My stomach dropped when we opened the door and Cade was sitting on the couch in the back of the room. “Mrs. Mallory, could I have a few minutes with your girl?” He asked my mom with that devilish smirk on his face.
“Hmph, I’ll be back in a few minutes to do some finishing touches on your make-up. So don’t you make her cry, Cade Walker.”
“I’ll try my best, Mrs. Mallory.”
As soon as my mom shut the door, I asked, “What the hell are you doing here? Cade, I don’t need any shit from you today. This is my wedding day.”
Cade grabbed my shoulders and pulled me toward him. “I don’t want you to marry him, Suz. I want you to know you have options. You aren’t stuck.” Those green eyes felt like they were looking deep into my soul.
“We aren’t getting married because of the baby, Cade. We’re in love. I want to marry him and he wants to marry me. He’s the only guy who has ever shown any interest in marrying me.” Yeah, that sounded good. Sounded like I was being honest, right?
Cade scoffed and whispered in my ear, “Well, maybe you haven’t given anyone else the chance to show interest.”
He placed a light kiss below my ear and then another on my cheek and then he stared into my eyes. I saw the look, the look he got on his face each time right before he ravaged me. He wanted me, but he didn’t love me then and he doesn’t love me now. Not the way I wanted to be loved by him anyway.
He was not gonna do this to me today. “What happened after your momma’s funeral was a mistake. It never should’ve happened. I’m sorry that I let it go that far.” I stepped away from him and turned to look in the mirror. I was swiping my hands down the front of my dress to smooth out some wrinkles. “Cade, I’m pregnant and I’m getting married today. If you can’t support me, then I need you to leave. Please don’t make a scene and embarrass me. Not today.”
He let go of me, shook his head side to side and said, “Sounds like you’ve made up your mind.”
“Yes. My mind is made up. This is how it needs to be. This is how our future unfolds, Cade. We just have to let it go. Sometimes we just have to embrace the path that lies before us.”
That was that. Cade walked out and left me there alone.
I heard the unmistakable music that told me it was my cue to go. I met my dad at the end of the aisle. He hooked his arm in mine and walked me toward my future. Branch didn’t look very happy. He had plastered on the same fake smile I was using and when I got to him and he took my hand in his, he squeezed it until it hurt.
I whispered, “You okay?”
He shook his head and lightened his grip on my hand a little. The rest of the ceremony he looked straight ahead to the preacher. He didn’t make eye contact with me until we heard, “You may kiss the bride.”
He turned to me and the look on his face was frightening. I’d never seen that look in his eye. I was actually afraid of my new husband for the first time in that moment. He barely kissed me and then whispered, “I saw you.” He quickly put on the fake smile and grabbed my hand and pulled me toward our family and friends that were waiting patiently to throw rice on us as we left the chapel and headed to our reception.
Our reception was a really large event at Branch’s parents’ house. It was in the backyard and everything looked beautiful. His mother had hired an event planner from Joplin and she had decorated everything with baby blue - Branch’s favorite color. There were tables set up all over the backyard and the chairs were white with blue tulle ribbons tied around them. The pool had been covered and turned into a dance floor. There were lights and a live band. It was all country music and I had been kinda excited about it until the ceremony.
Branch hadn’t stopped drinking since the party started. He had said he saw…I couldn’t figure out what he was talking about. What did he see? All of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks. Branch had seen Cade at the Chapel. He may have even seen him kiss my neck. That had to be what he was talking about. No wonder he was so pissed. I could explain this to him. I just needed to find him first.
I walked into the kitchen and found Branch there with one of the waitresses from the catering company his mom had hired. He had her pushed up against the refrigerator with his hand up her skirt. “What the hell are you doing?” I screamed from the doorway.
“Uh, oh, baby…looks like my
wife
is here to ruin our fun. That’s really all she ever does, ya know? Ruin everything good.” He still hadn’t removed his hand from under her skirt and she looked mortified.
“I had no idea. I swear I didn’t know he was married. Get your damn hands off me,” she screamed at Branch as she extricated herself from the hold he had on her.
