Dad and I stood there like that for what seemed like forever. We didn’t hear a peep outta my mom from upstairs. When I heard Cade’s truck pull up, I stepped away and wiped my eyes on my sleeve. “I better get back to Isabella. Thanks for this, Dad.”
“For what, sweetheart?”
“For believing me...for not questioning me. Just for holding me and making me feel safe and loved. You have no idea how much that means to me.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek and started toward the front door. When I reached the door, my mom came walking down the stairs. She looked like she had been crying and she had a glass of something in her hand. Probably her drink of choice - gin.
“I’m gonna go see my granddaughter,” Dad said as he nodded at my mom and walked outside.
My mom motioned for me to follow her to the couch. We sat on opposite sides and she held her glass up to her mouth and poured the entire contents into her mouth. She swallowed, shook her head, and said, “Suzanna, what I said before was completely uncalled for. I’ve never claimed to be a good mother and I don’t think you would claim that I was one either. But I do love you. I’ve always loved you, I just…I just don’t think I ever knew how to do it.”
I couldn’t understand what she was trying to say. “How to do what?” I asked.
“How to love you or your father. My mom died when I was so young and you know your grandpa wasn’t very loving, but what I never told you or anyone else was…” She trailed off and a tear streamed down her cheek. I scooted over closer to her, wiped away the tear, and took her hand in mine. “Your grandpa wasn’t a very nice man, Suzanna. I’m just gonna leave it at that, but I should’ve known something wasn’t right between you and Branch I should’ve seen the signs, and for that I will never forgive myself.”
Before that moment, if anyone had asked me if my mother loved me, I would’ve probably said no. But I guess in reality, she just didn’t know how she was supposed to show that love to me. I don’t know what my grandpa did to her, but it must’ve been pretty bad.
I felt something for my mom that I had never felt before - it wasn’t love, it was a kinship. It was like we finally had something in common. Albeit, abuse is not the best thing to have in common. It did feel freeing to know that we had shared an experience and maybe we could grow closer by working together to come to terms with what had happened to us. It was obvious that my mom had never learned how to live with what had happened to her without closing herself off completely, emotionally. I wrapped my arms around her and we cried and held each other. This wouldn’t fix all of our problems, but it was a start in the right direction.
“Maybe we can work together to help fix in each other what we both have been made to believe was wrong with us?” I said as I pulled away and wiped a tear from my eye.
“I would love that, Suzanna. Let’s work together to help each other through this. I want to be the kind of mother you deserve.” We hugged again just as dad, Cade, and Isabella walked through the front door. Isabella ran over to mom.
“Gwandma, why you cwying?” Then she looked over at me. “You too, Momma? Uncky Cade what’s wong with them?” I smiled over at Cade and he knew.
“Izzy B, I think they’re crying because they’re happy.”
“Yeah, baby. Grandma and momma are so happy.”
“I wanna hug.” Isabella smiled and wrapped her little arms around Mom and me. She kissed my mom’s cheek and then mine. “See? All better now, Momma.”
“A kiss and hug from you, baby, makes everything all better.”
“It sure does, sweetheart. Grandma loves you so much Isabella - always.”
“I wub you too, Gwandma. Can we go home Momma? Uncky Cade pwomised to take me to ride the pony today.” Isabella shot that sweet look at Cade. That look that would bring any man to his knees.
“I did promise,” Cade replied as he picked Isabella up off of my mom’s lap.
“We better get going. I love you both so much. Thanks for hearing me out. And, Mom?”
“Yeah, Suzanna.”
“Maybe you could come over for lunch sometime?”
“I’ll try. This is new to me. Just don’t give up on me, okay?”
I nodded. This was a huge step for us and I couldn’t wait to take it. I’d always wanted to be close to my Mom. Maybe this would be the fresh start we needed to get us on the right track.
Cade put Isabella down and she went running out toward the truck. I heard my dad lean over and whisper to Cade, “If you find that asshole, you kill him and I’ll make sure you have the most airtight alibi this county has ever seen.” Cade nodded.
There was no doubt in my mind of what would happen if Branch came back to town or came out of hiding. Not if, when. He’d have to come back eventually, wouldn’t he?
~~*~*~~
Cade only left Isabella and me to work on the barn. He was spending all of his time with us. If I were being honest with myself, I would have to admit that I had really enjoyed these past few weeks playing house with him. He would go out and work on the barn all day and I would stay home, clean house, and then have dinner ready for him with an ice cold beer after he got cleaned up when he got home.
