Suzy Q and I laughed as Izzy B tried to shove mud into the dolls mouth. She had it rubbed all over the dolls face and hers. I didn’t think I’d ever been so happy in my entire life. Even with everything that was goin’ on with the ranch, just knowin’ that my girls were happy, made me the happiest man in the world. It was about time that I showed Suzanna Mallory exactly how I felt about her.
~Chapter 18~
Suzanna~
“Hi, honey, I’m home.” Cade yelled from the front door with a chuckle. He walked into the kitchen where I was working on dinner.
“I don’t know if anyone’s ever told you this, but you are just frickin’ hilarious.” I smiled and kept chopping carrots for the stew I was making for dinner.
“Why actually, yes ma’am. I’ve been told that a time or two.” Cade grabbed a beer out of the fridge and walked over to sit down at the bar. “We’re gettin’ it back in workin’ order, hon. It’s gonna be a long haul, but I think I may be startin’ to see the light now.”
The rebuild was going slow and it was causing Cade a lot of stress. All of us were feeling it, but no one near as bad as him. He looked so tired and those green eyes of his were heavy. I hated to see him like that. Cade had done so much to help me out, and I felt like there was nothing I could do for him. I knew money was a big worry. The ranch couldn’t collect any insurance money until the arson investigation was complete. Cade had some money put away for a rainy day, but the funds the ranch had for that purpose were completely depleted. Cade was using his savings now and I wasn’t sure how long that was gonna hold out. I hoped long enough to receive the insurance money.
The divorce was final and Isabella and I could leave. We could go get our own place, but Cade hadn’t mentioned us leaving and I was kinda enjoying staying with him. I knew we would have to leave eventually, but for right now, I was just going to have fun playing house with the man of my dreams.
With everything that was going on and all the stress he was under, I didn’t want to ask him, but I had to go to this and I sure as hell wasn’t gonna go alone. Callie Estes had been my best girlfriend since we met when we were in the third grade. She had been the only girl who would talk to me when I started school. Cade was my friend from the moment I met him, Callie and I had taken about a month or two to get close. I really think she had a crush on Cade and started talking to me, because he was always with me. We never really talked about it, but that was always what I thought started our friendship.
Callie had finally relented and agreed to marry Walt Matthews. That poor guy had been in love with her forever. He had tried everything ever since we were kids, but she wouldn't give him the time of day. Finally last year she decided to give in and go out with him. He had finally broken down her defenses and they had been inseparable ever since.
When she called me yesterday and reminded me about the wedding, I immediately started freaking out. I knew I couldn’t go alone because all eyes were gonna be on me anyway, with everything that was going on. I also knew it would be awkward for me to take Cade, but he would be there for me and I expected I would need emotional support.
Since the news had broke around town of Branch’s disappearance and our divorce, the rumor mills were turning at a frantic pace. I knew Cade and the boys were hearing more about it than I was, but I’d heard enough. I was a slut. I moved from one man’s bed, straight to another. I’d pushed Branch away. The best one I heard was that Branch had caught me with Cade and took off because he couldn’t handle the pain. Yeah, that sounded about right…
Callie’s wedding was being held at her parent’s farm. I had been a little hurt when she didn’t ask me to stand up with her, but I understood. She had one sister and Walt had one brother, so they each asked their sibling to stand up with them. It was simple and perfect, just like them. And with everything going on in my life, it wasn’t the right time for me to be involved in something as joyous as a wedding. I could attend, but I didn’t need to be part of it. I didn’t want to put a dark cloud over Callie’s day.
I decided to put on my big girl panties and just do it. “I need to ask you something, Cade.” He looked up at me with a quizzical look on his face. His eyebrow cocked like I was being silly.
“Callie and Walt are getting married next weekend. I was wondering if you would go with me? I understand if you don’t want to, but I know everyone is gonna be talking about me and....well, I just don’t think I can handle it alone. Callie will be busy and uh, I’d like to have someone there that I know isn’t gossiping about me behind my back.”
“Do I have to wear a damn tie?” he asked with that sexy ass smirk.
“It’s Callie’s wedding, I think you know the answer to that.” I laughed. Callie was country through and through. This would not be a fancy wedding - it would be a country wedding.
