Authors: Mitchel Grace
When
we got out of the movie and were walking back to the car, Olivia wrapped her
arm around me. She didn’t say anything about my sad expression, but I think she
knew that something was wrong. She simply did what any good girlfriend would
do. She gave me time to gather my thoughts and let me know that she was there
for me, even if she didn’t do it with words.
“Hey,
I think we should get some coffee now. I know the movies wiped you out, so
it’ll be my treat,” she said as we got into the car.
“No,
that’s all right. I don’t want you to have to pay for anything on a date. We
can . . .”
“I
insist. Besides, now I
have
to pay
for it.”
“Why
is that?”
“Because
I don’t really believe in doing things traditionally. Just because you’re the
guy doesn’t mean you have to pay for everything. I do expect you to be a
gentleman, but that doesn’t mean I can’t get us a cup of coffee so we can
continue our date. Besides, there’s something I want to talk to you about when
we get there.”
Once
we were at the coffee house and were seated, Olivia decided to ask me what was
really going on. She had given me time to gather my thoughts, and now she
wanted me to let her in. The only problem was that I wasn’t ready to let her in
on my problems.
“Nothing.
What are you talking about? I’m having a great time,” I said.
“I’m
not so sure about that. You’ve expressed a lot of doubt about church today, and
you’ve looked sad since we left the movies. Let me in. What’s going on with
you?”
“Are
you sure you want that? I’m pretty complicated at the moment.”
“I’m
positive. You’re my new best friend. If we’re going to be really close, then we
need to talk to each other about these things.”
“I
don’t like church or religion because I feel like God let me down. That sounds
terrible, but it’s true.”
“I
don’t understand.”
“You
know what? Forget it. This isn’t how we talk. We flirt and joke, but we don’t
talk about things this personal.”
“That’s
not true. I told you about my dad when we were fourteen, and you told me about
how you felt insecure back at home. I trusted you with the last thing my dad
gave me, too. I would say that goes a lot further than flirting.”
“You’re
right. I didn’t feel at home with my family when we first met, but a lot
changed over the next year and a half. I grew into a better-rounded person. I
felt like my family was finally accepting me. We were rich, our lives were
going better than ever, and I was driving an insanely expensive car for a
sixteen-year-old. Life was pretty close to perfect, but then it all changed in
an instant. My family was taken from me. Now, I know it was because of my
parents’ choices. God didn’t have much to do with it, but I’m still mad. Half
of the people in our church were crooked, and the God who was supposed to be so
merciful was nowhere to be found when my sister and I needed Him most. Then
Catherine left for college, and now I’m here. I don’t show it to anyone, but
I’m really angry. I’m glad I’m here with you now, but I hate the way it
happened.”
“I
never told anyone this, but there was a reason my mom and I didn’t go to church
until a year ago. She must have suggested going a thousand times before that,
but I refused. I was angry after my dad left. I was angry with God, and
honestly, I was angry with everyone here. A part of me still is. I don’t have
it all figured out. I look at this place, and all I see is the family I lost. I
see a restaurant or a toy store, and I have a memory of the father I don’t have
anymore. I don’t know why God allows things like this to happen or why people
make the choices they do, but I do know this. You’re here with me, and nothing
else matters. The family you had is gone for now. Some day your mom and dad
will get out, and you can see them again, but until then, you’re going to have
to make do. My dad might never come back, but I’m getting by all right. I’ve
got my mom, and I’ve got you now. You’re not alone. Your aunt and uncle are
with you, and more than that, I wouldn’t mind being family with you. I’ve never
liked using the term boyfriend or girlfriend very often because it seems like
an understatement for what I’m looking for. I need someone I can be at home
with. I’ll be that home for you, if you’ll let me.”
“Of
course I will. Thank you. I probably look pathetic right now talking about
missing my parents.”
“No.
If you weren’t torn up about the situation, then I would be worried about you.”
“You
really
are
perfect. Thanks for
talking things through with me. So what do you want to do now?”
“I
was thinking we could go back to my house since we’re both broke. Maybe I’ll
let you help me write a paper for Monday.”
“Oh,
joy. Writing papers. This is the best first date ever,” I joked.
“I
mean
,
if you do a good job on the paper, there will be
a reward. If you don’t want it, though, I guess you can just go home.”
“Wait
a minute. What kind of reward?”
“Well,
that depends. How good are you at art history?”
As
we walked to the door, I knew only one thing. We weren’t moving slow. We were
just moving in a different direction than most people do. Most explore the
physical long before they get to know a person’s soul. We were doing it in the
reverse order, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.
Back Up
Plans
The
following morning, I woke early to hear my uncle getting ready to go to another
game. I had learned from phone conversations in the past that he never missed
one. It seemed like a good idea to go with him. I didn’t really watch football
or even care to go, but what else was I going to do all day? I walked
downstairs and asked him if he had an extra ticket.
“Sorry.
My friend didn’t cancel this time. We could probably get you a ticket at the
game, but I don’t think it would be anywhere near us,” he said.
“That’s
all right. Maybe next year I can buy some tickets near you two.”