Isabella would absolutely light up when he walked in the room and he did, too. Every time he saw her, he would grin from ear to ear. The love that they had for each other made me so happy. She needed to see what a real man was supposed to be like. The thought of her father being her only male role model made me sick. Cade was good for both of us. He made me feel valued and he showed Isabella how a girl was supposed to be treated.
Cade~
It was a beautiful, warm day out and I had promised Izzy B that I would take her fishin’ as soon as the weather got nice. I’d been workin’ so damn hard on the barn. We all deserved a little break. We had packed all night last night so we could head down to the pond first thing this mornin’.
We’d went to Bass Pro Shops last week and bought Izzy B her very own pink rod and reel and a little princess tackle box. I don’t know who was more excited, me or her. That bastard Branch had never taken his baby girl fishin’. Just another example of what an asshole he was.
“Are ya’ll about ready to go?” I yelled upstairs to Suzy Q and Izzy B.
“Hold your horses, cowboy. We’ll be down in a second,” Suzy Q hollered back at me.
When I caught a glimpse of them comin’ down the stairs, I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face. Izzy B was all decked out in her jeans, red Bass Pro Shops t-shirt, and her brown fishin’ hat that had lures stuck all over it. She had her fishin’ pole in her hand and she was wearin’ bright yellow rainboots. Suzy Q was wearin’ some short ass shorts that made her legs look amazin’, a matchin’ red Bass Pro Shops t-shirt, and old tennis shoes. She had her red hair pulled up in a ponytail and had to be the sexiest damn thing I’d ever seen. Not a lick of make-up. Just pure, natural Suzy Q.
“It’s about darn time ya’ll got down here,” I said with a chuckle. I tossed a pop-tart at each of the ladies and grabbed a thermos full of coffee and a jug of chocolate milk for Izzy B. “We best be gettin’ on down to the pond.”
It was a little ways down to the pond and we had quite a bit to carry, so I helped the girls up in the old jeep I used to get around on the ranch. It was an old army green jeep with no windows. We loaded everything up in the back and headed on our way.
It was a bumpy ride down to the pond, but it sure was pretty. I knew we had a lot of work to do to get the ranch back to where it once had been, but I had faith and I knew we would do it. I had the support of most of the town and Suzy Q was here to help me. Just havin’ her here made me feel like anything was possible. Money was tight, but we were workin’ it all out with the help of some great friends and local farmers.
It was such a pretty, sunny Missouri day. We were drivin’ out over the lush, green Ozark hills and Izzy B’d laugh every time we hit a bump. She was sittin’ on Suzy Q’s lap and when I looked over at the two of them, my damn heart melted. They were the prettiest sight I’d ever seen. Suzy Q was smilin’ and laughin’ with Izzy B and at that moment, everything seemed right with the world. Their red hair was flyin’ in the breeze and I don’t think I’d ever seen either one of them so carefree and happy. It made my heart happy to see that.
“You ready for this, Izzy B?” I asked as I pulled her down out of the jeep.
“Uh huh, Uncky Cade. I wanna catch a big ole fishy,” she said as she tried to pull my hat off. “Why you always have to wear a cowboy hat?”
“I’m a cowboy. That’s what cowboys do,” I replied.
“You’re my Uncky Cade too. I don’t want you to wear it while we fish. It might scare the fishies away.” She looked so damn serious, so of course I was gonna have to take the hat off. I threw it in the back of the jeep and sat her down so we could get the fishin’ supplies.
“I don’t think it’ll scare the fish, but for you, and only you, Izzy B, I’ll take it off.”
“Wow, Isabella. You got Uncle Cade to take off his cowboy hat?” Suzy Q playfully ran her hands through my hair. “I didn’t even know you had hair under there.” There was that smile again. I had been in love with the damn smile since I was nine years old. Why had I been such an asshole and never told her how I felt? We’d always told each other we loved each other, but it was different. I wanted to tell her she meant the world to me. Even after everything we’d been through, I still couldn’t tell her that. I guess what I’d been told several times throughout my life was true - I was an asshole.
“Let’s get to fishin’. If we don’t hurry up, we’ll miss ‘em.” I had all of the stuff in my right arm, so I took my left hand and clasped Izzy B’s hand and started walking down to the pond. I dropped the stuff when we got there and Suzy Q went about spreadin’ out a quilt for her to sit on while she watched us fish. She wasn’t much into fishin’, but she was sure havin’ fun watchin’ Izzy B gettin’ ready to.
