I usually saw Cade every weekday. Even though I didn’t see him on the weekend, I still knew he was in town. If I needed him, I could call. So when he was out of town, I always had a little extra fear. Fear of what might happen to me while he was gone, and fear of what he was doing without me around to see it. It’s not like he didn’t spend several nights a week out carousing at the bar in town, but when he was out of town, it just seemed different. I didn’t know what he was doing or who he was doing it with. It felt different.
The weekend dragged on forever. I tried to spend as much time with Isabella as I could. I found if I stayed in her room and away from Branch, everything was okay. He hadn’t bothered me much since she was born. Apparently, sex with me now disgusted him. He would make comments about how gross my body was after she was born. This was really not a problem for me. Aside from the occasional blow job or hand job I had to give him to calm him down I could feel safe in knowing that he wouldn’t try to have sex with me. I was sure he was getting it somewhere else, and the thought of that didn’t even bother me. I knew that was a horrible way to feel about your husband, but my husband was a horrible man. The less time I had to spend pretending to love him the better.
When I walked into my office on Monday morning, Cade was sitting at my desk. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. His hat was off and his blonde hair was all messed up. He hadn’t shaved and his clothes were all wrinkled. This was not normal Cade. Not normal Cade at all.
“Hey, cowboy. What’s going on? You look like something the cat dragged in.” I was trying to tease him, make him smile, but it wasn’t happening. He did look up at me though. I could see the sadness in his eyes.
“I really messed up. I always fuckin’ mess up.” I thought he was going to cry. I walked over to him and pulled him into a hug. I couldn’t help myself.
“You don’t always mess up. What’s wrong? What happened this weekend?” I leaned away from him and sat down on the edge of my desk. He leaned back a little in the chair and ran his hand through his hair.
“I met this woman. Damn, Suzy Q, she’s just, just perfect for me. And I can’t have her, because she’s taken. I shoulda stayed the hell away from her, but I just couldn’t make myself. After I had her the first time, I couldn’t make myself stay away. I’ve never, well, I’ve never felt like that before…well, not for years anyway. The pull was too strong…I had to have her. But I pushed her too hard and I fucked it up. She went back to the fuckin’ asshat she was with before me.”
I couldn’t stand to see him hurting, but I also couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It sounded like Cade fell in love. He fell in love over the weekend? That’s crazy, even for Cade. And he said he had felt that way before, years ago. Who had he felt that way about? He was never in love.
“Sounds like she really got under your skin, cowboy. It’s about damn time a woman got to you.”
“She really did, hon. She really fuckin’ did.” Cade stood up out of the chair and started to walk out. “But she ain’t mine, and she ain’t ever gonna be.” He slammed the door to my office and I watched him through my window as he took off toward his house. Leave it to Cade to finally fall for someone and her not be available.
“That boy’s got it bad,” Larry declared as we sat down to eat lunch in his office. “I ain’t ever seen him like this, Suzanna.”
“Me either, Larry. That woman’s got him all screwed up inside. Did he tell you anything about her? Like her name or anything?” I needed to check her out. I had to make sure she was worthy of Cade’s love.
“Yeah, she owns a farm in Kipton. Harper Farms, I believe was the name of it. Girl’s name started with an L, I believe. Lori, Lauren, nope it was Loralei. That’s it Loralei Harper.”
We finished lunch and when I got back to my office I did an internet search on Loralei Harper. She was a pretty little thing. Blonde - of course. Big brown eyes - of course. Big boobs- of course. Sweet smile - of course. These were all Cade requirements. She also ran her family farm and she had kids? That was perfect for him. Cade loved kids. She looked like she was a perfect match for him. I hated to admit it, but the more I read about her, the more I even liked her.
I didn’t want him to fall in love, but it was too late for that. He was there and she sent him away? Who the hell sends away a man like Cade Walker? This chick must have mental issues…that had to be her problem.
I watched Cade mope around for weeks and then he had to go to Harper Farms because of a problem with the shipment we ordered. He took Clay with him. I was happy for that. He needed someone to help keep him in line, because his feelings for Loralei were making him not think straight.
He had been gone a few days before he called me to check in. “Hey, Suzy Q.” He sounded so damn happy. It made my heart smile to hear him like that.