“I
wouldn’t count on it. I had to wait six years to finally get a call about my
season tickets. The only way you get those around here is if someone dies. I’m
sure we’ll be able to get you to a few games, though. You’re welcome to come tailgate
with us. My friends still remember you as that kid who punched a Chicago
player, so you’re well-liked.”
“It’s
okay. I have some things I should probably do anyway.”
The
truth was that I had no idea what I was going to do that day. I started with
actually getting dressed. While I was getting ready, a thought occurred to me.
I hadn’t talked to Richard yet. I really didn’t want to, but for some reason, I
felt like I should. It was decided. I went back downstairs and grabbed my keys.
Before I could go, my aunt stopped me.
“Where
are you going so early?” she asked.
“I’m
going to talk to Richard.”
“Why
would you do that? Gary told me about what happened, and it doesn’t sound like
a good idea. Why don’t you just let this lie? What do you even have to say to
him anyway?”
“I
need to apologize.”
Aunt
Kristen paused for a second to think. This didn’t sound like something I would
come up with on my own, and she knew it. Her husband might do something like
this, though.
“Your
uncle has gotten in your ear about this, hasn’t he?” she asked.
“Kind
of, but I think he’s right. I don’t regret doing whatever it took to get
Olivia, but that still doesn’t change the fact that I was wrong on some level.”
“Eric,
I’m all for doing the right thing, but sometimes doing what’s right means doing
nothing at all. You should let this go. If you don’t, it’s just going to cause
more problems.”
“I
don’t understand. Why would he tell me to do this if it wasn’t the right
thing?”
“Because
technically it is the right thing to do. You should always admit when you’re
wrong and apologize. Not everyone is ready to hear an apology, though. Pick
your timing. The one bad thing I can say about my husband is that he’s never
known quite how to do that.”
“So
when would be the right time to talk to him? It’s not like I want to, but it
might make things easier if he at least knows I regret what I did.”
“Wait
a year, and then do it in a place where you know he’s not going to do anything
violent. Young love can be a funny thing. We think we’re so close to the one
we’re with, but it’s usually not as important as we thought. Right now, he
probably believes that you stole the love of his life. Why wouldn’t he hate
you? I would give him time to realize that Olivia was just one of many girls
before he finds who he really wants to be with. Then you can tell him, and he
might not be too angry.”
“That
makes sense. I have a question, though. You said that when we’re young, we
think the person we’re with is more important than they really are. Do you
think that’s how things will go with me and Olivia eventually? Am I too
invested in her?”
“I
can’t answer that for you. I will say that you seem really invested in her for
someone who just got back here. Maybe that’s because you lost your family and
you’re looking for someone to hold onto, or maybe it’s because she’s really
worth fighting for. Time will tell, but Eric, never make someone such a
priority that you lose yourself for them. You’re only sixteen, and the main thing
you need to concentrate on right now isn’t a girl or the rivalry you have with
Richard. It’s your education and what you want to do with the rest of your
life. You need to be developing dreams and goals. If you and Olivia are meant
to be together, then her path will meet with yours in the end.”
“That
sounds smart. I’ll give my future some real thought. I
do
need her right now, though. During the two months before I got
here, I felt lost. With her, I feel like I’m right where I’m supposed to be.
Even if that’s temporary, I think I want to hold onto it for as long as I can.”
“You
know I’m here for you, too, right?”
“I
know, and I appreciate it. I have no idea why you guys took me in. You didn’t
have to. You barely know me. I’m so glad that you did, though.”
“Of
course we took you in. You’re family, even if we haven’t been around each other
much. Honestly, having you here has been nicer than you know. I wasn’t able to
have children when I was younger. I thought your uncle would leave me when I found
out. He always wanted children, and I would never be able to give them to him.
It turned out that he loved me more than the idea of a big family. We got used
to it just being us, but still, it’s nice to have you around. It gives us a
taste of what things might have been like.”
“I
didn’t know all that. I’m sorry . . .”
“There’s
nothing to be sorry about. It turns out that we might not make good parents. In
two days, the boy we’ve been taking care of has stolen someone’s girlfriend and
gotten punched in the face. We’re not even punishing him either,” she joked.
“Thanks.
I’ll try to do better. I promise.”
“I’m
glad to hear that. Olivia and her mom are leaving for church in a little while.
You should go with them. I’m sure it would make a good impression on Heather if
you did.”
“Heather?”
“Yeah,
that’s her mother’s name. She’s fairly religious. I can be, too, at times, but
her mom has been in church every time the doors were open lately. I think she’s
looking for a good guy for her daughter. It might not hurt to play the part.
You could find that it fits.”
Church
. . . that sounded like just about the worst idea in the world. I was still
angry about a lot of things, and walking through church doors while I had so
much hate in my heart seemed dumb. Then again, Olivia’s mother had a million
reasons not to believe I was right for her daughter. Why not give her one to
think otherwise? I agreed to go and walked next door. When Olivia answered, she
looked a little shocked to see me.
“Hey,
I was thinking I might try your church out today, if you don’t mind,” I said.
“You
know we
can
do some things separate,
right? I mean, you don’t want to suffocate me right off, do you?” she asked
sarcastically.
“I
didn’t mean to . . .”
