulders—actually showing affection—my thoughts hindered the feeling slightly. I didn’t know how to be attentive, and being completely naked with him was never going to be a possibility. That thought stung at me deeply.
“What’s wrong?” He ran his nose up my cheek as he continued to delve into my hidden place. I weaved my fingers into his hair and hesitantly stroked his face.
“I…” I had never before said what I was about to say, so it was a mind fuck for me.
“What is it?” His voice was soft, a little worried.
“I…”
He chuckled and kissed the tip of my nose. His scent was intoxicating, and it made me delirious. “Evelyn, you’re worrying me. And I never get worried.”
I dragged my gaze to the ceiling, pursing my lips. My stomach was cramping, and I was nervous, but I had to spit it out. “I feel safe when I’m in your arms. I can’t explain why, but I do. This may be the wrong moment but…listen to Christina Perry’s “Arms.” It may help you understand how I feel.”
I felt his whole body sag in relief. He bowed his head down into the crook of my neck as he drew out a long breath. He tenderly cupped the side of my face when he pulled his head back up and pinned his gaze on mine.
“Evelyn, you have no idea how much it means to hear you tell me that I make you feel safe. I could see how hard that was for you to say, but it only takes one hand to reach out and help you. I beg you to take mine. I would love nothing more than to be your
safe
, and when you let me understand, I will erase whatever has scarred you.”
“Just erase them for now,” I breathed, needing to stop the conversation. It was heading deep and I wasn’t prepared for it, but I’d told him the truth. Parks made me feel safe, protected, and I finally gave in.
“Anything,” he whispered before pressing a chaste kiss to my lips. He pulled out of me and climbed out of my single bed, gloriously naked.
“Are you leaving?” The panic in my voice startled us both, and he spun his head around sharply to look at me.
“Being in a single bed is not how I’d rather spend my night, but squeezing in it with you is something I wouldn’t trade for the world.”
I chuckled, not at all embarrassed at having mega mogul Parks share my single bed with me. But I was a little confused as he picked up his trousers. Had I scared him off?
“I have something for you.” He was acting extremely, and uncharacteristically, sheepish as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small oval, cream gift box entwined in red ribbon. I sat up in bed and frowned down at the box as I took it from his hand. Pulling at the ribbon, I let it slip from the box and onto the floor, then unclipped the lid. The gem on the black cushion inside swiped the air from my lungs. It was a rich, deep red ruby. I stared at it as Parks spoke.
“It encourages a positive state of mind. It gives you strength in times of conflict. It’s fiery and captivating; it reminded me a little of you.” He sat down next to me and pushed a piece of stray hair behind my ear as I continued to stare at the beautiful object. “I remember you talked about healing crystals. I’m not sure about all that stuff, but I researched it because I felt the passion you held for it and knew I had to get you one.”
I looked up at him and felt my eyes soften whilst I studied his features. This man undoubtedly made my head spin. Made me angry, hot-headed, and sent me spiralling out of control. This man that was draped in confidence, control, and dominance was sitting next to me, nervously hoping that I liked what I had just received from him. A ruby gem stone. Something we had a brief conversation about, but I hadn’t realised he soaked up every word I said. A man like Parks doing something so caring and compassionate for someone like me strained at my heartstrings.
I looked from his wistful, vivid green eyes, then back down at the gem. “I don’t know what to say. For the second time in my life I’m lost for words. Thank you. It’s stunning.” I managed hoarsely. It was a beautiful piece, and a heart-warming statement from Parks. He was encouraging those feelings of mine,
again
, and I knew my need for him was going to get stronger. The question was, was I strong enough to keep fighting him?
“I’m glad you like it,” he whispered with a slight exhalation of relief.
I laid down on Parks chest and twirled the ruby in my hand. He was soothingly playing with my hair, and when I began to drift off to sleep, he kissed my head and asked lazily, “When was the first time you were lost for words?”
I nuzzled into his chest. “When I met you.” I sensed his grin before I sucked in a breath of trepidation. “Do you really think we could have a beautiful beginning?”