“Hey, cowboy. How’s the herd?”
“They ain’t lookin’ good. Uh, I’m gonna have to stay up here a bit longer than I planned. Clay is gonna come home and pick up some supplies for us. I may be here a few weeks.”
“A few weeks? What the hell is wrong with the herd?” I couldn’t believe any problem with the herd could take that long. Obviously, this had more to do with him wooing Loralei Harper.
“Honestly, Suzy Q, I need to be here for the herd, but I also need to be here for her. She needs me right now and I just can’t leave.” His voice dropped down a few notches. “I need to be here.”
“Okay, cowboy. If you say you need to be there, than that’s what you need to do. If you need anything from me, let me know.”
He was gone for almost two months. Two months without Cade was horrible. He checked in about once a week to make sure everything was okay at the ranch. He didn’t talk much about what was going on with him. He didn’t really say anything at all about it, and I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to ask him about her, because I didn’t want to know anything about her. It was his choice to be with her and I couldn’t change that.
I went home every night to Branch and Isabella, knowing that my life was set in stone. I was a momma now and that was my future. I would pretend to be happy because of my daughter. I didn’t want her to see what her daddy was doing to me. I would hide the bruises and do everything I could do to make sure that Branch didn’t hurt me in front of her. And I would make sure he never laid a hand on her. If he did, he wouldn’t live to see another day.
It was just another day. I got up, took a shower, got dressed, got Isabella up and dressed, dropped her off at the sitter and headed to the ranch for work. When I walked into my office, I saw a sight that I had been longing weeks to see.
“Mornin’, Suzy Q.” Cade was sitting at my desk, trying to smile, but I could tell it was tearing him up inside.
“Morning, cowboy. Glad to have you back. We missed you around here. I missed you.” I walked over to my desk and sat down on the corner. I crossed my arms across my chest and asked, “Everything okay? That smile on your face is looking a little fake.”
“It’s a fuckin’ long story, hon. I’ll hold onto it for another time. I’m home and just wonderin’ how everything’s been lookin’ while I was away? Anything blow up that I need to take care of?”
“Nope. Everything’s great. No big blow ups to speak of.”
“Just goes to show that ya’ll don’t need me around.” Cade grinned, but I could tell he was serious. I had never seen him look so down. I’d seen him sad, but right now he looked broken.
“You know that ain’t true.” I reached over and put my hand on his knee. “If you need to talk to someone, you know I’m here for you, right?”
He nodded, stood up, and walked out of the barn.
For the next few months he worked his ass off. Cade had always been a hard worker, but damn he was working everybody under the table. He was in the barn when I got to work and still there working when I got off work. When he wasn’t working, apparently he was screwing every woman in town. I was hearing all kinds of rumors about his escapades since he got home from Joplin. I didn’t know what happened with Loralei Harper, but I knew one thing…she broke my best friend’s heart.
~Chapter 12~
Present
Suzanna~
“I need to go see it, Branch. I haven’t been there all week. I work there. It’s my job.” I was screaming at him now.
“Bitch, you do not need to go see a damn thing. You need to stay here and take care of your husband. You do remember that I own you, right? You’re mine!” As he said that, he used all of his strength to push me up against the wall. I couldn’t move. He had my wrists clamped in his hand above my head and he was trying to get my jeans unbuttoned.
I was whimpering. “Please don’t do this, Branch. Please. If you’ll let me go over there for an hour, I’ll come back and do whatever you want. Wouldn’t it be more fun if I was willing?” Was I actually negotiating with my husband to let me go to work?
He pushed into me harder, “Actually, no. I kinda like it when you’re not.”
“Momma!” Isabella cried out as she ran over to me and Branch. She was hitting him on the backside and begging him to get off of me. He turned around and I thought he was gonna hit her. He could do whatever the hell he wanted to do to me. I deserved it for being stupid enough to marry him, but like hell was I gonna let him hurt my baby.
“Isabella, go to your room now!” I screamed at her as I started unzipping Branch’s pants. When she got out of the room and I heard her door shut. I dropped to my knees and did what I had to do to calm him down. It wasn’t the first time I had to suck him off to calm him down enough to let me do something or go somewhere. The saddest part was I was sure it wouldn’t be the last time either.