“This is my party, baby. If I want to fuck the pretty blonde waitress, then I’ll fuck her. I don’t really give a damn what ya think about it,
wife,
” he hissed at me as he slid onto a barstool in the kitchen. “It’s really only fair right? You slept with fuckin’ Cade Walker right before our wedding. Did you go down on him in the chapel or did he just fuck you there.” My hand flew up to his face and I slapped the fire out of him. He jumped up off of the barstool and grabbed my shoulders. He pushed me up against the counter and slammed his full weight into me. It hurt and I let out a little whimper.
“What the hell are you doing, Branch?”
“Takin’ what’s fuckin’ mine!” he yelled as he pushed me up against the counter harder. He pushed my dress up as high as he could get it and tore my panties off.
He was scaring me. His eyes were blank, he was drunk, and he looked crazed. “Branch what are you doing? Slow down. Please. Somebody’ll see us.”
“I don’t give a shit who sees us.” He shoved his fingers inside me as hard as he could. I screamed out in pain and he screamed, “This is mine. I bought it and I fuckin’ own it. You ever touch that fuckin’ Cade Walker again and I will kill you and him. Do you understand me,
wife
?”
The way he said “wife” made my stomach flip. I felt like I was gonna be sick. He was ramming his fingers into me as hard as he could. I was begging him to stop.
Finally, he unzipped his pants and pulled himself out. I was hurting from his fingers and when I looked down there was blood on his hand.
“Branch, stop! I’m bleeding!”
“I’m not done. Shut up.” He slapped me hard across the face and just as he was getting ready to thrust himself into me, he growled, “Look what the fuck you did. You ruined my suit and your dress. Clean this shit up. I need to get back to my party. Maybe I can find a woman there who’ll fuck me without gettin’ pregnant or bleedin’ all over me like some damn virgin.”
“I’m pregnant, Branch or did you forget? What if you hurt the baby? What the fuck is wrong with you? I thought you loved me. How could you do this to me? To us?” I was sobbing and so scared for me…for the baby…for what my life was quickly becoming.
“Love? You thought I loved you? Baby, you weren’t even a good fuck. I just happened to knock you up. Oh, and the fact that it was fuckin’ killin’
him
to see me with you, well, that just made it all the better.”
“What are you talking about? He’s my friend.” When I said those words, Branch’s hands clasped around my neck.
“Don’t ever say that again. I am your friend, your husband, and the only man who’ll ever fuck you ever again. Do. You. Understand. Me. Wife?”
I couldn’t speak, he was squeezing my throat so hard that I was on the verge of passing out. I tried to nod and then he was out the door and heading back to the party.
I stood alone in the kitchen. I was trembling from head to toe. Looking down I saw that my dress had blood on the front of it. I had to get out of there without anyone seeing me, seeing what had happened, or knowing what my husband did to me. I decided to go to Branch’s old room and see if there were any clothes in there I could wear home. I found an old t-shirt and some boxers. I was so sore that I could hardly sit down. Fear that he had hurt my little munchkin had set in. I went into the bathroom and I didn’t seem to be bleeding anymore. I hoped that was a good sign.
A good sign? Really?
The day that was supposed to be the happiest day of my life had quickly turned into my own personal nightmare. Obviously I was in shock, because instead of walking home I found myself standing on Cade’s front porch.
He was probably the only person in this town that wasn’t at my wedding reception. I needed to see him. I needed him to hold me and tell me everything would be okay. Cade had always been my protector and that’s what I needed tonight. I needed him to tell me that everything was gonna be okay. That I hadn’t just done what he warned me I was gonna do - made the biggest mistake of my life.
The Walker’s never locked their doors, so I just turned the knob and walked in. There were grunting noises coming from the living room. Standing in the doorway, I saw Cade on top of some brunette on the couch. He was fucking her as hard as he could. I couldn’t turn away. I watched him thrust into her so hard that her head was hitting the arm of the couch. She was enjoying him being rough with her. The noises she was making were making me sick. I knew when he was done, because a howl came from deep in his throat.