“Oh,
come on, Eric. You still don’t know when I’m joking? I can stand a little
suffocation. Come in.”
“Who
was that?” I heard her mom call out.
“
It’s
just Eric. He’s going to ride to church with us. I
think he’s using God to spend more time with me. It’s all right, though. I’m
fine with it,” she joked.
“Hey,
don’t say that. I was trying to make a good impression on your mom,” I
whispered.
“Relax.
It’s going to take a long time before she completely approves of you. For now,
just be you. If you want to come to church with me, then do it, but if this is
just to make her like you more, you should go home and come see me after I get
back. I want you to be who you are and nothing more.”
“You’re
right. I should just be me. The truth is that I only came over here because I
wanted to spend some more time with you. I’m still not completely sure if I’m
all right with going back into a church, but I don’t think my skin will burn from
walking through the doors or anything like that.”
“No,
an innocent boy like you will probably fit right in. You can take a pledge for
purity and . . .”
“All
right, I can see now that I should have never told you I was a virgin. I’m not
going to live that down, am I?”
“You
shouldn’t have told her that you were a what?” Heather asked as she walked into
the room.
“Um
. . . I . . .” I said and froze.
“He
told me he was originally from Virginia,” Olivia finally said.
“Wait
a minute. I thought Eric was from Miami.”
“He
is, but he lived in Virginia when he was really little.”
“Okay,
but why shouldn’t he have told you that? I don’t get it.”
“It’s
an inside joke, Mom. Let’s just go,” Olivia said and walked to the door.
Her
mom simply smiled. She had heard our conversation, and she knew exactly what we
were talking about. I think it was just fun for her to give us a hard time. If
anything, learning that I was a virgin was probably a relief to her. I imagine
she thought that meant I was good on some level and that she didn’t need to
worry about her daughter being alone with me. Oh, how wrong she was about that.
Once we were on the road, I noticed
something strange. There didn’t seem to be many cars around. As a matter of
fact, the whole place looked like a ghost town. I had never seen a city so
empty.
“What’s
going on? Where is everyone?” I asked.
“This
is normal,” Olivia said.
“Okay,
but why?”
“It’s
football season. The stadium holds almost more people than there are in this town.
It’s kind of funny. The churches are full in the spring and summer, but during
this time of year, not many people are doing much besides watching the games,”
Heather explained.
I
truly
was
in a bizarre place filled
with green and gold garbage cans and people who bled the colors. I didn’t get it.
I would later on, but for then, it just seemed like these people put too much emphasis
on something that didn’t really matter at all.
Once
we made it to the church, I discovered one really bad thing. Richard went to
the same church as Olivia. I felt odd about sitting next to her during Sunday
school. He kept glaring at me. I didn’t believe he would do anything rash in
the church, but I knew it was a good idea not to test that theory. When class
finally ended, I pulled Olivia to the side.
“Hey,
what should I do about him?” I asked while glancing over at Richard as he
walked out.
“You
noticed the looks, too, huh? I don’t know. I probably need to talk to him.
Maybe I can smooth things over.”
“Are
you sure that’s a good idea?”
“No,
but it’s better than doing nothing.”
We
walked out into the auditorium, and I sat two rows behind Richard. Olivia,
meanwhile, sat down beside him. I could hear everything she was saying to him.
“We
need to talk,” she said.
“There’s
nothing to talk about. I gave you everything you could ask for, and what did
you do? You screwed the first person
who
showed an
interest in you. You’re dead to me.”
“Lower
your voice. We’re in church, and we don’t need to spill a bunch of garbage
here. You’re wrong.”
“What
am I wrong about?”
“I
didn’t sleep with him. I kissed him. That was wrong to do, and I’m sorry. This
isn’t going to be easy for you to hear, but I need to say it to give both of us
some closure. I never loved you. I liked being around you, and I enjoyed how
much of a gentleman you always were, but I didn’t feel the same way as you. I
should have, and when I think about it, I still kick myself. It would have been
so much easier if I had loved you. You’re everything a girl is supposed to
want, but I just didn’t feel it. I don’t think I was ever going to either. I
feel that with him. I’m sorry, but I thought it was better to follow what I
knew in my heart was right. I’m not right for you, and you deserve better. Now
you can find it. Thank you for everything you’ve always done. I know you might
never understand why I’m doing this, but I hope you find it in your heart to
forgive me some day,” she said and walked away.
As
Olivia took a seat beside me, I noticed the expression on Richard’s face. It
wasn’t of anger or confusion. It was of complete depression. He loved Olivia
the way I did, but she had never loved him. It was enough to make even the
hardest of men question everything about themselves. Why couldn’t she love him?
What was wrong with him? How could he have read the situation so wrong? Was it
something he did? Those were the thoughts that I imagined were running through
his mind.
Once
I finally took my eyes off him, I looked over at Olivia to see that her
normally cheerful expression had changed. She looked like she was on the edge
of tears. Even if she didn’t love Richard, he had still been very important to
her. Hurting him in such a way was almost unbearable for her. I wrapped one arm
around her and pulled her close. No words had to be spoken. I knew what she was
going through, and she knew that I was right there for her.