“I’d be honored to take ya, hon,” he said just as Isabella came running into the room.
“Momma, I wanna go to the weddin’!” she yelled as she jumped into Cade’s lap.
“Aw, baby girl. Weddin’s are for grown-ups. You don’t wanna go to some borin’ ole weddin’. How about we ask Uncle Clay to come over and stay with you while we’re gone?” Cade was bouncing Isabella on his knee.
“Kay, Uncky Cade. I wub Uncky Cway. He’s so much fun!”
“Yeah, sure he is, baby girl. Wait a few years, you’ll see what a pain in the a…” I was staring Cade down. I was trying to break him from swearing in front of Isabella. “Butt. Uncle Clay can be a pain in the butt.” He smiled, proud that he corrected himself.
“He hurts your butt, Uncky Cade?” Isabella was shocked by Cade’s comment. Cade laughed his deep belly laugh and bounced Isabella a little higher.
“Yeah, baby girl. He can be a real pain in my butt, sometimes.”
“I pwomise, I won’t ever hurt your butt, Uncky Cade. Not ever.” She wrapped her little arms around his neck and that big ole cowboy melted as she hugged him.
It was settled. Cade was gonna take me to the wedding and save me the embarrassment of going alone and listening to everybody talk about what a lying slut I was. It was just another thing that made me realize how lucky I was to have Cade in my life. He’d always been there for me. I loved him. I’d always loved him.
Why couldn’t he feel the same way about me?
Not a day went by that I didn’t replay the conversation I overheard the day after we made love the first time. I was like his sister. He loved me, but not the way I always prayed he would.
I pulled myself from my “poor me, why - oh - why doesn’t he love me” stupor and called Callie to let her know I would be bringing Cade to the wedding with me.
“It’s about damn time!” she screeched when I told her about Cade.
“Stop it, Callie you’re overreacting. He’s just bringing me to the wedding to be nice. He knows how hard it’s gonna be for me. Everybody and their dog is gonna be talking about me and you won’t be able to buffer for me. He’s gonna be my buffer. That’s it.” Callie had wanted Cade and me together since, well ever since we were sixteen. She knew how I felt about him and she always pushed me toward him. If only I had listened to her all those years ago.
“Whatever. I know how you feel about him and that dumbass cowboy loves you, too. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with him. He has to know it’s love that he feels when he’s with you. Surely to God, he ain’t that stupid.” I could hear her huff through the phone. She had been telling me for years that Cade was in love with me.
“We both know he doesn’t love me like that. This is no big deal. He’s just my buffer. So back to what’s important, what should I wear?” I needed to steer this conversation away from Cade.
“Well, my colors are black and lime green. So I think lime green would be a damn good choice.” Aw, sarcastic, bitch Callie was rearing her lovely blonde head.
“Okay, wanna go into town with me this week and help me pick something out?” I knew Callie wouldn’t turn down a shopping trip. And a girls’ day sounded awesome. As much as I loved spending time with Cade and Isabella, I needed to do something by myself. I needed to get back to being me.
“Oh, oh, oh…I almost forgot to tell you. We aren’t gonna have bachelor and bachelorette parties.”
“Why not?” I was so surprised. Callie never needed an excuse to have a party.
“Walt wanted to go to some strip club in Tulsa. I told him hell no! If he wants to see some skank shake her boobs, he can stay right here and I’ll do it for him.” That was Callie...always thinking. “So, we decided to just throw a big bash this weekend at the creek. It’s gonna be a blast! You have to bring Cade. You just have to.”
“Well, since I’m making him bring me to the wedding, I guess I better ask him to go to the party with me. Cade never turns down a chance to drink and flirt.” That was the truest statement I had ever made about Cade Walker.
“Great. It’s settled then. We’ll see you and Cade on Saturday night at sunset at the creek. Cannot wait, bestie!” She hung up and I walked into the living room.
I found Cade sitting on the couch with Isabella on his lap. She was sound asleep. Cade was wearing his signature Wranglers and t-shirt with the sleeves cut out. Isabella had on her cute little purple bunny footed pajamas. Her long, curly red hair was spread out over his shoulder and his chin was resting on her head. He had his eyes closed and was humming to her. I stood in the doorway for the longest time just watching them. They were the loves of my life and seeing them together made my heart smile. No matter what I had gone through in my life, knowing that I had the two of them made it all seem worth it. Even though Cade and I weren’t together, he would always be my best friend.