When he was satisfied, he agreed to let me go to the ranch. “If ya have to go, we’re goin’ with ya,” he rasped as he slid his hands around my neck. “And if you so much as touch him, ya know what I’ll do.”
I went into the bathroom and puked until I was positive there was nothing left in me to puke up. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t recognize the woman staring back at me. I used to be so happy and full of life. Branch had taken all of that from me. He had broken me and I was so scared that he was gonna do the same thing to my baby girl. I had to get away from him before that happened. But I didn’t know how to. I knew he would kill us if I left. He’d told me that every time I threatened to leave and I believed him.
Nobody knew the way he acted when others weren’t around. If I ever told anyone what went on behind closed doors, they would think I was a liar and take Isabella away from me. Branch knew that and used it as a way to threaten me too.
He was obsessed with guns. He had tons of them all over the house. I hated having them everywhere because of Isabella, but he didn’t care. He threatened me with them all the time. He would say, “Your face would look so pretty splattered all over the living room wall.” Yep, coping-crazy.
The beatings had progressed throughout the years. He was smart about it. He never hit me anywhere that would leave a mark that people could see.
Cade~
When I woke up this mornin’, I’d been havin’ the most amazin’ dream. I was with my dad and mom out on the ranch. We were havin’ a picnic down by the barn. The cattle were grazin’ out in the field. Mom was wearin’ her favorite white summer dress with her feet bare. My dad couldn’t keep his eyes off of her.
We were sittin’ on a blanket real close to the pond. My mom was laughin’ and my dad was grinnin’. I was playin’ with Ranger, my big ol’ collie dog. Mom had made us a big basket full of my favorite foods and we were just gettin’ ready to eat when I smelled somethin’ funny. That’s when my dream changed from amazin’ to scary as hell.
My eyes shot over to the barn and I saw flames shootin’ out from everywhere. I could hear animals cryin’ out in pain. I heard Colt screamin’, “Help me, Cade. I need you. It hurts so bad. It’s burnin’ me up.”
And this time when I looked around, all I could see were my parents’ graves and the little marker I had placed out in the field when we buried Ranger when I was a kid. I could see Colt lyin’ in his hospital bed, with his head all bandaged up.
I sat straight up in bed. Sweat was pourin’ off of me. The shakin’ wouldn’t let up and it was from my head to my toes. I couldn’t breathe. I was losin’ everything that had ever been important to me. The things I could deal with losin’, but I hadn’t realized until this past week, how much I missed my parents. How much I missed my momma’s smile, or the way my daddy looked at her. Damn it. I was cryin’. I don’t do that shit. I’m a damn cowboy. Cowboys don’t cry. I kept thinkin’ that the entire time the tears were streamin’ down my face.
My chest was heavin’ and my head was poundin’. I was scared. I was so scared that I wouldn’t be able to build the ranch back to the way it was before. What if I couldn’t? What would happen to my family and the families of those who depend on my ranch for their livelihood? I had a lot a shit on my shoulders and I was gonna have to man up and stop this fuckin’ cryin’ so I could deal with it.
I climbed outta bed and jumped right into a cold-ass shower. That woke me up and jarred my senses. I needed it. I pulled on some old blue jeans, my work boots, and an old t-shirt with the sleeves ripped out. It was time to deal with this. It was time to go to the barn and see what damage had been done. Larry told me it was awful, but it was time for me to be the man my dad raised me to be and start tryin’ to fix what someone tried so damn hard to destroy.
I met Larry outside my house and we walked toward the barn together. “Son, I need ya to prepare yourself for this.” Larry said as he placed his hand on my shoulder. “I know your temper and I don’t wanna have to bail your ass outta jail, again.” I let out a little chuckle. “Just remember, Colt’s gonna be fine. We lost all the animals and that is a horrible, goddamn tragedy, but we didn’t lose any people. We have to thank God for that.”
“Larry, I know all this in my head. I swear to God I do.” I was shakin’ my head and tryin’ to make him, or maybe even me, believe that statement. “I think you oughta let me go in alone. I need to take it all in. I’ll holler at ya when I’m ready for ya, alright?”