While I was gettin’ the gear ready, Izzy B and Suzy Q were sittin’ on the quilt, singin’ a song about rainbows and playin’ some game where they were clappin’ their hands. Suzy Q caught me starin’ and I smiled and went back to gettin’ the rod ready for Izzy B.
“All right, get your little buns over here.” I motioned for Izzy B to come over to me and placed the fishin’ rod in her hand. “Now ya hold it just like this.” I put her hands where they needed to be. “You toss it back like this and let go of the little button, and…” The line flew out into the water and the little yellow bobber was firmly planted on the water.
“What do I do now, Uncky Cade?” she asked as she shot those big ole baby blues my way. She was shakin’ with excitement. I fuckin’ loved seein’ her so happy. I was gonna do everything in my power to make her happy for the rest of my life. Whatever I had to do to put that smile in those baby blues - I’d do it.
“You just keep an eye on the bobber, sweetheart. If it goes under the water that means a fish has taken the bait.”
“YAY! I’ll watch it real close,” she squinted her eyes and scrunched her little nose up and stared right out at the bobber.
I was gettin’ my bait on the hook when I heard a loud screech. “It’s movin’, Uncky Cade. It’s movin’!”
I walked over to her, and sure enough her bobber was splashin’ up and down in the water.
“I got a fishy!” Izzy B yelled as she dropped the rod and ran over to her momma. “Momma! Momma! I got a fishy!”
“Hon, get back over here. You gotta reel it in.” I had picked her rod up and was tryin’ to reel it in slow so she could finish the job. Suzy Q brought her over to me and I knelt down and put the pole in her hands. “Okay, just turn this knob and reel it in, Izzy B.”
She started to reel it in and her eyes got as big around as saucers when she saw what she caught. It was one of the biggest fish I’d ever seen come outta this pond. I bet that damn catfish weighed ten pounds! I had to help her finish gettin’ it out of the pond and of course, I had to take it off the hook. She didn’t want any part of that.
“Did I do good, Uncky Cade?” she asked with a great big grin on her face.
“Baby girl, you did amazin’! We need to call Uncle Clay and have him come take a look at this fish. He’s never gonna believe it. We’ve been fishin’ here all our lives, and I ain’t never seen a fish that big come outta this pond.”
We spent the rest of the afternoon playin’ and chasin’ each other around the pond. We didn’t catch any other fish to speak of. We spent the day just havin’ fun. My girls, I mean Suzy Q and Izzy B, deserved a little bit of fun after everything they’d been goin’ through. I was so glad I could put those smiles on their faces.
~Chapter 17~
Cade~
Livin’ with Suzy Q and Izzy B felt so natural. Walker Ranch, or what was left of it, actually felt like a home again. I loved coming home after workin’ out on the farm all day to see Izzy B playin’ in the yard and Suzy Q sittin’ on the front porch swingin’ on the old porch swing. When I saw the two of them like that I knew - just knew that everything was gonna be okay. There were a few things that had to be hammered out before all could be right with the world. The first thing that needed to be taken care of was Branch.
“He’s hidin’ out at his parents’ house. I fuckin’ know it.” I told Cord as we were sittin’ in his office downtown.
Cord’s office was pretty small, but the buildin’ was old and he freakin’ loved it. The office consisted of a small entryway with a desk for the office secretary, Joan. She was an older, stocky woman with gray curls. She had a plant in the corner and some filin’ cabinets behind her desk. Cord’s office was right behind hers and it wasn’t a lot bigger than the entryway. The walls were all painted tan with white trim. He had an old mahogany desk that took up most of the space. There were two chairs that sat in front of his desk. They were mahogany with tan and white paisley seats. One wall was lined with more filin’ cabinets and he had an antique liquor cabinet in the back corner that he always kept stocked with his favorite drink, Jack Daniels.
The other office was for his boss. He worked for a damn fool. His name was Dan Wickman. He was crazy as hell, but everybody in town got a kick out of him. He’d been some big shot attorney in Dallas, until he did somethin’ crazy in court and he decided it was time for a change of pace. Well, I’m not sure he decided it. I think maybe his partners made the decision. But anyway he moved to Dexter and started up an extension of his firm in Dallas. Cord makes several trips a year to Dallas to handle cases that Dan don’t wanna take care of.