He pulled away to gaze down into my almost hopeful eyes. “Beyond any doubt in my mind.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him into me. Jesus. What was I doing? “I want to break down your walls, Evelyn. I will set you free.”
I nuzzled into the kiss he was planting across my cheek. “Then you will need a very large sledgehammer.”
He chucked adorably. “That’s my girl.”
“Evey?” I heard my name being called in the distance, but my lids felt too heavy to open. My body ached, my sex was swollen and sore, and all I wanted to do was sleep. When I tried to turn over in bed, I turned into Parks’s extraordinarily overheated face. I took a dazed moment to stare at the perfection that shared half my pillow, and images from the previous night flicked through my mind. Parks invaded my body all night long, and Jesus, every second of it felt remarkably mind-blowing. I told him he was my safe place. I’d willingly spoken words that would never normally pass my lips, and I felt contented about that. Maybe I was making progress? I remembered the stunning ruby he had given me, and the way he savoured my body throughout the night like it was his only need in this world. I smiled dreamily into my pillow.
After a few vague moments, I heard my name again.
“Evey?”
I opened my eyes quickly, and my heart shot right up into the roof of my mouth. It was Steph, it was morning, and if I didn’t move from my bed, she would walk into my bedroom to a mess of tangled legs and a smell of raw sex.
“Fuck,” I hissed, making Parks stir.
“Princess, come back to bed.” He mumbled, still half-asleep. I snapped my head down to look at him as he called me princess. But I had no time to question the stupid nickname; we needed to move.
I climbed out of bed and hastily ran my gaze over my bodice. Shit. I threw it off, pulled on a long, baggy T-shirt from my lounging pile, and then ran over to the magnificent mountain of a male in my bed.
“Parks,” I hissed again, shaking him. He opened his green eyes lazily, his cheeks flustered and heated from being wrapped around me all night to fit into my single bed. He looked adorable.
“You need to leave. Steph is home. I have to stall her.”
Suddenly he was fully awake. “Shit. What time is it?” He shot out of bed in a fluster and searched around for his phone. “Seven thirty?” he barked, glancing at the time on the screen. He ruffled his hair and clutched at it whilst glancing around my bedroom. “Why didn’t you wake me? I have never overslept in my life.”
Parks scrambled to get dressed, which amused me completely as I watched the spectacle of a controlled man
losing
control as he tried to gather himself. Then I wasn’t as amused as the realisation of what happened last night dawned on me.
“You…you stayed the night. With me. We slept together. I mean, of course we slept together, but we actually slept together. Hugging.”
Parks glanced towards me wearing a slight scowl as he buttoned his shirt. “Is that a bad thing? Because for me, having such a beautiful woman fall asleep in my arms is something I plan to savour for quite some time. Besides, you should feel privileged. Wade Parks doesn’t give out hugs freely.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Really? So I should be grateful for an exclusive WParks hug?”
“That’s right, baby.”
“Baby?” I mirrored his grin, but Steph’s voice halted our conversation.
“Evey?”
I winced. “I’m awake, Steph.” She was about to walk into my room like she did most mornings, but I ran towards the door and jammed it shut.
“What the hell are you doing, Evey? We need to talk about yesterday. Let me in.”
My gaze shot to Parks as he fastened his belt. He looked back at me, his eyes narrowed and confused. I was worried about what may come out of Steph’s mouth next and panicking because Parks seemed to want to make himself known.
I put my finger to my lips to tell him not to talk. He shook his head, exasperated at my reprimand, as he moved towards me.
“I have to leave, Evelyn. I have a meeting in an hour. Let go of the door. You’re being ridiculous.”
“Evey? Do you have a man in there with you?”
I pushed my back against the door to stop her coming in and pressed my palm against Parks’s chest to stop him leaving. “I’m begging you,” I whispered, losing whatever pride I had left. “Don’t do this.” I knew how I would look to my best friend if Parks—the man she had crashed into and my boss—was to walk out of my bedroom. I couldn’t lose my support network.
“It’s the radio,” I told Steph, who wasn’t stupid, and the insidious glare Parks gave me made me move aside. I was defeated.