What was wrong with me? Why did I stand there and watch that? I had to get out of there. The sobs came and I realized I didn’t know where to go or what to do. I’d never felt so alone in my life. A few hours ago, my entire future was planned out and now I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I needed Cade and he wasn’t there for me. I needed Branch and he hurt me physically and emotionally. My parents wouldn’t help me. My mother would blame me and make me go home to him. So, I came to the conclusion that all I could do was go home to our new little house.
Branch’s parents were going to let us live in one of their rental properties until we could find a home of our own. Yesterday, I had been excited about fixing up the nursery and planting a garden out back this spring.
Today, all of my hopes and dreams for the future were shattered. Cade was right. I wanted to run to him so bad. I wanted to tell him I loved him and always had. I wanted to tell him what Branch did because I knew he would kill him for it. I wanted to do so much, but instead of any of that I left his house and walked to my new house, crawled into my new bed, and waited for my crazed new husband to come home.
Please, God, let the baby be okay
.
I repeated that prayer all night.
I was awoken in the middle of the night by Branch sitting on the foot of the bed with his head in his hands crying. “I’m so sorry that I did that to you. It should’ve been the happiest day of our lives. When I came to check on you before the ceremony and he was there kissing your neck. I just...I wanted to kill him and you. I’ve never felt so much rage in my life, Suzanna.”
I couldn’t say anything. I sat up and listened.
He continued, “He can’t have you...you’re mine. We’re married. You don’t need to work for him. I can find you another job. You don’t need to work at all. You’re gonna have our baby pretty soon. I need you to tell me you won’t work for him anymore.”
I was so afraid to defy him, but I couldn’t quit working for Cade right now. He had just lost his parents and I couldn’t do that to him. I had started working for the Walker’s right after I graduated and I loved my job. Cody and Candy had taught me so much in the short time I worked for them. I really felt that I was an asset to Walker Ranch and I didn’t want to work somewhere else.
I slowly crawled down to the end of the bed and sat down as far away from Branch as I could.
“Branch, I can’t tell you that. I won’t quit working at Walker Ranch. Not after what happened to Cody and Candy. The Walkers all need me.”
What I needed to say next made me sick, but it needed to be said. “I will be the perfect wife to you and I will try to be the perfect mom to our baby. After what you did to me, I should leave and never come back. But I know the level of embarrassment that would cause our families. I won’t do that to them.”
“Well, then I guess we have an understanding,” he muttered as he flew up and ran out of the room slamming the door behind him.
I curled up into a ball in bed and hoped that when I woke up in the morning, this entire day would’ve been a dream. But that didn’t happen and a few days later I woke up in a pool of blood. I had miscarried and I was devastated. I had never felt so lost or alone. My little munchkin was gone and I was forever stuck married to a man who threatened to kill me on my wedding night instead of making love to me and taking care of me like a husband should’ve.
Branch acted like he cared about the baby, but of course I knew better. The day I lost my baby, was the day I lost myself.
~Chapter 10~
Five Years Later
Suzanna~
After I lost my little munchkin, I didn’t think I’d ever get pregnant again. The beatings started happening pretty regularly. Branch would come home at least once a week and beat the hell out of me. Sometimes more than once a week, but never less.
Branch was crazy. But he was what I referred to as “coping-crazy”. He went to work every day, he had friends, his family loved him and nobody would ever guess that when he came home, he liked to beat and berate his wife. He coped with everyday life, but he was insane.
He was smart enough to make sure that my bruises were in places that could be hidden with clothes or a strategically placed scarf around my neck. He went to work every day and put on a show that really could’ve won him an Oscar. When we were around his parents or our friends, he seemed perfectly normal, but things were totally different on the crazy days. I always knew when it was going to happen. Branch would get this look in his eye and his jaw would clench. I knew when I saw that twitch around his left eye that I better do whatever I could to make him happy. But at that point, it was usually too late.
I became lost. I wasn’t the same person I had always been - inside. I put on a hell of a show on the outside though. I always thought Cade knew better, but if he did he never said anything to me about it. A few times I was positive he was gonna kill Branch because he knew, but I guess that was just wishful thinking on my part. I honestly think that I wanted him to know so bad, that I had willed myself into believing he did. I loved Cade, I’d loved him since we were kids, but he didn’t love me the way I loved him. It hurt when I was sixteen and it still hurt.