Cade finally caught me watching them. “How long you been standin’ there, hon?”
“Just a bit. I was enjoying the music.” I walked over to the couch and sat down beside them.
“My momma used to sing that song to me, when I was a kid. I guess it did the trick, she’s out like a light.” He smiled before he stood up and headed toward the bedroom to put Isabella down.
When he returned, he had grabbed us both a beer from the fridge. “Here ya go, hon,” he said as he passed me the beer. “So what does Callie think about me crashin’ her weddin’?”
“You know you were always invited to her wedding, right?”
“Uh huh…sure I was. I thought Callie and I were buddies, but she’s been awful damn cold to me over the years. Did she know what Branch was doin’ to ya?” He placed his hand on my knee.
“A little...I didn’t tell her much though. I didn’t give anyone too many details about what he did.”
He squeezed my knee. “You shoulda told me. I don’t understand how the hell I didn’t know. I’m your best friend…that shit shoulda never happened.” Suddenly my happy friend was gone and replaced with one pissed off cowboy.
“He always told me he would kill me and everyone I cared about if I told anyone. His guns were all over the house and he threatened me with them all the time.” I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. “I don’t wanna talk about this again, Cade. Please.” As hard as I tried, I couldn’t keep a tear from escaping. I felt a warm finger on my cheek as Cade wiped the tear away and that pissed off cowboy disappeared.
“We don’t need to talk about this now or ever. It’s over and that bastard will never hurt you again.” I closed my eyes and turned my head to where my cheek was resting in his palm. When I opened my eyes Cade was smiling. “I love seeing you like that.”
“Like what?” I asked as I pulled away from his hand.
“Happy. I love seeing you happy.” He was still smiling, but this time it was different. He was so close I could feel the heat from his body. As his smile went away, his face changed. The look became more…
Oh no. Was this really happening Was he really? Was he gonna?
“Momma, I’m sirsty.”
Cade’s eyes shot over to the hall and he jumped up off the couch. “Uncle Cade’ll get ya drink, Izzy B. Come on.” He took her little hand and walked her into the kitchen. They walked into the living room and she was carrying her little princess cup with some water in it. “I’ll be right back, don’t move a muscle,” he ordered as he led her toward her bedroom.
I don’t drink. Well, not the hard stuff. Well, okay not often. I’ve drank before, but really not much. For this night to go the way I wanted it to, I was gonna need some liquid courage. I walked over to the Walker liquor cabinet that Cade and I always got in trouble for raiding when we were younger. I grabbed a bottle of the old reliable Jack Daniels and poured myself a shot. As I slammed it back, it burned like a son of a buck!
I poured another. This one didn’t burn quite as bad as the first one, so I thought I probably better go for three. Three should take the edge off. I had the third one poured and had it almost to my lips when I felt warm fingers on mine. Cade walked up behind me and pulled my hand with the shot glass up to his mouth. He had me press it to his lips as he slammed it back. He was standing so close to me. His chest was pressed against my shoulder.
“You havin’ a party without me, hon?” I could feel his breath against my neck.
“A party just ain’t a party without Cade Walker, now is it?” I was trying to be funny, but my voice was shaky because he was just too close for me to think straight. He gently turned me around to face him. I felt his finger under my chin as he tilted my head up to look at him. His eyes were smoldering and this might have been the shots talking, but he was totally kissing me with those eyes.
“Suzy Q…I…” Before he could say anything I took his hand in mine and placed a light kiss on his palm. Never breaking eye contact with him.
He leaned in and whispered in my ear, “I really wanna kiss you, hon.”
My breath hitched and before I knew it, his lips were pressing against mine. I wanted to be closer, so I put my arms around his neck and then pushed my tongue roughly into his mouth. He laughed against my lips and then kissed me harder. Our tongues were exploring every crevice of each other’s mouths. One of his hands was squeezing my ass and the other had worked its way under my shirt. He was brushing his thumb back and forth across my nipple.