“Oh my God.” Steph’s mortified expression as Parks emerged from my room made me want to hide under my bed and never come out again, but I had to face the situation head-on.
I walked through the door, and Parks dipped to unexpectedly kiss me on my cheek. “I have to go. I’ll see you at work.”
I grimaced under the close scrutiny of my best friend, but she didn’t allow Parks to get away with it, either.
“Don’t fucking move, Wade. Do you want to tell me what the fuck you are doing in my flat?”
He audaciously smirked and glanced at me, humouring her. I wanted to die right then on the spot. “Come on, Steph, can’t you determine what a man like me might have got up to with Evelyn last night?”
She sucked in a disgusted breath. “You’re sleeping together? Evey, tell me he’s lying.”
I wrapped my arms around my cold body and bit my lip before answering. “Steph, I…” I couldn’t give her an explanation, not without pouring my heart out, and I couldn’t even do that.
“So.” She pointed towards Parks. “He’s the reason you messed my brother around? Fuck. I told him to be patient because of your issues, but now I know your issue was
him
.”
I shook my head quickly. “No, it wasn’t like that.”
“Look ladies,” Parks interrupted, “I would love to stay and witness your argument, but I really have to go.”
I almost wanted to swing for him. He thought it was some sort of game? He didn’t know the depth of what Steph and I had been through. He didn’t understand that my lies and deceit could break our bond. He didn’t get it.
“No, you don’t,” Steph warned. “Tell me,
Wade
, did you take full advantage of Evey when she was drunk? Because I know she hates men like you. Sure you’re gorgeous, but you’re her arrogant, nob-head boss. She wouldn’t have gone near you if she was sober.”
I gulped, my gaze darting towards Parks’s bewildered expression. He turned his attention to Steph. “What are you insinuating, miss? Because I don’t think I like the sound of what it may be.” His gaze roamed from her eyes to mine, and she followed it until she was also looking at me. When she saw my eyes had dropped to the floor, and my whole body had sagged in failure, she instantly knew Parks had no understanding of my addiction.
“Fuck.” She covered her mouth with her hand. “You haven’t told him? Of course you haven’t. Because you lie, don’t you, Evey? You lie and manipulate people to suit you.”
Parks walked towards me, still confused, but he wanted to protect me, so he shot Steph down. “I think you should calm down, Steph. I will not have you speaking to Evelyn this way.”
She was laughing now. “I’m surprised a man of your calibre hasn’t figured it out.”
A frown line dominated his face. “Figured out what?”
My heart was pounding, and the situation was making me anxious and breathless. Steph knew that in addition to me being an ex-addict, I had panic attacks if I was put into a traumatic situation. One of those situations was telling anyone I was an alcoholic, because it was a label I refused to give myself or let people know about.
Steph seemed to have switched into a completely different person. I didn’t recognize my best friend now. “Tell him what you are, Evey. Tell him what you do to people.”
I begged with my eyes whilst trying to control my breathing. “Steph, why are you doing this?”
Beside me, I heard Parks’s jaw click. He was getting more and more agitated. “Tell me what?” he demanded.
“She’s an alcoholic,” Steph spat.
My throat swallowed up any words I may have said whilst Steph’s words rang in my ears. I closed my eyes in sorrow, feeling hugely betrayed, ugly, and ashamed.
Parks drew in a sharp, painful breath beside me and suddenly let go of my waist. “She’s a...what?” he whispered like he was winded. My breathing become deeper as I stared at him, watching him shake his head in denial. “No. You’re wrong. I would have known something like this.”
I couldn’t comprehend his reaction. He was windblown. Shocked. Disgraced. I felt him withdraw from me in an instant, suddenly ice cold and reticent. I swallowed the lump in my throat and narrowed my eyes in pain and confusion.
“Tell me she’s lying, Evelyn.”
I looked away from his pale, fallen face and the torment in his eyes.
“Oh, I’m not lying,” Steph shrieked. “She’s an alcoholic, and I can’t even say a recovering one anymore because she keeps fucking failing herself.”
Unusual tears stabbed at the corners of my eyes from the hurtful words she punched into my chest. “Steph, don’t say those things.” She wasn’t at all remorseful, and I understood her reason, I did, but her cruel words felt like a knife through my heart and lungs.
Parks rubbed his face, almost looking exhausted. Half of me didn’t care what he thought, but the stupid half of me did, and I needed to explain, especially when he looked so surprisingly tormented by this revelation.
“Steph, give me a minute with Evelyn.” It was a demand, but Steph wasn’t willing to participate.
“I won’t give you anything. You’re the reason she hurt my brother. And now, evidently, you’re the reason she’s stooped back down to that low point.”
“I need one minute.” I knew he was clenching his jaw by the squeezed way his words came out, but I couldn’t look at him. Steph glared at him, and her gaze drifted to mine and lingered. Sagging out of defeat, she turned away from me and pulled on her coat. “You know what, you can have her. I’m leaving. I can’t stand to look at the two of you and watch the car crash you’re heading towards. You see, Evey?” She pointed to me again with teary eyes. “When you lie, it hurts people, and you don’t realise the damage you cause because you’re too wrapped up in your own selfish world. You try so hard to not end up like your parents, but you’re exactly like them.”
I wiped away tears that threatened to expose me and looked into Steph’s eyes, obliterated. “I’m nothing like them.” But my voice was weak, helpless, and lifeless.
“Yes, you are. You lied to me, Evey. You lied to my brother. You’re drinking again and sleeping with your boss for fuck sake.” I buried my face in my hands, feeling drained. “When you came to live here nine months ago, I told you what the terms were; there was to be no more drinking. I thought you could do it. I had complete faith in taking you away from a life of nothing—where you lived on your own in a lonely black hole—to bring you into a life of
something
with me. I’ve seen you at your worst, Evey, and I thought you were getting back to your best.”
I cleared my throat again to speak and looked up at her again. “I am, Steph. I’m getting my life back together.”
She shook her head, staring wistfully at the picture of us on the wall. “You were. But now you’re going back down that dark, dangerous path. And I’m not prepared to go back there with you. You obviously feel more at home there, so you’re welcome to it. When I get back, I want you gone.”
I swallowed that hard lump in my throat again. “You’re kicking me out?”
She turned her back on me. “I’ll give you an hour.” I knew by the melancholy tangled in her voice that she didn’t want to do this, but she was sticking to her guns.
I walked towards her and pulled at her coat. “Steph, don’t be unreasonable.”
Steph swung around to face me, knocking me backwards. Veins were popping on her neck and her eyes bulging. “Unreasonable?” she screeched. “Fucking unreasonable? I took you in, Evey. I got you better. I took you off drink and drugs and moved you away from people who wanted you fucking dead. I put my life in danger for you. Yet here you are. Back to lying, back to drink. You purposely hurt Alex by finishing what could have been great for you to sleep with your fucking boss. I knew there was something going on between you two.” She waved her hand in the space between me and Parks, but I couldn’t look at his reaction. I already felt he was withdrawing and knew he wouldn’t back me up now. “I saw the way he looked at you when we had that crash. I should have known, I mean, who in their right mind lets someone off from crashing into their Ferrari?” She kept nodding, seeming deep in thought. “Did you fuck him on the way up to Brighton? Is that why you didn’t mind him giving you a lift?” My wince told her she was right. “Oh my God,” she gasped as tears fell from her eyes. “It’s all becoming clear now. Nights out with the girls from Starbucks. Not answering my calls. Staying out overnight. You were acting erratic because you were fucking him and trying to hide it. You know what, Evey, I’m done. I can’t help you anymore, and you know what, I don’t think anyone can, because you think you’re so fucking strong that you don’t need it. Well you’re wrong, Evey. You’re weak. I want you gone by the time I get back.”
“But I have nowhere to go.”
“I’m sure Wade will put you up. Oh wait, now he knows what you are, I don’t think he will. The disgust he’s looking down on you with tells me as much. You see what you do. You push everyone away. You won’t be happy until you have no one and nothing left, will you?” She turned aggressively and stormed out of the front door, slamming it on her way out.